₦airaland Forum

davidylan: even this thread constitutes a form of emotional abusive.

naijababe: It's definitely smoking in here.

Not here to apportion blames or question anyone's experience, all I know is that men are just as easily susceptible and very rarely live to tell their stories. Most times they get killed by the supposed weaker sex. One of my male cousins was a victim and he did not live to tell his story, unfortunately no one could really help him, he was abandoned to his fate and died as a result. His abuser also died from an accident within a few years of her victim's death rendering 3 young children under 15 orphans

Clearly, men are not going share their experiences especially in a strongly patriarchal society like Nigeria for that matter, domestic abuse/violence is serious and should not be trivialised by turning it into an 'us' and 'them' issue.

Ihedinobi: I'd actually been taking the guy seriously. Until I figured him out. Seems he just likes to be witty and say something that sets him noticeably apart. What kind of freak rides on people's real pain to cheap popularity?

Ihedinobi: What are you, dude, the village fool? You learn a few words from a dictionary, string them together like a child's plaything and think you make sense?

Do you need to be taught english too in addition to elementary biology and social studies? What part of the op and other posts here suggests that men should be ignored? If that's how good your comprehension is, your degree is not worth the paper it's on.

Anyhow, I've lost interest in you. I've come to see that stuff like this is a game to you. You just need to say something, anything, no matter how stu.p.id, to angle for attention. No point attempting to get through to a non-existent intellect.

And, dude, believe me, you wouldn't last half a minute in that section with your ubiquitous idiocy.

Pitykitten: I've been reading this all day,sobbing and being a kitten..and then I read Coogar's posts. Looool. Wait. Are you the 'comedy half hour' person? You find the thread an insult to good men? Hahahaha. Sit please.

Oh yeah,what's with the unnecessary Engilsh from most of y'all? Well,we have to show how educated we are,don't we? I'm new here,and OMG its so much fun already. Haha.

Ihedinobi: Damn! Dude, I finally finished it. Never saw such rank idiocy in my life except in the religion section. It's far more pathetic here because this is real life not philosophical ponderings.

Yo beefin cos men are more the culprits here? What nonsense! Why don't you provide instances of men who got killed by their wives or who escaped from their wives' lethal abuse? I assure you you'll win some award of some sort for it.

Quit being a hater. Men are physically stronger than women, weight for weight. If anyone exerts physical strength to overpower and bully the other to the point of threatening their lives, it's more likely to be the man than the woman. Considering that fact, why the hell is it an issue that such threads as this should be more populated by women's stories than men's? You don't need to be taught elementary biology and social studies, do you?

What's with "fair-minded", "360-degree-perspective" buffoons like you? Why'd you think being having a robust perspective and considering all angles necessarily makes the first party guilty? What the hell do you have in your skull?

Fools like you piss me the hell off. And no, I don't need cyanide, I'm not self-destructive like fools tend to be.

dayokanu: How many seasons have Oscar and hazard spent in Chelsea?
David Luiz, Gary Cahill, Mata, Oscar, Hazard

I.e Half of the Chelsea lineup yesterday joined the team after Torres yet its Torres who needs time

Last season it was Malouda, lampard, Drogba, Kalou Sturridge that were the problem, This season Its now Mata, Hazard, Oscar, Cahill etc

We cant blame Torres for his inability to score last season, We cant blame Torres for his inability this season, Its always the other players, coaches, weather, pitch, economy, sexuality thats to blame never Torres

RVP- 7 goals
Demba Ba 7 goals
Suarez 6 goals
Michu - 6 goals
Defoe , Fletcher, Dzeko Most of these players have worse creative behind them yet still manage to score but never the DUD

dayokanu: Less than a year ago you all claimed malouda, Sturridge, lampard and Drogba are the problems with Torres and once they are out Torres would start scoring

Infact When it was only Hazard, mata and Lampard, Nateevs singled out Lampard as the only one in the starting 11 that was hindering Torres.

Now Lampard is out Sturridge , Drogba Malouda and we have extremely technical players yet Torres still doesnt get goals

Now tell us why Torres has continued to be a failure in close to 2 yrs at Chelsea?

dayokanu: Nateevs double standards getting called out again by someone not named Dayokanu

His godson Torres has been a complete waste so far and he is still yarning megedefegede. They got Torres all the support any striker could ever wish for

Sold Drogba, Anelka, Kalou (Lukaku)

Benched lampard. Played Mata Oscar Hazard behind him yet the DUD cant still hit water if thrown off a boat

From 1990, Chelsea went 16 years without losing a league game to Tottenham, their dominance so pronounced that Chelsea fans knew Spurs' ground as 'Three-Point Lane'.
Then, on Bonfire Night 2006, everything changed. Jose Mourinho's Chelsea were beaten 2-1 at White Hart Lane and captain John Terry was sent off by Graham Poll.

Terry's dismissal sparked a furious reaction from Mourinho and his players, who launched a campaign to discredit the referee. Poll explains how the FA's failure to defend him was a major factor in his decision to quit refereeing at the end of that season. Chelsea had drawn a controversial Champions League game at Barcelona a few days earlier and arrived at Tottenham in a bad mood.

It was obvious in the early stages of the game that Jose had been up to his tricks and that his players were going to be difficult to control.

I sent off John Terry for two yellow cards, the second when he hauled down Ledley King. Terry came to see me immediately after the game, the first time in my career any player had done that.

He seemed happy to accept my explanation of the two yellow cards. But the day after the game Ashley Cole accused me of having told Chelsea's players I wanted to 'teach them a lesson' and Terry said I had said one thing to him on the pitch and another in the dressing room after the game.

These two claims were as damaging as they were ridiculous but Brian Barwick (then FA chief executive) and the FA failed to stand up for me and, by extension, failed to stand up for the integrity of referees up and down the country.

A fortnight later Chelsea withdrew all of their allegations against me and Terry was fined £10,000 for what he had claimed. But I was still dismayed at the way the FA had reacted and that dismay contributed to my decision to retire.

The sad thing is that the whole furore overshadowed what was a magnificent performance by Tottenham.

Ihedinobi: @coogar, dude, I'm a lil too mad right now to finish pp22-25. But I'll try. Before I go back my effort though, I think that it is very necessary that I tell you that what I have read so far from you is the most insensitive, anti-intellectual drivel I ever had the misfortune to see with my eyes. Smh

bxg: Lol Neva claimed I was d one who wrote it na

slimyem: Since simple English comprehension seems to be the issue...
Lemme help..
Men who think this is a pity party thread for women,can you see the bolded or should it be broken further down??

debrief08: I have a thread on male domestic abuse and verbal abuse why not go there and share
https://www.nairaland.com/1059020/men-please-talk-verbal-mental
It ran for weeks, you mostly came in, liked, left some nice videos, so i really dont get the anger here

mdsocks: It's easy man....if you wanna whine about male cases... The new button isnt that farfetched...
.

I'm sorry but I have to reiterate my point that thinking this thread is an indictment on all Nigerian men because of a few is wrong and an apology needs to be tendered to the None Abusive Nigerian men.

ileobatojo: Ok, I'm going to leave you with this example from a website about stages in pregnancy.
So by your reasoning, all people who visit this website for education are either having girls or will have girls at the time of delivery. Or, those who are having boys should totally disregard this information right?

You are right and I apologize for partaking in his little game.

freecocoa: I don't think that's the case really especially with this thread, we are all against all forms of abuse from both gender, its not anyone's fault that the male folk are usually more physically aggressive.
Btw nature has made it that we always get the upper hand somehow, don't blame us, na baba God do am so .

mdsocks: Discipline i meant there was 'physical'..gorrit??
Just get me your details so i know how to advice them on avoiding peeps with your mentality instead...

Who i be??
Aint Hulk...but you know what you will get when you cross the line..

ileobatojo: Lol. Now you resort to a different ad hominem attack to defend your post. Here's the new one.

Me: An abusive men has a messed up mentality.
You: How dare you say only men are abusive.
Me: Scratches head.

freecocoa: Coogar wetin dey vex you this evening abeg?

ileobatojo: Lol. Again, an ad hominem at it's best. In fact this is the textbook definition of ad hominem.

Me: An abusive man has a messed up mentality.
You: That means you're saying that the woman must be a saint.
Me: Bwahahaha! You're funny!

mdsocks: Lots of claims and counter claims here.
One thing i just understand as a guy is that We are sometimes too aggressive..

Let any Nigerian guy come out and confront me that he and his friends have never discussed about disciplining their ladies...

That's where it starts from.. It's popular knowledge in the society that ladies ain't easy to tame so they think you have to use

force or aggressiveness to get them to fall in line.

I was shocked at a friend shouting and calling his girl all sort of names just because she forgot the sim pack

he wanted to use for his welcome back request at home...Can you imagine someone been worked up on sch trivial issues??

I can imagine what he had do if they were married....

But most ladies dont watch all these signs....they believe trying to avoid offending him is the ultimate solution

instead of getting him therapy or moving on...Any form of abuse should be spoken against.


I have 5 lovely sisters and i am waiting for the day one punk ass nigga would hit any of them..

but Thank God my sisters are all married to responsible people who value them. EOD!!!

freecocoa:
Kai coogar, if didn't know you any better here I'd have started vexing, my dear its not always like that o.
You think well educated guys can't abuse a woman? How is a girl supposed to know automatically that the guy she said yes to will behave that way few months into the relationship if he didn't show any signs before? What if the beating as a result of the sms is the first sign of abuse\abuse itself?
No one sees inside another's mind, so don't expect me to know at first glance that the handsome, intelligent and rich dude is a potential or full blown abuser.

ileobatojo: Yes it was. Here's the premise of your post and one of the very first things you said. Now if you can show me where it said in that definition that the woman was a saint, I will withdraw my claim. But don't bother, you won't find any such thing in that definition. If your post was not an ad hominem, I don't know what is.

Many people have pointed out that woman can be abusive including myself. There should be mutual respect between two parties. Where have I disputed that?

Here's what I said You don't really want me to go into the role of the word if in sentence construction do you?

ileobatojo: Lol. Your entire post to me was an ad hominem attack from top to bottom. But nice try though

I copied and pasted the post as it was. Once more, are you okay?

Why are you feeling persecuted? Who is talking only to Nigerian men? So if someone comes with an abusive white husband, will we ignore her because her husband is not Nigerian and we are only interested in bashing Nigerian men?

That's not a very clever thing to say to be honest and I'm disappointed you are sinking into new lows just to try to prove a dumb point.

afam4eva: What makes people think that politics buffs are usually old? I checked your age and we're almost of the same age. Just one year apart.

freecocoa: Wow Coogar kilo happen? Take it easy na.
Well from what I understand on this thread, we are not saying(atleast I'm not) that woman are completely without fault.
Its more like No one deserves to be beaten and treated in such manners by their partners, the women on this thread sharing their stories (Debrief especially) has explained what led to the abuse in her own case.
It is not fair to say its their personality and silly choices they made that led to the abuse.
The fact that some abusers have deep psychological issues cannot be over emphasized.
Agreed that it takes two to tango, should my boyfriend beat me black and blue because he saw an sms on my phone of another man telling he loves me, without even waiting to hear my side of the story?

ileobatojo: Are you okay? Why are you getting defensive? Are you guilty of abuse or planning to abuse your wife in the future?

I did not make up that definition and you can always replace woman with man and the quote would still be the same.

It is not even from a Nigerian website, abusers' mentality are the same everywhere so what the heck are you talking about? Who cares if an abuser is Nigerian or otherwise? So if Debrief's hubby was a white man, we would not have the same opinions of the situation? What tosh!

r231: abeg make una try and keep this thread clean, tight and stick to the topic like Chinese girl tinimejigi

if anybody derail am again na koboko be dat

afam4eva: O boy this thread makes a whole lotta sense. I'm feeling Freecocoa and Ogugua.

chamotex: ^^^^ Watch Fergie drop him for Smalling/Jones in the name of giving them games to boost their fitness.

ileobatojo: What is Abuse?

Abuse is fundamentally a mentality. It is a mindset of entitlement. The abuser sees himself as entitled. He is the center of the world, and he demands that his victim make him the center of her world. His goal is power and control over others. For him, power and control are his natural right, and he feels quite justified in using whatever means are necessary to obtain that power and control. The abuser is not hampered in these efforts by the pangs of a healthy conscience and indeed often lacks a conscience.

While this mentality of power and control often expresses itself in various forms of physical abuse, it just as frequently employs tactics of verbal, emotional, financial, social, sexual and spiritual abuse. Thus, an abuser may never actually lay a hand on his wife and yet be very actively terrorizing her in incredibly damaging ways.

Abuse in any of its forms destroys the victim's person. Abuse, in the end, is murder.

BlueDiva: Too much grammar for hia.
Ain't both of you saying the same thing?

Leave Hazard alone.
Center backs should be defenders, tell Cahill and Luiz to stop going forward.

Ujujoan: LMAO You and these your glorified smileys . . .
I beg I don tire for the guy jor!

Ujujoan: Okay granted, he 'was' a great striker. Why else would one of the biggest clubs on EPL buy him for 50mil pounds

At a point when Chelsea was on a bender, a lot of us thought Torres would be our savior . . . But alas, we learnt that there are some problems money can't solve. Little David Luiz sure did prove to a better buy!

Initially, we thought it was the pressure. I mean 50mil is no small money. Maybe (just maybe) he's bewildered by how much he's worth and is slacking from the fear . . of course no one expects a 50mil buy to slack for too long . . . But we were patient with him during his goal drought. We gave him time . . . but NOTHING changed!

And then DD left and we said, YES. Now he's got to pick up the slack cos he know he's ALL we've got now (no offence to Daniel S)!

He did recover from his goal-drought, thanks to Roberto DM (I think ) . . . But I'm sure we can all agree that his occasional goals does not quite make up for his constant blunders!

To think he was once rated as one of the best strikers in EPL . . . How did he achieve that?

He plays like a 10-year old, learning how to tackle!

I think it's time Chelsea realize their mistake and buy themselves a REAL striker! FT will be our doom if we don't do something ASAP.

So 50 mil is down the drain . . we win some, we lose some!

Better late than sorry . . .