₦airaland Forum

lebienconnu:
Life is not fair. Op, see this as a challenge and take it on. 35,000 per month will not take you anywhere in life. If you do not liberate yourself now you may end up working as a gardener or gateman in your old age. Of course, the bank will lay you off when you get too old or tired to bring those accounts. You, currently, are a factory worker. They are just keeping you alive to work for them. In effect, you are living to work.

Go and learn a trade. Acquire a skill and make urself indispensable to the society and the society will pay you handsomely. Let it be something you really enjoy doing.

This is the same advice I gave to myself. Am now learning a trade at a medical school in Nigeria learning how to be a Doctor.

Bro are you into Herbal medicine?

Boss13:
I do not believe this story. I know Access Bank, the Bank can give you outrageous targets, but they keep their promises if you meet the target. I just think this is a spill off from the UBA anonymous disgruntled staff and I expect to read more.
I will also like to know the educational qualification of these DSAs, because Access Bank will not employ University Graduates (2:1) under 24 years as DSAs and I guess the reason why the conversion is yet to take place is because these graduates do not fall within the recruitment policy.

so the dude will just wake up and form stories like that ? Even with all the names he named...

SCAM!

Handiwork of the opposition indeed!!..Abians na una know oooo..

Naijasinglegirl:
Prior to when I received my call-up number, I was told Lagos NYSC camp, Abuja NYSC camp and Port Harcourt NYSC camp are more exciting than others so I made plans to influence my posting to one of these states.

I typed 'NYSC Lagos Camp' on Google search bar and an image of a shirtless Iyanya appeared among female corp members.

Damn!

This might be my only opportunity to kukere Iyanya six packs, I thought.

Lagos camp was it!

That evening, I asked my parents for N30,000 to influence my posting. What followed next was a three hour sermon on "The implications of altering your destiny"

My parents were not going to give me the money and their decision was final.

I didn't let that perturb me.

The next day, I cleared my bank account for the NYSC runs boy.

Finally call-up letters were out.

While my friends scrambled to school to know their fate, I didn't bother. I sat back at home like a boss, observing things.


As long as I was concerned, my name was among those posted to Lagos and I was going to take things nice and slow.

Two days before camp was due to open, my proud self bounced into my school to get my Lagos call-up letter.
The last thing I remembered was seeing my name along with the state code IM.

I had been duped!

Before I could say 'IYANYA, I found myself on the floor.

My hard-earned 30K was gone with the winds. (Iyanya, you owe me 30k!)

The happy-humble people posted to Lagos had come to help me up.

Then came the sympathies from them.

"I heard bum shorts are cheap at Owerri"

"You might even get an Owerri boyfriend"

"Owerri has the hottest funspots in Nigeria"

"Flavour looks like Iyanya and he might come there to sing Ada Owerri for you guys"

Nonsense!

FIRST DAY IN CAMP
Two days later I stood miserably at the gate of Umudi NYSC Camp, Imo State.

I met some soldiers searching a long queue of prospective corp members.

When it got to my turn, they emptied my box and began making jest of me when they found 3 tins of cereal.

Luckily for me, one NYSC official took pity on me and assisted me with the registration process.

It would be an insult to Titus sardine If I say 46 human beings were bundled like sardines into one kirikiri looking room because nowadays, there is only one and a half fish relaxing comfortably inside Titus tin.

We had no toilet. They didn't care whether we gave a shit or not. All pun intended.

No provision was made for a bathroom either so we had to wake up as early as 3:30am to shower on an open field.

THE CLIQUES
The first thing I noticed were the foreign students clique with different real and fake accents.

Even graduates of University of Ghana had accents too.
Houdegbe North American University graduates had American accents too.

The funniest of them all was one girl from Enugu State University of Technology.

In a bid to be among, she had what some group of boys called a Chinese accent.

Who knows, she must have acquired it the day she had dinner at a Chinese restaurant.

THE PARADE
The first day I attended the parade, I heard a soldier telling some corp members.

"Bounce that leg harder! No be your leg again! Na the Federal Government get am''

Out of fear, I ran inside the bush to hide but unfortunately for me, one soldier caught me and she made me do frog jump for twenty minutes. When I was done, I became temporarily crippled.

I borrowed a walking stick from one fake cripple (we had a lot of them in our camp) and staggered to join the Orientation Broadcasting Service.

On getting there, I was rejected by the head of OBS because I refuse to present news in a fake accent.

Where the hell was I suppose to download one from?

MY PLATOON
We celebrities (yes, I am one! google Naijasinglegirl) in Imo State NYSC Camp tried to live a lowkey life but you know what they say about supernovas? LOL

In my case my oversized shoes and uniform stood me out!
My feet are size 36 but I was given size 44 boots so I had to double shoe pads and I also used a rope to bound my feet to my shoes.

The same went for my khaki. The tailors just couldn't get it right even after using one trouser leg to create a new trouser for me. I ended up doubling belts.

Platoon Officer wanted me to represent the platoon in Miss Indomie noodles beauty pageantry but I refused with reasons that I prefer Dangote noodles.

She got irked and threatened to post me to the deepest part of the Imo State where I won't see tarred road for a year.

CAMP KITCHEN
I sneaked into the kitchen one day and found a huge pot of beans swimming in a mixture of oil and water. I peeked at the bucket of watery tea and it looked like the milk they put was keeping malice with the hot water. Literally, they both refused to 'mingle'.

I instantly became a food rights activists with talks of
"How can they serve us this thing when we have no toilets?''

''Do they realise some of us are first class graduates?"

There was a wastage of food that evening as most people rejected the sad looking beans.

That night, our coordinator assembled every corp member and asked why three quarters of us didn't utilize our meal ticket.

She pleaded for answers.

I and some other busybodies raised our hands and complained campfood is shitty.

To cut the long story short, we were made to sit in the open field till 1am for that statement.

MAMI MARKET
Mami market was my place of refuge. It solved my problem of food and fun.

Thanks to the cool guys I made friends with, they all took turns to pick my bills.

That went on until one particular girl towering above 6ft pulled me aside and warned me to stay away from her camp boyfriend or ...... (Reason I left camp as single again)

REDEPLOYMENT
Many corp members applied for deployment to different states on health grounds. So many of them had come prepared with letters from hospitals, faking different sicknesses.

They were desperate!

One particular guy lied early madness runs in his family.

Say what??

I also wanted to get a fake asthma report but my father as usual called and threatened to disown me if I wish evil upon myself.

The only real illness I suffered from was sleeping sickness. (In camp, I could kill for an extra five minutes of sleep every night)

LIFE OUTSIDE CAMP
Last day of camp we were issued our posting letters. I had lost weight to the extent that my shoes were not sizing me. My complexion got so dark & burnt that all I thought of was how I was going to soak myself in a bathtub of bleaching cream for 3 days. My place of primary assignment was one bush secondary school in Owerri. My greatest challenge was where to get hotel accomodation for two nights during our PPA registration process. Almost everyone in camp were plagued with the same problem. Prior to that, I had no idea services like HOTELS.NG (you know that wonderful site, don't cha?) existed and my ignorance cost me.

I eventually found one church family house. There, I was handed a list of rules and regulations.

1. Only English language and speaking in tongues allowed.

2. No sleeveless shirt or trousers.

3. No smiling with boys anyhow.

4. Compulsory 5am devotion and 9pm devotion.

5. You must be fully 'kitted' on your way to the bathroom. No tying of towels.

Literally, I went from one regimented place to another.
No Etisalat, MTN and Airtel service too. Only Glo ruled...no pun intended.

After my first night there, I couldn't take it anymore. Someone took me to one Mavis Suites for about 8k per night. Hotelier deceived me that the hotel was the cheapest one I could get in Owerri Municipality.

I parted with my hard earned money.

On getting to my PPA, it was the ugliest place I have ever been. I begged the school authorities to reject me but my pleas fell on deaf ears.

I was allocated to the administration unit of the school as an office assistant to some female teachers.

That's how I spent my NYSC days assisting some Igbo women to unwrap their okpa and stir their abacha ncha.

The End.

@naijasinglegirl
http://www.naijasinglegirl.net

Overall, NYSC is an experience of a lifetime.

How is/was your own NYSC camp experience?

hmmmmmmm...I see another Chimamanda in making...Nice write up

hamingra:
I consider this the ultimate insult on the souls of the dead by their families. How could they have descended so low as to collect blood money from the very person that killed their person. Its worse still that the people responsible where sitting right there with a stupid smile on their face. How could the family members desecrate the memories of their dead by going on to accept employment fron the "bloody" hands of the killer of their family member!

I feel so angered, not necessirily by Oga Jona, but by these idiot family members!

Seconded!!..Even from the pictures,not a single smile on their faces as they collect the cheques and appointment letter..I don't think they are happy collecting it

phemmy88:
R.I.P to the dead......i wish the police corporal be shot in the head...!



meanwhile..............since 2008.....this is my first time of attaining this feet...
FIRST TO ......U know d rest...


I dedicate this to my pregnant wife...and to all pregnant women on nairaland!

Wait a minute..or are my missing something? Is there a kinda reward for FTC things?..cus I don't get it..

joeyekembele:
Before you apply, you must make sure that you are not a supporter of APC which is trying to take us back to the 80s. The vacancies are for the supporters of transformation agenda as the job is meant to transform nigerians. Buhari and his supporters are planning to establish a cattle rearing company in Daura when he returns to his villa after 28 March. So, if you are one of them, that is the right job for you.

what's this one sayin?

Zohan:
That's some shades of Pink, Blue and White.. He he.
50 Shades of Grey is Over hyped buh not up to the controversial Movie "9 Songs"....

Hmmmmm "9 songs"..

DeConsult:
If you applied in Abia State and you are not currently in UMUAHIA to atleast check your name, this thread is here to assist you. Meanwhile the screening has started and will.continue on Monday.
For Screening:
NYSC--- a copy of acknowledgement slip and call up letter.
Post NYSC---- a copy of your acknowledgement slip and discharge certificate that MUST be from 2011--2014
Students----a copy of your acknowledgement slip, admission letter and ID card
That's all for screening

. I don't have a copy of my call-up letter here with me in Abia..But,I have got my acknowledment slip and NYSC I'd card..hope I can still go for the screening exercise?

“The army after toppling our democratic regime have no option but to install Buhari as head of state so as to avoid credibility problems, especially in the sight of the international community because of his being an epitome of integrity."
- SHAGARI.

“There are only 2 honest & reliable Nigerians. Myself & Buhari. All what PDP is saying of Buhari being fundamentalist is mere hot lies. They just fear, let‘s go to jail “
– OBJ

General Muhammadu Buhari as a member of the
Supreme Military Council and as Head of NNPC was by nature taciturn and introvert. But he took any work that was given to him very seriously. He is reliable as he is hardworking and honest, his path of moral probity and rectitude” Incorruptible
– President Olusegun Obasango , in his book, “Not My Will”.

“Buhari was a big brother & a father to some extent that mean nothing in life & to the nation always other than good. So, I fear no harm from him.“
– LATE YAR‘ADUA.

“Buhari was honest & sincere in all his conduct that
perhaps, only very few Nigerians could match in
integrity.“
–GEN. ABDUSSALAM

“Gen. Muhammadu Buhari was a true patriot,
respected former head of state & elder statesman & a nationalist.“
-PRESIDENT JONATHAN.

“I have realized our collective mistake in over-
throwing you. I have seen the terrible damage which our inaction caused to the Nigerian psyche. I am most sorry. Please, come and do what is best known about you. Patriotic service to the nation.“
–LATE ABACHA (PTF inaugural speech).

“If Buhari quit PTF job as he promises & as we knew him to mean his words, all along, I support the idea of scrapping PTF as no one else can do the job as him.“ –IBB

I respect Buhari. He was my Boss.He was an honorable man. And I can say this anywhere”.
-General Ibrahim Babangida.

“As a member PDP BOT, I decided personally to
donate the #5,000,000 to Buhari‘s campaign
organization because of my firm believe in his ability to right all the nation wrongs- ALH. ISIYAKU IBRAHIM.

“Buhari is as clean as the book I am holding”
~ Alhaji Isiaku Ibrahim, a Member of PDP Board of
Trustees @ a Book launch in Kaduna

“The issue of Gen. Buhari‘s presidency was always
being derided by the criminals who looted the nation to stupor by embarking upon a campaign of calumny so as to smear his name with a view to denying Nigerians having a leader who can improve their lots.“
–PROF. DAVID WEST.

“If the truth must be said, Buhari remain the only real threat to PDP wither he runs for the presidency or not due to his wider followership among the masses that now hit the elite circle.“
-SEN. MAKARFI.

Not easy ooo...I lose cash every day..Thinking of quiting..buh I love this idea..

@mayowa..happy sunday too...Did you influence your PPA to ohafia or its just luck ?

Thanks Alonge...I did go there to book on monday.How much is the fare?

Im posted to Abia ooo..Unilag don kill me ooo...

Bigboyz32: For all you critics, I have one question for you: do you read motivational or inspirational books like Napoleon Hill's, Myles Munroe's, Benjamin Franklin and the rest? If you do, then I dont understand your grudges against this men of God. They talk about faith which is what the motivational speakers talk about as "belief". Bible gives you answers to all of life's questions whether you believe it or not. These men of God are only helping you on how to understand and rightly practise the bible's teachings so you can receive all its promises. The physical is controlled by the physical and so there is need to start effecting from the spiritual. If you dont like it, pls unfollow this thread.
I am a Catholic, but I am proudly here live in Shiloh. Redemption is a personal thing not in churches.

No,you are not a Catholic...you are a Religion prostitute....

"BURNING BUSH" is dope...Here is the lyrics...

She say she like to burn bush
Says that’s the only way that I can learn
the truth
So I listen to her when she slowly roll
the kush
Desire is the root and evil is the fruit
Just a little boy
Barely in my youth
She told me that a lot of lies are hidden
in the truth
She said unquenchable fire
Freedom for the youth
Let them know the truth set fire to the
bush

Early when she wake up some say a
prayer
But shawty gon bake up
Daughter of eve and the seed of jacob
Early when she wake up
Early when she wake up
Said the fire save her now
Said she’s the daughter of abraham
Some say she’s the unfaithful one
Somebody better save me now…save me
now

Burn the bush..with the sticks and seeds
Shawty said that’s what she needs
She burn it all…she said sticks and
stones can’t hurt her soul
Early in the morning
When she feeling lonely
She say jagga say a prayer for me
Keep my enemies away from me …away from me
Burning…she wan burn the bush

Early in the morning when she feeling lonely
say a prayer for me
Keep my enemies away from me
Ohh weyy eeeyeeh …let me fulfill my destiny
Keep my enemies away from me
Away from me

Burning…she wan burn the bush
in the morning…she wan burn the bush
when she feeling lonely
say a prayer for me
Keep my enemies away from me
let me fulfill my destiny
Keep my enemies away from me
Away from me…away from me

A lot of people burning bush
Living in the city some are living in the bush
Desire is the root and evil is the fruit
See a lot of lies can be hidden in the truth
Like how our politicians take possession of the
youth
Take the election booth and they burn it to the
roots
When the military shoot
No profession in the booth
You know..that we running in the bush
Am flyiinngg…my hope is in zion
I know to keep my self silent
Cause the kingdom suffer in violence
Can you hear the sirens?

Early when I wake up
Some say a prayer
Jesse jagga gonna bake up
Son of eve and the seed of jacob
Early when I wake up..early when I wake up
Fire gon save me now…
See I’m the son of abraham
Some call me the unfaithful one
Somebody better save me now…save me now
I burn the bush with the sticks and seed
It is what I need
I burn it all with the sticks and stones
Can’t hurt my soul

Early in the morning
When I’m feeling lonely
Please mama say a prayer for me
Keep my enemies away from me
Away from me
Burn the bush with the sticks and seeds
Shawty says that’s what she needs
She burn it all
Sticks and stones
Can’t hurt her soul

Early in the morning
When she feeling lonely
She say jagga say a prayer for me
Keep my enemies away from me…away from me
Keep it burning..I’m gone…
keep it burning..when you’re feeling lonely..
Say a prayer for me
Keep my enemies away from me
uhh yea…fulfill my destiny
Keep my enemies away from me…away from me

Burning
Uhhh nooo
Keep it burning
Nooooo
Keep it burning..burning..burning…
Nooooo
Keep it burning..burning..burning
Noooo
Keep it burning
Keep it burning

Jesse Jagz is gonna be around for a long time to
come,cus His music is Real... he might have made the best decision in his life by leaving Choc City.

i need too ooo..iphone 4s 30k .

Blackberry bold5 (white) very neat and clean...@37k. Phone number 08082081380

All you penticos sayin stayin faithful to a Church teaching wont lead one to Heaven..Do you guys have any idea that there are 7 sacraments observe by the catholic church which includes Baptism,Holy communion,Penance,Confirmation,Annoiting of the sick,Holy order and Holy matrimony and observin this sacraments is like a path way to making Heaven...so,seriously these days i get tired of these penticos folks..i remain a catholic because attending a mass is just so different from any of these penticos service..im just so proud to be a catholic

My name is Bamidele..i am in my finals from university of lagos,studyin botany.i want to be part of this society.my email is delejames@gmail.com..i want to knw how to go about it and it gains.

Kanye West-Bound 2

ghananotnaija: With Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour, who needs reason? All I need is Jesus.

bros,u need reason..so u wont be a religion fanatic..

bebechuks: You should explain it for us.

Are guys so sure?

Guy let me give you 8k..

Guy,let me give you 8k.

Let me give you 10k.

Can i get a fairly used one? I dnt have money for new ond.