₦airaland Forum

blood is stiker than water,after d fight dey stil enjoy their self like brothers, as for d food,i for cary my own food from nigeria enter plain go there make i no go chop shit

an un known guy save my ass from jam failure, i met him @ d jamb hall,after d jam runs which my boss had to send d answer as text mesage on my phone,there was this question one which says" what paper type are u writing",for my mind dis question 1 simple die,jam no get sence 4 asking this typ of question, i answer d acording to d typ on my paper, but it was at d last minit, that this guy told me that i shoud write d paper typ dat my boss send to me not d one on my paper, oboy if no be dat guy i for fail like TB joshua building,but since that day av never seen that guy just to tank him again,av always been luckky, bt cant name them all hey

Lionel Messi;
A Direct Descendant Of
Goliath The Philistine
Lionel Messi has been traced down the family
line of the same Philistine who fell to David's
sling in bible times; they both suffered the
same
growth problem but the outcome was
different for them. Also, this history exposes
why the link in the rivalry between David and
Goliath to
Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo
Genetics is a curious thing is it not? It is
amazing that physical and behavioral traits
can be passed from parents to offsprings. It
is an absolute miracle that some of these
traits can endure for generations. People
have been known
to have in common with their forebears of
several generations, such things as allergies,
talents and sexual habits.
The most unfortunate genes are those that
carry disease.Some diseases can be
hereditary. One such disease is the growth
disorder, ligo hat syndrome. Ligo hat
syndrome results in the
accelerated, excessive, slow or insufficient
growth of one or more body parts. The first
documented case of ligo hat syndrome dates
back to about 1060 BC. Its sufferer was a
ten-foot Philistine named Goliath.
Like all big, strong men of his time, Goliath
was a soldier and he participated in several
military campaigns for the Philistine army.
However, during times of peace, Goliath
dedicated his time
to pursuits of a more refined nature. In his
heart of hearts, the giant Philistine killing
machine was a hair technician/ scientist.
Goliath was a hair dresser, wig maker and
hair care product manufacturer and he is
believed to be the originator of the phrase
"yra iha adbd" which in English translates to
'' bad hair day.''
Goliath married a Roman immigrant named
Laila and together they had a son who they
named
Galut. After Goliath’s death from a blunt-
trauma-induced brain hemorrhage,
ownership of Goliath Hair Care Inc.
transferred to Galut, but
wealth was not the only thing Goliath
transferred to his son. Galut inherited ligo
hat syndrome from his father and he
suffered from excessive hair growth- he was
shaving by age nine. By the time Galut
bankrupted the family business and went to
live with his maternal grandparents in Rome,
he had fathered
five kids from two marriages and one late
night kebab club bathroom rendezvous.
After Galut’s relocation, the Goliath family
lineage trail goes cold. It is as if Goliath’s five
ligo hat suffering grandchildren disappeared
into thin air. It was not until the discovery of
the Crixan scrolls in 1326 BC that the fate of
the
Goliath family was finally discovered.
Discovered buried underground in the
outskirts of Rome by a farmer named Crixus,
the scrolls were the
personal documents- tax receipts, business
papers, family records- of a deceased Roman
business man by the name of Titus
Battaglius.
The scrolls included a family tree which
revealed that Titus was a descendant of
Goliath the Philistine. Researchers using
recently translated
Roman tax and population census records
have
traced Titus’ lineage from ancient times till
now.
Their findings are truly intriguing.
Titus Battaglius was a slave trader whose
business headquarters was located in Sicily.
His
children and his children’s children were
slave
traders after him. Their children and their
children’s children were head hunters. In the
late
1800s, history repeated itself. Like their
forefather, Galut before them, the managers
of
The Battaglius Head Hunting Agency wrecked
the
family business. Looking to make a fresh
start, a
clutch of them joined the Great European
Immigration Wave to Argentina and settled
in
the country’s capital, Beunos Aires.
Till this day, Goliath’s descendants live all over
Argentina. One of these descendants is a
Santa
Fe born, 5ft 9 Italo Argentine football genius
named Lionel Messi. Messi is short in the
same
way his ancestor, Goliath was tall. Due to his
lack of height, Lionel Messi will never slam
dunk
a basketball and he will never buy clothes
anywhere besides Baby Gap. However his
low
center of gravity gives him perfect balance
that
allows him to play with a coordination and
grace
rarely seen in world football today.
Ligo hat syndrome is responsible for Lionel
Messi’s vertical underdevelopmen t. Several
of his
relatives also suffer from the disease. His
cousin
is the famous Latin American pornographic
performer, Cojones Gigantes who boasts a
twenty-nine inch penis. His uncle is the
famous
late bloomer, Luis Alejandro Sebastien
Martino
Ricardo Alberto Romario Cevallos who did
not
hit puberty till the age of forty-seven.
Goliath famously had a fatal altercation with
a
Hebrew goatherd named David and Lionel
Messi’s inability to get along with people
named
David is well documented. From his
incompatibility with Barcelona team mate,
David
Villa to his enmity with rivals Cristiano David
Ronaldo and Lima David Fereira a.k.a Pepe,
the
facts s

what will you do if ur nude or ur lover"s leaks on d internet

that moment wen u look @ those pics and u smile, one of the reason i like history

100Cents: Finally, in the end, you will have only yourself to blame...

Since you are a trophy who deserves free food, free ride, expensive dates and BIS/recharge card for doing absolutely nothing. Please do not settle for less.

The way our young ladies carry themselves shows that marriage is not their ultimate goal but scouting for the richest, most handsome and most successful man in the society who is willing enough to pay the imaginary value she has placed on her love.

These sort of ladies do not take corrections for any wrong. They are always right and the last thing she expects from you, her date, is saying that what she did didn't go down well with you, instantly her mind tells her, " it is time to dump mike for John ".

Some of them go as far as dating every single guy who says hi to them seeing him as a potential maga to be kept on the ever long list of those under her false promise of, " I will come and see you ". Because he is a potential goldmine and will serve a future purpose at a future date. This keeps the stu.pid gullible man calling and sending recharge card to make sure he out performs or outsmarts any other competitor for the elusive girl. It is all a game. But it ends in confusion. It takes deceiving oneself first to be able to deceive others..

God punish all the gold digging ladies. All the men you have wrecked with your lying tongues and pretences will hunt you later.. Keep searching for Mr. Right. He has already passed you by when you treated him as dung..

Nonsense..

God bless ur fada,wel said

Trust Who?
Girls?
I dey Craze??
See, I stopped Trusting Girls way back in
Primary 3!! When my Girlfriend left me
for a Boy who bought a new HB Pencil
for her.

p squares album sure pass,it has taken over d airwave in akwaibom

it can never be so good than this,cant stop listening to dem trouble,d song has taken over the air wave in akwaibom,pals shey the testimoney in ur area.

Team#BRINGBACKOUR12SOLDIERS#

am keeping silence on this thread,like the church keeping silence on the mater,brb

pls i need an urgent advice on this,i stat using vaseline but it seems its bleaching me,but i dont understand if its d powder that i rob with it or the vaseline itself,pls no insult but advice needed.

koolhunk: WTF! this guy should be in jail. Damn the law!!!

all this bokohalam kiling like its their hubby,how many dey jail.

tyson55: Sounds like he'll be STUMPING to freedom.... poor girl hooked up with the wrong Golden Goose!

she wanted to date a super star,that saves her good,all this girls when they see superstar them head let loos,dey dont care if he had a good character.if a poor guy for for them they go form am not ur class

Peter Okoye has revealed the reason behind
Paul's absence from dance sequences in the
group
Peter Okoye has described his twin brother,
Paul as a lazy chap. Peter made this known
while the P-Square duo were guests at the
Beat 99.9FM for their 5th anniversary
celebration. He attributed Paul's laziness to
the reason why he does not do a lot of
dancing in the group.
"It's not that Paul cannot dance, he's just
lazy. The other day, we booked a 7-hour
photo session and by the first hour, Paul
was already tired" he expalined.
"It's true" Paul concured.
"I don't like all the gra gra dance, I'm always
afraid that I'll break my bones" he said
amidst general laughter. "I prefer the cool
moves like that 'Do Me' dance"
Meanwhile the duo are set to drop their
hotly anticipated 6th studio album, 'Double
Trouble' come Friday, September 12th.

i saw a nice coment from a lady, then i rush to chek her profile,behole a beutiful costly girl, some with an expensive car,next on my mind is no need to even try cus she wunt acept a date with a poor man like me.the worst is that nairaland has suceed in making them more wise that i cant deceave them, so next i saw a tread like hookup on nairaland i wunt even open it.my question is..is it that there is no girl of average class here that i can woo?if there is any,this tread is for you.

Lagos Island Girls Love Like
American Movies
Joey Akan | 11:40 | 09.09.2014
I am an Ajebutter. Not by birth, or by
formings, or by swag – I am simply an
unapologetic Ajebutter by default. I didn’t
choose to be born one. God, without
seeking my opinion (because He’s God, I
guess), gave me the genes of an Ajebutter
and a funny Bri-Merican accent . By luck or
some twisted work of fate, fortune, Karma
(I might have killed ten defenseless puppies
in my past life) or destiny, I have found
myself in Lagos, crazy Lasgidi, and this is my
story…
Since I said goodbye to the Lagos mainland,
crossed the third mainland bridge for good,
and settled comfortably in the Island, Ajah,
my love life has never been the same.
Life has new meaning for me, and so does
love. I was born a romantic, grew up a
romantic, and thought I'll leave this earth as
a romantic. But since I moved to Lagos, I've
seen ladies in Surulere, Yaba, Mushin, Sango,
Egbeda and Ikeja disgustingly chew up and
spit out my scented love letters and poems,
burn up all the little red roses I have spent
hard-earned money on, and even found a
way to tell me that “romance was is for
Oyibo, show me the money jare.”
How depressing.
But now I'm on the Island, and Behind people
are everywhere, my inner playboy has been
unleashed, and with good effects too.
Women here are content to hold your hand
and walk in the evenings, sharing your
space, talk and silence. Sure they love their
recharge cards, perfumes and outings, but
since they have you, all the material things
of the world just seems so immaterial.
I once met a lady on the Island who looked
into my eyes for 5 minutes, laughed hard at
all my jokes, touched my elbow occasionally,
and finally told me that I made her feel
special again. On the mainland, women only
feel ever so special when my wallet begins
to show itself frequently. The last time a
lady on the mainland told me how special I
made her feel, she was busy battling with 6
shopping bags filled with various stuff. Stuff
that I paid for, off course!
So why the difference? Aren't women
believed to have a universal language as all
the deep books about love has revealed?
Why does money turns the mainland girls
on, and the Island girls drool on your
repertoire of gentleman skills?
I think the answer isn't hard to find. The
mainland girls watch Nollywood movies,
where a fat and motherly Mercy Johnson
will play the character of a teenage lover
girl, and try to play a fast one on a portly Jim
Iyke. The Island girls watch the emotional
gems that Hollywood release into the
cinemas. They see a man love a woman
with his entire being, and his greatest act
of sacrifice is to lay down his life or offer a
great personal sacrifice to give her an
advantage in life. That's the difference!
Also the Island ladies listen to famous
contemporary love singers. Bruno Mars,
Adam Levine, Sam Smith, John Legend,
Jason Derulo, Trey Song and Ed Sheeran.
The mainland women love Olamide,
Reminisce, and Wizkid's version of love and
passion. Except the 'Aye' song. They want
their designer wears, although they can
afford to wait a bit for the Ferrari.
These things matter. Ajebutters are seen as
rich people. No lady ever believes that a
Brimerican-sounding Joey Akan, does not in
any point in time have 2 dimes to rub
together in his pocket. They think the
money is in the freshness, and packaging.
But the reality of it is far from the surface.
I admit there have been days when
drinking Garri has been very attractive, and
groundnut has tasted like pizza, but on the
Island, those days will not seem so bad,
because a Lagos Island girl will be ready to
drink that garri with you.
Just like in the American movies.
Joey Akan
Joey Akan is a writer, presenter,
poet and music critic based in
Lagos, Nigeria. He leans on the
crazy aspects of journalism
with a unique skill-set which has seen him
writing for many a media house. He lives for
hot gossips, sweaty parties, rocking jams,
snobbish celebrities and Tonto Dikeh falling
on stage.

that means keshi was d lie-er not ik uche, congo don shine keshi eye,him cum realize say him fit loos him neww contract talk.never look down on anybody cus he may be d one to pic u up tomorow.... Wait wait e be like say i dey front page o,oboy God don bless my hustle o e don tey wey i enta first page

Eminem is a rap god, he is my best folowed by rick rose,drake and birdman. Eminem talk sence on his lyrics unlike others talking booty,money,gun,drink,wealth all the time,Eminem is emotional,wen ever am down he got me beleaving that dearis a beta tomorow,songs like gone but never forget u,spacebound,lighters, lov d way u lie,monster,and too numeros to mention,he is d boss

Akwaibom people attack former governor victor attah on facebook,folowing his coment on ..Premium Times
I regret having Akpabio as my successor,
says Ex-Gov Attah
--------------- ----------
Asked if he has regrets after leaving office,
Ex-Gov Attah of Akwa Ibom said:
“So with the benefit of time, I must now
confess that I do have one painful regret.
The one regret I have is that, though I left
with a successor, I left without
succession.”
Read more: / p2LdGt-HEG

y cant we stop bleming mikel when ever we loos a march?? As if he was d only one on the pitch,abeg giv him a break. U forgot d fight in d glass house,u dont blem d coach nor other players al d tym na mikel,am smeling hate here and may be bcus he is making more money and playing for chelasea,somday we wil clamour for him just d way we are doing for okocha, may be wen he retire.i saw someone post hey about how he mis d same yobo that dey wey caling for his head,calamity yobo remember, mikel try his best on the game,we shud stop bleming him 4 every mistake other players make,afterall no body played wel today including onazi,obuabuna,echijile, ejide, giwa,maigari, keshi,ref and even d poor pitch.

CHRIS GIWA BOOED,PREVENTED FROM POST
MATCH CEREMONY: The factional president
of the Nigeria Football Federation Chris
Giwa was on Saturday evening
ignominously prevented from taking part
in the post-match ceremony with other top
government functionaries led by the chief
host Governor Liyel Imoke.In a game
Nigeria lost 2-3 to Congo Brazaville,thei r
first ever loss in Calabar.Drama started
when deposed NFF president Aminu
Maigari moved with Gov. Imoke from the
VIP area to exchange pleasantries with the
match officials,playe rs and other
dignitaries on ground.When Giwa moved
alongside with the Gov. Imoke with
Maigari by his side,men of the State
Security Service(SSS)att ached to the
governor asked Giwa to stop while Gov.
Imoke and Maigari continued the walk on
to the pitch.Giwa,now obviously
embarrassed had to watch Imoke and
Maigari perform the rites while a section of
the onlookers booed Giwa.

na wetin dey change my trade like this?? I wrote Aboky and dey change am to northtener

"Hey Namang, where are you from?" "I am
from Plateau State" "Ahhhh...you be Aboki"...
Now Pause!
This is the recurrent conversation I have
been experiencing since the day I came into
Lagos with almost all the people I have
introduced myself to. Yes it exhaustive to
explain the same thing over and over again
hence, came the need to write this article.
The word 'Aboki' is referred to any male
that has either migrated or is on vacation
from the North by some 'timid' Nigerians
who are in the other geographical zones of
the country. Meanwhile in Hausa, 'Aboki'
simply means Friend.
Plateau State is made up of 17 Local
Governments and each of the L.G.A's has
got different dialects they interact with
(some have more than one). HAUSA on the
other hand is a migrated language from the
core North of Nigeria that came in with the
settlers who found shelter in Jos. It
automatically became the Lingua Franca in
the state but none of the L.G.A's have Hausa
in their geneology.
So the next time you see me or anyone who
says he is from the Central part of Nigeria,
please don't be in a rush to call him an
'Aboki' except you mean to be one and not
saying it derogatorily.
Drop your Opinion in the comment section
below and watch out for the next episode

who post this poo I dey suspect say na becus u know him say him from naija,na him make u hate,if na jay zee sing am u for they jubilate,mind u i lov d song wela

An Ode To Fernando Torres
TORRES... BLUE WAS NEVER YOUR COLOUR.
You cost Ancelotti his job.
You made chelsea offload Anelka while he
was still good,and broke the Drogba-
Anelka winning combination.
You made Chelsea get rid of Solomon Kalou
cos they said he does not pass the ball to
you when necessary.
You made Chelsea employ Benitez that was
seen as an enemy, hoping he could make
you feel at home.
They got you Spaniards like Mata and Even
Azpilicueta with the hope you could speak
Spanish with them, blend well and feel at
home. They got you Brazilians like Oscar
and Willian knowing Spain and Brazil have
a natural understanding.
They then let Drogba that was still at his
peak, though he decided to leave, just so
you could feel confident as it is believed he
was affecting your confidence and making
you feel inferior.
This same Drogba, that was two years
gone,and having played in non-competitive
leagues like Japan,
and then Turkey, was still preferred, and
found more useful and has beenn brought
back.
TORRES, THE FANS NEVER BOOED YOU FOR
ONCE,
THE BLUE FAMILY kept faith.
Bale has been booed in Spain, and in just
one season in spain, has out performed
you.
Ibrahimovic scored 16 league goals for
Barca, they got rid of him.
YET CHELSEA KEPT ON
BELIEVING, SINGING YOUR NAME FROM THE
STANDS.
You cost Di Matteo his job when he,
disappointed by you, was forced to
play Mata up front as a lone striker,
he was sacked afterwards. The
No16...Player/ Coach /Legend Di
Matteo of Chelsea, the coach that had given
Chelsea the most joy with his unusual
double of Champions League and FA
Cup...cups, what
Mourinho and Lotti, Hiddink and
Scolari etc could not achieve.
Abramovich will not forgive you either,
even though he is not a coach.
The money spent on you stopped them
(chelsea) from getting other quality
strikers like Falcao as they felt you will
come out good.
Oh well you scored an important yet
humiliating goal against Barca on the way
to that Champions League victory
that has put every chelsea fan heads and
shoulders high over other clubs that
have never won the Champions league.
Torres, Chelsea paid you 170 thousand
pounds per week.
Not even Drogba was given that much in
his prime.
But you were
bleeding the blues 170 thousand pounds
weekly while missing empty nets.
Oh Torres!
WHERE IS THY SMILE?
Your head hung low through out every
game, and when you managed to score,
You still will not see that smile, niether was
seen the needed impudence that got
Ronaldo beating his chest and Messi
pointing to God.
NO! You tried to avoid hugs after
scoring,making it seem like you peed in
your short, looking all timidly confused and
thinking "what am i gonna do" instead of
you shouting
"I AM EL NINO, STRIKER,SCORER" .
Your shoulders hung low.
Zero eye contact with teammates and the
camera.
Torres, Chelsea fans loved you. THEY DO
LOVE YOU, AND STILL DO.
But .....
hmmmm...but YOU WERE NEVER
GOOD IN BLUE.
Milan is red like Spain and Liverpool.Hopin
g the Milan red brings the red back in your
pale cheeks and colour to your
game.
TORRES, YOU WERE NEVER GOOD IN BLUE
(From a non_chelsea fan)

olasmith10: Where die take enter dis tori now..

ebola na deadly deaseas brother

olasmith10: its a good development so far preventive measures will be put in place when they resume.. at least this my troublesome brother can now go to school earlier than supposed..

make ur troublesome brother go and die abi?if he catch am u go folow

las largerback droped uche and fail woofuly at the world cup,in south africa.and stephen keshi did d same and fail,i think d nigerian best frontman deserve a chance,he is a blessed soul dont forget he was on d squared that won d nation cup

National cetificate on Education (N.C.E)is so underated, Na now i know say to get N.C.E no be smal
thing, respect to our ancestors, i bin dey
think say na childs play. from
matriculation,to- three sets of micro teaching/Indust
rial Training/teaching practice/field trip/
Seminer defend/Project defend- na die.

with more than 25 courses each semester with many credit load,and with the majority couses listed above, having Carry forword or carry over is ur hubby,and only few number of people graduate compared to the high number of people that matriculate,some has no other option than to drop out and take another jamb to unvesity with less work load. but at the end of the day,they still rate Degree above NCE to the extend that you may not find a lucrative job with your NCE, i think Govenment should do somthing.NCE holders deserve some more credit for God sake.

av any of u chek my profile lately that all my coment na only one-one like i dey get??hmm no need to coment for this one












ok my best 3 na 1.eve,2.lil kim,3missy eliot

money is not everyting, in a relationship, all u need to do is love her,respect her,care 4 her,












and am so stupid for saying d above,
get broke and watch ur girlfriend leave you wid ur 6 packs and go for an urgly big bele alarji.oboy make money and forget 10 ways to make her happy