₦airaland Forum

When she starts paying her side chick with your cash for effectively oiling her engine,

Please, we won’t wanna hear stories that touch.


Signed

Being a boy to the female gender seems like an easy walk in the park but shouldn’t you reason the muscular configuration of the male gender equates bigger task than the female? You don’t believe? I think nature knows for giraffe to satisfy its stomach, it needed to visit the crown of trees for its daily bread hence its long neck.

Lemme not bore you with science, the life of the male gender comes with challenges even before puberty. ‘Common, you are a man, you shouldn’t cry’; that the nurses will tell you starting from as early as the first 5 years of your life. Why should a boy of 5 years not cry but a woman of 60 years is allowed to scream during IV.

Every time dad travels away from home, as the single male in the house, he tells you ‘ take care of your mum and sisters for me, ok?’ You take this to be a joke until he is gone and the need to switch between electric power phases comes in place and the “man” of 12 years is the one worthy to go change the fuse. After all he is the “man”. Haba! Pity the only boy in the house nao (in lasisi’s voice).

He had a duel with his twin sister and before he could say jack, a dirty slap landed on his face. What does he know? He paid her back in her own coin, perhaps a coin of higher denomination. Parents arrive home, they don’t want to listen to any side of the story. You get dealt serious slaps and corporate punishment! Haaa, you wan kill am?
This got so bad in the later years as a student who struggled to get a mini salon car to lyft or Uber as the case may be. He got insulted by the opposite gender but he isn’t allowed to talk, is he? No! Else he is a rapist!

He is through with high school and probably a mini adult. He is made of flesh and blood, he needs a girlfriend right? The saddening part is he is not only endangered by the opposite gender, but the “big” adults of his very own gender. No! She feels uncle Akpororo who is in his late thirties working in Lagos is the better choice for her and not him her age mate. This poor boy cannot but help but wait for his turn. Funny as it may, the big uncles deserve the first fruit of her embodiment but in later years when the need to settle down becomes obvious, her age mate she wants for what’s left or nothing else!

Did Moses receive the 11th commandment or did I miss the part where the law states - in a mutually benefiting relationship ‘ and the boyfriend shall cater for all the needs of the girlfriend’? Against all odds, the poor nigga thinks he is the one who is in need of a soul mate and hence have the piper to pay. He isn’t independent yet but as early as the first 2 decades of his life, he has a business alongside education to cater for the aesthetic needs and frivolities of the female gender.

He makes the money and a good low cut or skin is enough for him to look good. The recipient (female) gender in this case doesn’t want ‘ipako elede’ nor ‘all back’, no! That’ll belittle her! A whole her! She wants an Iraqi hair, oh sorry, I meant Brazilian!

In no time, he is ripe for marriage and the thought of him having to feed 2 boys, 2 girls, wife, parents-in-law, siblings-in-law not excluding his immediate family is enough to render him literally crazy. This is worsened by the non-profiting economy and bad governance accompanying what have we in the contemporary!

If you have been downgrading that guy in the house, please stop and start respecting him for who he is!

matrix199:
The lad above is a typical example of children conceived after the prime period. They are usually unsound mentally.

With reasoning like that, he's definitely a seed from an over-ripe fruit.

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U both are funny
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LordIsaac:
Women..! Nice piece.

Thanks sir!

matrix199:
In simple sentence....

15-20------ unripe

20-25------ ripe

25-35----- over-ripe

And wch would u go for sir?
My article says 15-20

Lalasticlala Mynd44

25-35 (Desperados)


This is the beginning of the end of her found beauty. She has literally thrown away the non-charismatic potential suitors. The truth is setting in and it’s late. She is ready for anything in trousers; if it means dating poor or younger men. Desperation is the word. The irony is she has mastered the art of keeping a man but she will hardly keep one. You can’t trick them with neither wealth nor look, and they are less gullible than the Trenders.

Gullibility: 10%
Maintenance: 0-1%
Marriage Readiness: 100%
Team work: 100%
Coveteousness and exposure: 100%

Overall marriage fitness: 10%

Points:
An attempt to marry one is like buying a second/third hand automobile with very high mileage, of course you got to pay the piper. She is obedient and even ready to literally bring food to the table. She understands complexity; grey is her definition of life. He believes man is man, whether he is ugly or handsome, rich or poor. She wants anything but a man, after all, everyone has got issues.


Overall Summary:
The trials remain man’s best choice. Make your relationship with her formal, carry her parents along. 18-20 and she is set to walk down the aisle. The con every man who chooses to go down this path should know has been mentioned above. She is probably building her character and don’t know her yet. Patience is virtue, once this is in place, see her grow into a woman of your dreams.

20-25 (Trenders)
She totally understands her body, believe me she knows the power of her feminine endowments. Her confidence cum pride is second to none. In situations where the girl is humble and exceptionally wise, this age range is invariably the best; however not, we all know Nigerian girls during this period are quite the opposite.

Gullibility: 20%
Maintenance: 99%
Marriage Readiness: 1%
Team work: 10%
Coveteousness and exposure: 90%

Overall marriage fitness: 50%

Points:
She is at the peak of her beauty and probably not ready to fixate that to just one man. She feels the need to explore her body. What’s the importance of beauty if not explored? That’s how the average girl thinks when she is about this age.
Proposal to her within this range is usually negative (although not always) except you are well-to-do and can convince her you are ready to take good care of her. When she says yes, she probably is still hanging with few boyfriends; trust me.

For the purpose of this study, we are going to consider the transitions in the life of a female – basically age range 15-35. This is the most active years for the female gender (as regards male interaction).

This article is actually directed at men, to better understand the psychological nature of the female gender as they transition through the years, notwithstanding indirect influences it has on the choice of his helpmeet which of course has hitherto been a hot potato!

15-20 (Trial Version):
She is like a virgin land and definitely is about identifying who she is. At this age, she doesn’t quite understand her very own body yet. She is naïve about quite a handful of things. She is most gullible if not guided. Everything about her is most logical and aesthetic. Life is black if not white; grey is not in her dictionary. If she doesn’t like you, she doesn’t. She lacks the capacity to accommodate the perks of keeping 5 Nigerian boyfriends. She wants a handsome, fit boy around her age. She still expects a prince’s kiss to wake her from her slumber.

Gullibility: 95%
Maintenance: 5%
Marriage Readiness: 1%
Team work: 50%
Coveteousness and exposure: 30%

Overall marriage fitness: 90%

Points:
1. Marriage is unlikely in the overall picture, to them it’s like jumping the gun except in cases of betrothal (prevalent in the north) and very rare cases (include short courtship). Have you witnessed a few rants from husbands? “My wife has changed” “I don’t seem to understand my wife again” “My wife has been hiding her character from me since inception”. She hasn’t changed, you only bought a trial version of her. The truth however remains this range is the best to select from.

As reported by a Facebook user:

Hell was unleashed on a young man who was alleged to have snatched a sum worth 100,000 naira from a woman yesterday! This happened in an area called Oluwa Egbeda in the capital city of Oyo state.

I suppose it was a GOOD Friday gone BAD for the suspect.

This is the Facebook user’s translation in English:

The first screenshot

“The life of a thief is doomed...See the life of a thief exposed! He snatched 100,000 from a woman this afternoon, around an area called Oluwo Egbeda”


The second screenshot:


“A thief’s life is a shameful one, may God not make us bear thieves as children, this is very embarrassing, not good!”


Lalasticlala
Mynd44

krissconnect:
Most of these are northerners delicacy... Gross!

No bro...we chop am wella for southwest o

10. Sikin:

Key ingredients:
Cow's blood

This is very unhealthy but na God they protect public school pikin. I learnt it's the blood of cow cooked and cut into different pieces.

Whatever, we ate it and we are still alive till today!

lalasticlala
mynd44
Add yours!

9. Elekute

Key ingredients:
Grounded corn
Grounded pepper
Sugar


This is grounded dried corn mixed with sugar and grounded pepper. If you are not careful when eating it and it enters your nasal cavity, you know the rest. Elekute and Ori Abacha is the reason I lost many money (coins) as rats feasted on the base of my pockets on many occasions.

8. Okin, Shortcake and Marie-A

All I know is these 3 biscuits made my childhood than any!

7. Choco Milo:

Choco milo time don tey! The wrap in the picture below is different from what have we today! I still feel the chocolatey taste on my tongue till today!

6. lolly:

Key ingredients:
Sugar
Artificial colours

It has no other name. That name is universal and its known for its quenching power when walking home under the scorching 1:30pm sun!

Forget fan milk, this is the real lolly!

5. Baba dudu:

Key ingredient:
Sugar

Then, it came in beads. I'd buy a few knots and use as bead on my neck. Na only God sabi how many girls I use chyke for my class!

4. Eyin Alangba (Lizard's egg):

Key ingredients:
Sugar
Artificial Colours

This is also made of sugar but it came in different colors. It came in the size of a lizard's egg. The reason behind it’s name ain’t far fetched.

3. Ekanna-Asa (Eagle's claws)
Key ingredient:
Sugar

This is sugar melted; the "molten magma" is packaged into a cone-shaped paper and allowed to solidify. I cannot count the number of this I gulped.

2. Tabatabadi
Key ingredient:
Sugar
Artificial Colours

I don't know the meaning of that name but I can assure you that is its global name. This refreshment really destroyed a lot of lives; should I mention the inflamed anus or the watery 'sturv' you get to pass out as "shyt"

1. Ori Abacha:
Key Ingredient:
Epa (ekpa)

In other words, Kulikuli. It is a special delicacy made from groundnut mash. If you missed out on this delicacy, I dont know what to say...

kindly raise up your hand and say present!

I want to sincerely apologize to all Wrestling fans about my former article. Should you have missed it, here is the link.

https://www.nairaland.com/4426069/7-all-time-wrestling-legends
The list was short and couldn't contain all deserving names.

However, I want to make a list as regards the all time legendary refreshments in elementary school (may include more than this, please bear). If you don't belong to before '80s, it'd be hard for you to relate. but if you represent this category like myself,...... (see below)

Mynd44:
Wrestling is not real. It is basically entertainment; what you see is like watching a movie.

But it looked more realistic than what have we these days...Gosh, I can’t waste my time on what they call wrestling these days!