₦airaland Forum

Eulogy to Abacha
Posterity will ne’er survey
A nobler grave than this
Here lies the bones of Abacha
Stop, traveler and piss.





1, Needing a star attraction for the week, a cash strapped zoo persuaded a visitor to dress up in a gorilla costume and pretend to be great ape. The ruse worked well as the man threw himself into the role with great enthusiasm, devouring bucket loads of bananas, prowling his cage with menace and banging his chest energetically. But then one day, he went too far and accidentally fell into the lion cage next door.
“Help Help” cried the gorilla.
The lion let out an almighty roar, then rushed at him, put his paw on the gorilla’s chest and growled: Shut up, or we’ll both lose our jobs.

2, Two junior doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. The senior surgeon had to pull them apart.
What’s this all about? said the surgeon angrily.
It is the Inspector general of Police in G ward, said one he’s only got two days to live.
He had to be told , said the second doctor.
I know, said the first, but I wanted to be the one to tell him.

3, A business man arrived so late at a hotel one night that the only room available was one he was to share with a stranger. The business man was for anything but the manager warned him that his fellow occupant snored so loudly that people in adjoining rooms had complained in the past.
The next morning, the business man came down for breakfast and the manager asked him hoe he had slept.
I had a really good night’s sleep, he said.
What about the snoring?
“No problem, he was snoring away when I entered the room, but I simply went over kissed him on the cheek, said goodnight darling, and he sat bolt upright for the rest of the night watching me like a hawk.

Please talk about me leave MJ.

Employment
Several weeks after being hired a young man was called into the manager’s office. When you applied for this job, u said u had a degree in English language from Cambridge plus five years experience in this line of work. Now we discover that you have no qualifications and that this is ure first job of any kind.
What do you have to say for yourself?
Well, ure advert said u wanted somebody with imagination.

At the end of a job interview, the human resource officer asked the confident young applicant: What salary are you looking for?
Something in the region of 90,000N, depending on the benefit package.
“Well what would u say to a package of 6 weeks vacation in the U.S plus full medical care and a new company car every 4 months?
Applicant - Wow are you kidding?
HR - Certainly, but you started it.

1, After hearing that a lunatic in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director summoned the rescuer to his office.
"looking from ure file and taking into account ure heroic behaviour, i am confident that u are ready to be allowed home. I am only sorry that the man u saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."
Oh no, said the rescuer. He didn't kill himself. I hung him up to dry.

2, An inmate in an asylum proclaimed loudly. " I am Napoleon"
How do you know? asked a fellow inmate.
God told me.
A voice from another room shouted. I did not.

1, Bicycles don't get pregnant.
2, U can ride ure bike any time of the month.
3, Bicycles don't have parents.
4, U can share ure bike with ure friends.
5, Bicycles don't care how many other bikes u have.
6, Bicycles don't care if u look at other bicycles.
7, If ure bike is too loose u can tighten it.
8, A bike never wants a night out with other bicycles.
9, If u say horrible things to ure bicycle, u dont have to apologise before u can ride it again.
10, Bicycles don't care how many other bikes u have ridden.
11, The last but not the least, u can always drop or change ure bicycle any time u want and nobody will get hurt.
Any bicycle out there.

I nonso Ezekaka aka Vatican is also unrelated no sorry under rated.

I fear God more than you do. If u are still searching u can find me on 08035401950

Stillwater i need to see ure picture.
Ugly bumber.
I'm sure you must be having a crush on those actors.

Pls can Nigerian policemen do without check points.

If u think they can, i would humbly like to read the solutions u will profer.

They should have appointed Mr Nonso Ezekaka Aruzuoke.

What would happen if all Nigerians were taken to the US and all Americans brought down to Nigeria.

Sounds like nollywood.
Anyway, if i were u by now i would be 2m richer.

i no blame u.Tank ur stars God is very merciful

Tanx so much all of u. I like this forum cos it is very encouraging.

romade. Carry over student who even taught u how to browse.

For now it is still a secret please don't tell Seun but i will start mine very soooooooooon.
U have to join with just 5,000 hahhhaaa dont panic yet.
I like the sound of money but u know nothing good comes easy.
Oga Seun will be one of the moderators.

Define ure self in not less than 1000 pages only with military precision.
I will like this assignment to be on my desk before 7pm this night.

Yes i will dump her again een if she comes begging me on bended knees.

If u care to know i dated her for 3hrs in my dream.

U tried let me not say emmmmmmmmmmm

ima1 Psquare dont even know u exist.

You have all rejuvenated me spiritually. I am eternally very grateful to u all. Life is all about challenges and this my present situation is a challenge which i must have to accept in order to overcome it.
Once again i thank u all so much.

of course yes

Help me brothers somehow my faith in God is waning away. I have searched for job with enough fasting and praying but yet nothing seems to be happening. The most painful part of it is that i am an ex seminarian. Judging from my antecedents while in the seminary i never knew God would just keep quiet over my predicament this long besides i even made second class upper in philosophy and mass communication respectively.
Believe me scouting for job for the past 2 years is not a worthwhile experience.
PLS somebody should help me explain Gods constant love and guidance on a person like me.

Online

Re: I Am The Most Ugly Guy Here.
« #49 on: October 02, 2008, 05:06 PM »

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[b]what tha ffffffff***********k.??
Mykali better mind ure words. If they deported u from the US after 10 yrs. U have no rigth to vent ure anger on members of this land.

Brothers and sisters in nairaland i will post my ugly face in this land on the day of my birthday.

Make sure ure kids aint watching before they have a nightmare.

What are u looking for here.

U shouldn't be here cos u keep blaming Adam and Eve.

i am the most uglyyyyyyyyyyyyyy guyyyyyyyyyyy in this horrible land. :'

If he is not meeting up in the game. Mr perfect is on the sidelines just give me the green light.