₦airaland Forum

Reporters soon arrived at the neighbourhood where young Harrison was making a scene.

A reporter approached him and asked what was going on.

"My dad refused to allow me to do too. He beat me. And now, I will tell my mommy."

The 7-year-old elaborated on how he'd always felt a thing for his Aunt and her daughter, Joy... and how bitter he felt for his dad to deny him the opportunity to hump his beloved Aunt, Maria.

**

Earlier that day, the 7-year-old Harrison busted into his parents' bedroom to find his dad humping his aunt.

Harrison's mom had been away for about two weeks now, Aunt Maria had been coming around with her 8-year-old daughter. Sometimes, they passed the night.
While Harrison and Joy (his cousin) slept together in Harrison's room, Aunt Maria used the couch but usually sneaked into the master bedroom. Harrison had noticed this all along.

On this day, Harrison who was supposed to be taking his siesta heard funny sounds of which he was familiar with. People humping.

He slowly pushed Joy, his cousin, away from himself and slid out of the sheet that covered them both.

Harrison's dad and his Aunt were still busy when the kid tiptoed in.

He stood watching, silently for several minutes before breaking the silence.

"I will do too... Or I will tell. "


******
AlligatorPepper. Signing off.

COMING UP:
Lai Mohammed explains why Nigeria needs to worship foreign communication giants in an emotional talk.

News has reached us about Lala's visit to Seun's home for a supposed business meeting.

Seun had called Lala to confirm/remind him of the meeting earlier. Lala, on his way back from his village alongside his beautiful teenage daughter, decided to drop by Seun's house else he wouldn't make it in time.

“I'm on my way," he told Seun over the phone.
“Ok, great."
Lala continued. “I just left my home town, I'll be coming with my daughter. Hope there's enough room for?”
“...umm. y-yeah, s-sure" Seun stammered. The phone was on speaker and Lala noticed a weird little smile at the corner of his beautiful, curvy 17-year-old daughter's lips while Seun stammered.

This wasn't the first time Lala has taken his daughter to uncle Seun's.

**

Seun and Lala finished late, Lala and his daughter had to spend the night at Seun's. Seun showed them the guest room.

**

About 2.13 am, Lala was awoken to weird sounds coming from Seun's room. He could hear the sound of the noisy bed and bare bodies flapping mercilessly against each other. The moaning got louder and louder. No doubt what was going on.

Lala disgusted, “Common! Seun, for Christ's sake, my daughter is here..." he drew a sharp breathe and paused as he quickly turned around to make sure that his daughter was still asleep behind him. He however, turned to an empty bed space.

*

“SON OF A B!TCH!" Lala exclaimed as he jumped up and headed to Seun's room to literally kill him with his little Swiss knife. He always carried that old knife on him just in case he encountered any poor, unlucky snake—even if as small as an earthworm.

"Damn you, you son on a b!tch." He hurried.

Just before he fully stepped out the guest room, he heard the bathroom door open behind him. He turned around and saw his daughter. What a relief! “Phew!.”
“Dad, where are you going?”
“Nowhere my dear let's get back to bed".

Lala couldn't find sleep anymore. He faced the torment of having to listen to the sound of heavy breathing, periodic bad language, screams, body against body, bodies on the floor, etc. Lala thought he even heard sounds that could only come from hitting the ceiling. “How on earth?” Lala thought, disgusted as he wondered what position in the whole fck!ng universe could ever involve the darn roof!

Lala could tell every new position by the sounds he heard... and Lala's realization of his teenage daughter being fully awake, and beside him—and hearing everything he heard nearly exploded his heart to a gazillion bitter, awkward pieces.

Like that wasn't enough, suddenly, there came a thunderous, really really weird... As in... Like super, super weird sound of joint orgasm by both parties in the happening room.

...and Lala died a little when he felt his beloved daughter stifle a giggle.


************
AlligarorPepper. Signing off.

COMING UP:
Exceptionally beautiful girl whom community members swore to have seen transform from a gigantic snake to human vows to kill Lalasticlala.

Stay tuned.

Yemi Osinbajo couldn't hide his excitement as the SaharaReporter correspondent approached him. Osinbajo smiled sheepishly with blood splattered all over his face.

Osinbajo had earlier tipped off the journalists that something phenomenal would occur at the villa tonight.

Far away from the villa, Yemi Osinbajo felt safer though looked left and right before he began to speak.

He smiled again.

"So, where do I start from?" he laughed hysterically as he stared into the camera.

"Well, I killed the bastard son of a bitch. I've waited all my life for this very moment! I've killed Mr President. "

*

Yemi Osinbajo had earlier gone into President Buhari's office. Mr President had engaged him and Osinbajo saw it as a perfect opportunity to execute his plan. They worked on the issue late into the night.

Mr President began to dose off as he told Osinbajo it could wait till the morrow as he staggered into his bedroom.

Yemi Osinbajo smirked. "OK, Mr President. It shall indeed wait," he said while tenting his fingers in an evil way.

Mr President noticed the unusual choice of words in Osinbajo's reply but was too sleepy to give it another thought.

Osinbajo pretended to take a nap on one the couch until the house aides had left.

*

Gently and silently, Osinbajo strolled into Mr President's bedroom.

Osinbajo was disgusted to see Mr President in full babanriga snoring as peacefully as an old dragon.

Osinbajo pulled out his knife.

President Buhari jerked up to the sound of Osinbajo's approaching footsteps.

"Son of a b!tch. You'll meet your end today!" Osinbajo spoke.

"Osinbajo, wha zha hell?" Behari bellowed.

Osinbajo made an aim for the president's throat but Mr President dodged swiftly. There and then, Osinbajo realized he was dealing with a former Army General. Osinbajo wondered if he still had herdsman instincts as they began to battle.

"One of us will furking die today!" Yemi Osinbajo cried as Buhari gave him a heavy blow in the groin that drove out every ounce of air in Mr Osinbajo.

"Phok you!" Mr President yelled as he gave Osinbajo a finishing uppercut that sent him to the floor.

Osinbajo laid motionless on the floor.

Mr President hesitated but soon went down on his knees to confirm if Osinbajo was either dead or passed out. He hoped dead anyways.

Buhari made a motion to spin Osinbajo around as Osinbajo swiftly drove his knife into Mr President's belly with a blow that sent President Buhari reeling on the floor.

"Osinbajo, wha zha hell!" Buhari cried while gasping for air.

Osinbajo relieved, told Buhari that he had waited all his life for this day, that that was the reason why he accepted the appointment in the first place.

"Hmm.." Buhari continued...
"Really, so now what next?... What would you do next after murdering me?"

Osinbajo stammered... "Well, I dunno... I guess... I will...well, Well. shut up... Just tell me your last furking wish and die. Danm you!"

Dying Buhari made a motion to Osinbajo to come closer, sitting on the floor where Buhari laid, Osinbajo shifted towards Buhari, bent his ears to listen carefully.

"Arghh!! Ye! My ear!! You son of a b!tch! You nearly removed my ear." Yemi Osinbajo screamed as Buhari laughed out loud.

Osinbajo landed a tooth shattering blow on Mr President's face. However, that didn't seem to stop Mr President from laughing.

"OK, OK, no more jokes." Buhari continued. Here's my last wish.

"No more jokes, promise?" Osinbajo added.

"Yes, promise."

**

Osinbajo turned to the SaharaReporter reporter and said, "Well, he's dead, and I escaped. I stabbed him multiple times in the chest." Osinbajo used his tongue to wipe off some blood from his face.

"So, what was his last wish?" the young female reporter asked impatiently.

"Hmm... He was one fearless son of a b!tch, tho" Femi Osinbajo smiled. He looked me straight in the eyes and said: 'I wish you burn in hell modaphoker!' and spit directly in my mouth. He spit in my furking mouth!" Osinbajo paused.

"That was when I finally ended him." Osinbajo smiled with blood splattered all over his face.

The journalist saw Osinbajo's face slowly turning into a grim as Osinbajo began to stare awkwardly at the bloodie knife and then her.

Submitting to her instincts, the young SaharaReporter journalist decided to run for her dear life as she yelled "Thanks for the info Sir!!" over her back.

Yemi Osinbajo stood in the dark. Confused by the journalist's actions as he murmured "W..well, you're w..welcome?" as he waved his dripping knife at the fleeing lady.


*****

AlligatorPepper. Signing off.

COMING UP:

1. Patience Jonathan's reaction to Mr President's brutal assassination.

2. Young Igbo girls take to the streets braless in solidarity for the bill to give Nigerian cows equal human rights.


Stay tuned.