pek:
Typical. I was waiting for this type of reasoning and for you to go defensive. Tanks can not be the short form of thanks. They mean two different things. Is it the same reason you have so many grammatical errors? I know you go school.

well if u are talking about mistakes like
hear instead of here, aloud instead of allowed, hill instead of ill, week instead of weak ,which have made corrections to, then yes mistakes like that do happn when u type.give me some credit bro

pek:
Thanks not tanks. Always start your sentence with a capital letter. In my earlier post, I forgot to mention the narrative part. It is confusing. You are using the first person narrative and third person narrative.

looooolz.bro i go school now.its just that am a bit used to the short hand kind of writing and about the narration part,initially i started with the first person narrative but later had to change it to third person narrative because of the twist in the story, started editing from the begining, places i use i in the story i had to change them to he or even use the name tunde, and places i used we initially i changed them to they, you can read tru the pages again, have made the corrections.i guess u dont read other peoples comments you would av seen were i was discussing it with luckymay.gracias

boyo123:
ok thank you sir.can you point them out to me so i can correct them .

Luckymay:
Nice story Boyo. There s something i noticed. U knw, u used urself as the subject of the story and since u were kidnapped, there's no way u 'd have known wat transpired between funke and dayo, unless someone told u. So i suggest u act as the narrator of the story as in use a fictions character. Instead of "I", use "He". Am not a student of literature, but that's my opinion though. All in all nice story. Following..........

pek:
You have a nice storyline. I had to finish it because it was suspenseful. That being said, storyline alone is not what makes a story interesting. There are many other things involved. Your story was bland. It lacked the basics. Your punctuation is almost non existent. This is one of the reasons your story is bland and don't flow. You need to punctuate according to make the sentences meaningful. Another great turn off is your spellings/ choice of words. I am surprised of the homonyms you were using. Learn to use the right words. You used hear instead of here, aloud instead of allowed, hill instead of ill, week instead of weak, as instead of has, etc. Please take my corrections in good faith.

Luckymay:
Nice story Boyo. There s something i noticed. U knw, u used urself as the subject of the story and since u were kidnapped, there's no way u 'd have known wat transpired between funke and dayo, unless someone told u. So i suggest u act as the narrator of the story as in use a fictions character. Instead of "I", use "He". Am not a student of literature, but that's my opinion though. All in all nice story. Following..........

tanks guys for ur contributions,its was stressful going tru each lines of the story again but thank God have been able to see some of the errors and corrected them, also have changed the story to a narative the way luckymay said .pls feel free to call my attention to any other mistake u find.gracias

aolumaxi:
the spellings sir, take note of them.... does nt those

ok thank you sir.can you point them out to me so i can correct them .

pek:
You have a nice storyline. I had to finish it because it was suspenseful. That being said, storyline alone is not what makes a story interesting. There are many other things involved. Your story was bland. It lacked the basics. Your punctuation is almost non existent. This is one of the reasons your story is bland and don't flow. You need to punctuate according to make the sentences meaningful. Another great turn off is your spellings/ choice of words. I am surprised of the homonyms you were using. Learn to use the right words. You used hear instead of here, aloud instead of allowed, hill instead of ill, week instead of weak, as instead of has, etc. Please take my corrections in good faith.

please check my last update and see if it what u want me to do.those it look better?

pek:
You have a nice storyline. I had to finish it because it was suspenseful. That being said, storyline alone is not what makes a story interesting. There are many other things involved. Your story was bland. It lacked the basics. Your punctuation is almost non existent. This is one of the reasons your story is bland and don't flow. You need to punctuate according to make the sentences meaningful. Another great turn off is your spellings/ choice of words. I am surprised of the homonyms you were using. Learn to use the right words. You used hear instead of here, aloud instead of allowed, hill instead of ill, week instead of weak, as instead of has, etc. Please take my corrections in good faith.

please check my last update and see if it what u want me to do.those it look better

pek:
You have a nice storyline. I had to finish it because it was suspenseful. That being said, storyline alone is not what makes a story interesting. There are many other things involved. Your story was bland. It lacked the basics. Your punctuation is almost non existent. This is one of the reasons your story is bland and don't flow. You need to punctuate according to make the sentences meaningful. Another great turn off is your spellings/ choice of words. I am surprised of the homonyms you were using. Learn to use the right words. You used hear instead of here, aloud instead of allowed, hill instead of ill, week instead of weak, as instead of has, etc. Please take my corrections in good faith.

hmmm nice comment bro.like i told someone ealier ,i will appreciate if someone could show me how to puntuat correctly. and about the spellings.pls padone me for that ,i was writing in a hurry thats y,tanks for pointing out those mistake i will work on them.thank u i really appreciate once again

Tunde was standing with fear in his mind when capon said “ how much were you paid ?, I believe you must have been paid a lot of money to come here to hunt me down” in a pleading manner tunde said “ please! am not a detective am only here on holidays from the u.s ,I don’t know anything about what you are saying I swear “ capon laughed and said “ tell me something else please because you suck at lying, you know what I don’t really have time for all this shit ,I just need one thing from you! but it’s not like am giving you a choice though you must do it except you want to die! and if you run away mercy will die!” tunde’s suddenly remembered that funke was mercy so he said “ ok sir! ,I will do anything !,any amount you want sir !“ capon frowned and said “ who is talking about money , well let’s leave that money part we will come back to it , but the major thing I want you to do for me is that , you will work with me on how to set trap for osama!” .


Funke with the help of osama and dayo had come up with plans on how to attack the base of the scorpions ,osama and is men just acquired some new guns and cutlasses so they are more confident and ready to fight, so the plan was to go there very early the next morning to attack the scopion's home, although funke and dayo are not going to take part in the fight, they are to park their car at a distance and get ready to escape with tunde when he has been freed, Luckily for dayo ,the day was a public holiday so he doesn’t have to worry about work.


Funke woke up very early the following day to get ready, she cleaned one of her small guns and kept it in a bag, it wasn’t long after that, she heard horns of cars outside her house, she peeped and saw that it was dayo’s car along with a bus and 2 other cars which she recognized as osama and his gang, she immediately left the cloth she was folding and joined the guys in the car.



Tunde was still sleeping when a loud gun sound woke him, he could hear sound of movements outside the room, suddenly there were shouts of “ haaaaaa!!!, yeeeeeeeee!!!, eying!! , emaku leni ni!!” the door to the room flung open and capon rushed in , he dragged tunde by the collar and said “ so una done plan am abi ? he slapped him a couple of times before pushing him out of the room using tunde to shield himself.As they got to the sitting room of the house ,tunde could not believe his eyes , he saw some of the guys with injuries , most of the wounds were not gun wounds it looks like knife or machete wounds , he looked at the door and saw that about 3 guys were there with a big cupboard behind the door, then suddenly he heard another shot” booooom!!” and everyone in the room quickly went to the ground,he heard capon shouting “ where my men they, you done alert them? “ looking at the direction of one of the guys ,then the guy replied “ they are coming boss!!, they are on their way!!! “.



The struggle went on for another fifteen minutes before noises started coming from outside, capon ordered those inside to go fight outside and help those members that just came while he will be at the back, they opened the door and tunde saw guys that are covered in blood, some holding cutlasses and the others were holding knifes ,capon pushed him forward so he could hide at his back. On stepping outside ,tunde saw how a guys throat was slashed , he tried to run but capon dragged him back putting a knife to his throat, a guy was trying to run when someone threw a knife at him ,the knife hit him on the head and blood started rushing out,the person that threw the knife came closer to him took the knife from the floor and inserted it smoothly into his stomach, he made it look so easy, he acted like he has done that a million times. tunde didn’t realize that someone was coming to attack them suddenly he felt something moved passed his face ,he quickly looked and saw that It was a knife, the guy lunched at him again the second time but before he could touch him capon had sliced a knife through his throat, but the guys knife still touched him slicing the side of his ear.

Dayo sat in his car outside funke’s house thinking of how he could save his cousin “why can’t I just go to capon and beg for the release of tunde? ,why do I have to team up with this girl? ,what if they involve me in the whole matter again” he later made up his mind to team up with her after weighing his  chances, he got out of the car and went to the door.


Dayo was sited across the room from funke where she was narrating the incident to him when they heard a horn from a car outside ,she excused herself then went to the window to check the car before going outside, dayo was wandering who its was but did not ask.few minutes later funke came in with osama and dayo couldn’t believe his eyes.



Tunde was sitting on a iron chair with both his hands tied to the back of the chair,he was a little weak from the beaten he has received from the guys, moments later the young man that was at the gate while they were coming in walked into the room, he was holding a bottle of water in his hands when he said “ you care for some? “ holding the water up, tunde looked up at him then said “ yes! , thank you , God bless you “ but to his surprise the young man said “ amen “then tunde thought to himself “I don’t think this guy is like the others?, why did he say amen” then  the young man helped him put the water to his mouth ,after drinking the water , he said thank you again and the young man started leaving,before the guy could leave the room tunde quickly asked him” can I ask you some questions? please?”  but the guy looked back at him and said “ am sorry am not allowed to talk to you “ then he left.



About forty minutes later the young man came back with another man to the room, they raised him to his feet by dragging him by the hands then walked him out of the room. As they walked along the  other rooms in the house tunde kept peeping inside each room ,the first room they passed by was filled with about 8 guys  some smoking while some were sleeping, about two other guys  were gambling in one corner of the room, the second room was occupied by three young girls , that were dressed in skimpy cloths while they all sleep, the last room as its door closed, they could hear sounds of music from inside the room  and also the smell of weed , tunde could surely differentiate between the smell of a cigarette and the smell of a weed because he clubs very well so he had knowledge of everything .As the young man opened the door ,what he saw shocked him. A   light in complexion man with tattoo on his back and neck was having sex with a girl right there on the bed that was put on the floor, the girls moan was covered by the sound of the music so no one could hear her, tunde couldn’t watch so he focused his eyes on the radio in the room, the other guy that took him in with the young man looked at him and gave him a slap on the face , then point to the bed and said “ look there!” .



About ten minutes later, the man stood up and put on his trouser ,he looked at the raps of weed beside the bed  then took one and gave it to her, she smiled, smelled it  and walked out of the room , then he lighted one of the other  weed   and started smoking it, the man sat on a chair close to the bed but facing tunde and the other guys then said “ so na you be detective? “

Luckymay:
following bumper to bumper.

ok dear

Luckymay:
u welcome

ok dear.i will update some tomorrow

Luckymay:

wow, and u were able to come up with this. I admire ur intelligence. Keep up the good work pls. Take it gradually, with time u'd be done with the editing and modification. Tnk god u 've not gone that far with the story.

i just discovered this part of me although am still learning how to use the punctuations sha.i really appreciate you guys for understanding honestly

Luckymay:

tnx for ur understanding dear. Wish i cud help with the editing, but then; i wish u more strength.

thanks so much.i will.be editing it gradually, i just finished editing the first page.i would have known too if i had been a literature student,my course of study no even near there at all.

Luckymay:
Nice story Boyo. There s something i noticed. U knw, u used urself as the subject of the story and since u were kidnapped, there's no way u 'd have known wat transpired between funke and dayo, unless someone told u. So i suggest u act as the narrator of the story as in use a fictions character. Instead of "I", use "He". Am not a student of literature, but that's my opinion though. All in all nice story. Following..........

wow,this is the best comment so far.i will surely do that sis. thanks sooo much i really appreciate ur comment. have started the editing from page 1, although it will take time because there are lots of places i used i

they drove for about 10 minutes more before arriving at a house with a red gate, the guy that was driving hit the car horn and few minutes later someone opened the gate from inside, as the car drove in he observed the house from the broken car window and saw that its wasn’t a very big house, just moderate, it shouldn’t be more than a 3 bedroom apartment.


As the car came to a halt, he saw a young guy around his early 20s or barely 20 years of age closed the gate behind them, he then came to the car window and said “ o boy? ,who bust this window na?” the guy sitting beside tunde got  out of the car but pulled him along with the neck of his shirt, “na that craze woman wey I tell you” he replied him, pulling tunde out of the car with his collar then dragged him into the house .



Funke broke down in tears after watching the car speed off, she would have followed it but there was no car or bike around at that moment, everyone had ran for their life after hearing gun shots, she was about going back into her shop when she noticed that tunde’s phone had dropped on the floor while they were beating him, she picked it up and entered into her shop. Funke picked up her phone and dialed osama’s  number, osama is the leader of the rival cult group that has been protecting her, his phone rang a couple of times but he didn’t pick so she sent him a text message explaining what happened and requesting to see him,she was confused and didn’t know what to do  so she packed her things and locked up the shop for the day.


She got home later that evening crying , she regret ever getting him involved in all her messed up life, then the  thought of letting dayo know what happened to his cousin came to her mind so she checked for his number on the tunde’s phone then dialed it, “ brotherly! how things” dayo said into the phone, she didn’t know what to say at first but later she found her voice “ no its not tunde, its me funke” she said , “ funke?, what is it this time around?” she was a bit nervous to tell him but she finally said “ tunde has been kidnapped by the scorpions” dayo with his usual inpatient attitude shouted “ I knew it !, yes I knew something as happened! , when you said its you that’s calling I know you have succeeded in getting him into another trouble, and he is so dumb and stupid ,he would listen to me!” she cuts in and said “ will you please leave all this sermon and lets figure out how to get him out of this problem?” dayo hissed and said” oh now you need my help!, you need us abi? Us?, I thought I was useless and all I do say is rubbish and now you need my help” she cuts in again”dayo what is the problem with you ,cant you just act like a man for once and stop talking much , honestly this your talkative attitude is even worse than your bad temper” those words touched him, he somehow realized that he as been talking too much indeed ,so he said “ you need my help and you are still insulting me?, honestly if not because he is my cousin I wouldn’t move and inch !“ she hissed and then said “ I don’t think you have anything good to offer self” then dropped the call , some seconds later the phone rang and she picked it “ i will stop by at your place when am coming back from work” then he dropped the call. Immediately he dropped he dropped the call , a call from osama came through to her phone , she picked and he said “ mama , i saw your message “ she relaxed and said “ how we go come take do am now osama“  he gave a long "hmmmm"sound then he said “ I go show for your house this night”.

martinsmartest:
u deserve an award bayo

thanks bro.and i also want a way i can write for money

nocad:
"by the time we finish you ehnn, your country people nor go sabi you again"

lolz.that made u laff right?

dherbee:
This is EL-MAGNIFICO

gracias

daprincel:
the way u describe the hot slaps got me all cracked up. Intriguing story, keep up the good work

lolz.tanks bro

femzysticks:


please how can i reach you

email or mobile

you can send me a mail.its on my profile .tanks

whitecloth:


ahba my brother, that is not hypocrisy at all, yes I detest sexual content in novels, but I won't lie to you, the intrigue and suspense in the novel kept me bound to read it to the end, I have to scroll down on some myself, I mean what I've just said.

Peace

tell them

Olaide59:
Nice one bro. Waiting patiently for the next update

lolz.tanks dear.av missed you

As they walked out to the entrance, Two young guys with very rugged looks were standing in front of a car outside the shop. one of them  was heavily built while the other was slim, they were both wearing red bandanas on their heads, as  they moved closer and one of them said to the other one pointing to tunde “ you know see say the guy na cat, him get nine lives?” he was shocked and didn’t know what to do ,he looked at funke and she was steering at the guys with anger fully written on her face, he held her hand but she jacked it off him and went back into the shop ,like the guys knew what was about to happen , they quickly rushed tunde ,the  slimmer guy slapped his face so hard that he fell to the ground ,the other one put some sharp blows to his waist making him scream for help  but no one could come near, they handcuffed him, Then quickly lifted him from the ground , opened the car door and pushed him inside , one of them stayed with him at the back sit while the other ran to the front sit to start the car.


As he was about to start the car they heard a very loud noise “Boooooooooom!!!” the side window of the car immediately became shattered, they all covered their heads so as to avoid being injured then the guy sitting  beside him shouted “ go!!,go!! ,go!!,go!!” as the guy started the car and moved ,they heard another gunshot but this time no glass was broken but they still bowed their heard so as to avoid being hit.  


After Driving for like 10min the guy driving said ”I tell you say she get gun, that  woman na craze woman o!!!” then the other guy still breathing hard said “ I swear!na craze woman she be,she nearly get me sha, that bullet pass my front ni o!!” tunde was still in shock from everything that happened but he was hearing what they were discussing , with fear in his voice he asked the guy sited beside him“ was it funke that shot at the car?” but to his surprise ,the guy hissed and gave him a hot slap in the face, tunde covered his face almost crying  then the guy said “ who ask you make you talk ehn?, who ask you? , look up my friend!” he looked up at him , he could see that he was almost crying then he laughed and said “ o boy see person o, I think say them talk say you be American detective? , detective na him come they cry like this?” tunde blinking seriously now he wanted to say “ I no be detective” but he didn’t finish the word detective before feeling another  hot slap on his face taaawayyyi!!!!” this time around he couldn’t help but just burst into tears , the pain was too much for him to handle. at this point the two guys busted into laugh ,then the one driving said “omo so all this things wey this oyinbo people they do for film no real, see as their detective they cry like baby, them no tell you say naija na rugged country? By the time we finish you ehn  your country people no go sabi you again!!” at that point tunde knew that his suffering in the hands of this people just began.

Weirdman:
Good job...bring it on br0

thanks bro

michaelmo11:
Boyo, nice story. Keep it up

tanks bro

tunde got out of the hospital a few days later but he was lonely, his boss had already called to inform him that he could take his time to recover well before returning, but he knows that there was no way he would go back to the u.s without having the urge to go back to work, he loved his job , so the only option was for him to stay back and fully recover before going back, but most importantly he was reluctant to leave funke, he was more in love with her than ever but at the same time his life is in danger.

  "What are these people showing for Gods sake!" angrily he switched off the television, brought out his cousins laptop to browse but yet he couldn't find anything interesting to do there so he shut it down too. now lying down on the chair he thought " its not as if everything is boring , funke was the reason why everything was, everything i watched , everything i read seems to remind me of her and this tends to make me miss her more " he got up from the chair ,looked for something to put on before heading out to her shop.


  tunde came outside the gate wondering if he should walk or take a bike, the memeory of how he got hit was still fresh in his head so i dreaded walking on that street, he looked around and saw a bike coming, he allowed it to get really close to him while he observe the face of the rider very well before signaling for him to stop. he stopped and got on it, less than five minutes later they got to her shop ,he paid the bike man and walked in, funke was picking something's from the shelf for a customer when he got in, and went straight to one of the other shelf's to pick some snacks, he watched as she moves back to the counter to calculate how much the money was, after the customer left he took the snacks and moved to the counter, on getting there, he could see that she wasn't surprised to see him , she looked up from the table and said " well when did you get out?" he smiled and said " or when did i get in here? " still not smiling she said " I saw you when you came in" tunde laughing now he said " wait, so you saw me and you pretended like you didn't " he could see that she was trying so hard not to smile as she said " well I see everything that goes on around here" " wow that's cool "was his reply, " so will you answer my question now or you are still wandering how I saw you?" she asked ," you self , ok I got out on Tuesday, I wanted to call you but I already know what your answer would be" she folding are hands around her chest now she said "and what is that? ‘ he smiled and said "well maybe you have not heard of the saying that, never take for granted the feelings of a good woman,am really sorry funke, I didn't mean to behave like that towards you" she smile a little , he looked her in the face and said" come on lets see it, I can see that you have been forcing back the smile for a while now ,just let it out" she smiled more revealing most of her teeth, covering it now she said" you are funny " he winked at her and said " well that's what God created me for , specially to make you smile" she laughed a lot more then when she later caught her breath she said " wait wait, am the ones that is suppose to apologize for the way I acted that day, am really sorry ,those insults from dayo really got to me " tunde forming a cool guy now he said " it's ok dear, let's just forget it, but really you be strong woman o" she smiled and said " strong indeed!, if you see me when I got home that day ehn, I cried all night " . they talked a little longer then he said , I need to go home now am starting to feel weak,the doctor said I shouldn't stress myself much " she quickely took some provisions off the shelf bagged them then ,using her hand to indicate that she seeing him off,  as they walked to the entrance of the shop what he saw shocked him.