₦airaland Forum

i love this girl so much but i dont know how to get her off my mind cos am thinking about her too much and am afraid it may something else. please i need your advise me.

CAN U NAIRALANDER TELL ME HOW I CAN HACK THIS SITE FROM SEUN?. PLZ REPLY.

u re mad man i taught u re talking abt reasonable things

Get the hell out of here. HELL BOY.

keep the damn joke up small boy

;d ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d

Dear God, thank you for inviting me to your golden palace. I love it here already. I wish I-
could stay forever. Maybe, I can get a contract to build one of the streets of gold for you.

You-
are welcome my son. Don't get used to this place. You are only here for a chat. Now, what can I do-
for you?

Yes, dear Almighty, I've a burning question on my mind.

What is it, my dear-
son?

Why did you create the Nigerian?

Oh my son, that is a very good question that I, God-
Himself, cannot answer. I'm not sure myself. Many people have asked me that question.

Many-
people?

Yes.

Who are these people?

Foreigners who have died in Nigeria lured there by 419-
scam artists. Most of them have asked why I created the Nigerian because they believe that you-
people are all corrupt.

Why do you say that?

You see, my son. There is a joke going around in-
heaven.

A joke?

Yes, my son, a joke about you people, Nigerians.

What is the-
joke?

Remember the song you used to sing when you were in primary and secondary school?

What-
song, my father?

The song about "All things bright and beautiful, "

Yes, my God, I-
remember the song very well. But what I don't understand is that how is that a joke?

Listen my-
son, this is the joke and I will sing the song for you.

Yes, please go ahead, heavenly-
father.

Listen carefully;

All things bright and beautiful All creatures great and small.
All-
things wise and wonderful And Nigerians ruined them all.

Oh, that was funny. You mean we-
Nigerians ruined your creation?

Yes, you people are very corrupt to the point that I'm thinking-
about finishing all your corrupt leaders as I did with Abacha.

That would be very nice, my God.-
Our leaders have finished us. I think most common Nigerians would welcome that. These our leaders-
are all corrupt. Look at what they did to Marshal Harry because of politics.

Yes, I knew of that-
even before it happened.

Who did it, my God?

I cannot tell you now, on judgement day, I will-
make them pay for their crimes.

Ok, my God, another question.

Yes, go ahead, my son.

Who-
killed Dele Giwa?

Ha, my son, you are very curious.

Yes God, every good journalist should be-
curious.

You know the killer of Giwa.

Who is that?

That is all I can say for now. On-
judgement day, I shall make sure that the murderer of Giwa also pays for his crimes.

My God,-
please tell me, is there a special place for the Nigerian in hell?

Yes, it's called Hell-Gate.-
That is the Nigerian ghetto in hell. There are a lot of you people there already causing trouble for-
me and the angels. Even Satan is complaining about you people. You already have a bad reputation in-
hell.

What kind of trouble?

You people are sending emails to people on earth from hell telling-
them that you have millions of brimstones that you want to transfer to earth and asking them to send-
you money for the transfer. You people took out all the furnace and installed air conditioners-
everywhere. I also found out that you people installed big speakers and music systems and are having-
your "owambe" parties in your flowing agbada which I confess has kept the grounds of hell-
clean.

Is that so?

Yes, my son.

Also, some of your senators here are trying to impeach-
Satan. They have bribed all the demons to vote against him in a special impeachment session.

Why-
will they want to impeach Satan?

As you know, Satan controls everyone and everything in hell and-
you Nigerians always want power so you can embezzle.

But what can they embezzle in hell?

The-
firewood and the gasoline that fuels the fire so they can sell it on the black market in hell.

So-
hell has a black market?

Yes, and it is run by you people, Nigerians.

Oh, that is very funny,-
my God.

I'm glad you found it funny.

But, dear father, Nigeria has improved from being the-
most corrupt country to be the second most corrupt country behind Pakistan. You have got to give us-
some credit.

Well, my son, if I were you, I would not say that loud.

Why?

Didn't you-
Nigerians bribe the Pakistanis to take the first place on the list?

Father, I've another burning-
question on my mind.

What is that?

Please tell me, will an Igbo man ever be an elected-
president of Nigeria?

Yes, my son, but not until after the year 2020.

Very well. Will an Ijaw-
man from the Niger Delta ever become an elected president of Nigeria?

Yes, my son, but not in-
your lifetime.

Hmmm. One more question my God.

Go ahead, ask.

When will our National-
Assembly members stop their corrupt ways and pass a meaningful bill that would actually improve the-
lives of Nigerians?

My son, that is a very tough question. I must consult with the angels on this-
one. Please give me a few minutes.

Please, take all the time, my dear God.

My son, I've an-
answer for you.

What is it, dear Holy one?

Not ever!.

stupid babies indeed.

check it

check it.

kai u dis pikin if i catch una i go beat me to dead. i dey crazy abi i dey mad? stupid Nigerian.

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.
St. Peter checks his dossier and says,
"Ah, you're an engineer you're in the wrong
place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and
is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets
dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell,
and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they've got air conditioning and
flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is
a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and
says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there
in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going
great. We've got air conditioning and flush
toilets and escalators and there's no telling what
this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What You've got an engineer?
That's a mistake - he should never have gotten
down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer
on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here, or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah,
right. And just where are you going to get a
lawyer?"

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's
office for a checkup. Afterwards, the doctor took
the wife aside and said, "Unless you do the
following things, your husband will surely die."

The doctor then went on to say, "Here's what you
need to do." "Every morning make sure you serve
him a good healthy breakfast. Meet him at home
each day for lunch so you can serve him a well
balanced meal. Make sure you feed him a good, hot
meal each evening and dont overburden him with
any stressful conversation, nor ask him to
perform any household chores. Also, keep the
house spotless and clean so he does'nt get
exposed to any threatening germs."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what
the doctor said. She replied, "You're going to
die".

A teacher, a petty thief and a lawyer all died and
went to the Pearly Gates.

Because of crowding, St. Peter told them they had
to pass a test before ascending any further.

Adressing The teacher, he asked, "What was the
name of the famous ship that hit an iceburg and
sank?"

"The Titanic," she answered and St. Peter motioned
her into heaven.

The thief was next. "How many people died on that
ship?" St. Peter asked.

"Gee, that's tough," the man replied. "But luckily
I just saw the movie. The answer is 1500."
St. Peter let him through.

Then St. Peter turned to the lawyer.
"Name all the people."

A TEACHER ASKED AN HAUSA SCHOOL BOY "IF U HAVE 5 APPLES, AND THE STUDENT NEXT TO U TAKES 3 APPLES AWAY. WHAT WILL YOU HAVE?"  "KAI TEACHER, A FIGHT OF COURSE."



An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.
St. Peter checks his dossier and says,
"Ah, you're an engineer you're in the wrong
place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and
is let in.  Pretty soon, the engineer gets
dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell,
and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they've got air conditioning and
flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is
a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and
says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there
in hell?"  Satan replies, "Hey, things are  going
great. We've got air conditioning and flush
toilets and escalators and there's no telling what
this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What You've got an engineer?
That's a mistake - he  should never have gotten
down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer
on the staff, and I'm  keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here, or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah,
right. And just where are you going to get a
lawyer?"

watch out for the pic. HAHAHA am sorry, just a suspense. no vex. don't curse.

gunners will always be gunners. gunners till jesus come.

HEY TOADFACE, U SE THIS RUBBISH AS A SERMON IN UR CHURCH. AIGHT?

that's fucking hilarious. ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d

a junk of rubbish my sweetie :p

i like ur advive my PA

wetin u won make i do

a boy sald: "when i get to heaven, i will ask Jonah how he felt in the Whale's stomach". His Teacher asked, "what if Jonah went to Hell". Then u will ask him replied the boy.

Some people wan make i die, some people wan make i no grow. WHY