₦airaland Forum

Hmmmmn!!!
Food for thought.

youwanbanme:
Its understandable if a man is tided to his family like apron blood is thicker , buh when he is tided to his wife apron ... then such males aint fit to be a father cos they produce losers.
Madam marriage is not a war or power tussle nor contest of ownership, when ur children grow n another woman keep ur son @ distance from you then you wil weep n rmember these day.

Wow! This is becoming more Educative.
Thanks for the contribution

gforce5:
Marriage in this part of the world is a complicated issue. We tend to mix religious doctrines and african culture into how a marriage is supposed to be and the result ends up causing so much problems for the parties involved. Nigerian men tend to use the religious doctrine of "a wife must submit to her husband" while forgetting that a man must respect and adore his wife as well. Women use the doctrine of "a man must leave his father and mother to join his wife and become one" to have control over the man. The African culture of "when you marry someone, you marry their family" does not help matters.

The key issue is having a balance. It is very important to have a balance between your wife and family. Another problem is social class. Rich people have extended family issues but it is not amongst themselves. Most family surrounding food and lack of space in the house is due to poverty. People from affluent/hard working families do not have these kind of issues. In fact, the worst thing that can happen to anyone (especially a woman) is to marry a someone from a very poor background. They are very parasitic in nature. Always want to take. Most guys from poor backgrounds rely on the "headship" aspect to reinforce their "authority" in the home. They cannot compete with their wife's family and as such, can only rely on the "alpha male" aspect to maintain their dignity. Women from poor homes are just as bad.

Balance is a key issue. Women in general are selfish and very competitive by nature. You just have to be smart when dealing with them if you want to have a long life.

It's good to Appreciate what is Good and Worthwhile. Weldone guys.

God bless Nigeria!!!

True talk.
Great conversation.

BRATISLAVA:
I still don't see an issue if they live together forever. In some cultures that is allowed and the way marriages are conducted. The person I quoted believes it's only poor people who live together. Wrong thinking. You don't own the person. Things like "leave my husband for me" are pointless talks because the man did not drop from Mars. He knew those people all his life. He got married to you, he doesn't have to shut them out of his life because of you.

I am gradually coming to understand that women who don't allow relations to visit or stay with them are not truly at peace with themselves because of fear of Insecurity, and are very aggressive and attacking about things unnecessarily.
Thereby giving themselves some sort of self inflicted pressure.

And for the good women most of us are fortunate to have I pray the Lord grant you the grace to raise More generations of your Likes.
I have a daughter and I pray she be like her mum, so wonderful.

For the women against the visiting or staying, I pray you look beyond the present and think of the future.
Because no man is an Island!!!

TheKingMurphy:
The problem here is that most men don't know that 85% of women are very selfish. When a 'woman' marries, she looks for every means to cajole her husband into enimity with his siblings and extended family. They believe (their twisted minds) that their husband's relations who moulded him into what he is today are pests and should stay as far away as possible. I have seen women who get so angry that their husband helped a relative with something as pertinent as school fees or hospital bills. NO HUMAN BEING SHOULD BE THIS WAY!

Dear Women, those of you who have love, kindness, patience and affection for your husband's relatives, May God continue to bless you. You are indeed rare. We can only hope that your daughters would emulate your Grace, Charisma and Candor. We are privileged to have you in our society.
For those of you who hate extended family of your spouse, it is my candid advice that you change, have a rethink and submit to God. In his infinite mercies, he will purify your heart and give you true Joy whenever you come across your husband's relatives.

Easy!Easy!! Easy!!!

Adedayobusayo12:
Why so pained? I am speaking for myself, any in-law wey no get sense will be thrown out. If its from my side to, hubby should do the needful. Them no born anyone to come my home to cause fight between me and my hubby or boss me around. That road to your village wey you forget, I go give you the map, that's if you are so educated to study it, if not, Ikeja under bridge is available. How can you be homeless and be rude/useless/unfortunate at the same time? Howwww??

Is good at least they can stay but not unnecessary.
Nice one, instead of like No Visit or No Stay

mechanics:
Yes na.

Hmmmm

mechanics:
But they should not stay longer than necessary.

Take it easy Bro, she would not live your house. But you said it all, marriage must not separate us from our families who contributed in paying the price for us.

Ilufoye00:
My family first, back then in school my younger brother was responsible for the payment of my school fees, as he was into handwork which I left after gaining admission.
So will my wife now take decision that is barbaric to the beautiful relationship I and my relation have build before getting married to her.....she will live my house, my relation first.

God bless Nigeria!!!

God would continue to protect and guide our military to overcome this war.

God bless Nigeria!!!

Thanks for the Commendation

Fadoria:
i love this write up,i dont joke with them cos i know what they ve done for me through out the stages of my life ....

There are exception to kind of home, that can't be disputed, but generally a man who shows disdain or paint his family black after all the sacrifices they contributed in making him who is he to you today is not a Wise Man.
I can never paint my parents and siblings black after all that sacrificed for me.

And for children going mostly to the wife's people depends on the information the woman feeds her children most times. And children work with that.

No home can be called a Chalet and no person is absolutely an idiot. However if they are there are ways a Wise Man or his wife can Filter them out instead of saying no one visit or stay with us

pocohantas:
The root cause is the whole love is AUDIO! Most men claim love from their families, yet most men are not taken care of by same family. AUDIO!

It is not a coincidence that most kids rather go to their mother's side than father's.

I don't need to be wise because I no fit marry man wey no WISE. Na man wey no get SENSE go turn a family home into chalet that people go in and out from.

Thankfully I am not with such a man.

ACCESS to my home? Home where my kids are? Tomorrow one ediot will start rubbing my kids vagina/penîs. God forbid I give every dick and harry ACCESS to my home.

This still lead to the feeling of Insecurity, the question is what was the man's relationship with his relations before the unfortunate incident.

You have to understand the Root Cause of a matter before you can provide solutions. When you see families almost abandoning their child in time of challenges, the Root Cause in most cases is that he restricted or denied his relations access to himself or home. So most family do that as a payback.

Inorder to avoid that, give relations Access to your home to visit or to stay, they would not stay forever. Women be Wise!!!

pocohantas:
Don't mind them, for all the love they always claim to share with their family- I have never seen a sick man being taken care of by his family. But a sick wife is most times taken care of by her own family. Not the husband, not his so-called family that she deceived herself into thinking is same with hers.

Same thing applies to when a woman passes on. Her family step in faster to handle the kids. Yet, she is the outsider.

Any Naija man wey bring that nonsense mentality to my side, na me go give am the food wey go destroy im liver and kidney. Mad somebody

So because we're married now our relations have become MONITORING SPIRITS. I believe one of the challenges is the feeling of Insecurity from the part of the woman. Because she wants to dictate what ever happens in her home whether husband likes it or not and as such she sees relations around as a threat.

There are ways to filter the bad eggs in the relations circle if found, than to say no one must visit or stay.

dominique:
Why must they stay? Is there a written rule that a couple must have family members living with them? Some of these extended families come for other missions apart from eating free food. Some come to sow seeds of discord between husband and wife, some come to monitor how you live and go and broadcast it to the rest of the family, some are there to sexually abuse your little children.

You'd think you're doing a noble thing by opening your home to family members whose real intentions are not known. Just pray it doesn't backfire horribly. Any visitation that extends beyond 2 weeks is intrusion period.

I agree with you because this has to be agreed upon not totally restricting relations as some do.

Meanwhile in the aspect of giving newly couples some time to understudy each other,I think to me that should be done during courtship than after marriage to study each other lonely in a house. Because most of this decision of restricting or allowing relations should be settled before marriage not after.

Sorry in your case you have to breakdown as a result of the stress. Recently my Mum paid a visit and just left after my wife chose the best timing during children's holiday instead of combining the children's school preparations and her visits associated issue.
So I totally agree about the Timing whether staying or visiting instead of saying no one must visit or stay.

We stayed with them to become what we are today, so they have a mandated right to visit or stay with us.

Pearl05:
It's good that the newly married couple be let alone to know each other well and be free in their home without burden of relatives from either sides.

My brother who got married recently told mum that after the wedding she will go back to his station with them. To rest after the stress of running around. When it was mentioned to me, I said no way that she won't go yet at least let them stay together for the first 12-18 months alone before on their own to know each other well before she can talk of visiting.

I told her to rather come to my house and rest. She is here now with me and the newly married are on their own.

Sometimes , the man doesn't know the stress and pressure he put on the wife with relatives coming at the wrong time.

After I had my last baby, barely 2 months old hubby brought his mother to come and rest. This move was stressful for me because in addition to the baby that needs constant attention is elderly mum that had to be attended to. Though hubby helps out at times at a point I broke down and was admitted in the hospital.

So the timing of visit is very important.

Where's Amaechi name

I love your objectivity, as in the case of Abraham you could understand that these did not happen in the immediate of their marriage.
No man would certainly allow his relations to stay with him for ever, they are all groomed to leave at a required time. even you doing that is not helping them to majure.
But you can't just come into my life and the next thing is that I must separate my relations from our marriage.
Even if she is my sister she would certainly leave one day to marry too. So no one would certainly stay forever, so why the unnecessary restrictions.
And the scriptural interpretation of man leaving his house doesn't mean depriving your people from your home.
The Church only gave a caution for early marriages for those who didn't define issues very well during their relationship and the church never advise that couples should not allow their relations to stay with them.
Check it very well you would see that marriages that doesn't allow relations closer to them always find themselves Dying in Silence when the inevitable challenges of life begins to display.
Truth is that Women should understand that when it gets tough these ones would be your backbone. Because you would still need them whether you like it or not.

BecaciaBarbie:
You are really making a big deal out of this and it’s wrong. What did the Bible say about a man leaving his whole family and cleaving to his wife? It was clearly stated there and the woman has the right over her home unless you don’t see her as your wife truly. If your wife decided today that your brothers should be off, you are to comply because even our Father Abraham complied to Sarah when she made such request, so who are you not to do same?

The problem isn’t even accommodating relatives, but accommodating relatives who only cause more problems in your marriage. As newly wedded couples, it has always been strictly advised not to accommodate anyone until few years, as both still need to get to know each other more. I’d rather have a very beautiful distance relationship with my in-laws than live with them and let the self respect disappear over Maggie issues? It is just common sense, and unless the situation is a life threatening one, it is really not advisable as they might even bang your wife if possible lol even if they are ladies, which is even worse, your marriage might not experience peace for the first few years! If your wife is okay with it, fine...let them in, as some people usually don’t mind but if she isn’t, you shouldn’t impose this decision on her. For instance some ladies like to walk around naked in the house, but having relatives around would obviously hinder such, then she has to be fully dressed all the time. Anyways, it is the couple’s decision to make and what works for A might not work for B.

Wow this getting interesting!!!

Looking forward that this time around the Constitution review would come to fruition for the betterment of we Nigerians.

God bless Nigeria!!!

The house is not MY HOUSE but OUR HOUSE in the first place.
Wish you could truly define what you mean by DISTURBANCE. Now my relations or yours are now Disturbance to your Life.
Really!!! Disturbance?
When they were making me be the one you called your own, they were not disturbing and now they would never be DISTURBANCE.

vicben27:
no relative is staying in my house for more than two weeks. let them go to their own house l hate Disturbance

House of Representatives you people have not tried. I think it would be wise to patronize our own even if not in totality of the vehicles to be used. Instead of rejecting in totality

Na no try

God bless Nigeria!!!

You said it all Bro.
But cool your temper by avoiding language like Asslicking please. You Don big pass this level na.

Waterview:
Stick to anything related to asslicking CR7 but not intelligent discussions like this.

Although you're entitled to your own opinion but I'll still have to tackle you on this........

I see no reason why my lovely extended family (my sweet mum, lovely siblings and most importantly my Grandma) shouldn't stay with me.

In this era of conditional love ( people only get married because of what they'll get, especially women), one shouldn't ignore those who stood by him during the trying times for a wife ( probably a non virgin who decided to settle down after exploring all sexual fantasies).

I will always treat my wife and extended family equally.

The era of true love is over.

Thanks for your understanding.
Though I am married already. So when you meet him who wants to marry you,ask him about this rules before saying Yes my Love I will Marry you.

AshiraWealthy:
I'm not marrying any of you two. So I owe both of you no explanation.

What's the need when you have a house that can accommodate them.
You don't need to pity a family that this system is tested and happily working for them.

Jokerman:
This is a foolish write up.... I pity you... Try these and see how your end will be

Relatives can visit but not come to live with you.. Rent a room for them...

A word is enough

If what you call INVADING YOUR PRIVACY means depriving relative a Stay or Visit, then don't Marry us as the article says.
But one would like to know the real definition of this PRIVACY.

AshiraWealthy:
To come and stay as what? Do these relatives not have their own homes? I for one find I difficult staying with couples or another family.
We should respect other peoples privacy. I dont like people invading my privacy even as a single talk more as a married couple.
Come visit and go that very day. If by error, you stayed till late, by next morning you should be off.

My wife's relations have rights to come to my house[quote author=mumumugu post=86426229][/quote]

If only some of them know the sacrifices some of our relations have made in contributing to whom they married, they would even prefer marrying them to us

madridguy:
Women should understand that these our relations have played very important role in the major parts of our lives.

That's why I said that misunderstanding is inevitable, but women must learn to tolerate it for them to truly have a happy married life.

Tonyfx:
You're right but it's not everyone's relations that may be as understanding as yours and respect each others boundaries. Trust me I've seen and I'm not talking about nollywood movies

For me I think women always get it wrong in saying no one should visit them when they are married, especially husband's relative.

As a married man I don't think after the support some of our relations gave to us before marriage should lead us not accepting them to our home because we're married. This sends a wrong signal about a wife and people should take note of this.

My wife has been very comfortable allowing my younger ones staying with us because during our courtship she knows I don't joke with my relations especially my parents and younger ones and I defined it to my relations also that no one jokes with my wife.

So in the house, everyone knows his boundaries And we are all Happy and my wife confesses that too. But that doesn't mean that sometimes misunderstanding doesn't come No!

Women should understand that these our relations have played very important role in the major parts of our lives. So meeting you as a wife in a later path of my life should make me deny their access to my home would not be easily possible.

Summit to your husband's decision on the home staying matter, if you want to have a happy married life.

For me I think women always gets it wrong in saying no one should visit them when they are married, especially husband's relative.

As a married man I don't think after the support some of our relations gave to us before marriage should lead us not accepting them to our home because we're married. This send a wrong signal about a wife and people should take note of this.

My wife has been very comfortable allowing my younger ones staying with us because during our courtship she knows I don't joke with my relations especially my parents and younger ones and I define it to my relations also that no one jokes with my wife.

So in the house, everyone knows his boundaries And we are all Happy and my wife confess that too. But that doesn't mean that sometimes misunderstanding doesn't come No!

Women should understand that this our relations have played very important role in the major part of our lives. So meeting you as a wife in a later path of my life should make me deny their access to my home would not be easily possible.

For dipping into your pot of soup, that is very wrong and your husband must not accept that.

I advise, you Summit to your husband's decision on the home staying matter, if you want to have a happy married life.

I support the IG on this, security is everyone business even as they the security agencies Carry the highest burden.

When State government and LGA are doing nothing about job creation. Some Governors are even laying off staffs from their payroll.
Most of the crimes are committed by Locals and not imported person. Even if imported they could only succeed with the aid of the locals.
Meanwhile state policing should be implemented asap.

So the IG is right to an extent.

God bless Nigeria!!!