₦airaland Forum

Your unresolved traumas can adversely affect your self esteem and make you doubt yourself.

Your unresolved traumas can make you accept just anyone because of the voices from the past that made you believe that nobody will love you because you are not good enough .

Your unresolved traumas can alter the way you see things in a negative way.

Your unresolved traumas can make you feel insecured and paranoid.

Your unresolved traumas can make you choose lesser to greater because you feel you're not worthy of a good life.

Your unresolved traumas can make you accept disrespect and abuse as a normal thing.

The effect of trauma is like untreated infection that lives under your skin,causing you pains and embarrassment,until it is diagnosed and well treated.

It doesn't matter how successful or strong that you're,if you don't resolve the effects of this trauma it would destroy what you have built.

Freedom is making peace with your past, in other to move on to a brighter future.

My first advise to her would be to book a session with a relationship/marriage counselor,who would help her analyse the situation and to start her out on the path of healing.

I said so because from the information she gave ,it is very obvious that she's finding it difficult to initiate the healing process on her own and to move on, which is now affecting her decision making process. So she would really need somebody to help her.

Also,the imposter syndrome she feels is a strong indication that the pains and hurts are still very fresh in her and that has really affected her self esteem.

Personally,I would have asked her why she feels unworthy of this new suitor.
1)Is it because of fear that the six abortions she had could be an issue if she marries this guy?
2)Is it that she is afraid of committing to any guy again because of her hurtful experiences?
3)Is she afraid that the guy will dump her or divorce her in marriage if he gets to know the whole truth?
4)Does she even really like this guy? Has she carefully analysed her past to see what she could learn from her naive reaction to her last break up?

The idea is to get to the root cause of this issue before given any prescription.

So you can see that giving her a general solution in this instance will not do her any good. I wish I could be of help to her,but it is her right to sit out with whoever she trust and discuss this with the person.
I wish her all the best and I trust she would be fine.

The reason why you are suspicious of everything about the opposite gender is because of too many negative stories you have heard about people in marriages and sometimes your own past negative experiences in relationships or marriages.

It is not your fault that you can't believe anything different, because the trauma of your past and many negative testimonies of others have altered the way you see things.

We always make guesses in life by matching known patterns to new experiences. If you were betrayed in the past, despite being good and kind to people,your new reaction to any relationship is fear and distrust.

However, if you're not observant to recognize that your past trauma is seriously affecting your relationship presently,you may end up destroying what you have.

We all treat people in a certain way based on our past experiences,which maybe negative or positive. It is bad if it is negative, as that can ruin our chances of maintaining healthy relationships or managing people.

First, through deep retrospection identify patterns that exist in your life,which could be traced to a particular past trauma.

Secondly, forgive yourself or the people involved who caused you such heartbreaks. If you don't forgive them,you will keep getting angry and justifying your actions; which will make you to remain stuck in that loop of past experiences and make you never to trust and commit to anyone.

Forgiveness will aid your healing. What you forgive will have no power to break you again. What you refuse to forgive,will continue to diminish your peace and affect your every decisions. Understand that certain heartbreaks teaches us how to value good people and gives us feedback on how our decisions (right or wrong)molds our destiny.

Lastly, give yourself time to heal. Looking for a rebound will not help you to heal,rather what you have refused to learn from in the past will keep showing up all over again.

If you don't heal properly before entering another relationship, the same mistake will recur.

If you don't evaluate your past trauma and heal from them,you would think that you're jinxed in life, because you will continue to get a particular outcome and blame others for it. This is why some people wonder why every good person that enters into their life leaves unexpectedly and they will end up saying,love is not for them .

Past traumas are a big deal.Deal with it before it destroys you.

The reason why you are suspicious of everything about the opposite gender is because of too many negative stories you have heard about people in marriages and sometimes your own past negative experiences in relationships or marriages.

It is not your fault that you can't believe anything different, because the trauma of your past and many negative testimonies of others have altered the way you see things.

We always make guesses in life by matching known patterns to new experiences. If you were betrayed in the past, despite being good and kind to people,your new reaction to any relationship is fear and distrust.

However, if you're not observant to recognize that your past trauma is seriously affecting your relationship presently,you may end up destroying what you have.

We all treat people in a certain way based on our past experiences,which maybe negative or positive. It is bad if it is negative, as that can ruin our chances of maintaining healthy relationships or managing people.

First, through deep retrospection identify patterns that exist in your life,which could be traced to a particular past trauma.

Secondly, forgive yourself or the people involved who caused you such heartbreaks. If you don't forgive them,you will keep getting angry and justifying your actions; which will make you to remain stuck in that loop of past experiences and make you never to trust and commit to anyone.

Forgiveness will aid your healing. What you forgive will have no power to break you again. What you refuse to forgive,will continue to diminish your peace and affect your every decisions. Understand that certain heartbreaks teaches us how to value good people and gives us feedback on how our decisions (right or wrong)molds our destiny.

Lastly, give yourself time to heal. Looking for a rebound will not help you to heal,rather what you have refused to learn from in the past will keep showing up all over again.

If you don't heal properly before entering another relationship, the same mistake will recur.

If you don't evaluate your past trauma and heal from them,you would think that you're jinxed in life, because you will continue to get a particular outcome and blame others for it. This is why some people wonder why every good person that enters into their life leaves unexpectedly and they will end up saying,love is not for them .

Past traumas are a big deal.Deal with it before it destroys you.

Some people expects the worst in their marriages,even before they are married because of some of the negative stories they have heard about marriages, especially about the opposite sex.

They believe there's no lady or guy who can be fully committed in marriage.

This is the reason people are suspicious of their spouses even when there's no need for that. This kind of mindset can make it difficult for you to enjoy your marriage.

You're happily married, yet expecting that this beautiful dream will shatter into a nightmare.

It is possible to be happily married. That it doesn't work for Mr. A doesn't mean you too will be that unfortunate. Sometimes people are the cause of their failed marriages, or they played some major roles in the disintegration of their marriages. But when they're telling you the story, they'll blame the other party and exonerate themselves.

My point is ,what are those fears you have towards marriage. Better get rid of it, pray and believe that you will be among the happily married.

Don't allow your wrong mindset frustrate your spouse to be.

Hear me
Not all men are cheats!!
Not all women are promiscuous!!
Not all men are irresponsible!!
Not all women are rude and abusive!!
Not all men/women are the same!!

It is possible to be happily married.

Marriage is not the problem but marrying wrong. It is not a curse upon those intending to get married,rather a blessing.

The issue is the two adults who are yoked in marriage with the wrong attitude and mindset.

People disagree and fight even in a non marital settings, yet we don't tell them that socializing is wrong. So why do you think marriage is a scam even though opposite genders clash everyday even at home and in work places.

As you pray and search for the right one for you,also work on yourself to be the right one.

It is possible to have a good marriage.

Ladies should be careful with traveling a thousand miles to visit a guy they met on social media. I know there's risk in love,but some risk can jeopardize your life .

I know the guy looks cute,innocent, harmless, responsible and generous,but still exercise caution before meeting him in his house.

No matter your family problem don't allow people to use money as a bait to terminate your life untimely. Be cautious

Let your first date be in a public place, and take things slowly no matter the pressure he mounts on you. If he's too desperate to have you in his house,that should be a red flag that he might be up to something.

I remember inviting my ex classmate( a female) for a movie date. When she was on her way,she called me on the phone, that she had sent my phone number and address to her aunt, and that her aunt would call me. Immediately she saw me at the mall,she called her aunt, telling her that she had arrived and gave her details of the venue.

If I was planning evil for her,that action she took would make me think twice. Even though we were old time friends yet she still had to use her brain; because people change over time

This story about Celine and Afiba is very unfortunate. I pray that they would still be found. My fear however is that some people are alleging that they could be victims of organ harvester.

Some of them might be resigning out of fear, because with this level of political violence in River State,some of them maybe be getting threats to their life. It may not be out of loyalty to anyone.

A woman is happy over her marital status and some people are complaining, if she's not happy now people will still blame her.

Congratulations to her and her hubby.

Congratulations to them. The man of God also deserves a good wife .

My child started at the age of 2 in kg 1 going to 3 years in June. But before that we put her crèche for one year. The kg class has helped her a lot in learning how to speak very well and in identifying objects.

mrnwas:
It takes nothing much.
First you'll have to decide what to blog about.
Business
Fashion
Decoration
Lifestyle
Etc.

2ndly, you'll have to buy a domain name for your blog (Just don't buy till you've written at least 15 posts of at least 1000 words to post on your blog)

Then buy your hosting.

While the domain name is the address of your said blog, the hosting is the land on which you're going to build the blog.

Blogging requires dedication, grit and more learning to finally become successful. You'll need collaboration and patience too!

Please, how much will it take me in 2024, to buy a domain name and the hosting?