₦airaland Forum

Akpos intended to study medicine in skul bt he failed d post-jamb interview. 1 of d questions was "rearrange the alphabets P N E S I to form an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect. Those who spelt SPINE are doctors today. The rest are Akpos & friends...

We'd be having larger omelettes...

Bleep! ...oops, jus wanted to see if dat word'll be censored...

King Kong

O, nice!

Little boy & mom rode in a taxi one rainy evening. As it rained, some prostitutes gathered under a shed at d bus stop...
Little boy: mom who are these women?
Mom: o, they're waiting for their husbands to come & pick them
Taxi driver: why not jus tell d truth, they're hawkers waiting for men to pick dem up & hav sex with dem for money
Little boy: mom, is it true?
Mom (scowling menacingly at d taxi driver): yes
Little boy (after a thoughtful pause): what becomes of d children they bear?
Mom: they end up as taxi drivers.....
*come see serious fight na*

Life was much easier when APPLES & BLACKBERRIES were just fruits!

Q: what is globalization?
A: Princess Diana.
Q: why?
A: because an English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel while in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian, who was drunk on a Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian paparazzi, riding Japanese motorcycles, treated by American doctor, using Brazilian medicine!

Little boy goes to his dad & asks "what is politics?"
Dad says "well son, lemme explain it this way: i'm d breadwinner of d family, so lets call me CAPITALISM. Ur mom, she's d administrator of d money, so we'll call her d GOVT. We're here to take care of ur needs, so we'll call u d MASSES. D nanny, we'll consider her d WORKING CLASS. & ur baby broda, we'll call him d FUTURE. Now think about that & see if it makes sense."
So little boy goes off to bed thinking about dad's words. Later dat nite he hears his baby broda crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds dat baby has severely soiled his diaper. So little boy goes to his parents' room & finds mom sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to nanny's room. Finding d door locked, he peeks in d keyhole & sees dad in bed with nanny. He gives up & goes back to bed. Next mornin, little boy says to dad "i think i now understand d concept of politics."
Dad says "good son, tell me in ur own words what u think politics is all about."
"well, dad, while CAPITALISM is screwing d WORKING CLASS, d GOVT is asleep, d MASSES are being ignored & d FUTURE is in deep shit."

Akpos was toasting a babe....
Babe: do u drink?
Akpos: no.
Babe: do u smoke?
Akpos: no.
Babe: do u womanize?
Akpos: no.
Babe: ok...do u do anything that's socially unacceptable?
Akpos: yes, I just tell lies.

2 lawyers went into a fastfood outlet & ordered drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases & started to eat. The manager became quite concerned & marched over & told them, "you cant eat your own sandwiches in here!"
The lawyers looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders & then exchanged sandwiches.

Akpos na my guy. We yarn yesterday, e say na we get our mouth

teacher: all idiots stand up
(only akpos stands up)
teacher: so u're an idiot
akpos: no, i jus cudnt bear u standing alone...

toygod is 1 of dem

ends 2-0, osaze wth both.goals...

westbrom 1-0 southampton
(osaze, 36') 1st half stil on

akpors' elder brother, kevwe, travelled to.london months ago, leaving behind akpors, their aged mom & their pet cat, kelly. last week kevwe called from london to know how they're doing...
KEVWE: akpors hw una de now, howz kelly?
AKPORS: kelly done die.
KEVWE (after a pause): akpors u for use small small reveal dis kine bad news na. u for jus say d cat fall inside well bt neighbors de try bring am out. den when i call again u go say e break neck small bt vet doctor de try revive am. den when i call again u go say dem try their best bt dem no fit save am. na so dem de reveal bad news in a mature way. u hear me?
AKPORS: yes bros
KEVWE: ok. hw about mama na?
AKPORS: bros. mama sef fall inside well o. bt neighbors de try bring am out......bros....bros....hello....hello......

RULE 1: nairaland is always right

RULE 2: if nairaland is wrong, refer to RULE 1

nice response. case closed.