NoToPile:


@bolded with a spouse it will not be slightly different, it will be significantly different. Like 2 people from different backgrounds, orientation living together and you are saying it won't be significantly different abeg o.

I don't mind I will answer the ones I can.


- Play, joke/ fool around is mostly spontaneous, not something planned anyway. But I will say it is as it has been, if not lesser simply because there are more responsibilities now, little ones running up and down the house stressing everyone so not much time to catch fun, so the ones that happens we make the most of it. I could come with one Gist / aproko from the office and then we analyze dissect it, and then other conversations come in from his end and just when you are going with the flow a toddler needs attention

Just understand a lot of things can affect this, children, work, stress, even finances. A family without money might not be able to joke or fool around.


2.

3. If I could, I would want him to talk more and not suck somethings in like most men do.

4. Hmm, the personality of the lady also comes into play, someone with an extreme out going, extroverted personality might (will) not be able to cope. So I would say if the person extremely extroverted there's no point they would be miles apart.

I need to say I am also a quiet indoor person, just that I communicate better with people closest to me,not a SM freak like him too, possibly this similarity helped.

Major difference is I believe in talking things through with my loved ones but outside I would rather be silent and ignore since I believe they really don't matter in the grand scheme of things.

5. Yeah I do and I am not managing.


6.Yeah I would, I don't need one hot head that will be frustrating life out of someone.





Let me add this

Please don't be stiff in your home, let your stiffness stay outside , most women cannot cope with a stiff man, they might just manage, Loosen up.
In marriage things flow naturally they just do, different things, you laugh together, cry together, celebrate the little successes, the big ones, you quarell, make up, etcetc.

All you need is one lady that will sweep you of your feet, that stiffness will disappear. just have an open mind.

JovialJune:



People say this "beauty fade" thing to console themselves abeg let's tell ourselves the truth, if you're fine you're fine, and you will keep aging like fine wine,

If you don't want exposure on other social media, pls try to be on WhatsApp so as to familiarize yourself with being able to communicate and flow with people, so pls work on that aspect

Thinking of it, I actually have a friend exactly like you and I'm already tired of being her friend sef, she's so introverted to the extent that she apologises everytime I chat her up, because she knows I will always complain about her silent treatment, I'm basically her only friend or acquaintance (I don't even know if she sees me as a friend sef) so your personality doesn't come as a surprise to me, with the way I keep advising her on improving her communication deficiency due to marriage etc, I'm sure she will block me one day

mariahAngel:




At least, you've got some humour. That is a very important quality.
You can read people too. I think that is special.

NoToPile:


Well you will have to communicate, it's not a sort of default settings if you ask me, your wife is someone you should be open to, even if you are quiet outside, there should be some liveliness with her, No woman will want a silent guy totally silent.

So bro you will need to unstiff your self, even stiff people become relaxed in the presence of their spouse. Your stiffness should not extend home.

Sorry to ask oo but don't you laugh? You made it sound like it's wrong to laugh and play as kids

Biglittlelois:



This!!!

JovialJune:
Are you at least handsome? It can cover up the lack of communication when in a relationship, some ladies no mind

Can you at least be on WhatsApp, because I don't see the difference between being on this forum and WhatsApp, na still same chatting format.

NoToPile:


Well it's not possible to have a 30-60 min conversation with your spouse weekly and you can't have a healthy marriage with little contact / communication with your spouse. That's 10 minutes of talk per day.

You have to communicate, you have to engage your spouse, there are no 2 ways about it. You will have to work on it

My husband is very reserved, I think not up to this extent anyway, he once told me all the words he has spoken since we got married is much more than all his words before he got married.

He sees talking as a chore lots of times and would rather keep quiet but in marriage there's always something to talk about, always something to do and discuss together.

Now the talking has extended to the kids, he communicates with them too, he is still seen outside as the extremely reserved guy but he does communicate at home there are times he just goes quiet which I understand but I wouldn't like it if he was totally quiet like that all the time.

RightToReject:


Keep on deceiving yourself and looking for your fellow small-minded elements to tell you what you want to hear to make you feel good while you keep mistaking the fact that you are a special needs person for a special person. Yours isn't introversion and has nothing to do with TSLK personality - Wannabe Abraham Lincoln, Issac Newton, etc.

Once more, only you and small-minded elements like you would not understand that it takes a special breed of woman (a discerning woman that has affinity for people with special needs) to put up with you in the long run, until both of you find yourselves in a quagmire journey.

faithfull18:
Hmmn!

Karleb:


Brother man, you are too uppity. No offense.

As much as people want to believe otherwise, we can all change. You've been talking about yourself and how a lady will accept you just the way you are but you have not really said anything about accepting her the way she is.

You need to change. Find hobbies, I don't mean reading scientific novels, real hobbies, like watching football, listening to music, watching movies, hanging out with friends and having fun etc.

Nothing wrong with not speaking too much all the time but you should be ready to discuss at length about what you find interesting or about how your day went.

I no get money but I know money is not everything, you'll need way more than money to make a lady happy and content.

CountVersailles:
I know someone exactly like you. Dude is very smart though, maybe the smartest person I have met. He was always the first in his class and graduated with a first class too. Scholarship abroad, all that stuff. Now he's working in Facebook earning hundreds of thousands in dollars per annum, and still doesn't have a public facebook account. The distinguishing quality about some people like this is that they are smart. I hope you are. If you are, that will be your attractive trait and you will find the right woman for yourself. Since you seem very aware of your traits, you will be able to discern rightly and choose when it comes to it. I hope you do, because you definitely need an understanding woman and they are not in plenty supply.

But you also need to open up a bit. Haba. The world is a different place from decades ago. Everyone needs a Twitter account at least. If you are too taciturn, you leave people to start imagining things that are not there, and that includes your future wife, someone you should be having a smooth relationship with. What are your passions sef? What do you like to do? You like to bowl, write, run, play scrabble? Find someone who can do the same or who you can teach, and maybe that will allow you to open up. Everyone is chatty when their interests come up. Maybe you need to narrow down to what your interests are and you will see that it makes you talk and may help you bond with whomever you go with. Godspeed

Munzy14:

Your case is extreme case of Introverts....Of course most introverts are high intellectual beings and most are special as well.

In your search for a partner, you will be needing a 50/50 lady...More like an Ambivert.

An extremely introvert lady will bore you, because a man stir up conversation, since you aren't the communicating type, She won't.

An extreme extrovert on the other hand will find you boring,and will likely get attracted to that guy in the office who is always on the go with a touch of talkative .

So, an ambivert lady is your best bet...She will take time to study and understand your personality...

You on the other hand..Must adjust your style a bit to accommodate and give her the chance/opportunity to understand you.

Relationship/marriage must have communication..It is a must.. I mean conversations are necessary..It could be you explaining things about your day, or her explaining what transpired in the office or business area that day..

Conversation can be childish atimes between couples, it could be romance, errotic, sports, politcal or religious...Just anything.

Again, the playful side..No mata how you see it, ladies will always want their man playful...No mata your position in life, she wants to play with you as her man...

It is a fantasy to some ladies, knowing that this rigid boy friend/husband I can make him play and smile with me.

Relationship/marriage is a place of sacrifice...You sacrifice your comfort to accommodate another...Do things you won't do to tolerate, respect and be with eachother.

Love and pamper each other..

Lastly, women are managers...You must give her that chance to manage you, the home, the kids when they start coming...Your ability to co-operate makes the whole thing sweeter.

One more thing, keep your choice open...It must not be limited to her being a medical doctor..

Your partner may be in another line of work/business while you are searching for her in the medical line.

UpInTheSky:
I understand you, OP, and can relate with some of those traits, albeit there're slight differences
(e.g. I'm a 99% introvert but I don't mind intellectual discussions and thereafter I need my alone time to recharge).
I've been called "different", "unique", "rare", and "special" but tbh I didn't have to be told, because for the longest time,
I, too, have always known I'm not like other people and as a result, fitting in hasn't been a walk in the park, but now I think
I'm so dope, lol.

From what you've written, the only issue I see there (should you get married), is communication.
Marriage is a lifelong commitment; at least I'm assuming you will be in it for the remainder of your life,
therefore, you'd want it to be enjoyable and lasting for both you and whoever you marry (if you do marry).
Little to lack of communication, or simply bad communication will sure make room for misunderstandings.
You don't have to turn into a parrot nor can you, as it's not in your nature, but sharing thoughts and ideas,
greetings, making plans, active listening, are some necessary aspects of communication in marriage, all of
which you cannot avoid nor take lightly, as these are things that'll help build and shape your marriage.

When you find the right person, though, that might change a bit and while you won't turn into an extrovert,
you'd have the desire to communicate and gist from time-to-time and even if you're not good at it,
communication in marriage is a skill one can learn, thus all hope is certainly not lost.


You must find a life partner who:
1. understands you
2. accepts you as you are
3. loves you unconditionally (no ifs, no buts)


*P.S. If you consider yourself "special", then it is what it is.
You've the right to describe yourself as you like;
don't dim your light for anybody, on or off NL.


I wish you all the best in your quest.

sisisioge:
OP....it will be hard o...very hard to love and live with you. You most likely will cause yourself more harm if you try to get into someone's life without deciding to include them in your life.

I once dated a brother close to you in personality....he was an animationist. Dude doesnt talk, doesnt have friends, his colleagues used to make jest of him that he has words quota and that once he exhausts it, nothing else gets out of him. He was extremely private too and loved his work like shege!

I on the other hand is 51% introverted and 49% extroverted. I look like your regular outgoing person but I love the indoors like kilode. I could still manage to be the life of a party without stress o should I decide to step out and work in a space where I'm either addressing a crowd or being a part of a ctowd . Dude and I jelled like bread and butter. He was perfect for me and I for him....chai, I took him to his first bar and had lots of videos where we were just being goofy.....he became talkative around me and was so loving. It was beautiful.

But oga still didnt believe in meaningful communication...nah. I had a boss that was a hottie hottie in his 40s that related with all his direct reports like equals....he calls me a lot off work cos I was handling a major project at the time and nothing was going on between us. Ase, my dude didnt like it and he thought I was dating my boss cos of the way we related... Yet, he was quiet about it and started acting up. Eventually, we broke up....he went from talkative to taciturn like a switch and that became too much for us.

About 3 months later, dude surfaced again to express himself. By then, it was too late...trust was out of the window. He is now a friend from far away that checks up on me from time to time... a wonderful guy that is painfully a social recluse.

Oga, unless you are willing to open up to someone and COMMUNICATE with the person, you wont last in a relationship or marriage. There is no survival for such union without either party opening up to each other. I wish you good luck.

RightToReject:



The major problem small-minded elements like you have is a distaste for truth and lack of understanding. If not for your obvious low IQ and delusions of grandeur, you would have observed that I did not make my factual submission to deride you but to help you understand your true self and the way to achieve your desire. Don't worry, the compassion and other varieties of considerations you need, as I stated before, will come from a discerning lady that has affinity with people that have special needs.

RightToReject:
Where (among other things) you stated that you knew from childhood that you are special is what caught my attention. Well, no, you are not special; instead, you are a man that has special needs. You and whosoever might come closer to you must accept it that way before you can have any semblance of a healthy relationship.

Being special vs being a special needs person:

The former is a thing of worthiness while the latter can be a result of a disorder or quasi-disorder. Given that you literally belong to the former, you will always require the understanding and consideration of whosoever that gets closer to you for a healthy relationship to take place. A lady that is discerning and has affinity for people with special needs will make a relationship/marriage pleasurable for you.

Mryacks:
First, I see a little bit of traits and similaries between you and my senior brother, albeit not as "extreme" as yours (pardon the word).

You will have to evetually end up with a partner that really understands and respect your person. She has to be patient and be more of the extrovert in the relationship.

My brother's wife is the best thing that has happened to him..he had a couple of relationships that didn't work cos the ladies were not understanding or partient...until he found his wife. An amazing woman. They are 7years in

meobizy:
If your life was boring during his time around it will remain boring with his departure. Men are easier to advice as one can say “perform the activities you did as a bachelor.” Even with twenty-four hour surveillance some men are able to pull it off talk less of when their spouses travel.

All I can advice is “do the same things you performed when he was around.” Sleep earlier while at it because you won’t find this much peace on the regular.

Lamanii22:
he works from home basically… not like we are always together every second of the day, he goes out sometimes, maybe cause I don’t have friends which is why I am attached to him… I don’t even know…

Arielle:

I had lots of sex during my third trimester in my first delivery. We were going at it like rabbits. Maybe Le Hubs was making up for lost time. As soon as I found out I was pregnant he stopped touching me. When I complained and asked why, he kept hedging until he finally came out with it, "But there's someone else in there. What if it reaches out and grabs my d^ck!" Men sha! Big babies!

starrygal:
Yeah.i too believe it is false.i just had my 2nd baby and for 7 /8 months my husband and I never had sex,due to the nature of my pregnancy.it was a very fast delivery with no tear or cut at all

YourOrakle:
Mehn, this money will give 5 solid houses in Kaduna

DeutschJunge:
mukina2

please the codes for nairaland PL
and any other available league
i am mcknighty FC from last season

email. mcknighty007@gmail.com

ZionMyWorld:



Thank you sir.

mukina2:
Ok Guys the new FPL season > http://fantasy.premierleague.com/



Couldn't save last season standings so we will only have the main league and
Fa Cup
Carling
Conference

first come first serve, active players only as i cant remember positions.


[s]all those who wanted to create their own wont be given codes[/s]


last season > https://www.nairaland.com/4607298/nairaland-fantasy-premier-league-2018

mukina2:
Ok Guys the new FPL season > http://fantasy.premierleague.com/



Couldn't save last season standings so we will only have the main league and
Fa Cup
Carling
Conference

first come first serve, active players only as i cant remember positions.


[s]all those who wanted to create their own wont be given codes[/s]


last season > https://www.nairaland.com/4607298/nairaland-fantasy-premier-league-2018