₦airaland Forum

Nice

Here are 30 things films have led us to believe (Especially Hollywood & Nollywood).Here are few i decided to share for laughs.

#1.Large, loft-style apartments in NewYork City are well within the price range of most people—whether they are employed or not.

#2.Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

#3.It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

#4.When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightlybluish.

#5.Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

#6. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

#7.It’s easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

#8.You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

#9.Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

#10.A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

#11.Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.

#12.Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

#13.All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

#14.A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

#15. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

#16. All black cats are evil.

#17. Witches and cultists usually dress in black and red.

#18. If aliens invade earth, the USA would be their destination and the only place they would destroy.

#19. If any insect bites you, you will get a super power from it.

#20. Aliens understand English.

#21. When under heavy fire, all your enemies suddenly have unsteady hands and you always escape the bullets, but your own accuracy increases exponentially, that you make nothing other than head-shots

#22. Even if the car turns over 5times, you always come out fine

#23. it takes less than 5 seconds for poison to kill someone

#24. every old. Man/woman must cough before dying (especially Olu Jacobs)

#25. after planing to kill someone from the beginning of the movie towards the end when you finally have a chance, you decide you want to look them in the eyes before killing

#26 The villain always dies at the end of the movie

#27. When you hear a weird sound from a dark corner, instead of running, you just have to check what it is

#28. all the boys and men in the time when technology had not come to africa always have nice hair cuts and their hair is always well carved like the work of a clipper.

#29. In the middle of a thick forest at night and no moon, somehow theres always light reflecting on the bodies of the people that looks like flood light.

#30. Your clothes always come out dry even if you escaped from a sinking submarine at the bottom of the ocean.

#31. Kissing at the end of a horrific plane crash makes the pain go away and everyone forget it happened.

IMPORTANT BONUSES:

* Actor No Dey Die!

* Only In An Indian Film Will The Teacher Catch A Student With Expo In An Exam And Evrybody Starts Dancing.

mikidoo1:
Asians are generally light weights. This can b attributed to their diet and way life. Back home in Africa our diet is generally heavy with Carbohydrates et al. Meaning u need Black magic and tricks to pull that kind of staunt #eba #poundedyam

You might be right, the dinning table set I imported from there, on coupling it, it was quite short for my height and two of the chairs are 'almost' broken

Their weight and height is in no way like ours.

MrCork has the answer

Am sure that boy wants to buy PURE WATER and the man wants to buy BREAD


That man go carry that money dey spray for one Nigerian wedding, people go dey feel am, on conversion, na #200

bigfrancis21:
Click Like if you are from Abuja Federal Capital Territory!

Oga, you are looking for likes abi

2dillu2:
what did he said after your reply

I never heard from him again. He must have known I'd understood his game.

kromoto:
You will need a halogen lamp to see the hole!

Wilderness of zim.

MizMyColi:


And Where Exactly Is The Nigerian Police When You Need Them?

Refueling their car and loading their guns, they will be through when the robbers have left

Yes it's true, I've ran for cover, my car is still there.

INTROVERT , how market? No FTC today

Na so one coke fool 419 guy said I won 750, 000 but I have to send 3000 recharge card for processing!

I said okay, I'll send it in 5mins, when I no be fool!

Came back after eating only to see 9 MISSED CALLS!!! from coke promo man. Coke dey call person

I called back, he queried me that I was wasting time, I said he should get biro and pen... then he said I should proceed...

My Reply: USE THE #750, 000 and buy card

My younger ones are waiting for free food.

Am waiting for 40, 000 a month, even #400 I'll collect.

I need atleast 20hours electricity per day

I want to buy fuel at #50 per litre

I give you one year to make # 1 = $1

haryomikun:
See this learner. Can you do it for 30 minutes? I am an Army Cadet member and d day I did 'pin head' in the sun I wanted to die. Do you even even know what they pass through during recruitment.
Oga abeg, if you no knw anything just swerve.
Navy seals kor warri wolves ni

Bloody Nincompoop, this is a democratic regime. Shaarap and face Boko Haram, be a patriotic citizen.
Go and train, you are on nairaland. . Ordinary Cadet.

Baba 1....

Shuuuuu

Attention seeking 'female dog'


How did this p.or.n star become a celeb

Chappie:
bloggers and stupidity..

Late King of Pop Michael Jackson’s son,
Blanket has also reportedly changed his
name to ‘Bigi’ before entering middle
school. Michael’s youngest son who’s
legal name is Michael Joseph Jackson Jr.,
hated being bullied because he was
commonly called Blancket.
According to Radar Online, the 13-year-
old said the name “sounded so stupid”
and he resented his father for giving it
to him. The late legendary singer has
another son Prince Michael Jackson II
and daughter Paris Michael Jackson.

Bigi na gala name now, make he enter naija and see real bullying with him new name

OP , go and see what Navy Seals are doing....

This one na secondary school punishment.

Nice

Observing...

Airforce1:
CeeSongz is cool

Ya

Airforce1:
CeeSongz is cool

Obinoscopy , Mukina2 , Ishilove & Lalasticlala ...see FP material.

Cheddahboy and Airforce1 una funny die!


Any way Cheddahboy , I'll try to check out your song.

Airforce1:
I like it

But sounds a bit 'oyinboish'

what about Chukky or Chukkiez or Chukkie

fajiboy:
Am not beefing here or having bad belle...Am also an upcoming Artiste but i dont think these artiste will ever blow.

I won ask one question nairalanders, YOU SURE SAY ANY OF THESE ARTISTE FIT BLOW?

Black Face Upcoming Person wey shine during plantashun boyz time. You must be an indomie generation

but we have talented Nairalanders...

Airforce1
Kylez
Andyblaze

https://www.nairaland.com/2394810/nairaland-artistes-whose-songs-amassed

They all have over 1000 downloads... view this thread-> https://www.nairaland.com/2394810/nairaland-artistes-whose-songs-amassed