₦airaland Forum

Bro, the first five years of marriage is sometimes characterized by lots of trials, temptations and "tribulations" one of which you're dealing with now. There's perhaps more to this than you know and your wife is not telling you about. I'm tempted to say she may be listening to a more "superior" voice for her to be locking her phone and insisting you let her know when you want to access it.
Also, you need to accept the fact that you now live in a foreign land that (may) favour women more and that puts you at risks and disadvantage of losing more.
I suggest you have more intentional conversations with her. You can first start by asking her what she fancies about her colleague, what she thinks is missing in your marriage and what you can do to fill in the gap, id she has thought of the consequences of her action and the effect on your son etc.
On your own part, begin to compliment her looks especially when she's dressed for any outing (including work), consciously occupy her time when she's at home or off work by gisting/gossiping, "netflix and chill", dates, walks/strolls, help out in the kitchen and other chores.
Oh lest I forget, make sure you engage her frequently and have lots of s*x in different parts/corners of your apartment spontaneously with either clothes on, partially on or unclad (with your son out of sight) and show "no mercy".

1. If the wife is working class, Is it expected that the man pays 100% of the rent?
ANS: Yes. You are expected to "chest" the full rent. That's 100% your responsibility. Remember you took her from her father's house where she knows nothing about paying or sharing rent. However, wisdom dictates that you get an accommodation that's within your means and make projections for future increase.
2. If the wife is working class, is it expected she contributes towards children school fees or the man pays 100%?
ANS You pay the school fees 100% bro. Again, choose a school you can afford and get the termly bill and pay directly yourself. Make no mistake of giving her the money to pay. If she does pay, it should be voluntary or freewill and ensure you reimburse her as soon as you can. However, if she's "magnanimous", she may take care of some things like the child(ren)'s lunch pack/box(es), extra clothing etc.
3. If the wife contributes financially, is there an expectation that the man does chores? (Ps I don't want to do any chores in this life apart from occasional cooking lol).
ANS This can occur especially of your spouse is not the "domesticated" type. She can use it as an opportunity to "rope" you into doing chores. That's when you'll be called to "bring out the food in the freezer to microwave for yourself or the children because she's running late getting home". Trust me, women have ways of making you do things you ordinarily will frown at but you won't due to the circumstances. However, try make yourself useful when at home by taking on some chores intermittently like clearing cobwebs , help iron her clothes for church while she's in the bathroom , clearing and washing dishes together as a way of bonding etc.
4. If the wife contributes financially how does it affect the decision making in the family?
ANS You don't get to make decision by fiat but through dialogue and compromise (which can sometime hurt your ego)
The last question is ONLY for married men who share bills?
I don't share bills with my spouse but she supports voluntarily especially when she senses I'm not financially buoyant and I make up for it in KIND.
5a. Do you feel respected by your wife when you share bills with her?
ANS During my "downtime", I had to reorientate my mind that she was earning her money with my name and what she
*5b. If you don't share bills with your wife and she keeps 100% of her earnings to herself, what do you think is the purpose of a woman working?
ANS Don't go into marriage with this mindset bro. Women want some level of "freedom and independence" including their finances. Let her spend her income the way she deems fit. That's a way to know if she's a good or bad with finances and to what extent you can trust with your finances or that of the family.

As an added bonus, I suggest you both have this conversation not with the mind of sharing financial responsibilities but to build and secure your future financially. Have a goal or plan and be committed to it wholeheartedly. For instance, if you earn more, you can suggest to her to use her income to run the home while yours is put into capital projects like securing landed properties, setting up and running a family business etc.

All the best.

Respect her wish/desire and stay away from her.
DON'T make any attempt to reach or contact her and ignore if she does.
You too, try and stay without her. You'll be fine.

First foremost you need to assure her it's not her fault as she didn't walk into it knowingly.
Next is to take her for medical tests for STI/HIV to know her status including pregnancy test. If the outcome is all negative, encourage her to stay chaste. If positive 9in any way), immediately seek medical attention. All this should be done in a public health institution and well documented preferably a General Hospital.
But a more critical aspect of this whole debacle, is to encourage to speak out and get her parents to be supportive and report the matter to the Police or Lagos State Domestic and Sexual Violence Agency (if it happened in Lagos) for investigation.
While cases or rape are difficult to prove in Nigeria, with concrete evidence(s), justice will be served correctly.
All the best.

Casham:
My cousin just told me last night that she just got raped on Sunday afternoon/evening (6th July, 2025).

I stay with them for now. She's 18, the first of two daughters and was still virgin (as far as I know). Her only [older] brother is in school.

She's been acting funny since on Sunday evening. She couldn't hold it in anymore and, since there is no one else she could actually confide in, she confided in me. Now she's begging me not to tell anyone and not to cause trouble. She only wants me to help her get a drug (if any) that will prevent pregnancy.

She told me about the man coming to see her in her mother's restaurant and said she was going to talk to the man about getting me a job, but when she went into his car, he forced himself on her.

Honestly I am angry right now! I am angry at three things:

First, I am angry at my family. I have a family where the children are afraid to open up, because if you do, you will be blamed and castigated upon. I understand her fear and apprehension about letting other people know, but I just can't let this go.

Secondly, I am angry at our society. How can a man confidently feels he can force himself on a lady and get away with it? What kind of society do we have?

Thirdly, I am angry at myself. I am angry because I feel helpless. I can't let this thing go. I have to deal with this man, but I don't know how to do it without putting my cousin in a difficult position. I have tried to let her know that it is not her fault and that the man needs to pay for this, but she's been begging me to just let it go. She only confided in me because she's really scared of getting pregnant.

According to her though, there was never any real penetration, but the man (who is a high ranking government official) actually "released" ON her, not IN her. (Does that even make sense?)
How can I handle this issue right now? For me, I am planning to go all out and let hell break loose and let the heavens fall if they have to.

I'm the one who has influenced her.
Now she loves starch and banga soup with fresh fish served in earthen wares (clay soup bowl).

Deeprooted:
I don't know if this should be here or in the family section.

About 5 years into the marriage, my wife been able to influence me into not being a fan of meat 🍖🥓 generally. The last time I had meat was around 3 years ago.

This is basically because my wife does not like meat, she has been able to get me so much in love with fish 🐟🐠.

Na you influence your partner abi na the other way round?

Pictures for illustration

I strongly believe that the Nigerian military authorities know exactly what to do to end this menace that has led to the loss of innocent lives, wanton destruction of properties and displacements of tribes and peoples from their ancestral homelands.
Until they decide and takes the very action needed to end this carnage, the killings will continue (unfortunately) with little or no resistance.

To the software gurus in the house, kindly recommend trusted, robust and scalable software that are predominately used in the Nigerian hospitality industry.
Thank you.

Another stat showing women live longer than men.

Men, take very good care of yourselves and live your life to the fullest to the glory of God.

Morbeta11:
https://www.visualcapitalist.com/ranked-top-25-countries-with-the-highest-life-expectancy/

A needless war.

ubest1:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQbFTNM308c?si=Vd91jotpJXQGxpye



https://edition.cnn.com/2025/06/03/europe/ukraine-crimea-bridge-russia-underwater-intl?Date=20250603&Profile=CNN+International&utm_content=1748953860&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook&fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR7OS-TYOvlMFYX0Ghe7pnMrFbnBdAYrssMNfFDPxq1Uwn5D54ejLY9JnAWwSw_aem_te34p2L6_My2de3144K67A

[quote author=Racoon post=135542852][/quote]Roger Moore all the way.

Ernie and Byrd of Sesame Street.

[quote author=TouchNfollow post=135468944][/quote]

The Pope is from Chicago.

The "prezdent" scholed and lived in Chicago.

The "prezdent" has criminal records in Chicago.

Is there more to this "invitation"?

TimeManager:
https://dailytrust.com/fani-kayode-reacts-to-tinubus-handshake-with-pope/

Vegetable soup under $2.
You're a good resource manager and probably a die-hard bargain hunter.
Meanwhile, how many portion did you get from this?

Sunisonflex39:
Good evening nairalanders, it's me again.
Here is the soup made with #2,900

Let me not bore all of you with big big talks

Meat #1,000

Water leaf #250

Ugu. #250

Kpomo #500

Isam #200

Crayfish #100

Oil. #400

Onion #100

Knorr cube #100


To be young bachelor is not easy o..we learn to cut coat according to size...

Rate my cooking and management jare..
Let me manage Nigeria economy

It'll be nice to hear the type/kind of music she's DJ-ing.
There are Gospel DJs who vibe only Gospel songs.

ExAngel007:
https://alexis.lindaikejisblog.com/photos/shares/VideoCapture_20250501-123551_1746099918.jpg


https://www.instagram.com/reel/DJG-zA4szRL/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading

The Police effort is commendable albeit this form of operation should be extended towards combating banditry, kidnapping and terrorism.

Wealthoptulent:
E don set! GREED won't let Nigerians WISE, ahoof!


Ahoof dey Run werin again?
Belle dey run now, una dey look for Phlagyl !

I've once been "arrested" for driving one-way somewhere in Mushin some year ago. When I told the "Olopa" that I could not have driven one-way with a sign, he parked me aside, asked me to get down to show me the sign. Lo and behold, the one-way sign was inside a gutter. I burst into laughter while the "Olopa" looked at me with all seriousness and said "I go see how you go laff wen you reach station". I had to call a contact from Ilupeju Police Station to come help me out.
It's just about harassment and extortion with these set of people.

Oh my goodness. This is just so sad.

anthonyuncle:
Commit suicide naw.
Why waste time telling us you want to do it?
You think your suicide will make her change?
Do it and see your ghost watch her move on faster than you thought.

Oga!
Go and have a shower.
Take a stroll to a motherless babies home and sing san da li li li with the kids for 2 hours.

🤣🤣🤣

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to my nairalanders family, God bless you all in all ramifications. I know some will be familiar with my stories here, if you are not, you can visit my profile to get familiar.

My girlfriend have been living with me for a month now and reason I took her in was that she was kicked out from her friend she shared an apartment with and got no choice than to accept her briefly pending when she gets her own accomodation.

Initially I thought it will be beneficial she staying as I expect her to support but she is sole dependent on me even knowing that she works and earn well.

Now the narrative is changing as this my girlfriend is getting too relaxed, comfortable and looks like she doesn't want to leave again and want us to live together. At first I wanted this cos I expected she will also contribute in the house but I noticed she has been keeping her money to herself despite her working and depending on me solely and making me take husband responsibility that I have not signed for.

She is kinda lazy even despite her living with me, I still do my chores, clean and attimes cook. She only do these once in a while. There was a time she wanted to do her laundry, our dirty cloths was in the basket, she picked only her own dirty cloths and left mine to wash her own alone, I was surprised she acted that way despite the help I rendered for her.

I was divorced 2years ago and don't even want to think about another marriage any time soon cos of the issues, stress and responsibility involved in marriage, now it seems this girl is driving me to that route which am not even ready or prepared for.

The last time I told her to get her apartment before this month end, she didn't take it well with me, she started crying and manipulating me emotionally. To myself, even if you want us to live together as couple atleast I should know your parents and do something on your head to prove that we are both married but truth be told, am not ready for such for now, am not ready for marital commitment.

Pls house, advice me on how to navigate through this situation, how can I get her to leave my apartment nice, as it is now, I don't even care if her leaving will be the end of the relationship, cause I remember she mentioned that if she leaves, she won't come to my house again never I just want to have my place to myself so I can plan and focus with the little am managing instead of her adding to my responsibility which am not st for.

Pls if you have once been in this situation, kindly drop some tips and advice that will help me out on this cos it's giving me sleepiness night and I don't want to treat her harshly or rudely. I will appreciate all you inputs

There's no greater revelation you can get than this to confirm she's not for you. How can a red flag be more red than this?
You must be decisive and insist she moves out to get her own place and not give in to any form of emotional blackmail or manipulation except you're ready for another future divorce (which may be worse).

naptu2:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bruce_Onobrakpeya

Indeed, one of Nigeria's and Africa's brilliant finest artist in modern and contemporary times.
God bless your day and new age Òse.

As I see it, Nigerians have become "endangered species" both home and abroad.
Where's the respite?

If he cannot walk on "sinful ground" on which ground does he want to drive?
How such people have followers is what I still don't understand.

For the first, Akpabio has spoken the truth.

As it stands, you qualify as a millionaire if you own or ride a keke.

The day any govt in power in Nigeria takes the bold step to indigenize or "Nigerianize" all South African assets and investments and restrict diplomatic relations, there'll be no end to all this rubbish from SA towards Nigeria and Nigerians.

A reputable commercial law firm located in Victoria Island is in need of corporate drivers for urgent employment.
Requirements
- Male
- Valid and current Drivers’ License and necessary driving documentation
- Must be resident on the Island or it's environs (between Lagos Island and Lekki environs)
- Must be in good health
- Not more than 35yrs old and no underlying conditions
- To start work immediately if necessary requirements are met
- Knowledge of travel routes in the South-West will be an added advantage.
- Two references with government approved ID cards

Interested and qualified candidates should send their resumés in either words or pdf format via email to; edgestonecareers@gmail.com.

A corporate law firm located in Victoria Island, Lagos seeks to recruit the following;

JOB DESCRIPTION – SENIOR ASSOCIATE, DISPUTE RESOLUTION
Office Location: Lagos

Position: Senior Associate

Sector: Legal Services

Reporting Line: Partner, Dispute Resolution, Advocacy & Tax

Experience: 4-7 years

Candidate must have general experience in a broad range of dispute resolution and advocacy matters with specific understanding and experience with assisting clients navigate knotty issues.
SKILLS AND COMPETENCIES
· In-depth specific knowledge of dispute resolution and legislation relating to briefs handled by the Firm e.g. Investments & Securities, Foreign exchange, Capital Markets, Mergers & Acquisitions, Banking & Finance etc.
· Ability to initiate and conclude all processes and trials in a matter with minimal or no supervision
· Ability to identify potential legal issues or pitfalls in matters and advise suitable case management strategy.
· Ability to see tasks through within timelines with minimal or no supervision
· Ability to manage own workload and that of Associates
· Uncanny eye for detail.
· Excellent communication skills: oral and written
· Ability to architect strategy along with leadership skills
· Excellent analytical skills
· Commercially aware
· Proficiency with MS Office Suite or related software.
Competence to build and effectively manage interpersonal relationships at all levels of the firm
Supervise, train and mentor associates
· Appraise and identify skills gaps of associates and recommend appropriate training to fill identified gaps
· Interact with clients and provide updates on matters as well as latest legal developments within client’s sector

JOB DESCRIPTION – ASSOCIATE, DISPUTE RESOLUTION
Office Location: Lagos

Position: Associate

Sector: Legal Services

Reporting Line: Partner, Dispute Resolution, Advocacy & Tax

Experience: 1-3 years
Candidate must have general experience in a broad range of dispute resolution and advocacy matters with specific understanding and experience with assisting clients navigate knotty issues.

Experience and Qualifications
Self-starter
Strong problem solving and analytical skills
Ability to multi-task
Able to work independently and learn new tasks quickly
Excellent written and oral communication skills
Proficiency with MS Office Suite or related software.
People-oriented and results driven
Excellent active listening, negotiation and presentation skills
Competence to build and effectively manage interpersonal relationships at all levels of the firm

Compensation package is competitive. Minimum of second class upper from either University and Nigerian Law School.
Interested candidates who are available to resume as soon as possible or latest 1st September, 2022 should forward their application and CV in pdf or word document to either to edgestonecareers@gmail.com.

Shortlisted candidates will be contacted via email or sms.
*VACANCY*

An executive assistant is needed in a corporate law firm based in Victoria Island, Lagos.

Person must be a *young male* graduate with good oral, writing and organizational skills.

He must also be *highly ICT proficient* and live preferably on the Island.

Will be involved in generally organising the activities of the Partner within the Firm as well as with other agencies, professional and other bodies and organizations to which he belongs, which shall include:

- time management and scheduling of his activities and meetings (including diarizing his activities and sending reminders)
- taking instructions and dispatching and responding to letters/emails on the Partner’s behalf.

- maintaining records and files of the partner

- providing general administrative support to the Partner.

- the candidate must be a resourceful and driven person who is able ro work with little or no supervision.

Interested candidates should send CV in pdf or word document to edgestonecareers@gmail.com

fatdon2:
http://www.punchng.com/news/mfm-splashes-n91m-on-members-with-first-class/?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

OP, point of correction. The total number recipients was 108 and not 180 including 2 NYSC recipient of presidential award.

Also, the amount quoted is not correct as all the first class graduates from university got 500k while those of polytechnic got 300k.

OP, go ahead if that's your wish or plan at the moment and if you've found the right person that has agreed.

My parents had me when my Dad was few months to his 26th birthday and Mum a month to her 21st birthday.

Now, I'm seen as their younger sibling to outsiders.

He was already very comfortable then. Both of them professionals already working.

Wish you the best.

N3.5m? Your hubby must really think of you so cheap (trying not to say WORTHLESS).
He's the one that is WORTHLESS and should be "SLAPPED" to "SNAP" out of his nightmare.
He has just shown you his real person. He's got no shame and has no iota of respect or regard for you.
Play them both (hubby and boss) by recording future conversation(s), request that your personal bank account be funded before the "show".
Once you get the alert, call/text the he-goat boss and thank him for his 'kind gesture" towards your family and walk away. Worse case he'll sack hubby but won't be bold to ask for the money back. (I'm sure the money will be a good buffer for a while if well managed and invested)
But, if can't play them both, go report the poverty-stricken, sick-minded, lazy hubby to his parents and ask that they call him to order.

Archmed:
King Solomon jor!!
The scriptures cant be wrong!!
Person wey use raw gold build temple of God...na beans?

My thoughts exactly.