₦airaland Forum

Karleb:
You did well.

Don't you ever regret what you did here.

I won't regret it, ever. Thank you, this response just boosted my morale. Thank you.

obayendo1010:
Chill bro, you worry too much, wisdom is profitable to direct, Be calm, you don't need to fight anyone, just dont make yourself available, once the date of the burial set, send your support through your wife and inform everyone you travel and won't be available for the burial, that you wife will deliver your msg.
They will still bury their father, lastly always respect your wife,stopping feeling funky, she never force you.

This Is a very beautiful piece of advice. I will do exactly as you say, thank you so much.

That aside she forced me boss, still feels like yesterday, remembering right now the hell I went through in her hands. I didn't even know when I later bowed to. pressure, the pressure was too much.

Donemmy:
How old are you please?

Boss, I'm 30.

Overmars36:
You acted childish honestly. You dare not try that with my sister. You didn't only insult your wife but her entire lineage. You goofed big time!
Nothing wrong in you refusing to be pressured into doing what u wouldn't want to do. But to say it in that manner particularly in the public, means u are a kid. Nobody forced u into marriage. Nobody.
I pity that innocent lady. She didn't choose the family she came from. Nobody ever chose the family they come from cos we don't have such right by nature. It wasn't her fault that the dad had several concubines and perhaps lived an irresponsible Life. You're a disgrace honestly. You had better go your separate ways since u don't love her. By now I am sure you are already cheating on that innocent beautiful lady.

You think I would have reacted in such a disrespectful way and manner, not minding the consequences if my mind is still in the marriage??

Regarding cheating on her, yes... That's true, I barely touch her but normally have sex almost on a daily basis if not on a daily basis with girls that I'm attracted to.

This is one of the main reason I need her to go, I'm tired of wasting my money on hotels. Jumping from one hotel to another, paying for condomless sex just to feel that pleasure and satisfaction that I'd have been getting for free from my wife if I'm attracted to her. Once she has left, I will find a lady I'm fully attracted to and would no longer be wasting my money on hotels and sex.

humblespirit:
You disgrace the mother of child in public,kudos to you,you are a man.

Still feels like yesterday when I was pleading with her endlessly that I'm not in anyway ready for marriage, still feels like yesterday when she showed me all sorts of hell to the extend I didn't realized when I bowed to pressure and agreed to marry her. I agree that I disgraced her but I won't forget the torture that I went through during the period she was pressuring me endlessly. If she has listened to me back then and stayed calm, until I'm fully ready for marriage all these won't have been happening.

Yippeedaniel:
Guy you're wrong in all aspects. From claiming forced marriage to shouting at your inlaws and your wife. Got and apologize to all of them and do the needful. Something dey will me say u dey beat that gal.

You think I would have acted in such a way and manner if my mind body and soul is still in the marriage? I'm only there physically, but to be brutally honest with u, I'm really no longer interested. And this is why I was able to showcase such boldness with our fear of any repercussions.

idahme:
Why una dey always talk trash? Is he more of a child than the children of the deceased? The man has plethora of children but an outsider (in-law) will be the one to carry more load than the children that's absurd, if I am in his shoes I won't for a single second.

If it comes to liabilities they know a man is an in-law to share with the liabilities but if it comes to assets (property sharing) the man is never invited. Children should have the responsibility of taking care of their parents in health and in death inlaws can assist but that's not their primary responsibilities.

I have two in-laws married to my sisters, we only informed them that mum will be going under knife, the information was to give them that respect of been in the know but the expenses has been borne already by us the children. If they decide to help that's fine but it's an error for we the children to give them the lion share of the bills never and I will also reject anyone who ever does that to me.

We should learn to take accountability and responsibilities for ourselves and family and not shift it to others because they got married to someone in the family.

.

Thank you so very much sir, your wisdom will never run dry. Please permit me to copy this response to my notepad, I'd be needing it for future reference. Most especially the part that you stated in laws are only known as an in law when it comes to liabilities. Thank you so very much sir, may thy Lord God Almighty shower his unending blessings upon your life and that of your household, thank you so very much, I really do appreciate, thank you.

[quote author=Okeke3595 post=132864273][/quote]No, ondo state... Ilaje by tribe.

Prettychild:
Oga you did wrong. First of all, I don’t believe that a woman would force you into marrying her. If you don’t want her, never date her so you won’t accuse her of forcing you into marriage. Your in-laws can’t bill the baby fathers cos those children are traditionally not theirs. You are the legitimate in-laws and so would receive billing which is normal. It’s you that would use your discretion to decide which one you would prefer to do in the list

So whatever they'd be piling on the list, all isn't compulsory and mandatory to provide??

optimismlaz:
My brother if you cares to listen, you did wrong , that their tradition other sisters of hers are not traditionally married and they cannot be tasked or asked to bring something. You must perform your traditional duties and there a lot of benefits and also there also consequences. Act wise

Regarding the benefits, I'm really not interested in what they're because my mind has already left the marriage. If my mind body and soul are still on it I won't have in anyway acted and reacted the way I did no matter what they piled up for me, I'd have handled things with sense.

Please any idea what the consequences are? I really would loved to know please.

Sugarboyy:
What a weak man you are
He should go and apologize to his in-laws?
Well, men have become so weak and that's one of the many problems of today's society and you have shown to be one of these weak men

I have responded to him already, I told him that I won't and will never apologize.

It hurts me more realizing that those (the men) that their daughter have born more than 2 - 3 kids are not tasked with anything, no single billing, absolutely nothing. Where as I and the other in law that did right by getting married to their daughter are the ones that they piled billings for.

Lekan239:
lol. Can u imagine I clean over 3 sentences I have written only bcus I think with wat u write up there, u don't deserve my response. U be mumu

Please type them, I'd really loved to know your opinion regarding this. Please.

ObalendeCMS:
Damn!

Your in law is one big nasty family.

I'd suggest you find a way out of that family & leave their "USED" daughter for them

I guess you are from that other side.

I'm trying to leave this marriage, it's really not easy, I'm trying all I can but no single positive hope in sight yet. Absolutely none.

Sleekfingers:
You said, you were forced to marry her. That's a terrible mistake from your end.

If you don't mind me asking you.,. How old are you?

In my opinion, they see as a weak person and their milking Cow . You better end the marriage, before it is too late .

I'm 30, I got married to her 9 months ago, I was 29 then.

It'd be difficult and nearly impossible for me to end the marriage, she isn't in any way ready to let go. The only condition she has accepted for the marriage to come to an end is the fact that we'd both still be fully together after returning her bride price which I rejected, anything short of this she'd become a tigress whenever I talks about the discontinuation of the marriage.

Angelawhite:
I’m sorry but Wetin carry you go family full of baby mamas ?

You have two choices, quit the marriage or foot the expenses. As long as you are married, you are still entitled to some expenses by tradition

Please enlighten me so I would know what to do and not acting out of ignorance. Is the list or goat compulsory? Because a friend told me that the only thing in laws are mandated to take care of is the digging of the grave. I really wish to know if the list or goat is compulsory, most especially the list because only heaven knows what they intend heaping on it for me to buy.

salem1996:
Force you to marry how?

You wanted to get her pregnant and leave the responsibility to another man then later call her a whoring single mother in the future right?

We want to enjoy the pleasure of flying from a plane down to the ground, yet blame the ground for making us feel the pain...

Leave the responsibility to another man how? I'd have surely taken care of any responsibility in this world regarding the child, I'd never ever have dodged any of his responsibilities.

Prophetkelly:
Baba, your outburst at your In-law place wasn't necessary and a very hurtful one to your wife. If she has any dignity, this should be the deal breaker and everyone should go on their own.

I can only imagine the kind of trauma your child will be going through everyday seeing that his/her parents are always quarrelling to the extent of beating eachother; holding shirt/slapping.

If you pack out of the house and never return, will she hold you like you're claiming? If you're not longer interested..pack out of the house, notify her people to return bride price and if they don't, that's their problem.

Because what is this? You people are now disgracing Una sef for outside.

The house is mine, I've been having difficulty moving out. Nevertheless I'm currently in contact with some agents, I'm looking for somewhere to rent. Surely it'd be the end of this month and I'd be out of the house.

Regarding our child, he's still very young, just 4 months old. So he still doesn't know what's happening.

Regarding her dignity, she will never ever leave no matter the humiliation. Never.

SeriouslySense:
its okay to let them know you cannot be a scape goat for billings. Don't let them fustrate your life.

Simple, thank you. 🙏

airsaylongcome:
You don eff o! You eff up. I can understand not wanting to bear the burden of the funeral, but to go cast your wife? Na big eff be that.


Plus which one is she forced you to marry her. Did she hold your hand to sign? Did she compel you to go see her parents? You see say her siblings dey born outside without drama from the dad and you decide to "born inside" when "I was not ready?". Na free bride price? Abi the bride price na installments you dey pay am?

She didn't forced me to sign but she 101% compelled me to go see her parents, still feels like yesterday, I can remember the endless daily troubles she gave me back then back then, those period was totally hell for me.

promami:
You did well. Maintain your stance. You're a man.
Don't allow anyone manipulate you.
Ditch the woman you call wife since you're not attracted to her. This life is too short to spend it with the wrong person.
Avoid the woman too. This women dey overdo. She fit wan plan something wey go pain you...... including death. Just dey careful.

Thank you, I will be careful. She called me this morning and started talking about how I embarrassed her in front of her family and friends, then she hanged up. I went home this evening and I didn't see her at home, I've called everyone close to her and until now her whereabouts is unknown, her numbers isn't going through and her WhatsApp profile picture has turned white.

Nevertheless, I'd find out tomorrow what's really going on.

Forkthiefnubu:
Simp, you were forced into a marriage and u stayed there . God forbid bad thing

I'm not a simp boss, u really don't know what I went through during those period when she newly found out that she was pregnant. I saw hell and didn't know exactly when I later bowed to the pressure.

Crafteck1:
R u dumb, cant you walk away? Who are you trying to impress, no matter your effort humans would still say ur bad laslas u better do whats in your heart and be d bad person

You really don't understand, she won't let me go. She says she's sticking with me forever that she has already given birth, that she already has a scar when giving birth through CS, that I should make her whole the way she was before I met her that it's the only condition that would make her go.

I told her that there are women out that have given birth to 3 or 4 children through same CS that's she's hyping and today they are no more with their partners due to the fact that things didn't worked out. But she always insist that that's their own that she isn't going anywhere.

Daniiel:
Guy which kind family sef you go marry from ..... Naso her puna take sweet ni ..... You for take ur stand say you no go marry ...... I support ur actions bro .... Much amount shouldn't go on burial this trying times .... Who don die sef him no get worries where him dey

I won't have been married to her if not for her endless threats, problems and troubles she gave me during the period that she founded out newly that she was pregnant. Until this very moment I'm still blaming myself for not been able to stand my ground as a man by not bowing to such pressure in making such important life decision. It's really not about the punna.

Sharpsharp00123:
At times madness solves problems

Not only gentility

Exactly...

Procashtips:
Nothing is obliged of you as an in-law (Not even a title you want self)

Thank you, I appreciate. This just boosted my morale.

Maeve7:
I have just read half your post and I really have to force myself not to go ballistic on you.

She forced me into marriage. Did she hold a gun against your head?

She got pregnant even though I wasn’t ready. She impregnated herself? She stole your semen?

I want out but she won’t let me go. Did she lock you up in a cell?

Stop playing the victim card. You brought all of this upon yourself. Nobody forced you to shoot your semen into her.

So I'm the first person to get a woman pregnant? Wizkid that impregnated 4 woman how many did he married? Millions of men that did same, how many did they married??

Farrason:
Indeed, you sounded like someone under pressure. I believe as an Adult, no one can force you do what you will not want to do... You feel furious cos you think that your wife took advantage of you with the suicide thingy.

Grow bro... You shouldn't have gotten her preggy in the first place, who were you relegating her with the pregnancy to?

Now is the time to man-up. I believe no one in this life can pressure you unless you allow it.

The inlaws are not a problem at all. As an in-law, it's customary that you support in the burial if you can. So, just settle them what you can support them with and lock up. You are married already - None of them can do you anything again.

For marriage between you and your wife, You need to talk to yourself in clear terms... You feel your wife played you emotional blackmail - this is the issue here. You may be wrong... What if she meant it

Forget the expenses... I bet you, if your heart was in it(wife, baby, marriage), the money no be problem. More money will come. Amen

Remember the story of a lady who quarrelled with her fiancee and jumped off 3rd Mainland bridge... I bet he too called it a bluff.

Whether marriage met you settled or not... You have a baby on the line in it now.

My advice is act responsible ..... in what ever way "responsible" means to you.

I don't feel like she played me, she indeed played and manipulated me, by now I'd have been completely single like almost all of my guy's. Living my life to the fullest until I'm fully ready for marriage and it's responsibilities.

That aside, imagine my wife telling me this morning that how much is goat? That I'm complaining about that they're talking about life and I'm complaining about money, if money can buy life etc.

I then responded that goat is almost 100k if I asked her to cough 100k or 50k if she'd be able to bring it. That because I normally gives her money occasionally she doesn't know the value of money and how hard it is to get.

We dated for two years before marriage and in those two years she only worked twice, firstly... In a bet 9ja shop which she worked only one month and stopped, Secondly in another bet 9ja shop, she worked for a month also and stopped, with the excuse that the manager in charge is controlling. Since then until date she hasn't done anything to earn money or knows how hard it is to earn it, I'll give her 13 to 15k for soup and she'd always complain that it isn't enough. She doesn't know how to manage.

Why? Because she doesn't know the value of money or how hard it is to make money in this current economy.

ezimo777:
My guy, u acted well...

U can't do morethan u should.
If anything happen, none of them go go to your rescue.
Greedy rubbish people

You hit the nail right on the head, early last year when I was struggling with absolutely nothing. I mean absolutely nothing, I don't even have as little as 1,000 naira as at then, I sold my Gen, my home theater, my dstv pan and decoder. Just to pay house rent, no one looked my side, not even 200 naira to assist me now because I'm doing well, they think that I've a tree that grows money that I'm plucking from.

pointblank247:
You need to apologise to your wife if possible in the presence of her family. Do you really know that gravity of what you said. How will she talk in the presence of other siblings with what you reduced her to. Even if you are not doing again, you should not have belittled the mother of your child(ren) like that.

Now to the billing
You should have calmly told them that you wouldn't do it. Without raising your voice..
If I were you I would go back and apologise to save the face of your wife and then tell them about the unacceptable billing.

I also will like to know the name of the state of your wife and if possible the name of her village

I won't apologize.

Nevertheless, she's Ilaje by tribe from. "Ikale" local Govt area, (don't know if I got that correctly) ondo state.

Procashtips:
You gave them the idea you were an ATM.

Exactly

Procashtips:
Wetin concern money with spiritual bla bla bla?

That should be for his biological children, not in-laws if it ever exist.

It's the duty of his children to bury him, not the inlaws. There's no tribe in Nigeria that expects inlaws to bury their parents.

NO TRIBE or ETHNIC group!

Don't let anyone use spiritual whatever to scare or intimidate you.

Are you without a family that you're this naive?

I have a family. Just that I'm the fearful type, small sound dey even dey shock me and my heart wound be racing rapidly, how much more something spiritual. Nevertheless, I fully understand now and know what to do, thank you so much.

angelboy01:
Lol. I don't know what you mean by my wife is holding me down? Are you saying if she wants to drag you into fire you will follow her because she holds the will power over you? Always remember as a man you are the one with the will power and nobody can ever hold you down except yourself.

You really don't know who I'm married to, she's so stubborn and always does what's on her mind. She always reminds me that forever is the deal and no going out of this marriage. I'd have left long ago, since I'm not in anyway happy.