₦airaland Forum

BobbyTarantino:
I emphathize with you bro, I'm faced with a similar situation although to a somewhat milder degree, but I totally understand how you feel..
My best advice?...Just find a way to be away from that place most of the times, so you can find peace. in my case, I always made sure I stayed back in school even during holidays, understand that most people can never change, don't spend the most of your time, trying to find an explanation/solution to the situation, it's not your cross to bear..Spending time in such an environment can eat up your mental energy and bother your mind so much as to leave no room for your own creative energy and personal development..
Spend time away, work on yourself and your future ASAP, Understand time is going and hopefully you'll achieve your goal pertaining the family sooner than later..

Thanks

LordKO:
@OP

Your mother is a fully developed egoist with below average emotional quotient, who's unlucky financial-wise/career-wise - and your father doesn't have unlimited wealth, I didn't say he's not doing well or not giving his best financially and otherwise. Not that she could've been better if she's success in either or both the areas anyway, but it could have covered somethings.

Truth is that, it takes either voluntary slavery or outright servility to put up with any human being who's of your mother's ethical leanings, irrespective of her financial and career standing at any point in time - unless she's put in order from the inception, your father failed wittingly or unwittingly in doing this at the inception of their relationship. This should be a lesson to fake libertarians - libertarian doesn't mean absence of conscientiousness - and servile people.

And the reason she's not separated/divorced your father all this while is because your father has always been in a better financial standing than her, more so she knows that your father has always had genuine interest for her. It takes men of two distinct personalities to put up with her type for long without either killing each other, your father's type is one, but not the type to get the best out of her, and the altruistic and conscientious man (a real libertarian). The latter class would've made her a better woman character-wise by now and everyone in your family would've been living in mutual happiness all this while.

I can imagine the kind of emotional and mental havoc she's caused your father in particular and all of you in general, even though your father has adopted carefreeness towards her, as the connotation of your submission suggested, which is one method of handling people like her.

But for the sake of preserving togetherness of your family - unity and oneness aren't options - I would've tell you what your father should do if truly he wants to have his sanity back. . . . Somethings aren't meant to be said openly or in a situation like this.

For humanity sake, you all should take to carefreeness towards her but never mete out alienation on her or stop loving her. Your father in particular should continue to love her unconditionally, but he should forget any thought about staying in love with her, with this reality in place he'll gradually regain some of his lost sanity.

Dad has tried his best to ensure she changes... He has compromised so many times just to see her change... Whatsoever she feels that he is doing wrong he takes it from her as wrong.. Even though its baseless... And he has tried different methods.. But sir.. I feel she was sent to destroy everything....

She's a total nightmare

schoolboymatt:
Op are u the first child?

I'm the first sir

samuelson06:
@op

You have a point here, a big one.. I could ask though.

Modphase:
The entire fault is with your dad. A man should marry only a woman that listen n respect him. A man should marry only a woman he can tame. When a man marry cos of class beauty wealth or all those vanity stuff the consequences is what I think your dad might be experiencing but most of all your dad need to learn how to curtail the excesses of your mom. He can see advice from his mate or those more experienced than him. This case is simply as abc if I were u. A woman insult me over money will not get 1 Kobo from me no matter how many decade it last to have her brain resettled. If she like she can poison my food, maybe your father as an easy way of making the money he spent on insult from your mom sha.

You are correct only if it had been from the start... Now he can't even if he withdraws the money.. It won't solve anything.

Iogobenz:
Tell your dad to try this.let him leave the house abruptly for say 2 months without telling her or financing anything around the house.
So she can find and know his true value and will learn to respect him.
Absence is the best remedy for "see finish",unless of course,there is more.

Guy my dad left the house January this year came back may...

Guy the insults didn't stop.. It continued on phone and WhatsApp... The quarrel reduced because he consistly ignored her calls except if it was so urgent she would message him.

Iogobenz:
so all in all it seems to me your mom is just a nag?come on,this is laughable.
What woman isn't?
Seem she is not as bad as portrayed.you used way too harsh words bro.
Careful now.
If your dad succeeds alone,he can go on like that na..
I mean what else can she do but whine like every other woman out there?

Bro, when a woman calls u a beggar, despite u know his source of income... Calls u a womanizer despite u know
He's very careful with ladies, calls u an idiot for just no reason... Guy that one pass nag.

She doesn't see anything good about u and constantly compares u to his mates.

Guy how would u feel...?

You will feel withdrawn.. And feel bad especially when the next day she would still come to ask for money 200k , 100k etc and u will still give her and she would still insult u.

If u don't u would receive label and the house would be on fire

lilwetdick:
is she working like working in a real job or is she a full time housewife, maybe she is frustrated or depressed for lack of accomplishment or maybe she is just a bitter woman...but then again, the sabotage from her part maybe not wanting her children to be better than her,,maybe i am wrong but does your father play away game, maybe that might be the cause of her anger

Dad's a clean guy... He's not the type.. Despite the frustration... He hasn't said or made moves about bringing a second woman...and besides we know everywhere he goes... He doesn't leave the house without telling us his whereabouts but my mum must know this.

Especially if it his friends. The relationship btw mum n dad is so complicated.

Iogobenz:
yeah sad truth..
So what do you think your dad would have achieved without her in the picture?

A lot sir, a lot. But when he plans with her its disrupts.

But when he does it alone he succeeds, when she learns of the success she quarrels with him why he didn't involve her..and believe me that quarrels goes on for days

lilwetdick:
is she working like working in a real job or is she a full time housewife, maybe she is frustrated or depressed or maybe she is just a bitter woman

She used to teach... Not until 5years ago she stopped and started business... But the business as so much squandered a lot of cash.

She's not frustrated, depressed is not it... She prefer things go her way.

By herself she has reported my dad to so many people.

When they look at the matter thoroughly, the fingers points back to her, then she cuts off with those people and they become enemies.

Iogobenz:
First mistake I think your dad made is trying to build a dream with a woman.
It rarely succeeds.you don't build with women,you build and bring her in to enjoy,else na yawa.
Secondly,I think you are judging her too much.
Not every woman or person can succeed in business and it is natural to have your mom favour her people over your dad's.
Just try and love her the way she is and try as much as possible to avoid confrontations!if she is making a mistake and you find out,you either let her make it so she learns from it or look for a way to help her out without any sort of confrontations.
Also,everyone is valuable.na when you go lose her weh you go know the things she did for y'all.
Be wise,you don't wish bad upon blood.
Peace

Thanks... Sometimes I look at her, and I laugh like this is the same person.

But when the character comes, its something we have endured over the years. Now I'm 22... My focus is to get out of the house as much as I can. Taking internships and the rest. I just want to leave that environment.

Each time I come back to that environment after leaving for weeks.. The memories keep coming back.

She's unique, but when u look at things u would have achieved over the years especially as a hardworking man my dad is.

You will just be regretting.

lilwetdick:
is she literate

She's a graduate of mathematics education in unilag. She's sound.

Smart, but I just don't know the flaws thats in her body that wants to consume us. She beautiful too. But its not a situation to endure.

If I was in my dads shoes, I would have sent her packing long ago.

But my dads reasoning is bewildering... He just doesn't like separation or anything that will devour peace. And keeps his problems to himself.

Herbephe1:
no matter what, she still remains your mother!

You can say that... Its easy to say.. Until you feel the heat of the situation.

It affected me psychologically. There are times I couldn't concentrate when I was in school.

Decision I have made is that once I get enough funds.. They can't leave together they would have to stay in separate places. Coz seems my dad is always taunted by her words.

He has done enough..when I mean a enough to make her reason straight but damn.. Its like pouring water in a basket

She has made several statements that she would change..

Its just same person same old character.

She doesn't take to corrections she believe she's right...when she's logically wrong... Sometimes when u reason with her to know why she behaves on a particular issue u will be surprised as her reasons are so baseless and illogical.

When u feel like u could save the situation, u would have escalated the problem. U can't argue reasonably with her , at times she feels bad for what she has done...but that part of her only comes once in a while.. But when it comes to issues concerning we the kids at times her reasoning is sound. But when it comes to my dad.. Its always illogical and I'm this type of person that observes my environment and every little changes that occurs.

I always feel for my dad. He is lonely but what can I do. The only way he can get off his loneliness is by talking to us the kids and the few people he has left to call friends coz most of his friends left him because of her
attitude.

Dad is so smart, wise and very intelligent. My mum is smart but her character is killing. If not that she's my mum... We won't cross paths.

Kvngfrosh:
Bro yr mom is schizophrenic pls am sure of what am saying does she display any sign that she behaves lyk she can control everybody or that yr family are enemy of progress

She tries to control every situation.. And when at times my dad tells her the things not to do at some point.. When it seems wisdom is needed she throws it to his face like he is nobody. And when she does that stuff by herself, it it ends up in ruin.

Samyj247:
pls what state is your mum from....IMO?

She's yoruba, Ogun state precisely.. Dads delta..

Myself and siblings grew up in an atmosphere whereby no day passed without quarrel in our house.. We thought it was our dad that caused it while we were little. To the extent that they started fighting, beating and cursing themselves.

It continued for 7years until my dad stopped beating my mum because he was already tired of the relationship. Until we attained an age whereby we began to know the cause of the beatings and quarrelling. It was my mum. Her mouth is that of razor, sometimes I wonder what made my dad still go ahead to marry her. Coz there's a saying character is like smoke it doesn't hide, he must have seen the signs but still went ahead to marry her.

She has a way of thinking that its so annoying, baseless and useless. Very provoking. She doesn't have friends coz she can't keep or maintain that relationship.

She the type that doesn't care if her family is disgraced by her actions, she's the type that can go at any length to destroy things until she destroys it her mind won't rest.

Sometimes I wish she never bore me. I have received countless beatings and curses from her because I couldn't bear the humiliation she has done on my dad and us as a family. She sees everyone that don't support her actions as enemies. I so much hate her.

She can't be told information on what my dad does if not its war that day. I and siblings keeps our mouth shut when it comes to the whereabouts of our dad. My dad tells us all his movement and I'm like this is what is supposed to do to his wife. But what can I say. I can't blame him. But he married the wrong person.

We either live in fear or in lies just to make peace rain. My dad makes sure he's extra careful that she doesn't know his movement. My dad has planned out everything for us to make progress and succeed in life but my mum destroys every attempt. She doesn't know how to manage funds, for 3 years my dad spent over 3million on a business for her. She can't account for the money neither can progress be seen in her business, she is the definition of mismanagement.

My question is this why is she like that, she does things that doesn't make us progress an inch, sometimes I wish she was dead so fast as she's a night mare in our lives. She herself is not enjoying situation.. How much does she have... You know the funny thing... She wants to have a life but she can't keep one.

And my thoughts have been when I get enough money I'm going to separate them. She doesn't respect my dads family but carries her own family up ..I mean her parents.. She curses my dad virtually every time and she's still the same person that will ask my dad to give her money and my dads provides her the money whenever she needs it... Once she gets it she rain curses on him.

It got to a time I decided not to marry not until I saw women with good characters. Whenever I come across a lady the first I look out for for the first 3months of knowing her are likely characters my mum possesses. The moment I discover such I move away.

My mum is a torn in my flesh. And I'm scared my sisters are having one or two traits of her even though they never support her actions and moves. I can't marry a woman like my mother. I can never even if its gonna make me wait I can't rush into marriage.

I have learnt enough from my parents marriage its a disaster. If not that men like my dad who are so sincere to the last. I'm sure he would have abandoned us if not for his love.. He is the kind of father u would ever wish for.. His everyday regret is marrying a woman that instead of building his dreams with him scattered it.

Guys watch ur lady especially u that want to get married. If u notice signs u don't like talk to her about it. If she's adamant.. Leave her or else u live a life of regret.

Women are dangerous, only few made me change my decision and notion about marriage.

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