This is very funny! is also a true test of pervert mind like the principal who got evrything wrong.
I am still laughing.

On Lagos-Ibadan express road when a Pastor met a team of policemen who,

quite naturally, wanted 'something' from him. Since he was not prepared

to play their games, they asked for his papers and having combed through

everything without any offence with which to nail the 'stubborn' pastor,

they now asked him to open the bonnet of his car. A careful scrutiny of

the engine number against what was on paper revealed that letter U was

written in such a way that it could be mistaken for letter V. That was

all the officer-in-charge needed to shout "stolen vehicle! stolen vehicle!! Sensing

trouble, even when he knew he committed no offence, the pastor called

the OC to say he was a priest to which the officer replied :

"Please, leave that pastor thing, in any case, if you are indeed a

pastor, then you must have a Bible in your car, bring it."

The Pastor did as was commanded after which the officer now ordered:

"Please read Matthew 5:25, 26 to me". The incredulous Pastor opened

to the recommended passage and read:

"Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court.

Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over

to a judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may

be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth; you will not get out until

you have paid the last penny."

The man of God quietly made an "offering" of "just" a N100 note to his

newly found "preacher".

End of service! Go in peace and argue no more. said the OC. 

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got

back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked,

"How was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, "

Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam

started using the most horrible language, things I'd never heard

before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get

me and take me home,  Please mama!"

"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so

awful? What 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter,

"I'm so embarrassed they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset,  Tell your

mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama, words like DUST, WASH, IRON.

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on
vacation to Jerusalem. While
they were there, the wife passed away. The
undertaker told the husband,
"You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you
can bury her here, in the
Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and
told him he would just
have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend
$5,000 to ship your wife
home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here
and you would spend
only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here,
was buried here, and three
days later he rose from the dead. I just can't
take that chance."

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background
checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists--two
men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal
door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the
circumstances. Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a
chair. Kill her."

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The
agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out
with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go
home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to
kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.

Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing,
banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly
and there stood the woman.

She wiped the sweat from her brow, and calmly said, "This gun is loaded
with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

A toothbrush and a toothpaste will do, not too expensive and
i think that should sweep any girl off her feet! uuh!