it really doesn't make sense to me, why you people feel insulted, because this guy said that he has a good wife and he just told us his experience in diaspora. if you are living in Europe you will see that his experience is the norm, not the exception. that's why most of bi-racial marriages are not surviving; is to much pressure over the blacks to divorce the white. in the nigerian church that i attended we were 3 white ladies married to nigerians; for our marriages to survive our families had to leave the church, otherwise we will collapse. if you are real christian you know what are your responsibilities and like the head of the family you are the priest, protector and provider of your house. I personally have nothing against nigerians, i married one, remember? but again i can't keep blind and mute when i see the lousy mentality and attitude that some of your citizens have oversee.

Dear childofGod09,

i'm glad that you are happily married. at least someone can testify that white ladies are not only after sex and that the christian white ladies are good wives (especially ones from eastern EU). what you experienced with the black ladies/people in the church/street/etc. i experienced too. at the beginning i didn't understand their hatred and why someone that is christian and is going to church will have such a lousy attitude, but i now i don't care anymore; i learn how to deal with it- ignore it!!! the thing that made me upset and really made me to stop going to the Nigerian church was when my child wanted to play with the other children and she was pushed away by the black children, the reason being:" you are not playing with us, because you are NOT black!" thank God my daughter, was 3y/o that time and she didn't understand exactly the signification of the statement; but my husband and I who assisted to the scene we were heartbroken. these racism and differences are thought by the parents form the childhood, and those are children that are born and raise in europe, so what expectation can one have from the adults?

the cult of personality.......i hope that all rccg members that worship their leaders know that this are only people and no matter how talented, smart, inspirational and religious are, they are still creation and not the creator. this woman "Mother in Isreal....." ?!! seriously!? well is still good that they didn't say that she is the mother of God......i guess.......anyway there is so much heresy and stupidity.

i live in europe and i'm going to a rccg church. few months ago we went to a mfm church that is near to our house; but one thing is not ok in my mind about this churches: the prayer time. i can't enjoy the prayer time becuse for me is like the cursing time, and i can't say Amen to it. All this prayers with backfire this and backfire that, let my enemy die, let your fire consume them, etc, it's not making any sense to me, not in christian way. Is like another gospel is proclaim there, not the Gospel of Christ, who said to pray for and bless your enemies. so i told my husband about it, and he told me that i'm too behaind with my faith and i don't know what prayer means and he gave me some examples from old testament. that's ok, but where is the grace? i grew up in a christian family; part of my family was persecuted because of their faith in Christ, during comunism time, but i never heard someone in my family to speak bad about their persecutors, never; instead they where always praying for them and asked God to open their eyes to see the truth and to be saved.
So what you guys think about this "new christianity"?

Hydrogen peroxide? it's not that chemical used to bleach you hair? how can you use it in your mouth? it's crazy!!!!! it will burn you!!

Try something safe and efficient:

CB12 mouthwash
http://www.boots.com/en/CB12-Mint-Menthol-mouthwash-250ml_12

good job!

Again Sister, you get to the core of the issue. i think that only a non-nigerian wife will understand your point of view. it's not about atacking another tribe, it's about saying the other side of the story. good job!

hei Sister


i agree with everything you mention above. it's sad that you can see this in the church too; nigerian women being rude to you only because you are not nigerian. i don't understand why all the time they make such a big issue about their culture, when you see that this culture doesn't help them to grow and be a better person or to have more succes. and they have double mesures: they can complain against their cultural things, but the moment you say the same thing they give you the evil eye. i was really shocked at the beginning, now i'm imune; i just ignore them and laugh when the bring all the cultural bull****.

my daughter likes to take always something(book, doll,toy) with her when she goes to kindergarden. one day she wanted to take the new doll, and i told her that she can take anything else but not the doll. it was too hard to decide about what to take, and as i was busy to dress her, she asked me: mama, can i take my bellybotton?

hei poster

i don't know how much will help you, but i know someone with the same problem. they are married for the past 7 years, have a child, the man is not interested in sex with his wife. yes he had several other "girlfriends",but he ia not in to his wife. the wedding night was like yours, they had sex only 4 days after wedding and only because the wife told him that she will ask for an anullment. like you she spoke with everybody, from family to pastor, friends, etc, but nothing change in good; actually he was very angry and abused her, both verbally and phisically. they are christians and for my friend all this situation was totaly crazy. He is not showing any affection/appreciation towards her, but he is paying for all the house needs.
From the last year i saw a change in her, that she is more relax and she told me that she get to the point where she doesnt have any more expectation from her husband. She enjoy what he can offer; for the rest she let God to take care of everything. Now she is involved in different community projects and she seems happy.

nothing to worry yet, if you are sure that he is hearing good. some children start to speak very late, arround 4y/o. after 4y/o if there is not any improvment, take him to speach therapist.

Check the ventilation system, the pipes, any dark space and yes, change your locks. i'm living by 6th level in a flat and last year i found a mouse in my washing machine, so everything is possible.

biologically sex has the opposite efect over women; it's make us feel relax and energize, because of the hormons realease (serotonine, dopamine and oxytocine). i understand "the feeling tired", but once you started the effect is great over the body and mind. so at the end is about wanting or not; it's a choise.

she wants/need money and he wants green card; it's more frecvent over us and eu. remember the uk cases against the pastor who married 300 nigerian-european couples? the eu married for money and the nigerian for residential permit.

tithing it's something that God asked the jews to do, not the gentiles and it was part of the jewish law. now that Christ fulfill the laws of the old testamnet we are free of this required. and anyaway God never intended this to be for the church and gentiles, but only for jews(before Christ) and if today someone ask/want to keep tithing he/she should keep all the law.

http://tegenlicht.vpro.nl/afleveringen/2012-2013/het-welvaartsevangelie.html

i'm tired of prosperity teaching. this documentary was monday on dutch tv. see the material about RCCG. for me the tehnics used today in the "church" looks like brainwashing and all that create is psyhose(all these songs and words repeated and repeated again). more of this GO are starting to look like the pope; they are the popes of a new a strange religion.

Gambrosia: O pa ri!
O ku rin MERIN!!!
Igbo?
Cult?

Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!! "AGBALAGBA OMO OTOKOTO" ni yen o!!!!

Packing my 'oracle' beads and exiting hastily through the back door!

Errrrr, OP. . . . Goodluck with ya son.

Washing my hands thoroughly.

i don't understand all; please translate.
he was in something relating to money; his uncle introduce him, but after he return to Christ, repented and stopped. he told me that from all his friends/ work mates that join the cult he is the only alive, because of Christ. that time, 20years ago they were all working for his uncle company. he never told me what exactly they were doing in that cult.

- he had papers when we married; he was in some cult when he was "young and foolish", but Christ found him and he repent.
- we have a 3 years old child.
- he doesn't go anywhere; not with his friends, not with me, not to church. he only talk on the phone in igbo with his friends/family so i don't understand(only few words).
- it's possible to have a relationship online/phone, but i dont know for sure.i asked him about it, but he denied.
- legally he doesnt have rights over my proprities, not now or in case of separation/divorce/death.

1. both of us are paying the bills. last year i worked less, but i have some proprieties(before marriage) that bring us money. monthly we are sending money to his parents in nigeria.
2. we don't have sex; last year we had few times; he is not interested, and i'm tired to ask of it.
3. it's not juju/jazz; i didnt know about this untill i married him. i wish what i experience will be a movie, but no: it's reality.

yes, sending him to therapy is not working, but again what should i do? he is not open to talk about anything; for him everything it's ok. so....
anyway thanks for advices.

thanks everyone for your input. he has a steady job and he is working, but when he is at home, i can't take him out of that bed or to do spend some time like family. yes i'm white, and i talked to him and try to understand what is going on, but he doesnt want to talk; he is fine; everything it's ok from his point of view. he stopped going to church; speaking on the phne, browsing the internet and sleeping are the best activities. for a while i said ok, we all have times when we want to be alone and need space and i let him be free, but this situation is going more then 12 months. that's way i thaught therapy will help.

i try to keep myself happy and i have friends, but that's not enough; i want a family and i want my husband to be involved in our marriage.

@debrief- i'm the one who always saying i love you and care; lately even this is annoying for him, so i stopped.

my husband is spending all his free time on the phone talking to his friends and family, browsing his iphone or sleeping. i tried to talk to him about this, but he is saying that he is tired. all the time tired. i'm thinking that he suffer of depression and i told him to see a doctor, but he refuses. he is not interested in anything and if i ask him to do something,is not happy. we are married for the past 4 years and it wasnt like this at the beggining, but now looking back i see that is a growing process; because i was busy with work and raising the child, i didn't realise it. in the same time i know that nigerian men(at least the people i know in my community) are not to much involved in the family life; as long they go to work and provide, their jobs is done. i'm feeling frustrated of all this "absence", because i feel that we are becoming strangers. any idea what is going on?

Omo Alata:

Then I will pray fire prayers on her

Seriously though, thanks everybody

i have a simillar situation. my husband is going to this nigerian church(rccg), but i'm not comfortable there. i found a evangelical church near home and sunday morning i'm going to the evangelical church and after i'm going with him and the kids to rccg and because i dont like the service(they shout and scream)i get involved in children service, taking care of the toddlers group. he is happy, nobody ask him where is your wife and i'm ok(having the morning alone without him and kids arround). maybe you can get involved in something else there in the church.

and about others ladies snatching your husband...... well they tried with us(i'm white married to a nigerian so you do the math), but it didnt work; in a christian marriage is not only the husband and wife, there is God too, so i always send them to fight with Him.

vedaxcool:

The same way that god fought for his "son" on the cross right?

The same way He mandated the Jews to stone all blasphemers?

The same way He fought for the children of Isreal In their battles with the philistiens?

The same way that god passed the cup over Jesus head that Jesus thanked him by saying why have you forsaken me?

Abi which kind of protection be that?

Aren't better off thinking before you post rather than ranting . . .

As I've said: i don't have to defend Him; but is good that you are interested on knowing Him. keep going, you are on the right way, only in different time(old testament). we moved in the grace time(new testament)that's why we dont fight for Him.

Christianity is the only faith where the practicants don't have to fight for God; their God is fighting for them. That's shows His power. i can't believe in a god that ask me to fight for him; what god is that, who can't defend himself? so see the truth and fake. it's common sense.

because is very hard to understand them when they use the"nigerian accent". they just adapt to the new culture and accent

i agree with acidtalk and the post. i'm tired of this churches that are focus on prosperity doctrine and general psychoses/brain washing.

A time will come when instead of shepherds feeding the sheep, the church will have clowns entertaining the goats.

--C.H. Spurgeon

this is not only in nigeria, but all over the world. we need discernment.

http://www.justinpeters.org/index.php

i dont understand what kardava has to justify to us about her decision. it's not our business. i believe her, because i had the experience at the beginning of my marriage; people back home being more important then us. i felt like a slave, because we both work, but his money was his and my money were ours.this was until we had the baby, and he was alone with the bills. it was very hard, and he had to work 2 jobs. now things are good; we agreed how and whom we help. as i said before, is nice to receive from time to time a feedback from his family, but if is not possible, that's it.

i'm not supporting kardava in her divorce decision, if she love him and he loves her. i know that it's not easy for him either, because all this tradition and customs are very demanding, and if the nigerian husband is caught in it is hard to get free. maybe involving his church and pastor will help. he has to get that she and the children are the priorty and after them, the relatives. his family now is kardava and the children, not the mother&co.

hello there

i believe the turkish lady. i'm married to a igbo man and even that i understand the needs of the people back home in nigeria, and i support them, i don't understand why the same people dont have the courtesy to phone and say thanks. we are married for the past 4 years and they never called once to speak to me, not even when my baby was born. we are paying them the house rent every year, send money when they have to go to hospital,etc. is frustrating, because no one from the family(execpt my father in law before wedding)ever talked or asked about me. my husband told me that he would like to bring his mother over, and honestly i dont know what to expect. i hope it will not be the same treatment the turkish lady received.

hei kambili190,

thank you for your wishes.

about you your situation, you cannot change the past, but you can influence the present and change the future.

you had a bad relationship, and thanks God that you are healthy and nothing wrong happend to you.  apparently  the guy liked you, and didn't use you for his evil business.

i heard so many stories of girls used in traffic(gold, drugs- you name it) and they do this because they love the guy. and the love is there as long the business is good, not when the things are bad. some of this ladies are in jail, some are dead, or with serios emotional problems.

you are angry? you are entilted to be, because of his behavior and it is another step one they to get better and recover from this nightmare.  but don't stay to much in this emotional state, and move further. As Chrisitan you know that your life and destiny is in God's hands. Let Him to heal you and to help you to forgive and forget everything. Your self-worth and value are not depending of a man. You are valuble in God's eyes, that's way He sent Christ on Earth, to show you and tell you about his love. So way, focusing on past, and not on what God has for you in future? Repent and follow Him,  and let Him to do His will in your life.

blessings

hi poster

move on with your life. i had a similar experience 14 years ago. nigerian, involved in illegal business, church goer, really nice, compasionate, affectionate,etc. but it didn't work, because the love of money was bigger than the love for God.

this people, and by people i don't mean nigerans or men, but people that are involved in illegal matters, will never do what is right. they can't.  their mind is so confused that they will call what is wrong like being good. they even pray to God, so their bad ways to be succesful.

so, just forget and forgive yourself( that was the hardest part for me) and move on with your life. is hard, but is possible and i'm the living proof.

now i'm married to a nigeran man, even there are some differences, believe me, good men are not finished. 


blessings