₦airaland Forum

Blurr: i see....u wth lil-faith...lol...i knw diariz hope....mai faith is as heavy as a mountain....

that's d spirit jare.

Who has any idea wen 24 hrs season 9 wil start again??...teen wolf season 4 jst got completed. Bye tø vampire diaries cos its nw as boring as hell. Waiting impatiently for games of throne season 5. Destined heart is jst as infuriating as Mara n Clara. Wish current filmwriters are as brilliant as d ones in d past(prison brk)




jst JOBLESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

[quote author=alkines][/quote]muffled up ..u'v gotten admission ??

Blurr: i fit take ALOMO wth roasted batmeat

lol, i no pity u ooo

Olardek: Pls can som1 tell me d reason y our o'level result was asked in d coc form.

cos they nid it

Blurr: egbon, na ALOMO i wan order for o.......willl i get it

sure...is that all? Hw u go drink alomo witout eating smtin..hw about àsun or jst fried meat?

Evnin peeps, I thought of sharing this important info wit u guys. I jst finished drinking garri wit chilled water nd hausa made kuli kuli.

also, av gat a wedding ceremony to attend tomoro,make ur order so i can help u pack ur choice of fud kum hme. Ordering ends 12:00 noon tomoro,pls order in time....nighty night.

T

FolabiCash: My great Ex predictes , Abeg which one pay pass to choose as extra subject(Engineering) ? Biology or Economics ??

econs

FolabiCash: Lmfaooo. Una just dey make us fear sha
Dusts jamb past questions , time to read mayne.
Thanks much baba. Me sef don dey jack already

i no dey make u fear oo bros...i fear entrance exam die, i was dancing azonto wen i received a txt msg last year saying d entrance exam has been cancelled.

U ppl shldnt compare last year wit dis year o...pls 4 ur sake, READ OOOOO

Mologi: in that case i will dictionary to comment on nairaland...

xcuse me; say what??

futurestar001: *SOWI MY DEPARTMENT NAME LONG*

a typical example @marc9

Marc9: c'mon! Don't u knw a graduate of agriculture in UI stands a beta chance of getting employed than a graduate of mechanical engineering in FUTA? Oya go and ask ur principal, oh sowi, ur VeeCee if I dey lie.

lol, agriculture dey useless?....ask animal psychology students or is it animal behaviour students?(dnt U.I have such department?)...by d way,FUTA has agriculture departments

Two young boys were plucking oranges from a tree belonging to an old man, they heard him coming their way and ran away with the ones they had. While the boys tried to run into the cemetery, they found that the gate was locked and they decided to jump over the fence.
While jumping, two oranges fell from their bag and they left it. When they were safely inside the cemetery, they began to share the oranges.
The boys started counting: One for you, one for me.
A drunkard passing behind the cemetery heard their voices and ran as fast as he could to the church to tell the priest that he has heard God and Satan sharing Corpses. Then the priest came with the drunkard to the entrance of the cemetery to hear for himself.
The boys were still busy counting: One for you, one for me.
After they had shared the ones they had, one of the boys asked the other, “What about the two at the gate?”
Immediately the drunkard and the priest heard this, they took to their heels.

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large garbage bags behind her.
One of the bags was ripped open, and every now and then, a $50 bill fell out onto the footpath. Noticing this, a cop stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $50 bills falling Out of that bag.”
“Oh, rats! Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.”
“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop. “Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?” “Oh, no, no,” said the old lady.
“You see, my yard is right next to the baseball stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through a hole in the fence, right into my garden.
Then I thought, “why not make the most of it? So, now, on game days, I stand behind the fence by the hole with my shears.
Every time some guy sticks his dingus through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, “O.K., buddy! Give me $50, or I cut off your thing!”
Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop

One day, Akpos and his girlfriend were seriously having a quarrel.
They shouted and insulted each other. Then Akpos suddenly said to her, ”PACK YOUR THINGS AND…”
At that moment, a phone call came in for her, so Akpos stopped speaking.
She answered the call and lo, it was her rich dad. She put the call on speaker. After the pleasantries, her father said, ”I have sent $100,000 into your account. Give Akpos $40,000 out of it and use the rest for your upkeep, okay?”
“Okay.” she dropped the phone, turned to Akpos and asked, ”So, you were saying?”
Akpos quickly readjusted and answered, ”I SAID, PACK YOUR THINGS AND GIVE THEM TO ME FOR WASHING.”

The following conversation ensured between Akpos and his teacher in an English class. TEACHER: “I killed a person”, convert it to future tense. AKPOS: The future tense is, “You will go to jail”.

Akpos, a bank manager, held a meeting with his staff because some news had been delivered from the company headquarters.
The following conversation ensued:
Akpos: There is bad news and good news from the HQ. Which one will you listen to at first?
Staff: (After deliberating for a while) The bad news first.
Akpos: You all have been fired!
Staff: Then what’s the good news?
Akpos: I’ve been promoted

When Akpos was studying law at the University College of London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely and always displayed prejudice and animosity towards him.
Also, because Akpos never lowered his head when addressing him as he expected, there were always “arguments” and confrontations.
One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University, and Akpos came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The professor said, “Mr Akpos, you do not understand. A pig and a bird do not sit together to eat.”
Akpos looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, “You do not worry professor. I’ll fly away,” and he went and sat at another table.
Mr. Peters, reddened with rage, decided to take revenge on the next test paper, but Akpos responded brilliantly to all questions.
Mr. Peters, unhappy and frustrated, asked him the following question. “Mr Akpos, if you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money, which one would you take?”
Without hesitating, Akpos responded, “The one with the money, of course.”
Mr. Peters , smiling sarcastically said, “I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom, don’t you think?”
Akpos shrugged indifferently and responded, “Each one takes what he doesn’t have.”
Mr. Peters, by this time was fit to be tied. So great was his anger that he wrote on Akpos’ exam sheet the word “idiot” and gave it to Akpos.
Akpos took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk, trying very hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move.
A few minutes later, Akpos got up, went to the professor and said to him in a dignified but sarcastically polite tone, “Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade.”

Akpos went to the American Embassy for a student visa, and the process of his interview with the white lady went this way
White Lady: what are you going to the USA for?
Akpos: To study.
White Lady: Which city, school and which course do you wish to study?
Akpos: Chicago, Economics and Statistics. These are my admission documents.
White Lady: But there are many Universities in GHANA that offer this course and you still want to travel as far as USA to study the same course why? I doubt your genuine intention and therefore can’t give you the entry visa that you have applied for.
Akpos: (In anger) please give me back my passport let me get out of this place. what do you think is in USA that is not in GHANA, what do you think that I will see in USA that we don’t have in GHANA here? Do you think that USA is in any way better than this country and if you think that USA is better than GHANA, then why have you chosen to stay in GHANA instead of your country America?
White Lady: (with serious anger and love for her dear country stood up and said to him): Look I’m gonna give you entry visa to USA so that you gonna travel to America and see what is in USA… the difference between America and GHANA. (out off anger, she stamped the visa for Akpos)

Akpos, a pharmacist was working in the late afternoon when a young man walked in and asked to buy a condom.
When Akpos dispensed the condom, he asked whether the customer knew how to use it. He said no. After Akpos had patiently explained to the young man how to use the condom, he shook hands and said “Good luck, young man!”.
The young man replied, “Thank you Sir, I am sure I will need it.”.
A few hours later, Akpos went home. His daughter then obtained permission from him to go on a date. His daughter got dressed and was waiting.
Akpos heard his door-bell ring. When he went to open the door, the man standing there was the young man he had sold the condom to that afternoon!
Needless to add, the meeting was, shall we say awkward, and Akpos was very angry to see the young man.
The question is, if the young man deserved luck with other peoples’ daughters, why did he not deserve luck with the pharmacist’s daughter?
The golden rule says, don’t do to others the things you don’t want them to do to you

Akpos is ill and goes to the doctor and describes his illness…
AKPOS: Doctor, I am always feeling weak.
DOCTOR: (gives him a medicine) You must always take four tea-spoonful of this medicine before every meal.
AKPOS: Ok Doctor, but there is one problem.
DOCTOR: What’s the problem?
AKPOS: I have only three spoons at home

Akpos’ WAEC result is Finally Out. The following conversation ensued between he and his father:
Papa Akpos: Akpos,I learnt your WAEC result is out.
Akpos: Daddy, you remember Arthur who used to emerge first in our class at the end of every term ? he failed. .
Papa Akpos: That’s terrible,what happened?
Akpors: You also remember Izzy who used to tutor me in the house? He failed too
Papa Akpos: what’s with the poor performance?
Akpos: Daddy I don’t know. That’s how it is.
Even Kelvin who won the Cowbell Science and Maths competition failed.
Papa Akpos: so how was your own result?
Akpos : You also remember Osas our senior prefect? He failed too.
Papa Akpors: (Angrily) Boy, tell me about your own result!!
Akpos : (angrily) If all those people
failed, do you expect me to pass? Am I a wizard?

A pilot announced, “Ladies & Gentlemen, the plane is losing altitude and all the baggages must be thrown out.”
A little later, the pilot says, “We’re still losing altitude, we must throw anything out that is in the cabin.”
The plane continues it’s descent despite more things being thrown out. The pilot announced again, “Still going down, we must throw out some people”
There’s a big gasp from the passengers! Then the pilot said, “But to make this fair, passengers will be thrown out in alphabetical order. So A, any Africans on board?”
No one moves.
“B, any Blacks on board?”
No one moves.
“C, any Coloureds on board?”
Still no one moves.
“D, any Darkies?”
Akpos, a little black Nigerian boy, asks his dad, “Dad, what are we?”
His Dad replied, “Tonight son, we are Zombies

OFFICER EAZY: What is your name?
AKPOS: M.P sir
OFFICER EAZY: Tell me properly!
AKPOS: Michael Peter sir
OFFICER EAZY: Your father’s name?
AKPOS: M.P sir
OFFICER EAZY: What does that mean?
AKPOS: Moses Peter sir
OFFICER EAZY: Your native place?
AKPOS: M.P sir
OFFICER EAZY: Is it Makurdi Purum?
AKPOS: No, Minna Port sir
OFFICER EAZY: What is your qualification?
AKPOS: M.P sir
OFFICER EAZY: (angry) What is it?!
AKPOS: Metric Pass
OFFICER EAZY: So why do you need a job?
AKPOS: M.P sir
OFFICER EAZY: Meaning?
AKPOS: Money Problem sir
OFFICER EAZY: What is your personality?
AKPOS: M.P sir
OFFICER EAZY: Would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time?
AKPOS: Monacrotic Personality
OFFICER EAZY: I see… I will get back to you.
AKPOS: Sir, how’s my M.P?
OFFICER EAZY: And what’s that again?
AKPOS: My performance sir.
OFFICER EAZY: MP
AKPOS: What’s that ?
OFFICER EAZY: Mental Problem

Akpos went to Church on Sunday and gave testimony that he was infected with Ebola and that God had healed him.
When he finished, he tried to give the microphone to the second man who was waiting to give his own testimony, but the man refused to take it:
The following conversation ensued:
2ndman – I have no testimony. Give it to Pastor.
(Akpos tried to give the microphone to the Pastor)
Pastor – I’m not in charge of testimonies so give it to the Senior Pastor.
(Akpos goes to the Senior Pastor)
Senior Pastor – Brother in Christ, the mic is yours. It’s a gift from the Church. You may take it home.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Marc9: Dats d spirit jare!

at least we dnt av useless departments

snoopy1: 2nd list is out!!
u can check urs 2mrw cus of d network pressure...... gud luck!!

dnt joke wit dis pls

Marc9: It's better u don't knw, since u didn't get it at 1st!

wateva, i'm proud of FUTA..filled wit boys or nt

carlosta: Fed. Govt. Boys' college

tanks jare

Marc9: Abeg no vex for wetin I wan talk o, abeg o.... Ok tanx.

Eh eh, I drove passed FUTA, and I almost confused it for "FGBC".

fgbc? Wtf does that mean?