I will tell two of my friends who are cohabiting with their boyfriends for five years to keep waiting. The men will propose someday.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk free. I am with the men on that phrase.

~Killz~:

The only person scammed was you. . . Your English teachers scammed you, and collected your money.

Idowuogbo:

Write me a cheque first so I can answer dis dumbbbb post of urs.

I wasn't in a hurry to move in with a man. I can afford my own bills/rent.

Inked_Nerd:

Actually, I don't have a problem with men. What I have a problem with is a society that encourages women to stay in marriages that are detrimental to their overall mortality--that's what I have a problem with! Because I have chosen to address you and others on this thread as I did does not mean that I have issues with men. That's the one thing that I can't stand about certain people when it comes to addressing domestic violence, especially in Nigeria. A women who speaks out against this sort of issue or advises that an abused spouse shouldn't go back under any circumstance is deemed as a "man hater" or that they have "issues" with men. As a whole, domestic violence between both genders is wrong but to tell some that they need to reconsider leaving because being a single mother will be an difficult task is a heaping load of crap! Yes, it won't be easy but that is the sacrifice that she must make both as a woman and as a mother in order to ensure that both she and her children are safe and out of harms way. What kind of example is that setting for a child when they grow up seeing their father abusing, humiliating, and dehumanizing their mother?!?! If you're the sort of person who would want to stay and reconcile, then good for you but for a woman, especially in Nigeria, that should NEVER be an option. Hardship is always going to be factor in ones life but there is no reason why any human being should ever be subjected to such ill treatment. In a society where women are often regarded as second class citizens telling someone that they should reconsider isn't the best option.



It's nothing more than cultural bigotry. Bashing westerners for having a high divorce rate yet domestic violence and domestic related deaths are running rampant in people's backyards. When a person has children, the needs, benefits, livelihood, and safety of the children should supersede a wayward crumbling marriage riddled with domestic violence. In essence, we're all in the same boat. It's sad that people truly believe that when it comes to marriage it's do or die. If it's not working, then its not working--plain and simple. There's no need to be someone's physical or verbal punching bag.



It's amazing how some of you people use religions as a means of justifying domestic violence. I suppose if/when he kills her, you'll still be saying the same thing.

Beautifully said. I feel sorry for their daughters and sisters.

For those who have used bible references, please do not pick and choose what verses to throw in someone's face. Your bible also said thou shall not kill and husbands to love thy wives.

Inflicting harm and fear is "loving" thy wives?

I am beginning to understand the rise of atheism. There is nothing worse than a confused believer.

Apawa

It seems though many people want you to stay in your marriage despite the fact that your son asked why are you staying for their sake. They have failed to realize that women in Nigeria are plenty and he will find a replacement for your children (if he wins custody) and you will be left with with only your life to spare.

I have respect for some Yoruba fathers because they will remove their daughters from an abusive environment.

If you decide to stay and tough it out, please allow me to customize your casket and eulogy. Do you have a specific color?

Lord_Reed:

Thank you

Thank you

YW big boss.

ypzilanti: We are a bunch of hypocrites in Nigeria. We welcome the celebrities that are dreadlocked all the time. We use them for endorsements and buy thier products. We will gladly give them as husbands to our daughters and sisters, but when an average dude chooses such fashion, we recoil. Bunch of hypocrites.

Money talks bullshit walks.

freecocoa: Na you be her spokesperson?let her speaketh for herself jorh.

Shaddap!

Idowuogbo:

I beg ur pardon, she is not disabled.

I prefer to hear from d source.

Thank u very much!

Shaddap!

Inked_Nerd:

Her reason for marrying a man who is much older than her is irrelevant. Sadly, this is why such abuse exist in Nigeria. Because men like you think that just because such an age difference is a factor in the relationship that it excuses or makes it ok, because both of you questioning why she married someone much older that her is essentially what you are doing. She could have easily have been in the same situation even if it were with someone who was closer in age or the same age as her. Abuse has no age limit.



Do you hear yourself? Really, do you? Once a spouse has crossed that line, there is no turning back? The mere fact that you would even tell her to consider these things just goes to show how people like you think. Honestly, do Nigerians love being part of this foolish social club that enables abusive spouses to continue their reign of abuse? No amount of talking or understanding should ever result in her going back to such a monster. So what if being a single mother is her only option aftwerwards. Issues like this are perpetuated in many parts of Africa because people like you use the fear of single parenthood as a means of scaring people into staying in such a relationship. Even if she wasn't ready to be a single mother, is that any reason to stay? No! Had she come here telling us that her husband räpes her every night would you still be sitting here telling that she should consider reconciling? The mothers, sisters, aunts, nieces, and daughters of Nigeria are being subjected to unnecessarily torture and pain all because people for whatever reason believe that most things in relationships can be resolved. Newsflash my dear, they things of this manner can only be resolves and and when the partner who is being abused decides to put an end to it.

It is funny how "we" judge westerners for divorcing like crazy when we don't even know what really goes on behind closed doors. Some women should focus on the safety of their children's lives including their own instead of lamenting on what society will think. Nigerian society doesn't protect women and will tell a woman she must stay in her marriage and die before being single and alive.

Granted, divorce is seldom in Nigeria, but has extremely high domestic violence/deaths. How oxymoronic.

Apawa: Am married to a man who has no respect for a woman. We dated for a year and got married. I found out that my opinion doesn't count in the marriage. Its only what he wants that happen n decline advice from anyone at all. I tried to stay and make it work no matter what, in that event we had four kids. This children watch their father beat, insult and frustrate me in order to leave his house every passing day but for their sake I refuse. Mind you am just 35yrs while he's 59. My son who will turn 12 told me one day, mummy why can't you just go instead of taking all this beating for our sake, my husband expect me to just leave like that but I took my children with me but he insist i give them to him. I took the matter court which he didn't expect me to because he felt am weak. Now he's hunting me and threaten to deform me. And for the record I was not his first wife.

It is sad to hear stories like this where women will stay in an abusive marriage to avoid shame, ridicule from families and friends, and being single.

I am happy that your son sees abuse as painful and wrong because he will become a man one day. I hope that he doesn't repeat the cycle with his future wife.

You may have to leave the city. It will be difficult for you, but go to a family member or friend that will accept you.

Good luck.

Haba! Just asking ooo

Idowuogbo:

Stop bin so diplomatic jare!

Tell us y u can't do him.

She doesn't want to be labeled by society as wife of an yeye fowl.

I guess I won't know how individuals sound "black" online?

Chuks84: @Talina, I'm not saying responsible means no dreadlock, I'm jst reflecting public opinion. In 9ja every madman you see on the street has dreads. So for most people, the first thing they think of is...'Is he mental?'

phemi3: I have friend(guy); who dates anytin (not gay). He dates babes of his age mate, under age and those who are well older than him. He dates low class n high level babes. To even crown it all; he even patronizes ash**wo! I'm sayin this for you to know how raw he is! Last week, he came to my house for an advice; which I don't ve answer to. He said he met a girl (a bread seller) whom he intend to sleep with without wasting much time on her. On the D ... DDay, she told him that she knows his intention and that if he ever tries of using and dumping her; she's going to kill him. He said sometin in her voice seems(real) that this girl is not threaten him @ all. So he stopped making the advances (dint bleep her)! The question the guy puts to me now is that ' had it being he bleepd her; will she actually kill him as threaten? Or is it just an empty bluff? He's still expecting my answer. Let me know ur (nairalanders) opinions and advice. Pls no comments from pervert as well! Thanks.

This new English is killing me.

Threatening to kill equals perversion?

Chuks84: Most people supporting the op are nigerians in diaspora whose mentality have already been warped by the western world. Let's face the fact, no one will take you serious with your dreads in nigeria, you won't get a job in any corporate firm in 9ja looking like that. Its only 3 sets of people that carry dreads in the country. Those into entertainment, sportsmen and irresponsible fellows. The op confirmed it himself when he said the old people hate him. If you really loved your girl you would have shaved the dreads. Like every country, Nigeria has socio cultural values that ought to be adhered to. The public opinion of dreadlocked fellows is that they are irresponsible unless they prove otherwise.

Even in the western world, dreadlocks isn't acceptable in corporate offices prior to hiring.

Please humor me, how does someone sound "black" online?

@topic

Dreadlocks is a style, however it should maintain decency.

I am confused.

Let me come back later.

Indian man must have the magic kondo.

Lord_Reed:

Naa you wrong. I appreciate ya.

Handsome picture.

queensmith:

not cologne at all, the men on this site don't tend to appreciate a woman with an opinion, quite sad really.

Sad huh.

mg215:

You misunderstood what i meant, i am not going just to Be Intimate with many women. As i said earlier i am trying to find a woman who i can have a connection with, and i am looking for something long term not short term. Please dge all black Americans negatively, we are the same people.

That's correct and not all Africans aren't the same either.

LMAO@as long as she recognizes you as head of the family.