₦airaland Forum

I know my dad, brother, uncle, cousins and most of my Nigerian male friends do not smell. Maybe it is where you are staying, change your environment and that will not be a problem anymore

adaigbo:
So i am nigerian, but born and raised in the us. ive been dating this nigerian guy (born in naija been here 6 years) for 2 years. we are both in our in our 20s and graduate students. I spend most of my weekends and a 3 days of the week hanging out with him most of the day. my parents are constantly telling im disgracing myself and our family by being around him so much with out being married. its summer vaca and im staying with my parents and durng the school year my bf and i are about 2hrs away so we are just trying to spend as much time together as possible. we have disccussed marriage but we want to wait two years until we're done with school. i know theres whole igbo culture with marriage and courting, but what do you guys think. should i tell my parents to chill and respect my descions or, am i really hanging with him too much? anyone else with similar issues?

I'm not going to lie, spending every waking moment with someone can help deteriorate a relationship because eventually 1 person starts to feel that they are being smothered. In your case it seems like you two are making up for past times, so its a bit understandable. I understand what these people are saying about courting, [b]"no one courts anymore" [/b]unless they are from a strict muslim or christian background. FYI courting definition means no affection or intimacy (ex:touching, kissing and definitely no sexing) and having chaperoned dates.
As for your parents disapproval, i take it that you have not told them how serious your relationship with your boyfriend has gotten. You might want to tell them we are not in ancient times anymore, lol. I know that our Nigerian fathers do not generally want to hear about your relationship, so speak with your mother and let her understand how important your man is to you. Be candid so you might want to tell her that you both discussed marriage already.

Ummm, do not get too excited they are only ranked #3, look again they are behind Egypt and South Africa.

There is a difference between thinking of cheating and actually committing the act of cheating. You can think all you want but once you committed that act then its over. Think about it as Karma, would you want your husband to cheat on you? how would you feel if you found out he was thinking about it?
Now if a man cheats on you, boyfriend or husband, i would leave him because he is now a weak creature and i would have lost all respect for him.

Jenonye:
I just found out this morning that my boyfriend is Being Intimate with my sister,.I read their chat together on my sister's phone( bbm)wen she ws asleep, pls tell me the next step to take, NB:dumping him is for sure, I wish I could deal with him in a way he wld neva forget

At least you know that when you are actually married you can never keep your sister anywhere close to your man. Your boyfriend is trying to break your family apart and he succeed by using your sister and she stupidly followed him. She is weak and therefore you cannot never fully trust her again but you can rebuild some trust because you are family and you should get along for the most part. As for the ashawo man you called your boyfriend, leave him by showing up with another man, hopefully he will get the picture then.

Btw, you do not need to waste your energy on any of them, don't try to kill anybody because you will only bring more harm than good, and besides no life is worth losing over something this juvenile and asinine.

Why Ladies alone? Men and Women from broken homes have to work extra hard to make their marriages work because they did not have a good example to look at when dealing with marriage.

Lol
I guess they are more spirited or better actors depending on how you look at it.

Miss Borno and Oyo had the best chances if either was chosen.  If their talent and interview portion was weaker, they could have been groomed from now until the competition.

This pageant shows have become a joke. There will never be another Nigerian winning the pageant because the judges are blind. Take notes from Venezuela people.

Maybe when he comes back from one of his trips to his girlfriends, you can pack up the house and leave. I do not know how Nigerian women are raised to be stupid, if your husband is cheating on you do not give him the power to do it again. Women are dying from H.I.V all over Africa because stupid men cannot control their sexual urges, so they sleep with anything walking that will accept. LEAVE HIM, Jeez

bld taiwo:
Hello ppl. I need your intelligent and sincere advice on dis issue. A frnd of mine is in a relationshp since 3yrs ago. although both of them are stil in skool but, they both luv each other so much and also planned to get marry after their skool . D guy is caring, handsome, he is frndly to We her frnds and her family. The problem is dat, wen they were about to start d relationship d guy lied about his age, it was later last few months my frnd discoverd dat she is 1yr and 8months older than d guy. She tried to breakup, but it wasn't possible because they both luv each other. My frnd is worried because she is too young to be a sugarmummy, Wat if later in future he start usin dat as an excuse against her, and also scared of his family because if they get to know in d future won't it lead to broken marriage? Pls your advice is highly welcum. Thanks.

Wow so a sugar mommy is a person 11/2 years at most older than you?. I guess i was once one since i dated someone 2 whole years my junior, its silly but it just shows that this excuse is just plain silly. If she loves him like many posters have already said, it will take more than age difference for her to leave him and he to leave her. I think your friend is too worried, trust me when she turns 90, he will be 88/89, no one will care that they are 1 year apart because they will just be considered old folks

It just goes to show that it is not only Whites that are racist, i would say that they are the least racist out of other non-black groups because they interact with us the most. Asians and Middle Easterners can take it to the extreme as well, but the sooner they accept it as reality the better the rest of their lives will be because this trend of intermixing will definitely not stop.

tpia@:
what exactly is the wow factor here.

is the the nigerian man getting someone pregnant [is that news], or the celebrity status of the people involved.

@ thread title.

There is no wow factor, its just news. Its like many of the other news on this section, and it got on here because it there is a Nigerian celebrity involved. So i would not understand why you find it less important than the non-Nigerian factor news on this section.

Good Girl:
Tpia, it is no secret that "exotic" stuff makes news anywhere, but I think it's much worse on NL. The thread title was a deliberate strategic move to capture the attention of peeps in the forum because;

1) It's no secret that [i]most [/i]NLanders place AAs on a higher pedestal - am just making reference to what I read on this forum. It's only here that you'll see topics such as;

- "Regina Askie has Black American kids"
- "What makes Black American women so much more sexier than. . . . . . . "
- "Don't you just love the way AA women swagger?"
- "So-and-so looks like a Black American".

2) It's also no secret that the AAs place themselves on a higher pedestal - still making reference to NL. That's why you'll see Mandingo notorious AAs logging in just to insult peeps then log out. Those who don't insult do log in to recruit other "brothers" and "sisters" to join them in their Racist Movements and those who defy are called "White Worshipers". It's also why you see topics such as;

"Hey, New Black American Member Here" - https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-6941.0.html

Regarding the topic, yes. The man "scored" big time. He made a female member of an "esteemed" group pregnant. That could be the "wow" factor.

Please, no need to go there, you do not know me or what i think. I do not place African American above Africans and vice versa. I do not place any human above or below another, that is how i was brought up. There are people like you that to look too deep into something and twist the meaning. Like i said earlier to Tpia, this is on because it relates to a Nigerian even if its partially. There are many other non-Nigerian stories on this section you can attach your comment to but this story does not need it.

dasa:
Why cant we have a discussion about our country without the terms, Yoruba Poeple, hausa people, ibo people etc.
Some statements are so abusive and full of hate.

The hate is so shameful.

all we should see is good and bad Nigerians.

I call on the moderator to take tribalism seriously and ban anyone who makes comments that insults tribes or races.

Lets be rational and show respect to one another.

They are just emulating their dear country. That is why Nigeria have to choose a President from a different tribe in the country or a riot will ensue. Come to think of it that is how the recent Presidential election went. It funny that when Nigerians come to America or go to Europe, they all get along and consider every Nigerian they meet their brother and sister from their country, but once they go back home that tribal mentality comes back. I'm sick of it too on nairaland but i understand that when you are taught to hate or simply dislike your fellow countrymen  because of their last name, you will likely show that prejudice in everything you do and everyone including yourself and myself will notice it.

REALITY101:
Someone please read and interpret for me?

I was thinking the same thing

Mynd_44:
^^^fell asleep halfway into the darned post

It was that boring, huh? Well i didn't even try to read it, i felt that it was already nonsense after scrolling down and seeing how long it was

Babasessy:
Single Lady: Overcoming Disappointment

“For I will restore health to you and I will heal your wounds, says the Lord, because they have called you an outcast, saying this is Zion, no one seeks her” Jeremiah 30:17.

The automatic response when a situation such as a divorce or the termination of a relationship occurs in one’s life is to feel disappointment, discouragement and pain, and there’s nothing wrong with that immediate emotional response.

Pain is an emotion intended by God to be a signal to us that we need to start praising and thanking Him so that our confidence and faith will rise up within us.

The truth is, everyone experiences some rejection and pain in this life and the memories and scars can be deep, but you will enter into strength through pain.

For restoration and healing of your wounds you have to first commit your pain and anguish to the Lord, He desires to heal you of your pain. Unfortunately, most women who feel disappointed and discouraged do not turn to God.

Rather they stop trusting God and start blaming him, or they turn away from God and to other people. You have to trust God to show you how to be healed of the pain you have felt as a result of your disappointment by committing your entire situation and all your pains to Him through prayer, and then allow Him to heal you in the way that only He can.

He desires to heal you from past hurts caused by rejection; He wants you to know that He will never reject you because of your weaknesses. God is the force that can bring all the pieces in your life together.

Sometimes God allows us to go through some disappointments in order to move us from where we are to where He wants us to be. Sometimes He has to step in to rearrange our plans to prevent us from self destruction.

Remember the popular saying : “Every disappointment is a blessing”!, As children of God, disappointments that we face can only be a blessing because we know that He’s thoughts of us are not of evil but of peace and of joy to give us a hope and a future.

Many times what we think is good for us is not part of Gods plan and purpose for our lives, so when relationships don’t work out, rather than despair, trust God and praise Him because He alone knows the end from the beginning.

This is why we must not leave God out of our future plans; there is no point in making plans as though God does not exist, because the future is in His hands.

Personal pain makes us vulnerable, in some cases women throw themselves into the hands of men, often times, married men, in a bid to either get even or get at their estranged spouse, or in order to feel loved again.

The truth is, these men are opportunists who recognise the fact that the woman is at her lowest ebb, and they are out to take advantage of her vulnerability. Of all the men on earth no one can speak to your spirit or heal your heart like your Lord.

It is only His tender love for you that can keep your mind from breaking under the pain of a disappointment; no one can comfort you or hold you like He can.

One of the major lies of the devil is that God cannot be trusted, never lose sight of the reality that the devil is a liar. Always remember you are worthy of God’s forgiveness, you deserve God’s love, you have a bright future, you will fulfill God’s destiny for you, but you have to learn to believe and to trust God,

Do not let the pain from the past paralyze your ability to pursue your dreams.

The disappointment that you just suffered may have run you right off the tracks in life but faith that climbs mountains will come when you believe that God’s power and your desire can get you moving again.

When you hook to God’s power, you will have the power to climb the mountains of fear, loneliness, depression, rejection and loss.

John h Vincent said: reach up as far as you can and God will reach down all the way.

In order to overcome disappointment

First, you have to allow yourself time to heal; when the hurts are deep, the healing is long. Cry if you have to and when you want to, you will find out that you will feel better when you release pain through tears.

Tears will soften your heart, wash your eyes and clear your vision, though God is not moved by your tears! Be careful in whose arms/ shoulders you cry on.

Crying on the shoulders of a married man would only land you in trouble and more emotional confusion and you certainly don’t need that! The fact that you have been disappointed for what ever reason does not give you the right to break or interfere with another woman’s marriage, it is a sin.

Don’t be afraid when it comes to moral convictions, knowing what you believe and sticking by it is a sign of strength not weakness.

The next step is to make the necessary changes in your life that would aid your healing process remembering that the decision you take will either have a positive or negative influence on the rest of your life.

People decide to change when the pain of the situation is almost equal to the fear of the change. Someone once summed up: “put the past in the past and learn to live in the present, rehearsing yesterday’s mistakes will not make living in today any easier”

Next, develop a plan to get through each day without spending time worrying about yesterday. You cannot change yesterday but you can plan tomorrow today.

You can take up a sport or a hobby; engage in exercise, swimming, visit to the gym, reading books. You can even take a holiday break. Try to rediscover yourself, do the things that make you happy. Learn to love and admire yourself first if you have to love again. Learn to enjoy your own company, do every thing positively to regain your self confidence, but do

Not look for love and acceptance and comfort in wrong places, you will only come to regret it later in life because you will be operating outside the will of God.

If you intend to stay single, let it be for the right reasons. Don’t do it because you once had a bad marriage and your feelings have been hurt or because you are mad at somebody.

A problem shared is a problem halved. Learn to talk over issues with friends or family. Real friends don’t bail out on you when you are faced with one of lives most difficult struggles and real friends don’t judge you by your past and failures so, try not to live in isolation.

If you find it difficult to pray on your own you can join a prayer group so that you can be lifted up in prayer constantly, there is power in agreement.

You can also seek counseling at your local assembly.

Then you need to change your mindset from thinking negatively to positively; Confess regularly: I will be happy again, I will trust again, I am not a failure, I will experience the Joy of marriage, and I will laugh again.

My prayer for you today is that, The Lord will give you beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.(Isaiah 61:3).

I pray that affliction will not arise in your life the second time around (Nahum1:9). AMEN. It is knowing Him that gives you the grace to endure pains and withstand rejection.

http://www.thisdayonline.com/

You should know that making a post more than three sentences is going to make people not bother to read it. I scrolled down and i figured that there is no way that i'll be able to finish reading this post by 6am and its 1254am now. Please shorten this by making it into an abstract, 3 sentences at most.

That is disgusting, now i have to second guess every burger patty i eat. I guess this is part of the push to turn people into vegetarians.

Yep, i'm from Socal. But in Georgia. Why did you ask?