₦airaland Forum

I try not to comment on issues like this because there`s usually the other side of the story (which most times is not presented by the other party on this forum). I recall a similar scenario where the wife later came on to give her own side of the story leading to divided views.
@ OP. I suggest you have a decisive discussion with your wife on how to manage your family finances and agree on what is of utmost priorities and the consequences thereof. Request, examine and analyze all financial transactions relating to the business you set up for her. The business IMO ought to be a "fall back position" for you and your family pendng when things take shape again.
Divorce has never solved any marital problem. Just be the man you are and I pray that God should honour and restore you once again even unto higher grounds in Jesus name.

Saw this yesterday but had no time to respond/contribute. My answer ie YES. Just yesterday I my daughter of almost 6yrs (who looks 10) NEVER to allow me hear she was bullied in any way or any where or else I`ll give her the beating of a lifetime. Told her walk up to any bully and tear the bully a dirty slap the 1st time it happens. That way, the bully will stay clear of her.

AYANS4, I sincerely feel 4 u. f u were my biological sister, my human nature will ask me 2 tell u 2 walk away but my spirit man says otherwise. U `ll go down in history as one of the few modern women dat got married as a virgin in a world dat is so so corrupted. The least u deserve is a honest n sincere man 4 a hubby n a truly happy home n family.
However, pls ask ursef again and again, what and why did u marry dis man? If its 4 just procreation, then u re missing it. Becos other than dis, u seem ok wt ur marriage.
your story is similar 2 dat of a lady who while dating d hubby confided in him dat she had 2 D & C in d past. Now 3 yrs into d marriage, she yet 2 conceive and d hubby goes 2 his in-laws 2 reveal d secret d wife told him. She was so devastated she almost died of depression. Now upon further medical examit was discovered dat d problem actually is wt d hubby similar 2 dis scenario.
I don`t know how strong ur faith is, if only u just believe n trust in GOD. With HIM all things are possible. A good number of suggestions have bn made particulary wt reference 2 divorce, which not an option here. I`ll pray n trust God along wt u believing he `ll make a smile on ur face someday soonest.
Stay blessed Mummy.

Night Vigil

I and my spouse tidy our bedroom including dressing d bed (she does most times) even wen we had a maiden a couple of years back. D only persons allowed are our undergraduate kid sisters wen dey come holidaying.

@ OP. Since when did bank branch managers become board members to attend board meetings?
Just seeking attention I guess.

My RECONSTRUCTION;

Dear Sir,



APPLICATION FOR THE POSITION OF GRADUATE TRAINEE



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I have worked in the same University as the treasurer of management Science Students Association of Nigeria,(MASSAN) Faculty of Management Science where I quickly earned a reputation as a professional and conscientious worker with excellent personal -relations skills. In addition, I am target driven and result oriented on any assigned task. My other knowledge, skills and strengths include but limited to excellent and quality research analysis and ICT Skills such as Arc Maps, Oracle 11g data base, Linus OS, Microsoft Excel, Powerpoint and Microsoft Word.

My post graduation professional work experience include Polaris Digitech where I worked Briefly as a contract staff from Jan. 2xxx to Dec. 2xxx and Land Surveyors & GIS consultants as a systems operator from Jan. 2xxx to Dec. 2xxx.

I am a fast learner and confident with a large intellectual capacity for growth and development. I trust that you will find my qualification and skills resourceful to your organisation.

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Yours faithfully,

No. Its not healthy in anyway.The act of porn is ungodly so are those involved in it. A true Godly person with the sound and deep knowledge and application of scriptures coupled with revelations and insights will not be involved in such. its an addiction that`s takes a miracle to conquer. Why "watch" when u can also "play". U have a spouse, then "get down and dirty" with ur spouse. Even if u re feeling the urge to watch porn, pls in d name of JESUS CHRIST our lord and saviour who died 4 u n I pls don`t.
Oh lord, "lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil" (and destruction)

@ baba.me. Here`s what has been working for me. My spouse has 29 - 29 days circle. Ovulation takes place usually on the 14th day. Medical experts says to avoid conception, avoid sex 2 days b4 d ovulation date n 2 days after cos some stubborn sperm released dis period av potency to stay up to 48 hrs. So 4 me n wifey, its without any form of FP. This is so natural.
Advantages to the woman most especially; the woman`s reproductive system is spared of damages (don`t believe all the lies they say about little or no side effects of contraceptives), avoiding future complications associated with child birth, having a safe and enjoyable sex life (even after menopause).

Indeed its a punishment to the man IMO. I don`t reject my spouse`s food no matter the degree of quarrel and disagreement (besides, she`s s good cook and a caterer 4 dat matter). Not even sex. That makes me more unpredictable as my reaction to issues (when we have them) usually throws her off balance.
My advice to all married men, EAT her food and even demand of specialties.

@ OP.I initially didn`t want to comment on this but I`v changed my mind. My heartfelt sympathy 4 ur loss. However, my advice (tho not final and bindin) is 4 u 2 end the r/ship 2 stop commiting fornication/adultery. U re in ur 30`s which makes u still "marriageable" and "fruitful". If u truly believe in God and trust in HIM, u`ll meet ur new husband who `ll love 4 who u are. He maybe in the same situation like you. There so many cases of young widows who get pregnant outside marriage and its quite embarrasing. As a woman,I`m sure you`ll feel really bad if your late hubby was involved in an affair with a young widow. Pls my dear sister, God loves u so much 2 and does not want u 2 miss eternity. I pray for God`s grace and strength upon u and ur kids so u can find love, peace and joy again in Jesus precious name. Amen.

@ OP. Count urself among d lucky few who are privileged to download revelations and insights. Pls without wasting time, send her AWAY b4 she sends u away. Trust me, all househelps or maids have lots of stories to tell as how they became helps or maid. Do not get persuaded by anyone including ur hubby. I know how hectic it is in ur present situation. I suggest you get ur mum or M-I-L to come over and help in addition to the teenager you have @ home when you`re about to resume from maternity. Or better still, get a daytime Nanny who is much older preferably in her 40`s or 50`s.
The spiritual/physical havoc these domestic helps cause cannot be quantified as a lot of them a demonic agents on the spowl seeking for whom to kill, steal and destroy. Without further delay, EVACUATE am sharp sharp while u still can.
God `ll strengthen u as u do so.

Can`t help but laff @ all d hilarious comment. Pls keep dem coming. Wat a stress relief.

@op, pls b VERY wary. Things are happening these days that are not 2 b taken 4 granted. Just do all u can to allay or confirm ur suspicions. God help u.

Like someone suggested earlier, u both get off dis forum or any other and go fix ur marriage. This platform `ll further add more fuel 2 a burning bush.

Every failed marriage has its red-flag waving. We`re just too much "love" to spot them and deal with the issues. @ OP, IMO, ur marrying him inspite all his cheating b4 marriage is acceptance of his "terms and conditions". Beside, I think you cld av done a bit more to counter his behaviour (not by cheating). There are better ways to deal wt a cheating partner. I dont know ur work schedule, but maybe if u both rode in d same car to and from work, church and other outings all the time, it wld av minimized "lifting" other women. Insists he takes HIV test anytime he`s caught cheating (to insult his ego/pride) or he wears "rubber" b4 intimacy, create things/events/moments to occupy his time, showing interests in his likes (excluding cheating) and liking them as well.
We`ve seen and heard of so many serial cheaters worse than your hubby that ended up changed men that even became MOG. From your posting you seem to have this "do me I do you" approach to ur marriage (not judging). However, I believe if you had held on a little while you wld have been the wiser of the 2 of you. As its been said, 2 wrongs dont make a right and you both shld seek help (including spiritual thru prayers). Dont grant him the divorce, u both work it thru (I see that in you already) cos u both caused the "wahala".
I pray that God `ll heal you both to truly forgive each other and restore your marriage in Jesus name. Amen.

It depênds on a number of factors such as the age of your baby, your work schedule (and that of your spouse) and age preference of the nanny etc. I have three kids age 5, 4 and 2.5yrs old. My day-time nanny is almost 50yrs and a grandma, works from monday till firday from 6.30am till 5pm (sometimes more and we compensate). In some cases, we ask her to come baby-sit on saturdays if she`s not occupied (for which we compensate).
I chose day-time so I can bond with my kids as we attend to them most times, studying their growth patterns and having a feel of what goes on in our absence (cos we ask them). Goodluck on your search. Cheers.

Our client, an indigenous conglomerate is recruiting for the following positions;

1. Human Resource Manager

The qualifying candidate must have a minimum of seven (7) post graduate cognate experience 5 of which must be in HR position. An MBA will be an added advantage.

Other requirements

The successful candidate must be conversant with HR requirements of foreign embassies and countries and formulate HR policies to comply with the foreign countries. The candidate must be able to handle such matters without supervision.

2. A Transport Manager for the Group. The qualifying candidate must be a graduate with minimum cognate post graduate experience of 5 years, 3 of which must be in a managerial position of a good transport organization.

3. A Farm Manager to manage a palm estate in Ajanregbe near Ilesha in Osun state. The Applicant must be a graduate (preferably in Agricultural Science/Agric. Economics) with a minimum of 5 years cognate post graduate experience in the agro-allied industry who must have attained Managerial position in the last 3 years.

4. IT Manager. He must be conversant with installation, maintenance and monitoring of IT units particularly for transport organizations. The Applicant must be a graduate with a minimum of 5 years cognate post graduate experience who must have attained Managerial position in the last 3 years.

Interested and qualified applicants should send their resumes not later than two weeks from now to; info@edgestoneconsultingltd.com.

@ OP. Uve got a real BAD situation @ hand. Na play, na play LABA-LABA take dey enter bush o. I pray God 2 give u wisdom and understanding 2 handle dis well. 4 now, simply avoid confrontations, arguements, quarrels etc wt him. Answer him sir wenever he calls u, even wen he provokes u, take 3 long breathe, smile and simply tell him "u`re a fine man wt a good heart" (whether na true or not).
He`ll one day realize he`s so immature and childish and probably apologise. U`ll succeed.

OP. @ almost 30yrs of age, it is expected dat u`ve grown matured in ur reasoning and behaviour. A girl whom u claimed u luv almost got u into jail 4 molesting her (if actually u didnt), collected damages, made u go underground 4 months only 2 resurface after several yrs (wt plenty water wey don pass under bridge) and u still got intimate wt her later and even impregnated her shows how unserious u re wt ur own life (no disrespect).
Try imagine ur future wt dis kind of character as ur spouse. I dont think IMO dat there`s much 2 be desired. U`ve bn trapped by d pregnancy but wt an escape route. DO NOT MARRY HER. Or else u`ll come bacj here wt more woes 2 tell. I suggest u allow her keep d pregnancy and brace up 4 fatherhood. Do not fall dis ancient trick. All d best.

Those creatures made my uncle run into someone in 2009 whom they also stopped and the fellow eventually died in UBTH, Benin. After his oredeal, I swore to crush any of them that comes across my way. I encountered them in Nov 2009 and almost fulfilled that desire.
Note that they usually wait in ambush on bad portions of the road were motorist will slow down. Just face them on speed and they`ll clear for you.

@ OP. I suggest u simply go "scientific" by not having sex 2-3 days b4 n afta d day u ovulate during ur "circle". Was in similar situation like dis until my spouse n I worked it out. The key words here are UNDERSTANDING, DISCPLINE and SELF CONTROL. U both have 2 b deliberate abt dis. Consult a gyneacologist prefereably.
All the best.

Our client, an indigenous conglomerate based in Lagos is recruiting for the following positions;

1. Executive Assistants to the Chairman (Media and Secretariat Administration.)
2. Shipping Manager
3. Estate Manager
4. Administrative Manager

Personal Assistants to the Chairman

Qualification:

A first degree in the arts, social sciences and humanities. A master’s degree and or relevant professional qualification will be an added advantage as well as a good understanding of the media.

Not less than five years professional working experience.

Skills:
• Efficient
• Self-motivated
• Excellent organizational skill
• A good communicator
• Must be IT literate

Key duties/responsibilities;

• Read, monitor and respond to the Chairman`s email
• Answering calls, handling queries and booking meetings
• Preparing correspondence on the principal's behalf
• Commissioning work on the principal's behalf
• Liaising with staff, clients, etc.
• Managing the Chairman's electronic diary and organising travel and preparing complex travel itineraries
• Writing minutes and taking dictation
• Planning, organising and managing events and budget
• Attending events/meetings as the Chairman's representative

• Writing reports, executive summaries, newsletters and preparing presentations
• Preparing papers for meetings, managing and reviewing filing and office system and
updating websites
• Typing of documents, sourcing and ordering stationery and office equipment
• Managing projects
• . Performs other duties as assigned.

Shipping Manager

Qualification
• A degree in social sciences and a good knowledge in logistic management and the Nigerian maritime laws and regulations. An MBA will be an added advantage.

Not less than five years professional working experience.

Key duties/responsibilities;
• Monitors, on a daily basis, the inventory and codes of all products in the cooler to ensure proper rotation and traceability of all items.
• Engages in the typical responsibilities of a manager requiring planning, evaluating, organizing, integrating and delegating.
• Provides management of employees directly or through supervisors to ensure effective selection, retention, development, disciplinary action and performance management. If a collective bargaining agreement exists, may participate in negotiations, grievances or other contract related activities and discussions.
• Plans, directs and coordinates the activities of the shipping department in an organized, safe and sanitary work environment that is in compliance with the Company’s policies and government regulations.
• Coordinates the load out schedule with in-house distribution and outside contractors to ensure the timely and accurate load out and receiving of all products.
• Ensures all transactions are recorded timely and accurately, to reflect a correct inventory position at any time. These include shipments, donations, product loss and damage.
• Monitors and manages all aspects of employee performance.
• Ensures full compliance with all quality assurance standards, especially good housekeeping and overall cleanliness of products and work areas.
• Monitors and strives to achieve the successful attainment of the Sales to Service Metrics targeted.
• Contains and/or reduces cost and drives productivity within the department.
• Cooperates in a cross-functional manner as a change agent with all departments within the Company.
• Responsible for expense management and control, including labor and overhead costs utilizing Continuous Improvement techniques and a Management Operating Structure.
• Performs other duties as assigned.


Estate Manager

Requirement
• A degree in Estate management and a sound knowledge and understanding of property and infrastructure management

Not less than five years professional working experience.

Key duties/responsibilities;

• Vendor & Contract Negotiation and Management - Negotiate and manage all contracts, supervise work and review invoices for all outside serve providers including screening and overseeing outside vendors, contractors, construction projects, maintenance, landscaping, etc.
• Property & Systems Management - Implement schedules for all maintenance, staffing, accounting and services needed for all properties; system and procedure protocol development for all properties
• Budget Preparation - All related financial matters including accounting, budgets and payroll
• Security & Safety - Overseeing security for the entire estate of the organization.
• Performs other duties as assigned.

Administrative Manager

Requirement
• A degree in business administration, economics, accounting or social sciences. An MBA will be an added advantage

Not less than five years professional working experience.

Key duties/responsibilities;

• To provide administrative decision-making, support and leadership.
• To oversee the workings of the back office personnel, including all assistants.
• To manage the office budget and review the office expenditure often.
• To manage the work product and deadlines of subordinates.
• Scheduling of meetings, answering inter-office inquiries and communicates all operational data to management.
• Providing support for departments within the organization and provides support for any and all projects.
• Performs other duties as assigned

Interested applicants should forward their resume to; info@edgestoneconsultingltd.com.
Application closes on the December 21, 2012.

@ blaise23.abj; thx 4 d advice. I hope 2 working things out patiently wt her. I`m quite a reserved person who hardly wants to put his personal matters on d "marital table" 4 disection. Seeking councel frm older couples may just b 2nd 2 last resort.

@ Efemena xy n dayokanu; thx 4 ur response. I know I`ll come out dis better soon.

@ debrief08; thx 4 d encouragement.

Gr8 responses so far. I appreciate all d critique n encouragement, cos its a learning process 4 me 2 see n understand issues frm a woman`s angle. @ ileobatojo; to answer ur question if she was like this before she started paying for things? The answer is NO. B4 now while in paid job, d level of respect n luv was far better than now. short of saying being revered. These days she seizes any oppotunity 2 cos strife and stiffle our relationship, beef me 4 days unending 4 ignorable issues until I find a way 2 break d ICE. I hope I`m wrong but I sense in my spirit she`s only hanging on becos of wat ppl may say if she were 2 do wat she REALLY wants. And I`ve told her a number of times 2 do d honourable thing if she`s overwhelmed and can`t take d "heat" anymore so as 2 avoid the scenarios dat is playin out @ d moment. In my reflective moments, I thank God 4 allowing pass thru dis season in my life 2 see d other side of ppl around me.
No disrespect 2 my spouse. I still n will always respect, luv n cherish her. She`s a beautiful, pleasant n nice person 2 be with on a "good day". Our marriage was not a compelling one in any way.
However, may I just add dat I have deferred d tuition fee n made provision 4 her requests as @ yesterday.

Sex is cheap. Cheaper than pure water.

@ ileobatojo n mrs. flawless. I sincerely appreciate ur candid responses. However, it was never in our plan dat we share responsibilities. It was n is still my responsibility 2 fend 4 my family and cater 4 their needs. All I asked was 4 her 2 keep d home front goin. As per house chores, I dont mean 2 brag, but I`m VERY domesticated 2 d core than my spouse which she admits. She has no qualms staying in an untidied apartment wt dirty dishes in d sink n stuffs litered everywhere (I don talk/councel tire). Presently wt 3 kids (2 in sch), I wake up early enuf 2 get dem prepared 4 sch n even do d dishes sometimes b4 d nanny resumes by 6:30am 2 help out and I set out 4 d days hussling if I`m not working frm home. She on d other hand runs shift so its not like she works d crazy long hrs.
As per d masters programme, I started while in still in paid job until n had plans on how 2 settle d fees. She was one of those dat encouraged me 2 do it b4 d turn of events.
And as per the scuffle, she angrily charged to walk away wen I snatched d fone wt which she was chatting or doin something wt after I had asked her 2 put it away so we could have a civil conversation over the issue. I had 2 hold n pull her back. And this is usually the case most times whenever I seat her down 2 talk. I have read in this forum of how wives get battered by their husbands 4 unjustiable reasons. I can assure u dat those men wld have committed murder if they tasted 5% of my spouse`s provocative attitude/habit sometimes (do disrespect 2 her). But I choose not 2 go d way of violence n it`ll stay dat way. (By God`s grace)

@ Airpure n Debrief08. Many thanks 4 your constructive n instructive responses. I totally understand her position and have on countless times reassured her of my sincere appreciation at every opportunity 4 d sacrifices she has made so far and promised to repay every dime expended for the time being (which I have done b4 in d past). I`v also purposed in my heart to leave a legacy 4 her as she has been of immense support. However, I detest quarrels especially over money issues. B4 now, while in paid job, I make provision for every expenses u can think of without asking her 4 any contribution as I wasn`t interested on how she spends her income neither do I ask her 2 account 4 it. I almost fumed d day she said she paid 4 NEPA bill n asked 2 desist frm paying any bills 4 d family on my behalf (then).
Every startup biz has its times of challenges n mine is over (in Jesus name). During dis period, I have earned income intermitently but d cashflow is not as regular like dat of paid job, hence her contributions. I`ve hidden nothin frm her as per my finances in d past n now. The issue of housekeeping did not arise wen we discussed d expenditure 4 income. It was later mentioned becos she had pay off an outstanding (not 4 me) n had not much left. But money came in between frm her biz and I suggested she makes do with dat in d meantime. Is dat enuf 2 warrant d insults (of all sorts) n threats? Besides, she said she has completely lost any form of respect/regard (if any) 4 me wen I made d suggestion. I dont order her around in any way cos I`m a great team player. Infact, my MIL has accussed me of spoiling her by allowing her have her way all d time.
The content n intent in our hearts is expressed in our words and actions.

The scenario;
My spouse of over 7yrs have been footing domestic bills on my behalf for 2 n half yrs (cos biz has been turf). I get a biz deal dat fetches barely enuf 2 take care of d kids sch fees n d rent which fell due (wt harrassment) n settle a few oustandings. Told her abt d deal n how d income will be expended. She requests 4 housekeeping money n I told her I`m on d verge of loosing out on my Masters programme in d UK due to non payment of outstanding tuition fees n such may not be able 2 accomodate dat 4 now as I intend to send some money to d sch to show commitment.
Meanwhile, she does business by d side wt some money in d coy`s a/c. I suggested she expends it on some items including d housekeeping. She shuts down my suggestion rudely (as it has become d norm) n queries why I shld "dictate" how her money in dat coy`s a/c shld b expended since she does not interfere wt how I expend wat comes in from my end on d other coy`s a/c.
Days later on our way back from church, I ask simple question n was rudely answered. I asked why dis change in behaviour wen we got home, she made me realize how angry she was @ me abt my previous suggestions. She accused me of neglecting her needs n being unreasonable. It almost resulted in a scuffle and she threatened dat one of us may see the creator dat nite. I responded dat her behaviour was just very unfortunate and asked if becos I`m not a violent n abusive spouse hence the misbehaviour? She then said if I was violent under the present circumstances, she wld have stabbed me to death and claimed self defence.

Questtions 1: If u are a married woman under this scenario, how wld u av responded or handeled the issue?
Questtions 2: Wat wld make a spouse nurse so much anger, bitternes and hate as to wanting 2 commit murder?
Questtions 3: Where did I faulter under d scenario and wat lesson(s) are to be learnt?

Response from the women in the house will be most appreciated.

Congrats. Mine was just after 3 months. Now they`re 5 & 4yrs and people think they`re twins cos they attend the same school and do most things together. You`ll need a lot of support from Oga tho. Was in it thru with wifey till delivery as I caught everything on camera (Always did for all 3).
Cheer up and go start antenatal classes soonest. Best of life.