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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. (64925 Views)
Why I Won't Allow My Brother To Bring His Wife Abroad- Nigerian Lady, Arike(vid) / Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice / Should I Allow My Mum To Visit Us (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by bigiyaro(m): 12:32pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
ImaIma1:yeah, I understand, some times the impression burns deep into the mind...it is well God is helping us. 1 Like |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by BRATISLAVA: 12:35pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Ryan03: I still don't see an issue if they live together forever. In some cultures that is allowed and the way marriages are conducted. The person I quoted believes it's only poor people who live together. Wrong thinking. You don't own the person. Things like "leave my husband for me" are pointless talks because the man did not drop from Mars. He knew those people all his life. He got married to you, he doesn't have to shut them out of his life because of you. 1 Like |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by Nobody: 12:42pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
safarigirl: I don't keep my trash outside though, I keep it inside till Lawma comes then I dispose it |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by BRATISLAVA: 12:42pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Chommieblaq: Thank you. Some people who received a little change overnight think it's about money and that people are out to get them. Poverty thinking. This is all about understanding. Marriage isn't a war. You vs the inlaws. 1 Like |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by Akachai2030(m): 12:44pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Abeg who be this person |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by BRATISLAVA: 12:44pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
TheArchangel: It's because they have the burden of two marriages, the real one then the "traditional" one. So they are confused on which to practice. |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by AmTruth: 12:47pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
True talk. Great conversation. BRATISLAVA: 1 Like |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by TheArchangel(f): 12:47pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
BRATISLAVA:lol. Two marriage ceremonies and triple families. I'd be confused too. 1 Like |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by YungJo207(m): 12:59pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
safarigirl: And who set those rules? You said in America and I have given you example of American citizen I know ...so I don't understand what you are driving at. |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by YungJo207(m): 1:01pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
ImaIma1: If you get married and fight alot in your first year then check yourself. |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by gforce5: 1:02pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Marriage in this part of the world is a complicated issue. We tend to mix religious doctrines and african culture into how a marriage is supposed to be and the result ends up causing so much problems for the parties involved. Nigerian men tend to use the religious doctrine of "a wife must submit to her husband" while forgetting that a man must respect and adore his wife as well. Women use the doctrine of "a man must leave his father and mother to join his wife and become one" to have control over the man. The African culture of "when you marry someone, you marry their family" does not help matters. The key issue is having a balance. It is very important to have a balance between your wife and family. Another problem is social class. Rich people have extended family issues but it is not amongst themselves. Most family surrounding food and lack of space in the house is due to poverty. People from affluent/hard working families do not have these kind of issues. In fact, the worst thing that can happen to anyone (especially a woman) is to marry a someone from a very poor background. They are very parasitic in nature. Always want to take. Most guys from poor backgrounds rely on the "headship" aspect to reinforce their "authority" in the home. They cannot compete with their wife's family and as such, can only rely on the "alpha male" aspect to maintain their dignity. Women from poor homes are just as bad. Balance is a key issue. Women in general are selfish and very competitive by nature. You just have to be smart when dealing with them if you want to have a long life. 2 Likes |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by ImaIma1(f): 1:08pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
YungJo207: If you get married and you don't quarrel those first few years, check yourself...except you were already cohabiting before marriage. That's how people keep enduring and keeping everything in mind till they explode one day. |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by Nobody: 1:19pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Misscongenialit:Tell that to Cristiano Ronaldo who dumped Irina Shayk because she doesn't want to see his mum around!!! Georgina is more homely, get the Mother's blessing and she is enjoying the one big family now!!!! For your information, he is not even African, he is Portuguese!!! African women and their oversabi!!!! Just because a Man marry them, they want to be forming authority and territory.. For where?? You are not even an Authority in your career yet.. You want to be forming Authority for those that are bigger than your husband !!!! Family is everything!!! She either join the Family or go back to where she come from!!!! My Family can visit me anytime!!! What is visiting without staying anyway?? |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by Nobody: 1:29pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
AmTruth:Allow her to ventilate na!!! |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by safarigirl(f): 1:31pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
YungJo207: K |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by Nobody: 1:31pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
brownemmanuel43:You don't have to be single... Just dump her territorial arse!!! Don't allow nonsense to corrupt you!!! Family is everything!!! |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by Misscongenialit: 1:33pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
eni4real: Good luck man!! |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by Nobody: 1:34pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Misscongenialit:Goodluck to Everybody Goodluck Nigeria eh |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by nautybride: 1:35pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
gforce5: This is a mature comment. You have spoken well. 1 Like |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by safarigirl(f): 1:36pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
eni4real:wow So many exclamations, so angry at someone you can't reach Calm Down bro, you seem to know all about CR7's family. Do you live with them, perhaps? Just be calm, the internet is not worth all these exclamations. A lot of Nigerian women have family living with them, the way most of you project Nigerian women on the internet, is a far cry from the reality and that is why I say most of you are clearly unmarried. And marriage is a union, it is two people's decision to make. Demonizing one part, is making Nigerian men look like spineless twits that need women to constantly hold their hands and tell them what to do. |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by AmTruth: 1:37pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Wow! This is becoming more Educative. Thanks for the contribution gforce5: 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by Nobody: 1:45pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
safarigirl:Don't mind the exclamatory marks.. Honestly the emotions were not that high.. I have forgotten that it speak volumes to writers who interprete what we type here. Back to the topic, i just want Africans to know that when you marry here, you marry your spouse family!! Someone even said, they can only visit and leave the same day, that is the point where I got pissed off!!! What?? My mum, brother, sister, Father, will come and leave the same day? Because of you?? What an insult!?? That wife need to know that to be a Woman is not a day job!!! She has to learn maturity!!! And one of the maturity, is to peacefully live with his Husband's family members as one!!! All the paranoia and premonitions shall not be entertained by me!!! |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by majestique(f): 1:49pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Zackattack: don't feel sorry for my husband. he's mature enough to know the importance of setting boundaries in marriage. what has 'being submissive' got to do with this topic? don't worry, when you get married turn your house to a holiday resort by cramping it with relatives from both side....whatever rocks your boat...case closed |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by brownemmanuel43(m): 1:50pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
eni4real:baba u dey correct, I kan cum and kill myself unto say i wan marry, na big lie |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by majestique(f): 1:51pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Zackattack: don't feel sorry for my husband. he's mature enough to know the importance of setting boundaries in marriage. And what has 'being submissive' got to do with this topic? don't worry, when you get married turn your house to a holiday resort by cramping it with relatives from both side....whatever rocks your boat...case closed |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by Nobody: 1:53pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
majestique: Its understandable if a man is tided to his family like apron blood is thicker , buh when he is tided to his wife apron ... then such males aint fit to be a father cos they produce losers. Madam marriage is not a war or power tussle nor contest of ownership, when ur children grow n another woman keep ur son @ distance from you then you wil weep n rmember these day. |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by ImaIma1(f): 1:54pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
nwanneni: And you guys are here back lashing women . Just see what you wrote...this is exactly the issue that causes the issues between wives and mums-inlaw. Someone coming to run your house. Amtruth Bigiyaro youwanbanme Can you guys see that it's not peculiar to women. See your fellow man 1 Like |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by Nobody: 1:58pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
brownemmanuel43:If you don't dump her, you will begin to see things her way.. Women are powerful with mind control!!! Resist her and she will flee like the biblical Devil ! |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by safarigirl(f): 1:59pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
eni4real:having family around depends on who you marry Some of you seem to be speaking generally, when you should be speaking individually. Each individual is different and while compromise is good, you should not go out of your way to make your spouse uncomfortable in their own home, or what is the point of the marriage? Some people actually do not like company. Some people grew up as an only child, they are not used to company or family being around. So, having half of your ten family members living with you, would be an inconvenience. Some people have trust issues. Perhaps they were molested as kids by a family member, and are wary of family. Do you think they will be comfortable having your family members around, and thinking of their child being safe with one uncle? Bear in mind, you cannot vouch for anybody. What is the size of your house? Having an extra person or more, is more people, more load, less privacy Have you thought of that? You cite CR7 that lives in a mansion, his mother can probably be in the house and you won't notice, can you compare that to living in a 2-bedroom house? Each couple is different, each person is different and you need to consider that difference when making such decisions. Funny enough, growing up, my mother's family lived with us. At aome point, my aunt, her husband and kid even lived with us, but I don't think I can live with so many people now. Of course, I like company, I can't stay in a house alone, so, one sibling around occasionally, would be nice, but that's me. Whoever you end up with may be different. So, go for a character that can at least meet you halfway on that. Not that you will go and marry a recluse and start putting your foot down for her later, so that someone will come and demonize her on the internet. Many are just misunderstood, it is not that they are evil. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by AmTruth: 1:59pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Hmmmmn!!! Food for thought. youwanbanme: 1 Like |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by Theophinio(m): 2:02pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Michellekabod2: God bless you |
Re: Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. by isax(m): 2:03pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
AmTruth: Kneel down hia lemme pray for you... God bless you continually! |
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