₦airaland Forum

@ blaise23.abj; thx 4 d advice. I hope 2 working things out patiently wt her. I`m quite a reserved person who hardly wants to put his personal matters on d "marital table" 4 disection. Seeking councel frm older couples may just b 2nd 2 last resort.

@ Efemena xy n dayokanu; thx 4 ur response. I know I`ll come out dis better soon.

@ debrief08; thx 4 d encouragement.

Gr8 responses so far. I appreciate all d critique n encouragement, cos its a learning process 4 me 2 see n understand issues frm a woman`s angle. @ ileobatojo; to answer ur question if she was like this before she started paying for things? The answer is NO. B4 now while in paid job, d level of respect n luv was far better than now. short of saying being revered. These days she seizes any oppotunity 2 cos strife and stiffle our relationship, beef me 4 days unending 4 ignorable issues until I find a way 2 break d ICE. I hope I`m wrong but I sense in my spirit she`s only hanging on becos of wat ppl may say if she were 2 do wat she REALLY wants. And I`ve told her a number of times 2 do d honourable thing if she`s overwhelmed and can`t take d "heat" anymore so as 2 avoid the scenarios dat is playin out @ d moment. In my reflective moments, I thank God 4 allowing pass thru dis season in my life 2 see d other side of ppl around me.
No disrespect 2 my spouse. I still n will always respect, luv n cherish her. She`s a beautiful, pleasant n nice person 2 be with on a "good day". Our marriage was not a compelling one in any way.
However, may I just add dat I have deferred d tuition fee n made provision 4 her requests as @ yesterday.

Sex is cheap. Cheaper than pure water.

@ ileobatojo n mrs. flawless. I sincerely appreciate ur candid responses. However, it was never in our plan dat we share responsibilities. It was n is still my responsibility 2 fend 4 my family and cater 4 their needs. All I asked was 4 her 2 keep d home front goin. As per house chores, I dont mean 2 brag, but I`m VERY domesticated 2 d core than my spouse which she admits. She has no qualms staying in an untidied apartment wt dirty dishes in d sink n stuffs litered everywhere (I don talk/councel tire). Presently wt 3 kids (2 in sch), I wake up early enuf 2 get dem prepared 4 sch n even do d dishes sometimes b4 d nanny resumes by 6:30am 2 help out and I set out 4 d days hussling if I`m not working frm home. She on d other hand runs shift so its not like she works d crazy long hrs.
As per d masters programme, I started while in still in paid job until n had plans on how 2 settle d fees. She was one of those dat encouraged me 2 do it b4 d turn of events.
And as per the scuffle, she angrily charged to walk away wen I snatched d fone wt which she was chatting or doin something wt after I had asked her 2 put it away so we could have a civil conversation over the issue. I had 2 hold n pull her back. And this is usually the case most times whenever I seat her down 2 talk. I have read in this forum of how wives get battered by their husbands 4 unjustiable reasons. I can assure u dat those men wld have committed murder if they tasted 5% of my spouse`s provocative attitude/habit sometimes (do disrespect 2 her). But I choose not 2 go d way of violence n it`ll stay dat way. (By God`s grace)

@ Airpure n Debrief08. Many thanks 4 your constructive n instructive responses. I totally understand her position and have on countless times reassured her of my sincere appreciation at every opportunity 4 d sacrifices she has made so far and promised to repay every dime expended for the time being (which I have done b4 in d past). I`v also purposed in my heart to leave a legacy 4 her as she has been of immense support. However, I detest quarrels especially over money issues. B4 now, while in paid job, I make provision for every expenses u can think of without asking her 4 any contribution as I wasn`t interested on how she spends her income neither do I ask her 2 account 4 it. I almost fumed d day she said she paid 4 NEPA bill n asked 2 desist frm paying any bills 4 d family on my behalf (then).
Every startup biz has its times of challenges n mine is over (in Jesus name). During dis period, I have earned income intermitently but d cashflow is not as regular like dat of paid job, hence her contributions. I`ve hidden nothin frm her as per my finances in d past n now. The issue of housekeeping did not arise wen we discussed d expenditure 4 income. It was later mentioned becos she had pay off an outstanding (not 4 me) n had not much left. But money came in between frm her biz and I suggested she makes do with dat in d meantime. Is dat enuf 2 warrant d insults (of all sorts) n threats? Besides, she said she has completely lost any form of respect/regard (if any) 4 me wen I made d suggestion. I dont order her around in any way cos I`m a great team player. Infact, my MIL has accussed me of spoiling her by allowing her have her way all d time.
The content n intent in our hearts is expressed in our words and actions.

The scenario;
My spouse of over 7yrs have been footing domestic bills on my behalf for 2 n half yrs (cos biz has been turf). I get a biz deal dat fetches barely enuf 2 take care of d kids sch fees n d rent which fell due (wt harrassment) n settle a few oustandings. Told her abt d deal n how d income will be expended. She requests 4 housekeeping money n I told her I`m on d verge of loosing out on my Masters programme in d UK due to non payment of outstanding tuition fees n such may not be able 2 accomodate dat 4 now as I intend to send some money to d sch to show commitment.
Meanwhile, she does business by d side wt some money in d coy`s a/c. I suggested she expends it on some items including d housekeeping. She shuts down my suggestion rudely (as it has become d norm) n queries why I shld "dictate" how her money in dat coy`s a/c shld b expended since she does not interfere wt how I expend wat comes in from my end on d other coy`s a/c.
Days later on our way back from church, I ask simple question n was rudely answered. I asked why dis change in behaviour wen we got home, she made me realize how angry she was @ me abt my previous suggestions. She accused me of neglecting her needs n being unreasonable. It almost resulted in a scuffle and she threatened dat one of us may see the creator dat nite. I responded dat her behaviour was just very unfortunate and asked if becos I`m not a violent n abusive spouse hence the misbehaviour? She then said if I was violent under the present circumstances, she wld have stabbed me to death and claimed self defence.

Questtions 1: If u are a married woman under this scenario, how wld u av responded or handeled the issue?
Questtions 2: Wat wld make a spouse nurse so much anger, bitternes and hate as to wanting 2 commit murder?
Questtions 3: Where did I faulter under d scenario and wat lesson(s) are to be learnt?

Response from the women in the house will be most appreciated.

Congrats. Mine was just after 3 months. Now they`re 5 & 4yrs and people think they`re twins cos they attend the same school and do most things together. You`ll need a lot of support from Oga tho. Was in it thru with wifey till delivery as I caught everything on camera (Always did for all 3).
Cheer up and go start antenatal classes soonest. Best of life.

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Cheers

@ poster, dis issues shld av been resolved/settled before now so as to know where things are goin. Lord av mercy. When xtian disagree over where to solemnize their marriage, we preach not d teachings of the Bible.
Pls I encourage all intending couples preparing 4 their wedding to sort out issues among themselves and stop running here for answers or solutions that may not help.

@ poster, frm all u said, seems u did not have a pix of wat he`s suppose 2 sell. Hate 2 sound dis, but be prepared 4 a shocker.
Likelihood is dat ur car has arrived, but accidented. He could be fixing it (2 wks is wat most panelbeaters take 2 work on them) and buying time.
From my sour experience, the car was delivered 6 months after. (after threatening 2 go 2 EFCC)
I pray dis is not ur portion.

@ Poster, obviously your wife`s reaction shows her allegiance to her mum and not you cos u did not state that she reacted in your defence and dat my friend is a HUGE minus. Why leave the home you pay rent on and inconvenience ya self while ur MIL n her daughter are feeding and feasting away aty ur expense. C`mon go back home and ask grandma 2 leave in the next 24 hrs or go to the police and report a case of physical assault, threat to life and property and get her arrested. Whichever action you decide to take, make it drastic and a warning signal 2 ur spouse.

@ Poster, Yes its possible. A friend (female) from Isoko got married to a Yoruba chap abt 6 months ago and they`re living happily ever after. All d best.

@ Poster, I suggest ur friend shld quietly disengage now dat he has the opportunity. It just wont work becos he`ll end up enslaving himself 4 his "in-laws" and not realise his dreams n potentials.

@ poster, Stop being childish and grow up. You have turned your r/ship into a competition. I feel sorry if this is how you conduct yourself in all your r/ships. The result is what you`re getting now. He may have moved (I wish)

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Kindly email us; info@edgestoneconsultingltd.com.

Regards.

@ poster, Try Micom golf resort in Osun state.

@ poster, Try Micom golf resort in Osun state.

@ poster, u`re more into his looks than his personality. Good for you to have seen some red flags. My sincere advice? BACK OFF or have your heart chopped into bits and pieces and fed to the dogs and come back to this forum to curse men.

Poster, u `re allowing your obsession blindfold you that you`re failing to see the enormous potentials for you to grab. Go ask any successful 9ja musician, there`s always a business side that makes the whole endeavor worthwhile.
You should be grateful that you have a business minded partner. If I were you, I`ll simply make her my business manager and probably tap from her skills. Amongst other thinngs, try make her see the prospect(s) in your project, let her have a say in how you can maximize sales and even promo. Who says she must know how to play an instrument for you to succeed?

I can go on and on to give loads of ideas you`ve never thot of on how to succeed in this but men, you have to pay me.

Quit cpmplaining and get off on a winning start

Listen to your parents for now, after the wedding listen to your spouse. All the best

Seems u did not have a hold on her. Truth is, she`s done with you. You move on and re-dedicate your life to God in whom their is no hurt but happiness.
Shalom

Never had any fear about going in to labour ward with my spouse. I even had the priviledge of recording the birth of my 1st 2 kids from when my spouse was in labour till actual delivery. The 3rd baby escaped my camera lens cos he came thru CS and the medical personnel would not allow me into the theatre. But I filmed him immiately he was brought out. (I hope this is the last one).

I intend to play it for them when they`re much older and make them see what they made "mummy" go thru to bring them into the world. (It`s just to make them appreciate mummy more).

A BIG thank you to all mothers who went in and out of the labour room safely with their babies in their arms crying tears of joy. God bless You.

The recent "tsunami" that swept across the banking industry seems to have caught up wit the telecomms industry. Globacom has begun a three phase tsunami cleansing exercise which cuts across all units/dept.
Pls don`t ask me for source. Make your enquiries and come back to confirm or dispute. In the meantime, some major casualties include the ED, Communication, Mr. Okon, Modele Sharafa Yusuf. The call centre is worst hit.

Pray for your friends and families working there to escape this unfortunate incident.

Why not ask the HR dept? Obviously, there`s none. We can come in and design one for them taking issues you raised into consideration and incorporating it. Send me a mail with the details of your company to; info@edgestoneconsultingltd.com.

But if there`s one and they are hoarding it, we can get a similar for you. It depends on how much are you willing to pay. Cheers

@ poster. While I do not advocate dovorce or seperation, I suggest you move out of the house for a while so as to get some "fresh air". Go stay with a relative or friend or hire a short-term accomodation (if you can afford it). You should consider your safety first and don`t hesitate to tell your parents and his as well. If need be, make an entry at the nearest police station. Better the whole world know how he`s treating you than keeping mute and God forbid you`re not around to tell your own side of the story.

Like they say in my place, "na play, na play laba-laba take dey enter bush". He could hit you in the wrong place and the story will change. Pls madam, na who dey life dey fit talk.

As for his misdeeds, he`ll get past it and realise how foolish he has been. Becos, "the cane wey dem take flog 1st wife dey corner dey wait for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th . . . . . . . . "

Keep him in your prayers and my sincere advice, NEVER consider DIVORCE or SEPERATION. God will see your through. Amen

If the house will accomodate N18,000.00 civil servants, then I will believe him.

Interesting post and responses alike.
@ Poster, I had a similar experience and was even worse. My mum from all intent was pretending to like her, but along the way, she blew up. This included both physical and spiritual attacks/confrontations. I was told some of the things you`re hearing now and even more. To the extent she said the girl would not bear children. (Na loooooonnnnnnggggg STORY)

In my case, if my dad had put up that resistance, no thinking twice, I would have opted out cos I see him as almost faultless.

Today, the story is different. The same girl is now my spouse who has given three beautiful and wonderful kids. My mum has been apologising for her past deeds and begging for forgiveness saying she did not know what she was doing. Now she takes pride in coming over to visit and spend time with her "darling daughter-in-law and beautiful grand children.

I guess they`re using the "death" story to put you on hold. (Don`t be deceived, DEATH is sure) so make your life worthwhile. Like I always say, Marry who you love or love who you marry.

God help you.

How well I know our newly employed day-time nanny and in-house maid? Not so well afterall. Just found that My nanny has a son who was involved in a fight and was shot at but did not enter. (Odechi). I understand she was kinda boasting about it. (She`s an Ijebu woman. No insult meant)

The name our housemaid bears (which we all call her), is not her real name. Says they keep changing names with each employer and the so called elder sister that brought her is not her blood relative.

I wonder how much is there to find out. God, Please protect our children. Amen