₦airaland Forum

@dolemite u really can think u got 1 and 3
what bout 2

who can really think should answer these

How can you physically
stand behind your
friend as he physically
stands behind you?

The leaves are on the
fruit,
The fruits is on the
leaves.
What is it?


There are 2 cops
parked along a one-way
street looking for
traffic violations. They
spot a taxi driver going
in the wrong direction,
yet they do nothing.
Why?

Little Johnny returns
from school and says
he got an F in
arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked
'How much is 2x3?' I said
'6'"
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me
'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the 4ucking
difference?" asks the
father.
"That's exactly what I said!

* (knocks on the door) *
ko! ko! ko!
* (pull's d a bit and takes a peep inside) *
*. . .thinking. . .* ( the door isn't locked afterall)


HELLO EVERY BODY. . .ANYBODY HOME

for humor i go wit tom/jerry.
for action avatar(the last airbender)

One day,
Little
Johnny
overheard his
parents fighting. Later,
he asked what "b!tch"
and "ba$tard" mean.
They explained that
they mean "lady" and
"gentleman."
The next day, he
overheard his parents
having $£X. He later
asked what "P£N!$" and
"PU$$¥" mean. His
parents explained that
they refer to "hats"
and "coats."
At supper the next day,
Little Johnny's mom
cut her finger in the
kitchen and yelled, "Oh
4UCk!" Little Johnny
asked what that
meant, and she said it
means "cut."
A week later, guests
arrive for Thanksgiving
dinner. Little Johnny
welcomes them at the
door, saying, "Hello
b!tch$ and ba$tards!
Hurry up with your
P£N!$ and PU$$¥ --
we can't wait to 4UCk
the turkey!"

@jeythunder u are SUSPENDED i mean u are EXPELLED no! no! no! u are FRIED sorry i mean. .u are FIRIED. . .do nl a favour of not coming back.

so u know won die

grann mama swear no go catch u. . .e go only tear d armpit of ur cloth

their hair are black. . . maybe the older they get the darker they bcome if u stil doubt. . . ask a granny

clemcykul:
lol at black sponge, why not white??

pubic hair are not white' are they?

Little Johnny sees his
mother walk out of the
shower and sees her
kitten.
He asks her what it is
and she embarassed
replies, "Oh, that's
mommy's black
sponge."
A few days later,
Johnny spills a glass of
milk on the floor and
says, "Mommy, I need
your black sponge to
mop up the milk!"
She replies, "I lost it,
honey."
A couple of days later,
he comes running up to
her and says, "Mommy,
I found your black
sponge!" Mystified, she
says, "Where, honey?"
Little Johnny says, "It's
over at Mrs. Johnson's
house, and Daddy's
washing his face in it!"

the stupid boy does all sort of stupid thins

. . . cont 4rm where i stop . . .

Sis
and her boyfriend were
a little tired from the
battle, but they went
courting on anyway. He
started hugging and
kissing her again. And by
golly, the eel wasn't
dead after all. It jumped
straight up and started
to fight again. I guess
eels are like cats, they
have nine lives or
something.
This time sis jumped up
and tried to kill the eel
by sitting on it. After
about 35 minutes of
struggle, they finally
killed the eel. I know it
was dead this time
because I saw sis's
boyfriend peel off the
skin and flush it down
the toilet. . ."

Little Johnny was 7
years old, and like other
boys his age, rather
curious. He had been
hearing quite a bit
about courting from
other boys and he
wondered what it was
and how it was done.
One day, he took his
questions to his
mother, and she
became flustered.
Instead of explaining
things to Johnny she
told him to hide behind
the curtains one night
and watch his older
sister and her
boyfriend. This he did,
and the following
morning, Johnny
explained everything to
his mother.
"Sis and her boyfriend
sat and talked for
awhile, then he turned
off most of the lights.
Then he started to kiss
and hug her, I figured
sis must be getting sick
because her face
started looking funny.
He must have thought
so too because he put
his hand in her blouse to
feel her heart, just like
the doctor would.
Except he's not as good
as the doctor, because
he seemed too have
trouble finding her
heart.
He was getting sick too,
because pretty soon
both of them started
panting and getting all
out of breath. His other
hand must have been
getting cold because he
put it under her skirt.
About this time, sis got
toward the end of the
couch. This was when
the fever started. I
know it was a fever
because sis told him
she was really HOT.
Finally, I found out what
was making them so
sick. . . a big eel had
gotten inside his pants
somehow. It just
jumped out of his pants
and stood there about
9 inches long. HONEST!
anyway, he grabbed it in
one hand to keep it
from getting away.
When sis saw it she got
really scared. Her eyes
big and her mouth fell
open, and she started
calling out to God and
stuff like that. I should
tell her about the ones I
saw at the lake!
Anyway, sis got brave
and tried to kill the eel
by biting its head off. All
of a sudden, she made
a noise and let the eel
go. . . I guess it bit her
back. Then she grabbed
it with both hands and
held it while he took a
muzzle out of his
pocket and slipped it
over the eels head to
keep it from biting
again.
Sis lay back and spread
her legs so that she
could get a scissor lock
on it. And he helped by
laying on top of the eel.
The eel put up a hell of a
fight. Sis started
groaning and squealing
and her boyfriend
almost upset the
couch. I guess they
wanted to kill the eel by
squishing it between
them.
After a while, they both
quit moving and gave a
great sigh. Her
boyfriend sat up and
sure enough they had
killed the eel. . . I knew it
was dead because it
just hung there limp
and some of its insides
were hanging out.

Little Johnny and his
grandfather are fishing
by a peaceful lake
beneath some weeping
willow trees. The
grandfather takes out
a cigarette and lights it.
Little Johnny says,
"Grandpa, can I try one
of your cigarettes?"
"Can you touch your
butt with your peni$?"
"No," replies Little
Johnny.
"Then, you're not big
enough," explains the
grandfather.
A few minutes pass,
and the man takes a
beer out of his cooler
and opens it.
Little Johnny then asks,
"Grandpa, can I have
some of your beer?"
"Can you touch your
a$$hole with your
peni$?"
"No," says Little Johnny.
"Then, you're not old
enough."
Time passes and they
continue to fish. Little
Johnny gets hungry so
he reaches into his
lunch box, takes out a
bag of cookies, and
eats one.
The grandfather looks
at him and says, "They
look good, can I have
one of your cookies?"
"Can you touch your
a$$hole with your
peni$?"
"I most certainly can!"
says the grandfather
proudly.
"Then go 4uck yourself. . .
these are my cookies!

SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls. SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists. SPELUNKERS do it underground. SPORTSCASTERS like an instant replay. STEWARDESSES do it in the air. STUDENTS use their heads. SURGEONS are smooth operators. TAILORS make it fit. TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town. TAXIDERMISTS mount anything. TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking. TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals. TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls. TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks. TRUCKERS carry bigger loads. TYPISTS do it in triplicate. VETERINARIANS are pussy lovers. VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up. WAITRESSES serve it piping hot. WATER SKIERS come down harder. WELDERS have hotter rods. WRESTLERS know the best holds. WRITERS have novel ways. ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal.

OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to- face. PAINTERS do it with longer strokes. PARAMEDICS PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a flash. PHYSICISTS do it with uniform harmonic motion. PILOTS keep it up longer. PLUMBERS do it under the sink. POLICEMEN like big busts. POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected. POSTMEN come slower. PRINTERS do it without wrinkling the sheets. PRINTERS reproduce the fastest. PROCTOLOGISTS do it in the end. PROFESSORS do it by the book. RACERS like to come in first. RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall, RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it. REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots. RECYCLERS use it again. REPAIRMEN can fix anything. REPORTERS do it daily. RESEARCHERS are still looking for it. RETAILERS move their merchandise. ROOFERS do it on top. RUNNERS get into more pants. SAILORS like to be blown. SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues. SCIENTISTS discovered it. SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5. SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop.

FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard. FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush. FURRIERS appreciate good beaver. GARBAGE MEN come once a week. GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses. GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day. GEOLOGISTS are great explorers. GOLFERS do it in 18 holes. GYMNASTS mount and dismount well. HACKERS do it with fewer instructions. HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs. HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency. HANDYMEN like good screws. HEWLETT PACKARD does it with precision. HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer. HUNTERS do it with a bang. INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers. INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house. INVENTORS find a way. JANITORS clean up afterwards. JEWELERS mount real gems. JOGGERS do it on the run. LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper. LAWYERS do it in their briefs. LIBRARIANS do it quietly. LOCKSMITHS can get into anything. LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer. MACHINISTS make the best screws. MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye. MAINTENANCE MEN sweep 'em off their feet. MANAGERS supervise others. MARKETING REPs do it on commission. MILKMEN deliver twice a week. MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done. MINERS sink deeper shafts. MINISTERS do it on Sundays. MISSILE MEN have better thrust. MODELS do it in any position. MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters. MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs. MOVIE STARS do it on film. MUSICIANS do it with rhythm. NONSMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing. NURSES call the shots. OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under. OPERATORS do it person-to- person.

ACCOUNTANTS are good with  figures. ACTORS do it on cue. ADVERTISERS use the "new,  improved"  method. AMBULANCE DRIVERS come  quicker. ANSI does it in the standard  way ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old. ARCHITECTS have great plans. ARTISTS are exhibitionists. ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it  over and over. ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus. ATTORNEYS make better motions. AUDITORS like to examine  figures. BABYSITTERS charge by the  hour. BAILIFFS always come to order. BAKERS knead it daily. BAND MEMBERS play all night. BANKERS do it with interest -  penalty for  early withdrawal. BARBERS do it with shear  pleasure. BARTENDERS do it on the rocks. BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to  first base. BASKETBALL PLAYERS score  more often. BEEKEEPERS like to eat their  honey. BEER BREWERS do it with more  hops. BEER DRINKERS get more head. BICYCLISTS do it with 10  speeds. BOOKKEEPERS do it with double  entry. BOSSES delegate the task to  others. BOWLERS have bigger balls. BRICKLAYERS lay all day. BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a  rubber. BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time. BUTCHERS have better meat. C'Bers do it on the air. CAMPERS do it in a tent. CARPENTERS hammer it harder. CARPET LAYERS do it on the  floor. CHEERLEADERS do it with more  enthusiasm. CHEMISTS like to experiment. CHESS PLAYERS check their  mates. CHIROPRACTORS do it by  manipulation. CLOCK MAKERS do it  mechanically. CLOWNS do it for laughs. COACHES whistle while they  work. COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it  with bugs. COCKTAIL WAITRESSES serve  highballs. COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just  can't stop. COMPUTER OPERATORS get the  most out of their  software. CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a  better foundation. CONSULTANTS tell other how to  do it. COPS have bigger guns. COWBOYS handle anything Hot. COWGIRLS like to ride unprotected. CRANE OPERATORS have  swinging balls. CREDIT MANAGERS always  collect. DANCERS do it in leaps and  bounds. DEADHEADS do it with Jerry. DEER HUNTERS will do anything  for a buck. DENTAL HYGIENISTS do it till it  hurts.DENTISTS do it in your mouth. DETECTIVES do it under cover. DIETICIANS eat better. DIRECT MAILERS get it in the  sack. DIVERS do it deeper. DOCTORS do it with patience. DRUGGISTS fill your  prescription. DRUMMERS do it in 4 /4  time. DRY WALLER'S are better  bangers. ELECTRICIANS check your  shorts. ENGINEERS charge by the hour. EXECUTIVES have large staffs. FARMERS spread it around. FIREMEN are always in heat. FISHERMEN are proud of their  rods.

u are very sick @ poster cause i ended up laughing @ myself

i mean male and female rappers u can go with any time.4 me is
male-M.I :his lyrics are tight,his swagga unic wat more did i need to say
female-KEL: she is the female m.i

well in MY PAIN rugged man add more flavor to the song with that bad RAP and durella i just luv his voice.

NOW WAT DO U HAV 2 SAY

fav heroes-spidey,nightcrawler,hancock,incredible hulk,the avatar and batman of the future.
fav villan-sylar(heroes) dr octopus,juggernut,venom and hhmhmmm *scratch head* still thinking, scorpion and sub-zero

Dotman01:
. . . . The drugs is too much in your system. . . .

drug is wat i feed on cuz i knw dogs lyk u wil stil cum bak eating their own sh1t, dont try me ooh cuz if 1 hit u, u go thin say na catapillar jam u, SON OF A B

Dotman01:
are u on drugs?. . .

dogman01 ask ur elder bro dat question

TOMandJERRY is UNARGUEABLE one of the oldest,pouplar and very funny cartoon, dis cartoon hav been running 4 more than 20 years and it even getin funnier til date.i just cant close my mouth afta i watch TandJ fast and furious,it' damm funny hahahaha haahaaha aaaaa

wel no doubt it wil be a mm phone,and wil be announce by glo, u knw how glo stuff sucks

wel 4 d richest in hip hop/rnb
p2-they produce all their songs
dbang-right hand man of don jazzy.
but 4 fame- it is p2 and 2face.
2face feature rkelly which otha artist hav feature a big sta just leave them let 9ja artist live their life,u knw how bad dis corntree is we shld nut be bragging about their wealth b4 sum1 will be KIDNAPPED

well is DJ TEE 4 me, every1 can testify 4rm yahoozee,jedi jedi,stylee and so on
C.PETERS is also hot

wel am not talking about nollywud movie cuz most of their film sucks, am talking bout hollywud, well i think KILL BILL&WITCHES HAMMER shld be on this list, more 2 come