sabak


i think am really educated by this

thanks

i have a new insight to things now

@ sabak
i think this is about the most matured and out rightly reasonable post i have ever read on nairaland, am most impressed. sometimes some posters take evrythin as a joke or make disparaging , uninformed remarks about someone else's problems, but this is good. i guess it shows that we still have a few good men left, your wife is real lucky, i bet she knows that.

(wed123)

A lot of those advicing you to confess have either never been in this sitaution or are underestimating the seriousness of the issue.

Here's what you may not know: the fastest/most guaranteed way to end your relationship or marraige to a guy is to "confess" to infidelity. Trust me. And like someone said earlier on, we (men) are never quite able to handle this - "nice" or "bad" guy - it cuts across.

O.k, let's just say 1 out of a million guys would live with this. But this odd guy will most likely be sufering from some kind of complex or is "living" with the sitaution just so he can have a defence for misbehaving in the future.

"For real. we are not built for this things_{even the bible says so}

About confessing, i cannot advise that move AT ALL, Men never go past it.


Sadak,

I'm really very happy 4 you and the way you were able to work it out with your wife. its an enviable move

I never cheated on my hubby and I dont pray to do so despite the fact that I have some reasons to do so. I would have asked you to confess to him but could he handle your confession and not use it against you till the end of days? Men are just like that. So baby girl dont tell him. Confess your sins to God and dont do it again. Confront him with that allegation and demand and explanation, if he owns up to it and ask for forgiveness simply forgive him and move on afterall you are not in a best position to cast the first stone if you know what i mean. As for your sex life, well talk to your hubby to do it the way that guy did it and you enjoyed it

DUMB IDEA DUMB DUMB DUMB, DONT TELL HIM Y, IS IT GUILT PUHHHHHHHHHLEASH. ONLY THE LORD KNOWS WHAT HE HAS DONE BEHIND U. IF U LOVE HIM DONT TELL HIM, IF U DONT, THEN THROW IT IN HIS FACE. MY ADVICE GO TO CONFESSION, CUT OFF THE OTHER RELATIONSHIP, ASK GOD FOR FORGIVENESS

AFTER 9 MONTHS OF TRYING HARD TO WORK ON MY MARRIAGE AND MYSELF AS ADVISED BY YOU ALL I HAVE COME BACK TO CONTINUE MY STORY. IT HAS TAKEN THIS LONG BECAUSE I FORGOT MY PASSWORD AND COULD NOT LOG IN WITH MY USERNAME SO I HAVE COME UP WITH REGISTERING WITH SAME NAME AND ADDED back to dbisi.

I must say i got confused because of the two advise i got here one to tell him and one not to tell him. I tried to see if i could discuss this with anyone but the shame! Not even my closest friend or pastor. As much as i tried i still find myself living in guilt and as much as i tried to free my mind, forgive my husband and enjoy everything i should with him i still have not for once enjoyed sex with my husband, i feel nothing erotic for him at all, we are great as friends we play, holds hands in public, play rough and all that but when it comes to anything emotional he never appeal to me.

How for God' sake can i get over this? I think i dont love him anymore deep down in my heart but i like him and he is a nice and wonderful person to be with but how long can i continue not feeling for my own husband?

perhaps u prefer ur ex.

Is advisable to not tell him that of curse is not being faithful but if you got nothing to lose, you got nothing to fear. Remember what you stated, you didn’t want the marriage but it was too late. Listen those who have ears. Is never too late, it doesn’t matter what people think. At the end of the day, is your problem not theirs. You can even change your mind while you are about to put the ring in his finger. So time is important, take your time don’t rush into things.

dbisiback:

AFTER 9 MONTHS OF TRYING HARD TO WORK ON MY MARRIAGE AND MYSELF AS ADVISED BY YOU ALL I HAVE COME BACK TO CONTINUE MY STORY. IT HAS TAKEN THIS LONG BECAUSE I FORGOT MY PASSWORD AND COULD NOT LOG IN WITH MY USERNAME SO I HAVE COME UP WITH REGISTERING WITH SAME NAME AND ADDED back to dbisi.

I must say i got confused because of the two advise i got here one to tell him and one not to tell him. I tried to see if i could discuss this with anyone but the shame! Not even my closest friend or pastor. As much as i tried i still find myself living in guilt and as much as i tried to free my mind, forgive my husband and enjoy everything i should with him i still have not for once enjoyed sex with my husband, i feel nothing erotic for him at all, we are great as friends we play, holds hands in public, play rough and all that but when it comes to anything emotional he never appeal to me.

How for God' sake can i get over this? I think i don't love him anymore deep down in my heart but i like him and he is a nice and wonderful person to be with but how long can i continue not feeling for my own husband?

Herein lies the root of your problem. You stopped loving him when he betrayed you by accusing you of cheating before you got married. You were coerced into marrying someone you knew did not trust you.

For now, don't tell.

In the meantime, to make your marriage work, go all out to SEDUCE HIM with all the works, the massage oil, the intimacy gadgets, the sexy lingerie, etc. The pendulum can only swing two ways, either he responds or he pushes you away.

If he responds, then problem is solved, shikena. You just have to live with the fact that he cheated on you and you revenged in secret.

If he pushes you away, out of guilt or having fallen for the other lady, OR if you really wanna move on and be happy with your marriage, OR IF YOU WANT TO KILL ALL THE BIRDS WITH ONE STONE:

Step one

kata kata has to burst, take the bull by the horn and tell him you know about the other girl. It would help to be specific if you have the girl's contact detail and name, so that your husband cannot wriggle out of the accusation.

Step two

In the heat of the moment, ram home the fact that he accused you of cheating before the wedding and make him feel guilty that he is the one that cannot be trusted. Don't forget to ask him how he would feel, if you revenge by cheating on him too. Infact, tell him that no force in Jupiter can stop you from revenging.

Step three

Try to keep a low profile, then three or four days after this confrontation, tell him you have revenged and cheated on him too. Don't make any attempt to correct his train of thought or his assumption that you have just done the deed o. Personally, don't give him all the specifics and tell him who you did it with, if he probes further, tell him the guy is someone he doesn't know, just like the girl on the phone is someone, you too did not know  

Conclusion

From now on, the only thing you are going to be feeling guilty about, is not telling him you revenged 9-10 months ago, but making him feel you only just did the deed, after you told him you would do it. 

Funny how there are so many don't tell him replies on here, yet we wonder why there are so many fraudulent people around.

To all you saying Don't tell him, i believe thats the natural course of your own relationships and you have fraudulent nature. Tis people like you who loose out when the past suddenly creeps up. What happened to openess and truthfulness in relationships?

@ poster

Please tell him at the right time. Better to deal with it together and forge ahead, than to live with the guilt till a friend of a friend of a friend who your EX has told, tells your husband someday.

if u dare tell him,just count yourself out of wedlock .The only option now is to go back to that man who knows how to handle ur predicament on bed to pls tell u what or how he does it on that evil day. Then you can stylish teach your husband to do it in the same way. 'REMEMBER U' DESERVE TO TO BE GIVEN 100 STROKE OF KOBOKO(CANED) FOR SIN AGAINST GOD.i.e "ADULTERY"

ask for god forgiveness and never try such again. bye

why did u cheat in the first place

@ tope 2000,

there you re!!!!!


ve been looking all over for u, in fact, i posted a thread for ur search in the general discussion forum,

come to papa, ;

sucess001:

@ tope 2000,

there you re!!!!!


ve been looking all over for u, in fact, i posted a thread for your search in the general discussion forum,

come to papa, ;

u mean come to peadophile?!

wow  .  One of the worst things a girl can do to me is cheat on me and keep it a secret.  I'm not interested in fucking an adulterated pussy.  Sick! Not interested in maintaining an impure relationship.



If I end up finding out at the age of 70, I will divorce her.

dude easy with the vile language! How can you describe a woman's body part like that?

You are not in love with this man, you never really recovered from the hurt of the accusation before marriage. Secondly you claim you always felt pain - why didn't you get a way to investigate why or discuss with your hubby?

You finally went and slept with someone else and enjoyed it with them - that means three things - you either have some psychological barrier that prevents you from enjoying sex with your husband, or he is not caring or sensitive, or the worst - you are not sexually compatible.

I don't advocate divorce, but the truth is that you don't love this man. It seems like you never loved him again since the accusation, so you should dissolve this marriage. If you don't want to do that, reveal your infidelity to him and face the consequences. If you are not feeling for him like you say, you'll cheat again - its inevitable, especially without the love present.

good! that's how much thinking about it makes me sick

to address the issue itself though,

Honesty is perhaps the most important vitue in marriage. Hidden truths and hidden problems will continue breaking the inner bond that solidarizes your marriage, eventually causing its destruction at a later time. So, please find it in your heart to talk with your husband.

Gal wont lie to u, like most people have said, tell him the whole truth and nothing but d truth if u trully love him and remind him of when it happened if he made it sound like it happened recently. It might be difficult initially, look for the best moment to tell him. If he is a real man and he ''trully loves you'' then you 2 will work things out (including d fact that u don't enjoy sex with him). Make it sound like you feel very very bad and ashamed of yourself for doing it, by so doing, he wouldn't be able to insult you that much because u've painted yourself black 4 what u did.

Please, don't tell him you enjoyed sex with your ex, than u did with him or else,  Proper yawa go gas OOO, 

As per d sex issue, u guys need2 talk it tru or c a sex therapist. All d best as u break d news.

Tell him let the worst happen it is better you tell him than him findi ng out believe me one day it must surely sneak out of your mouth or whom you confide in will use it and threatens you so try to pray a little for courage/boldness also for God to help change his heart to forgive you Good luck. I wish you the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh dear you are living a lie.  If you don't love him you need to end it all now.  Dont waste his time or yours.  Your are pretending your happy when you are not.  You should confess all to him how you feel and what you think he has done (the cheating) and what you have done.  Maybe confessing all will help you or maybe it wont.  But theres no point in living a lie.

She doesn't love him, has barely forgiven him for the accusation he made against her, went on to marry him, found sex unpleasant, had it with an ex and enjoyed it. . . .I'm sorry, I don't see much hope for this marriage.

Sex is not enjoyed, and more damning is that she doesn't love him. I think they should call it quits and not lead miserable lives just to appear nice.

I believe you should confront him with the voicemail, then confess - no point acting as if its all hunky-dory when its not

thanks Lady T

dats just d truth

I can just imagine what that "marriage" is like.
I cant imagine being married to a woman i dont sexually crave. Best to talk to him and decide if you both want to continue or not, it wont get better by keeping quiet . . . only worse.

davidylan:

I can just imagine what that "marriage" is like.
I can't imagine being married to a woman i don't sexually crave. Best to talk to him and decide if you both want to continue or not, it wont get better by keeping quiet . . . only worse.

Ahiahiai!| I dey smell smoke. Fireeeeeeeeee!

@ topic
Dump his ass and his incompetent d-ck!

michelin89:

Ahiahiai!| I dey smell smoke. Fireeeeeeeeee!

@ topic
Dump his ass and his[b] incompetent d-ck![/b]

Well given the contents of the voice mail, I would have to disagree with the above part in bold. It seems his johnny simply was not well suited to her, since the other lady swore to his exceptional pleasure causing skills when with her. Or it could mean that since he was still exerting himself with the other lady that johnny couldn't just deliver the same quality of service with another lady.

You might be right afterall, his equipment was incompetent in that it failed to deliver superior performance to both women.

I know you will be so scared at what your family and friends think but this is your life.  Dont stay there to save face.  Maybe it would be a good idea to have a break from each other and see how you feel about being apart.  
You obviously dont argue like cat and dog and you have friendly fun.  You should really tell him that you dont enjoy sex.  No matter how nicely you put this his ego will be hurt be prepared for him to lash out at you.  Even if he is a great lover the fact you dont find him sexually attractive will kill the mood everytime.

All in all please think long and hard.

I dont think you should tell him that you cheated but you should tell him that he doesnt pleasure you so a solution can be found. . . . it'll be hard for your marraige to last without sex especially since you've already tasted the good stuff.

motun_rayo:

I don't think you should tell him that you cheated but you should tell him that he doesnt pleasure you so a solution can be found. . . . it'll be hard for your marraige to last without sex especially since you've already tasted the good stuff.

wow ! motun rayo outta nowhere

Dbisi:

I had a problem with my husband about 2 months before our wedding, he suspected and accused me of having an affairs he later found was not true and this was after we have dated for 5 years. That broke my heart because i was a very decent girl and infact he disvirgined me after 4 years into our courtship after i had graduated from UI. He did apologise though and even though i tried to stop the wedding he begged me and made the whole world beg me i was no longer interested but it was too late. When we got married i realised i never enjoyed sex it is always pain and i tried to see if something was wrong with me, i tried to forgive him and free my mind and yet i still never enjoyed it. One day i listened to a voice mail a girl left for him of how much she enjoyed him and how he should not because of marriage forget her as he was too sweet on the bed, this broke my heart because i trusted him and now i realised its not as if he doesnt know how to make love it was my problem. Though i regret it now and feel quilty, i slept with an ex who never slept with me as a single girl and i must confess i enjoyed it, now i can't say what my problem is, i never did it after then and i still don't enjoy sex with my husband. I feel so guilty and i wish i could confess to him and ask for his forgiveness. Is it wise to do this and please if you have ever had like problem what can i do to enjoy sex with my husband. Please, this is a marital and serious and real issue will appreciate genuine and helpful advise.

You want to tell your husband u slept with an ex??
Are u from planet pluto?? Just take the secret to your grave.

Besides, what methods did your ex do differently from your husband??
I just don't understand how your ex gives u a real tumble and your husband can't move the earth for you . . . . .
Maybe u should communicate more in the bedroom. . . .
Tell your hubby how u want it done BUT never tell a man u cheated on him because u don't enjoy SEX. Marriage aint about sex alone.

HCH3COO:

wow ! motun rayo out of nowhere

What. . . . im just giving some advice

i know na. just sayin long time no see

@topic
i don't even know sha, to tell him or not to tell him, that is the question
-ibkaye shakespeare