₦airaland Forum

Akpos went for interview

Interviewer: Tell me the opposite ofGood
Akpos: Hmm... Bad
Interviewer: Come.
Akpos: Go.
Interviewer: Ugly.
Akpos: Fine.
Interviewer: U're wrong
Akpos:U're right
Interviewer: Shut up
Akpos: Keep talking.
Interviewer: Ok now stop all that.
Akpos: Ok now carry on all that.
Interviewer: Get Out.
Akpos: Come In.
Interviewer: Oh my God.
Akpos: Oh my Devil.
Interviewer: U r Rejected.
Akpos: I m selected
Interviewer: Eish!!!! Akposl; Wow!!!!!

Doctor and Akpors
Dr: Do exercise daily for good
health
Akpors: Sir I play Football Cricket,
Tennis daily.
Dr: How long do you play?
..
.
.
Akpors: Until the battery in my
mobile goes down

Today’s lesson at school is Animal science
Teacher:wot is a baby lizard called?
Akpos: a baby lizard is called lizzybaby.
The Exam
During the exam, Akpors kept looking under the table,
then he would write on the answer sheet. His teacher
saw him doing that & thought he was copying. When
collecting the paper after the exam..
Teacher: I’m gonna minus 10 marks.
Akpors: Hiiaaa!! Why sir?
Teacher: For copying.
Akpors: How do you know that I was copying?
Teacher: I saw you looking under the table.
Akpors: *laughing* Question 9 said, “STUDY THE
TABLE BELOW “

Akpos Papa
Papa Akpos :- My pikin say you drive am commot for
school, Wetin he do
Akpos’ Teacher :- Your son no know book at all, He
no fit spell ” LION ”
Papa Akpos :- Ah Ah…You know say na SMALL
pikin……You for tell am make he spell SMALL
ANIMAL like ” MOSQUITO

Akpos wan
die?
A Warri tenant walked in & saw his landlord’s son
trying to commit suicide & a brief conversation
ensued:
Tenant: Akpos! Wetin you de do so?
Akpos: I dey try commit suicide, as Papa dey always
complain say my life dey worthless!
Tenant: That one no good now… but why you come
tie de rope for your waist?
Akpos: Bros, no be small thing o! I bin tie de rope for
neck, I NEARLY DIE!

ayobase: That was something else...keep it coming!
.
U have finally discovered ur talent..forget those bleeping tinz o!

these are not my jokes,I am not a comedian, they are internet jokes

Akpors, a driver who survived in a
tragic accident which rendered 49
people dead at the spot was
remanded in police custody to assist
in police investigation.. .
Akpors was interrogated
Policeman: …So akpors, how did you
end up killing 49 people
Akpors: I was driving @80km/h when I
saw two men crossing the road. On
the other side, a wedding was taking
place. I hit the brakes but they failed,
so I had to make a choice; either hit
the two men or run into the
wedding party.
Policeman: Hit the two men of
course!
Akpors: exactly, We think alike ooo! but
after hitting one, the other man
escaped into the wedding party, so I
went after him.
Na akpors fault ??

Girl invited her boyfriend over
for dinner in her house, so that he could meet
her parents.
While they were eating, it
started raining heavily. The girl’s mother said:
“Akpors, I think
you should sleep over here
because this rain
shows no sign of stopping
anytime soon” After eating the mom went to
the toilet and
the father went to sleep while
the girl went to
the kitchen to clean the plates,
when the girl and the mother returned, akpors
was no
longer there.
As they were busy wondering
where he was,
he came back really soaking wet. Mother: “Where were you and
why are you so
wet?”
Akpors: “I went home to get my
pyjamas!

Lwkmd

Okon (laughing): My friend (akpors) has stolen my girlfriend’s number
from my phone

John: So what’s next?
.
,
.
.
.
.
. .
.
.
.
.
Okon: The idiot is sending romantic messages to his
own sister.

AKPORS IN GHANA

Atongo was getting into the shower just as his wife was finishing up her shower,
when the doorbell rang.
Mrs Atongo quickly wrapped a
towel and rushed downstairs.
When she opened the door,
Guess who..it was
Akpors,their next-door neighbour.
Before she said a word,Akpors said,
"I'll give you Ghc20 if u drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment,Mrs Atongo
dropped her
towel and stood naked in front of
Akpors, after a few seconds,Akpors gave her Ghc 20 and left.
The woman wrapped back up in the towel
and got back upstairs.
When she got to the bathroom,
her husband Atongo asked her,
"Who was that?"
"It was Akpors the next door neighbour" she replied.
"Great" Atongo asked again, "did he give
you the Ghc 20 he owes me?"

Doctors r still tryin to revive Mrs Atongo insyd
Akoto lante polyclinic.

After English Exam

Akpors' dad: How was the paper?

Akpors: It was easy but question 5 confused me.

Akpors' dad: What was the question?

Akpors: Question 5 wanted the past tense of "THINK".
I thought and thought and thought but I ended up writing"THUNK"

Akpors enters Supermarket
to buy himself orange juice and
sugar.
He paid for the orange juice and
walked out with the sugar under
his arm, unpaid. At the door he was arrested and
locked up.

During the court hearing, the
judge asked him why he paid for
the juice only and stole the sugar? He replied "I
do not steal. At the back of the
juice bottle is said:
SUGAR FREE! You think I am
stupid or what?

Akpors is dying of cancer, but keeps
telling people he
is dying of AIDS.
His son asked Dad why?
He answered, so that when I am
dead, no one will
dare sleep with your mum.

Akpors updated his facebook status? thank you lord for making my boss to pay me my salary today, i'm very happy, soon gonna buy my chrismas shoe'... After updating his status, 32 seconds later he recieved a notification dat his landlord just liked his status..

n an examination Hall, Akpors suddenly takes
his question paper and started writing on d
floor. d invigilator came 2 meet him and asked why is
he writing on d floor?

He said question number 3
said "SOLVE WITOUT USING TABLE"

Akpos go join di Nigeria Army. After di hard training
wey im receive, Akpos successfully pass out from The
Nigeria Army. For pass out ceremoney na so oga
commandant dey assign posting.
Commdt: Ambali kuka!
Ambali: Sir!
Commdt: Posted to Kogi State.
Ambali: Yes sir, thank u sir!
Commdt: Muniru Sulaiman!
Muniru: Sir!
Commdt: Posted to Delta State.
Muniru: Yes sir, thank u sir!
Commdt: Akpos Ojong Itikoloko!
Akpors: Sir!!
Commdt: Posted to Maiduguri State.
Akpors: RETIRED SIR

Akpor is a boy who drinks his Boss' wine with impunity then adds water to cover his tracks. His Boss became
suspicious & decided to buy pasties (a French wine that changes colour if you add water;just like dettol). Unaware of this,
apkors, drunk the pasties as usual& topped it up with water. Immediately he added water, the pasties became milky & he
knew he was in trouble. When the Boss came
back & saw the changed pasties, he knew he had nailed apkors. Apkors knowing he was in trouble decided to stay put in the
kitchen when his boss came home. The Boss having told his wife what he observed now swung into action."Apkors!! !", he
called from the sitting room.He answered: "Yes, Boss".
"Who drank my pasties?". Apkors did not answer. The Boss asked again: still no answer.Then the Boss went
to the kitchen to meet him there:"Are you insane or what? Why when I call, you say "yes boss" but when I ask you a
question you don't answer me? "Apkors retorted, "hmmm Boss when you are in the kitchen you don't understand anything
at all, except your name""Is that so?" asked the boss, "Okay, go to the bar stand beside Madam,while I go into the kitchen; &
then, you ask me a question"Apkors accepted. When his boss was in the kitchen he shouts: "Boss"."Yes, Apkors" Boss
answers. Apkors then asks,"Whogoes into the maid's bedroom when Madam is not at home?" No answer. The boy shouted
again:"Boss, I say who sneaks into the maid's room when Madam is not in the house?" No answer. The Boss runs back
from the kitchen shouting"Wonder s shall never cease! Apkors,It is true,when one is in the kitchen,one does not hear
anything, except one's name."The wife now very angry, interrupted, "that's not true. It's a lie!Without argument." Apkors
asked if she'll enter the magic kitchen to be tested. She agreed.Apkors asks Madam,"Who's junior's biological father? Me or
the Boss?"Madam rushed out of the kitchen."This kitchen needs to be fumigated!!!!

Little Akpors was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his younger cousin - Okon asked him,
"How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen." Akpors responded.
Okon was amazed that he answered so quickly and asked;
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," Akpors replied, "all you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said:
'Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer'.

Conversation between Akpors and father - in warri.
Father: Akpors, I hear say WAEC result don comot.
Akpors: Yes palee. You no go believe palee.
Father: Believe wetin?
Akpors: Palee, you know Emeka? Emeka, that chief pickin wey dey always hammer first since JSS 1?
Father: Yes.
Akpors: D guy fail!
Father: Shooo?
Akpors: Palee, that na small na. You know Chinedu, wey dey cometeach me for this house? The guy sef fail!
Father: [in shock] Why people come fail this year na? Shooo?. Nah wah o. So, wetin u get?
Akpors: Palee, Shooo? Like say u no understand wetin I bin dey talk. I say Emeka fail. Chinedu fail. Where you wan see my own, I be witch?

Akpors caught his Dad red
handed wit d maid.

Dad told d son take dis #500 & dnt tell ur
Mum pls.

Akpors answered,
But Dad dis unfair Mum gave me 1k wen i caught her wit d gate man!!!

LOBATAN

Akpors returns a missing purse to the owner in Yaba Market. The Lady was so grateful but when she looked inside, she got confused and said, "I had just a single #1000 naira note before but now there are ten notes of#100 hundred naira... How come?"

Akpors said "Na me change am, because the last time i help person find a lost purse she says she for give me something but change no Dey

AKPORS DON VEX

Teacher: can u see God?

AKPORS: No

Teacher: can u touch God?

AKPORS: No

Teacher: then u should simply know dat there is no God in heaven. stop decieving urself.

.
.
.

AKPORS: (clears throat) ma can u see ur brain?

Teacher: no

AKPORS: ma can u touch ur brain?

Teacher: no

AKPORS: then that means u have no brain in ur f*cking head stop decieving urself

At work, Okon and Akpors were chatting:

Okon: Akpors, I have been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have exams next week

Akpors: oh!

Okon: For example, do u know who Graham Bell is?

Akpors: No

Okon: He invented the telephone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this

The next day, the same discussion took place:

Okon: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?

Akpors: No

Okon: He's the author of The Three Musketeers; if you take night courses, you would know this

The next day, once again:
Okon: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?

Akpors:No

Okon: He's the author of"Confessions"; if you take night courses, you would know this

This time Akpors got seriously irritated and said;"do u know who Adewala Azeeze Saremekun is?"

Okon: No

Akpors: He is your neighbor screwing your wife since five months ago. If you stop taking night courses, you will know this!!

LOBATAN!!!

On aweding day, the pastor asked the usual question; ''anyone who feels the couple should not be joind in holy matrimony should speak now, or forever remain silent'' Akpors raised his hand.seing him the bride fainted and when she was revived,the pastor asked Akpors, ''why did you raised your hand,''

Akpors replied, ''i just want tell u that we can't hear u well from the back"