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Amustical's Posts

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Jokes EtcMy First One Day Experience With Igbo (oshogbo Weed I Guess) by Amustical(op): 3:49pm On Jul 26, 2015
I had just moved out of my parents house and was sharing a room with my "friend". I had no idea he smoked weed, despite his suspicious movements and signature weed scent(abi na odour?) barely two weeks after moving in with him, my worst fears were confirmed as he started bringing home his weed smoking buddies and they would occassionally roll a wrap and smoke it right there in the room or mix the weed with beans or spagehtti.
Being a very curious person i always wondered what made them happy after smoking, so i decided to find out for myself(wrong move)
It was a very hot day in february, a saturday i think it was, my friend was out as usual. I searched everywhere for his stash but couldn't find it so i decided to go and get mine. I arrived the weed joint all sweaty and nervous, half expecting to get muged but nobody seemed to be aware of my presence there, they were all on different planets all expect one i concluded that he must be the seller so i approached him and the following conversation ensued:
Me: how far?
Weed seller: i dey
Me: i wan buy weed
Weed seller: how many parcel?
Me: parcel ke? Iro oo, na just small i need
Weed seller: laughs really hard. bolo leleyi sha(meaning this guy is a dunce oo)
Apparently, a parcel of weed is that small wrap, i didn't know that. I thought it was something very large.
I gave him 1000naira and he gave me a tiny wrap of weed with a white paper, i was suprised when he gave me 950 as change. I couldn't beleive weed was that cheap.
On my way home, i decided not to smoke it but mix it with beans because i thought that it will be better that way(another wrong move). Long story short, i cooked beans and added the whole weed, ate it and called my friend, i told him ogbeni i just ate weed oo and nothing happened to me this one that you people will eat and be feeling funky, i don chop am oo. My friend was like ehen you be strong man oo
I decided to take a quick nap before doing laundry, i woke up about 20 minutes later on the floor i was banging my head on the floor, and i couldn't stop, my heart beat was so audible and fast, everything was extra bright and extra loud. After a few minutes of head banging, i was able to get up from the floor,
I felt as if i had just gained access to a part of my mind that I never knew existed previously, it was scary and cool at the same time. I could feel the blood flowing in my veins(you have to experience it to believe it. Though I strongly advise against it) i felt so uncomfortable in the room, it felt like i was in an oven suddenly a voice in my head wisphered ogbeni bo aso e joor (off your clothes) i obeyed. The voice came again oya sa re(now run) that was when i realised that the weed had taken effect so i decided to take a shower to see if it will calm me down, but the water felt so hot on my skin so hot i ran out of the bathroom.
I called my friend to see if he could help me make sense of what was going on but he laughed at me, he asked me the quantity of weed i took and i told him i used a whole parcel, he said guyyyyy you don eff up if you no sleep in the next 30mins, you go mad oo go chemist make you go explain yourself.
By this time things had escalated, i had a severe itch at the back of my head that wouldn't go away no matter how hard i scratched and i was convinced that the beating in my chest was an evil spirit that could only be killed with a punch. I ran to my neighbour champion and told him champion e jo e fun mi lese laya(champion pls punch me in the chest) ti e ba gbami lese laya mo ma ku oo(if you don't punch me i will die oo) he hissed and walked out having had enough of such nonsense from the boys in the boys quatters.
The voice in my head came again iwo na o de gba ara e lese laya abi o ti fe ku ni(why don't you punch yourself in the chest or do you want to die?) i punched and punched but there was no difference.
The house was getting hotter, the voice in my head was getting louder, the itch in my head was getting worse, and the evil spirit in my chest was getting louder. Then came the voice again oya ma sare lo(start running) so i started running but on getting outside in the sun, i felt so cold i was shivering but that didn't stop me from running(i would have given husain bolt a run for his money on that day).
On getting to the chemist, i realised i was bare footed, i told him i had a severe headache i needed something to make me sleep immediately, he gave me the drug and i chewed it right there in his presence, next i asked him to give me a drug for evil spirit, that was when he realised something was wrong with me and chased me out.
I got back home and tried to sleep but my heart beat wouldnt let me, so i ran back out this time around to a nurse in the area, first thing she asked was kilode o wo bata ni? (why don't you have your shoes on? I told her jackie chan ti gba bata lowo mi (jackie chan collected my shoes) i was finally able to explain my situation to her and she took me in, tied something around my elbow and injected me directly in the vein. I passed out immediately only to wake around 1 or 2am in the middle of the night with the worst kind of hunger I have ever felt in my life. I ate a whole loaf of butter field bread in one sitting without butter or tea.
I came home to a hero's welcome, my friend told me e be like say your head no carry am but e go better make you try am once more so you go dey use to it. The following day while the house was empty, I packed my Ghana must go and like the prodigal son in the bible I went back home to my parents. It's been a few years since that experience but the lesson I learnt is an unforgettable one. My curiosity hasn't gotten me in trouble again and my circle of friends have since changed.
Author unknown.
PoliticsRe: YOUR SAY: Is Fayose Talking Too Much? by Amustical(op): 3:28pm On Jul 25, 2015
MisterLongman:
When did Fayose become the Pdp publicity secretary.......
Has olisa metuh resigned?
Must he be the pdp publicity secretary before he can talk his mind out
PoliticsYOUR SAY: Is Fayose Talking Too Much? by Amustical(op): 12:41pm On Jul 25, 2015
Every president has them. Olusegun Obasanjo had Orji Uzor Kalu, then governor of Abia state, perpetually on his case. Goodluck Jonathan had two: Rabiu Musa Kwankwanso (Kano) and Rotimi Amaechi (Rivers).

Muhammadu Buhari now has Ayo Fayose of Ekiti.  Fayose, unlike others, started his own opposition long before Buhari became president, going to the extent of placing a controversial advert in the newspapers on the health of the APC presidential candidate.

He has continued to criticise the president on several issues: the search on the house of the former NSA, Sambo Dasuki; the salary cut taken by the president; the threat to probe only the administration of Jonathan; and others. Some have argued that Fayose’s stance is very good for our democracy.

The president must not go uncriticised. After all, it is legitimate opposition. He is only exercising his freedom of expression, in any case. But some think he is disrespecting the president, or even playing to the gallery. What do you think? Let us have your vote – and your comments.

IS FAYOSE TALKING TOO MUCH?
PoliticsRe: Fayose To Buhari: Go Ahead And Probe Jonathan, Don't Announce It by Amustical(m): 8:47am On Jul 25, 2015
Leave fayose alone..... He's the only strong opposition tools that we have. Enough of all this hatred on him. Afterall, is he governing u people. His people in ekiti are praising him some fools are somewhere here insulting him. Anyway this is my judgement! Jail anyone that talk shit. About fayose
PoliticsRe: Nigeria Navy Military Capabilities Pictures by Amustical(m): 8:39am On Jul 24, 2015
Me on my own oooo, I support the biafra.... Let them be! Give them their freedom and let. Peace reign
PoliticsRe: Nigerian Twitter Reacts To President Buhari's Interview With Amanpour -SEE TWEET by Amustical(m): 1:50pm On Jul 22, 2015
Please likee one of the twitter handler said, I think he needs interpreter. So that all those hausa, Ibo and yoruba go hear and understand. Baba must hear this.... Infact extend it to the private sector
CrimeRe: 30-year-old Graduate Rapes Sickle Cell Woman by Amustical(m): 10:07am On Jul 22, 2015
I don't stand for this kind jungle justice...... She dey follow d guy go cinima house dey laugh there, and when she follow him to club they order for any kind of drinks, she no know say she be virgin? Anyway this is my judgement......... The yeye dude should marry her asap. They should order his family to start arranging for their marriage since d moma don't said him pikin like the okpeke and he mean to marry her. Failure to do it, they should send d guy go 8months prison with hard work
PoliticsRe: Chief-Of-Army-Staff, Buratai Playing With A Large Snake (Photos) by Amustical(m): 10:16pm On Jul 21, 2015
Is this not the same snake a nairalander wanted to sell @ 20k+ for lag this man is holdiing? Does it mean somebody dey decieve ius here?
Jokes EtcRe: Please I Need You Advice On What To Do To This Rat by Amustical(op): 6:40pm On Jul 19, 2015
Infact na u wise pass! Han han


sonikstargirl:
u should properly use knife to cut ur stomach and bring d rat out and wen u are done just use solo tape or super glue to gum d stomach back... shikina



u can tank me Latagrin grin
Jokes EtcRe: Please I Need You Advice On What To Do To This Rat by Amustical(op): 6:37pm On Jul 19, 2015
Am smelling journey of no return

gwenj:
Use a gun...with a great aim at d rat,u might actually kill it#it always wrk
RomanceRe: LADIES STOP DOING THESE THINGS IN THE NAME OF LOVE AGAIN: by Amustical(op): 6:35pm On Jul 19, 2015
tongue
Dennygirl:
Op,you know the funny thing?when you try advicing your friends against it,they tag you enemy of progress,at other time,girls believed doing that might make the guy see them as wifey material,the most funny excuse i have ever heard from a guilty lady is that "don"t you know men are scarce? I better keep my man well" just imagine!!,before they realize their mistake, the sharp man who don"t have money for bride price must have put her in the family way.. And you know what that means? Free woman, free expressway,illegitimate and malnourished kids which might constitute nuisance to the already messy society,!! Ladies bewise!!
RomanceLADIES STOP DOING THESE THINGS IN THE NAME OF LOVE AGAIN: by Amustical(op):
LADIES STOP DOING THESE THINGS IN THE
NAME OF LOVE AGAIN:
1. Living in the same room with a man who has
not paid your
bride- price or wedded you;
(this is foolishness).
3. Wearing the engagement ring of a man who
doesn’t even know
your parents or house;
(You are wasting your time & blessing).
4. Using your boyfriend’s picture as your profile
picture on social
network, thus blocking serious and potential
suitors;
(that is a serious mistake).
5. Giving your virginity to a man who has not
paid your bride-price.
( You have lost your dignity in life).
6. Cooking food regularly and washing clothes for
your boyfriend;
(that's starting what you cannot complete even
in marriage).
7. Disobeying your parents for the sake of a man
you are dating.
( You are out of your brain).
8. Giving sex to a man simply because he
promised to marry you;
(Haba! Na u be the oldest woman for this life?)
9. Sending your Unclad pictures to your
boyfriend;
(shame on you, that is what he will use against
you anytime you said its over).
10. A man will beat you and you will still be
saying that you can not do without him;
(hmm, you need deliverance).
11. A man cheats on you and you still say that
you can never quit him,
(Hmm, you need prayers).
2. Don't be too desperate in life; as you are
desperate to read other
numbers, you did not notice number (2) is
missing above.
DID I SPEAK WELL IN THIS WRITE UPhuh DROP
YOUR OWN VIEWS CONCERNING THIS ISSUE...
Jokes EtcRe: Please I Need You Advice On What To Do To This Rat by Amustical(op): 5:20pm On Jul 19, 2015
And finally, heaven @ its peak


lordtim001:
Swallow cat, eat rat gum, swallow rat trap and finally take rat poison....CaSe CLosEd!NEXT! ! !
Jokes EtcRe: Please I Need You Advice On What To Do To This Rat by Amustical(op): 5:14pm On Jul 19, 2015
If e kill me nko?

Youngmolis:
grin take rat poison
Jokes EtcRe: Please I Need You Advice On What To Do To This Rat by Amustical(op): 5:12pm On Jul 19, 2015
Are u from china?
AwesomelyMade:
Hian. Nawaa
Jokes EtcPlease I Need You Advice On What To Do To This Rat by Amustical(op): 5:07pm On Jul 19, 2015
Pls Friend i need ur Advice;; Last night wen I was asleep, I mistakenly forgot to close my mouth & a RATentered my stomach through my mouth...

The RAT has been disturbing my stomach since morning.... It has eaten all d food left in my stomach & now eatin my intestine...
Please should I swallow CAT to kill d RAT or should I take RAT poisonhuhhuh...
Christianity EtcRe: Major African Gods And Their Origin by Amustical(m): 9:33pm On Jul 18, 2015
olola4:
@op...wat about Sopona and Ayilala am rili interested in knowing their origin.
If u care to know about Sonpona and ayelala, my brother u we have to travel down to Ikale/ilaje area of ondo state. Infact u we be taking to ayelala junction @ d middile of da river
RomanceRe: Please Help Me Out I Need Advice. by Amustical(op): 12:02am On Jul 17, 2015
My brother thanks so much for this ur brotherly advice and care. Thank u so much



Olami90:
grin
Bro, e pain me big tym for d sake of ur preggy wife.
Wait for her to give birth bfor u break d news(u can invite ur family either to help/for back up). Tho, she is gonna b seriously down emotionally buh u av to be ready to face wotever she is going to throw @ u.dnt fight back(since d fault is urs). From now, intensify effort to show ur care $ prove to her she mean d world to u so u can av a safe landing(a bit).

Note: bro dnt bring ur boy in with u$ur wife anytime soon. B responsible for his needs while he remain with his mum.

Finally, pls put a stop to flirting nd concentrate on developing wit ur family.(U wunt wanna b sharing ur income for 3/4 women nw)
RomanceRe: Please Help Me Out I Need Advice. by Amustical(op): 10:59pm On Jul 16, 2015
I quote u myself. And I want to thank you for the bitter pill truth. I have learnd and hope I find mercy in the sight of my wife. Pls help me with prayers




Olami90:
Dat is wot yoruba call 'ikun nje ogede, ikun n re idi......'

One of d consequences of pre-marital sex $ dishonesty in relationship - infidelity.
If u tell dem to be focused, dey will yab nd mak others feel inferior. U can see d result of acting fake big boy.
It is not even sure u will be faithful to ur pregnant babe.

I dnt even knw wot to tell u.don't reject d boy nd mak sure u inform ur pregnant wife(u may decide to wait till she deliver d baby,use ur discretion)

Nobody shld quote me for emphasizing on his fault.
RomanceRe: Please Help Me Out I Need Advice. by Amustical(op): 10:19pm On Jul 16, 2015
After d pregnancy issue 2011, we parted. She born 2012 and count from 2012-2015



faith551:
You parted ways with ur ex in 2010,and u are in a relationship of 6 yearshuh, she got pregnant in 2011,and the kid is almost 3years? From 2011 to 2015 is 4yrs. Now op my questions are
(1) how long is the human gestation period.
(2) what year are u presently in, cause it's looks like u are 1 year ahead of us, or you are an alien from mars
RomanceRe: Please Help Me Out I Need Advice. by Amustical(op): 10:08pm On Jul 16, 2015
mystage:
My guy its very easy. make money if u currently dnt hv enough. accommodate all the children(both born and unborn) and chose one of the women as a wife to take care of all the kids. atleast 2face has shown us that its possible why ani has also shown that with money a woman is ready to accommodate her husband kids even if the kids are from diff women.
Thanks so much brother
RomanceRe: Please Help Me Out I Need Advice. by Amustical(op): 10:06pm On Jul 16, 2015
Slimzjoe:
Go Do DNA test first forget say the Child Resemble you.... Then ask what her Plan is. Remember to tell your Current woman about it.... Tell am Packagedly or else grin
Ok
RomanceRe: Please Help Me Out I Need Advice. by Amustical(op): 9:43pm On Jul 16, 2015
Amen. But the fear of the pregnancy she's carrying




Update:
nawa oh.......buh do u stil love yo babymamahuh?
y nut find a means of sorting it out with yo current bae in a calm way tellin her woh traspired in wit ex....... I pray she will understand tho. Nd i fink she shud av moved on by nw nd mayb engaged.
RomanceRe: Please Help Me Out I Need Advice. by Amustical(op): 9:30pm On Jul 16, 2015
Thank you so much. God bless you for this advice. A bit relieved. I must confess to you that since I heard about the incident and saw the boy, I never have a single mind rest. Fear always engolved my mind

pato405:
don't tell your pregie wyf now. wait until she put to bed. the psychological trauma could affect her or the baby.

don't be too hard on yurself. what has happened has happened. you ain't the first n will definitely not b the last to experience such. move on but take gud care of the boy.
RomanceRe: Please Help Me Out I Need Advice. by Amustical(op): 9:27pm On Jul 16, 2015
Please that's why I need you peoples advice

Andrew114:
undecidedop so u wan deny ur blood abi?SMH
RomanceRe: Please Help Me Out I Need Advice. by Amustical(op): 9:25pm On Jul 16, 2015
elantraceey:
Tell your fiancee/wife about your child , you can't neglect him like that , whatever reaction she gives will determine the next action you'll take. You can be with your wife and take care of your son.
Thank you so much. But the fear of betrayal. All trough I dated the lady I was in serious relationship with my wife. How we she see me?
RomanceRe: Please Help Me Out I Need Advice. by Amustical(op): 9:22pm On Jul 16, 2015
The child clock 3years may.

2dice:
How can the child be 3years ??
RomancePlease Help Me Out I Need Advice. by Amustical(op): 9:10pm On Jul 16, 2015
And this is the story of my life!
I dated a lady 2010 and we parted 2011. Then she told me she missed her period and I told her I have bought postnon2 for her. Since then I did not see her, neither did I hear anything again from her. September 2011 I got admission to one of d higher institution in kwara state. All through this period, no body called to inform me I have any baby. Now it happened after my nysc. 4months back, I meet my ex girlfriend @ iyana-ipaja bus stop area of lagos. And she looked at me from head to toe. And said ' did I remember the last pregnancy? I said yes. She said my son is at home and his almost 3years. My problem now is, I have a a relationship I have been keeping for the past 6years. Now the lady is pregnant for me. Now pls should I keep this 3years old son away from my pregnant wife, or I should not accept the son? And d 3 year old boy look like they use cutlass to cut me into pieces. The boy resemble me die. Infact since he saw me, I never have a rest. He always ask her mother to call me he wants to talk to me. Please help me I really need your advice
Christianity EtcRe: TB Joshua Returns The Tithe Of A Widower And Father Of 3 by Amustical(m): 11:50pm On Jul 07, 2015
Stop criticising and stop lieing against God. So what he did is bad abbi? The pastor that collected 30k tith from him, where is he when he was hungry and trown out of house by his landlord? Why are so bias?


Obascoetubi:
tithes is God's money, so how come they returns it?
EducationRe: A Thread For All Prospective\New Postgraduate. Students Of NOUN by Amustical(m): 7:49pm On Jun 30, 2015
OP pls help out. Please can I do MBA with my HND in business Administration and a professional certificate in Management from NIM? Pls I will be glad to read back from u
NYSCRe: Disrespect To Muslims By Nysc by Amustical(m): 11:04am On Jun 24, 2015
Brother, national youth service is not mandated to any body. Is a personal interest. You can decide to apply for exception and collect ur exception certificate. Ur Religon shouldn't see the NYSC officials or federal gvt as enemy.because they don't give a damn to ur fasting. There shouldn't be sentiment because of any religion. The camp is comprise of muslims like u, christians like others and traditionalists and hindus like others. The training given there @ nysc camp is for ur own interest and for ur self defence. Is a choice if the muslim brothers knows that d fasting is important to them, they should pack their load and forget about youth service. They should go back home.


IbXavier:
I am not in camp but I am posting on behalf of those going through the challenges. There was a rumor that the camp will be rounded up in time because of the Muslims but it was not.

Mind you , soldiers knew what military is about before opting for it but Nigeria govt mandated service for us all , therefore they must design it to suit us all. Islamically , you might advise that the fasting should be postponed, however , this is a right that Must be defended.

Time wasted cannot be Recovered again , therefore I can't afford to waste some time of mylife all in the name of services.
Jobs/VacanciesRe: HARPS Online Aptitude Test. by Amustical(m): 10:19pm On Jun 23, 2015
Pls I got the mail ooooo. But uptill now, I never do my own test. Pls is it still possible? Can I still do it tomao?

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