₦airaland Forum

A conversation btw Akpors and his wife Ekaette

Akpors: honey, i have a problem at work

Ekaette: point of correction, neva say "I" but "WE". We are one now, your problem is my problem

Akpors: ok honey, our secretary is pregnant for us

Akpors and Gideon entered a chocolate store. As they werebusy looking, Gideon steals 3 chocolate bars. After leaving the store, Gideon says to Akpors: "Man I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me, u cant beat that". Akpors replies: "You want to see something better, lets go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing." So they went to the counter and Akpors says to the Shop keeper: "Do you want to see magic?" Shop keeper replies:"Yes." Akpors says: "Give me one chocolate bar." The shopkeeper gave him one, and he eats it. He asks for the second, and he eats that as well. He asks for the third, and finishes that one too. The shop keeper asks: "But where's the magic?" Akpors replies: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them.

Akpors ave been absent from
school for some weeks and his
father ave been telling him to
go to school. His class teacher
decided to check on Akpors to
knw why he ave been absent.
That faithful evening Akpors
father was well sitted outside
nd Akpors playing around d
compound (here is the
conversation btw Akpors and
his father)

Father: Akpors is dat not ur
teacher coming?

Akpors: yes dats true oo

Father: you better go and hide
inside so dat he doesn't find
u playing around and u knw u
ave been absent frm skul

Akpors: papa, u're the one to enter and hide

Father: why?

Akpors: becos I told in school dat u're dead

n a class of primary skul student d conversation go thus :-

Teacher :- who want to go to heaven

all d student raise up their hand except akpors

Teacher :- akpors why are u not raising up ur hand, dont u want to go to heaven

akpors:- my mother told me to come home straight after school.

Hon Patrick Obayaigbon and Akpors (A station attendant)
Hon Patrick Obayaigbon drives into a petrol station in his sleek, state of the art rangerover sports:
Patrick: Guy, give me full tank (in Benin Lang.)

Akpors: I only speak English, sir.

Patrick: Ok brother, good morning. I currently feel a profound desire to replenish the propellant of my motorized automobile. Therefore I cordially request you to transfer from your subterranean reservoir a sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the brim.

Akpors fainted!

AKPORS A.K.A MR FACEBOOK

Teacher : What will u do after growng up?

Akpors: Facebooking

Teacher : No! I mean what will u Become?

Akpors: Admin of facebook pages

Teacher : O My G0d! I Mean what will u Achieve after u grow up?

Akpors: Facebook Admin Rights

Teacher : Idiot! I Mean what will u do 4 ur Parents?

Akpors: I'll create a page for them on facebooK. "I Luv Mom n Dad

Teacher : Stupid! What do ur parents want from U?

Akpors: My facebook password

Teacher : Oh God! What is the purpose of ur Life?

Akpors: Facebook but never face a book.

Akpors Goes Into A Chemist, Reaches Into His Pocket And Takes Out A Small Bottle And a Teaspoon. He Pours Some Liquid Into The Teaspoon And Offers It To The Chemists Assistant.

"Could You Taste This, Please? The Chemists Assistant Takes The Teaspoon, Puts It In His Mouth, Swirls The Liquid Around and Swallows It. Does It Taste Sweet? Asked Akpors. No, Not at All Says The Chemists Assistant."Good ," Says Akpors. The Doctor Told Me To Come Here And Get My Urine Tested For Sugar.

Teacher gave an assignment on drawing to draw any nice pic. Afta 5 mins Akpors submited a blank page.

Teacher: wat did u draw

Akpors : a cow eating grass, sir

Teacher: bt there is no grass here

Akpos: the cow ate them all

Teacher: now where is the cow?

Akpos: there was no more grass so the cow lef

PRINCIPAL: Why Were U Absent Yesterday?

AKPORS: I Attended A Burial

PRINCIPAL: Hmmmm ! Akpors The Professional Lateness Specialist, Nothing Will Stop Me Frm Punishing U. Now Answer Me......Who Died?

AKPORS: You See, The First Son Of The Cousins Of My Grand Mother's Youngest Nephew Who Is Also The Youngest Step-Brother To The Woman Who Gave Birth To My Uncle's Youngest Step-Son and He Was Also........... ...!
PRINCIPAL: Alright.....Alright. ..Oo!...Thats Enough...Oo!.. Just Go To The Class!

Akpors father bought a lying detecting robot,that
slaps anyone telling lies. he
decides to take it
out when the family was having
dinner.

DAD: akpors, where were you during school
hours?

AKPORS: i was at school & then the
robot slapped
him. he then said i was at the cinema.

DAD: What were you watching?

AKPORS: Cartoons, again the robot
slapped the boy
and the boy said sorry i was
watching porn.

DAD: When i was your age i
didn't even know
what porn was, suddenly the
robot slapped
the father.

MOTHER: Hahahaha haha, afterall he is your
son, the robot turned to the
mother and
slapped her.

Suddenly, Everyone stopped eating and
looked at each other.

AKPORS IN A BIBLE STUDY CLASS

TEACHER: What is the surname of Lazarus that Jesus rose from the death?

AKPORS: COMFORT

TEACHER: Why did you say?

AKPORS: Read your bible carefully sir, when Jesus called Lazarus he included his surname

TEACHER: How?

AKPORS: He called with a loud voice saying "LAZARUS COMFORT"

An angry wife (Ekaitte) 2 her husband (Akpors) on phone.

Ekaitte: Where the hell are you? ...

Akpors: Honey, u remember dat gold shop where u saw the diamond
necklace & totally fell in luv wit it?

Ekaitte (relaxed): Yes, my king

Akpors : remember I had no cash 2 buy it 4 u dat day & I said I will
buy it 4 u one day?

Ekaitte (totally relaxed with a smile & a blush): Yes I remember my love!

Akpors: Good, I am in a beer palour next to that shop!

Everybody in d church is calling their Pastor Daddy apart from Akpors. He calls d Pastor by his name and dis irritates d Pastor.

One good Sunday, d Pastor called Akpors to come to d pulpit and tell d church his reason of adressing him in a mannerless way

Akpors starts: James, if I am calling u Daddy, ur wife is automatically my Mummy, dat means am like Odewale in (The gods are not to blame) who is sleeping with d mother. Akpors continues: if I call u Daddy, it means am committing incest by sleeping with my sister ur only daughter.

D Pastor fainted....

Laff Arena
Akpors was walking past this
house when a used condom
comes flying out of the second
story window and lands squarely
on his head.
Rather disgusted and absolutely
furious, he goes up to the front
door and starts pounding on it.
An elderly man opens it and asks
him what caused him to knockso
loudly.

Akpors asks,
"Who's in your upstairs room?"
The elderly man replies,
"I can't see how it's any of your
business. But, since you must
know, my daughter and intended son-in-law are upstairs."

Akpors hands him the used
condom and says,
"Well, I just wanted you to know that your intended grandchild fell
out the window!"

Na banger

PrettyRita: It is getting more interesting. Will Buhari run to Minna and beg IBB? What dooes IBB have in mind? What dies he know? Hmmmm, I hope Buhari is not the sponsor of these boys? IBB we dare U, expose him

who think is sponsoring boko haram before?

noblezone: I don't need to be on the finance sector to know that Sanusi is wrong.

So wrong that I want Soludo back.

you will never lack anything in life, God will make greater andd you shall be succesful in life for making this comments, infact goodness,mercy,favour shall follow you

Sack sanusi,Sack sanusi,Sack sanusi,Sack sanusi,Sack sanusi,Sack sanusi,

Seun: I support Sanusi on the "new" currency policy. It's simply the most practical way to reduce the cost of cash management. I also support his decision to keep a low profile this time, since people won't understand that this has nothing to do with inflation. Uneasy lies the head.

which useless support are you talking about, why can't the US dollars change like Nigeria change naira like cloths, Sanusi do not know anything, I can now see big diference between education and common sense, do you think pure water traders will sit on coins for long, they will be soon be selling pure water for 50 naira or eradicate pure water totally and all that would be left is bottle water and some other close cheap produts will do the same