₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
Sounds like you're speaking from two sides of your mouth.

If you were OP you would kick him out.
Really?

But in your other posts(not just on this thread anyway) you're always advocating women swallowing sh1t in the name of making it work but you won't do the same?
You tell them it is ok to allow cheating and polygamy is cool because you're the perfect african woman but now you're confessing you can't take it?

In fact before she made her idea of a solution known, you had already started blaming her for wanting to deal with the situation even when you know you wouldn't sit down and take it if you were her.

Na wa for you madam mutter.

LOLEST!!!
Carefreewannabe and Mutter are both confused. They love judging so much they can't think straight. They are quick to jump and shoot their mouth's off they don't know how to rationalise or they just lack the ability to express themselves.

ameenahz:
Ok. thank you.

May I ask why you were interested in my opinion?

carefreewannabe:
She was MORE than foolish.

It's obvious.

Okay ke we heard you. Now please keep quite you are making a noise.

ameenahz:
I understand you and I am not speaking in the light of hop's issues. My question is a general one. Do you think It is wrong for a married woman to use contraceptive?

Your question can be viewed from two angles.
1- the moral & principles angle: I have no opinion on the matter. Whether someone does it or not has no bearing on me and it is not my place to judge, do you. Would I do it? I don't know I'm not at a point in my life where that is a concern but what I can tell you is I would do what felt right for me and I wouldn't concern myself with people's opinions. You do you and I do me is my philosophy.
2 - human rights angle: My answer is an unequivocal NO there is absolutely nothing wrong. Your body is yours and yours alone. You have the right to decide what goes on with it.

ameenahz:
Hi. Do you think it is wrong for a married woman to use contraceptives?

Hello. As I said before how a person chooses to make love is their business. My response to that lady was in the light she was judging the OP and acting as if the OP was a fool or it was wrong for her to have unprotected intimacy with her HUSBAND whom she had made plans to build a family and life with.

Onegai:
dear Mutter, you sound like SUCH a matured married woman, you post here a lot (I'm assuming your hubby is well-to-do) and you have no problems with Polygamy. Therefore, i have a proposition:

I've got a friend, in her 30s, working class and pretty. It would be nice to see her settled down and since your hubby is financially capable and you are a reasonable lady, perhaps we can all come to an understanding. Your hubby will feel even more Love from 2 women and you and your co-wife can always catch a bite together, chatting about kids, your shared man and household duties.

This could be great! Btw, I'm not kidding, I'll be expecting your pm, pass your number, so you and your hubby can meet the girl and decide if she's the "2nd one" for your husband

Lol

samtol4:
Lkmao .....my "dey"is pidgin so don't try to test your English skill on my quote.

Wrong number, sorry I don't speak ignorant.

samtol4:
ancestors still dey punish peopel?Lkmao

You are clearly looking for my attention, try me tomorrow I'm busy right now.

Ps it's "they" it may sound like a "d" to the ear but it's spelled t-h-e-y

oyb:
imagine if obamas mother had followed the drunken loser who fathered him to africa

end of.

LOL!!! America wouldn't have a president right now *dead*

@Nonso23 leave Carefreewannabe she is confused she doesn't know what she wants to say. She keeps contradicting herself.

mutter:
and to make sure that all his money belongs to her and that he never goes home again. I READ!

Now comprehend. That does not mean she wants him. It means that is the only revenge she can think of if she had another form of revenge she'd probably take that form. So if she doesn't want him and only wants to stay for revenge why would she care about nigerian culture and being friends with the other woman? The only reason OP is thinking twice about divorce is because of her child it has nothing to do with the man and she didn't say divorce is off the table

carefreewannabe:
She already has a child and the father is absent. Then she marries again, a man she barely knows and falls pregnant again so QUICKLY, like really?
Is it sensible?

Apart from this, there is something called family planning, even when you are married or do you want to have as many kids as possible when you get married?

Lady you make no sense. That is the problem with judgmental people like you. You are so quick to judge you fail to think first. Firstly, who told you she barely knows him? She never said that. In fact they have been married for over a year, in fact they are in their 14th month now. Pregnancy lasts 9 months and she is premature which means she only fell pregnant after 6 months of marriage. You do not decide to get married now then get married immediately there are licenses to be applied for arrangements to be made all which take time. Secondly, now just because her first baby daddy is a douchebag she's not allowed to have another child? Thirdly, since when has two children been many? Who made you judge of how many children are many? Do you know this woman's finances to decide for her if she has more children than she can take care of? That is the whole aim of family planning -- to make sure couples don't have more children than they can afford. If she can afford 16 children she can have 16 children. Fourthly, human beings are deeper than the ocean. You can know someone for a hundred years but never really know them. Fifthly, IT'S HER HUSBAND AND HER BODY SHE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO HAVE ANY KIND OF SEX SHE WANTS WITH HIM

carefreewannabe:
She already has a child and the father is absent. Then she marries again, a man she barely knows and falls pregnant again so QUICKLY, like really?
Is it sensible?

Apart from this, there is something called family planning, even when you are married or do you want to have as many kids as possible when you get married?

Lady you make no sense. That is the problem with judgmental people like you. You are so quick to judge you fail to think first. Firstly, who told you she barely knows him? She never said that. In fact they have been married for over a year, in fact they are in their 14th month now. Pregnancy lasts 9 months and she is premature which means she only fell pregnant after 6 months of marriage. Secondly, you do not decide to get married now then get married immediately there are licenses to be applied for arrangements to be made all which take time. Thirdly, since when has two children been many? Who made you judge of how many children are many? Do you know this woman's finances to decide for her if she has more children than she can take care of? That is the whole aim of family planning -- to make sure couples don't have more children than they can afford. If she can afford 16 children she can have 16 children. Fourthly, human beings are deeper than the ocean. You can know someone for a hundred years but never really know them. Fifthly, IT'S HER HUSBAND AND HER BODY SHE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO HAVE ANY KIND OF SEX WITH HIM SHE WANTS

mutter:
Talk of outsiders crying more than the bereaved
You heard her she want`s the man at all cost.

OP I can give you a simple solution. Get yourself aquainted with polygamy it also exists in the states and the women there that have those marriages are quite happy with it.
To keep the man attached to you, bring those things he treasures into the home i.e you co wife and her daughter. You can all then live together and have all the mans earnings and property. THen you will have no fear of him going anywhere. Your co wife can also work and bring in an income.
Why don`t you take up contact with your co wife you might get to like her and see things differently.

Read carefully my dear. She doesn't want him she's just worried about her son growing up without a father and she only wants to stay married for REVENGE.

carefreewannabe:
It's up to you now.

Please make use of contraceptives in the future.

She's married, why would she use contraceptives with her husband

findingtruth:
Thank you, you make much sense.
If i were not pregnant the night i found these pictures he wouldn't have returned here. I keep trying to figure out how to go about this situation where my son gains and his best interest is.
Additionally it bothers me that even if i deport him divorce him thats not a consequence but only just a different path in life he will take.

Stop looking for ways to punish him, you are only punishing yourself (and will be punishing your son). Remember he and your son are connected what you do to him, you do to your son. Similarly what he has done to you, he has done to his son and he WILL pay for it. Maybe not today or tomorrow but he will. Let the ancestors or God deal with him. If you divorce him, the fact he will not be able to be father to his son the way he should is already punishment. There are certain important points in a man's life, one of them are well in his life (around 40-60 years) when he looks back at his life and what he has built so far (depending if he is a douche or not) he will either feel pride or regret. He'll feel regret he wasn't there all the time for your son and that it was because of him that had happened. This will hit him even more so if your son is his first child or son because your son is the one to carry his name and lead the next generation but now he won't be able to because your husband won't be able to teach him all he needs to know. Your son will grow up in America. He will not know his people or his roots the way he should and THAT will hurt your husband maybe not now but definitely later in life. If he feels regret he will try to make things right with you and your son to prepare himself for his next phase because he has to go into old age in peace so that when the time comes he can cross over in peace. This and how he handled it will definitely be one of his regrets but by that time I sincerely hope you will not care (ie you won't have carried this in your heart over the years) and neither will you be bitter.

But don't go and tell him all this. You just be a lady of beauty and pride - let him be and take care of yourself and your children. Demonstrate dignity to your children. It hurts I know. I'm a woman, I know how you must be feeling right now -- betrayal hurts to the core.

Stay strong, you are beautiful (I saw yoir pic). Believe me there are many decent, honest, faithful men who truly deserve the title "man" (yes even African men lol). Just don't give him the power to turn you bitter. Take this as a lesson learned and proceed with caution.

By the way hun, he probably planned this from the onset. He probably planned to divorce you as soon as he got citizenship and bring his Nigerian wife to America. Babe you were played. Think about getting out as soon as possible before he can leech any more from you. Next time, forget all this bull dust of modern relationships -- a man needs to be a man. HE NEEDS TO BRING HOME THE BACON!!! DON'T EVER TAKE CARE OF A MAN AGAIN!!! You can help out but NEVER assume his role.

findingtruth:
You guys May not agree but i have looked at it from all angles. If he is deported that's not a punishment he will simply go apply for a visa to europe. If i divorce him he remarries another American and the same right i have to having my husband in this country so will she. So deporting him or divorcing him there is a way where he skips any consequences moves on with life free of responsibility and obligation.
At the same time i could say he isn't worth having around my son but really do you think sending him away takes something from him? Or does it take something from my son? ...

I'm not saying take him away from your child. I'm saying take him out of YOUR life. He can be out of YOUR life but not your child. If he gets deported that's not on your hands but his -- it's the consequences of his deviance.

I'm an African therefore I strongly believe a child cannot be kept away from the father as he child's blood belongs to the father. Even worse for you, your child is a boy. When he gets to around 14-16 years his father's blood will call out to him. That is when he is going to search for his identity and if you keep him away from his father his blood and his spirit will not be settled which is why I said do not use your child as leverage. You can divorce your husband but still encourage a loving relationship between the two even if it's across oceans. But if you are okay being a co-wife that is okay too. I still maintain put YOURSELF and YOUR emotional well-being first in this situation. Staying with your husband and being bitter, angry and hurt will do FAR MORE damage to your child than divorcing your husband. To be the best parent to your child you need to be HAPPY.

Hun, I'm not Nigerian but I'm African and to me that's looks like a wedding. The fact that their outfits coordinate shows their unity. Again I don't know about Nigerian culture but in my culture the other wedding would count more than yours as the other wife has been introduced to the family and ancestors but most importantly that union has been blessed by the elders. Whether or not you divorce him really does not matter. He is African he can marry 50 women if he likes and can afford them. You only have two options:
1) Accept the polygamy (by the way you are the senior wife and would have more say or rather you should)
2) Divorce your husband
Since you clearly do not want to share him there is only one thing left for you to do. Collect your pride and walk away. Do not concern yourself with pay back because the only person who will be hurt is you and seeking revenge will prolong your pain and halt your healing. Your husband does not have to live in America. The world is big he can choose to start his life elsewhere even here in Africa. Africa is not as bad as you Americans think it is. There's is nothing you have that we don't have or can't access. Even if you refuse him divorce there's nothing stopping him from taking wife no.3 and marrying her in Nigeria, another African country or any other country that allows polygamy. So really seeking revenge is pointless and no man is going to be stupid enough to sign away half his pay cheque and even if he does you can't force him to pay if he doesn't want to. What if he signs then moves to Egypt/Italy/France/Botswana? How are you going to force him to pay you? Just be careful with your bitterness that you don't not use your son as leverage because believe you me you will only be hurting your son. A child needs its father, it needs that connection.

Honey, do one thing and one thing only. Be selfish and think about yourself and your emotional well-being. Meaning, simply accept to you were screwed over and divorce him. Walk-away quietly with your pride in tact if only for your sanity and emotional well-being. Do not get hung up on going after more than what you need. He is unemployed and you paid your guys' expenses - that is in the past let it go do not try to make him pay for the past or the future. Only focus on getting him out of your life as soon as possible. Your child needs you and you need you. That pathetic excuse of a man who was too cowardly to tell you the truth does not deserve another ounce of your energy. Reserve that for you and your child. In fact as soon as you finish reading this you should go and pack anything of his that you didn't buy and throw it out. Call a locksmith and change all the locks. When he calls simply tell him a married man belongs to his wife and as you are no longer his wife he has no business being with you.

Ps even if it was just an introduction ceremony that means he has every intent to marry the other woman.

honourhim:
50 billion years?

Why are you avoiding to answer? (he he he...) Yes 50 billion, He is taking forever in fact maybe it's been a 100 billion years. Exact number does not matter the 50 billion illustrates it has been too many years even you can't deny that

honourhim:
When the whites colonised us things were far better than it is now and since they left us we ve been groping in the dark and trying to come out of it.
Its a matter of time and we ll be there.

Again If you followed my writings well here you ll notice that I never exempted God entirely from the picture of the world so the issue of me trying to run away from it is not there at all.

The big picture I talked about remains a clear difference, amongst others, between your story of the king and God's package for us as I said before. And I said that without the big picture, the king is quite unfair. (same would ve been applicable in God's case too but for the big picture).

First paragraph - that is debatable and needs to be put into context. Oppression has never been better than freedom. Again, white people need to take responsibility. Africa is the way it is because white people broke the African people's minds and spirits. A broken spirit is tainted and darkness enters the fractures but that is another subject all together.

I hear what you are saying. What I am saying and what I have asked you is why does God need 50 billion years to execute this so-called plan? The world has been coming to an end since the beginning of time. How many humans does God need to suffer before He executes this plan. What I am saying to you is that if He exists it is sadistic and cruel of Him to sit back and watch His "beloved" creations suffer when He can do something about it, for example, either execute this grand plan or destroy Lucifer much like the king in my example was cruel to let his subjects suffer yet still expect their loyalty and praise when he could have easily ended their misery by either firing the deputy or just moving his kingdom to the other land.

honourhim:
Nneoma I'm not skating around rather I'm looking at God based on his person as written in the scripture and the king you wrote about based on your writings of him.

As for Africa, God gave us brain to reason like he gave others, resources as he gave others. We are the ones mismanging these things. God is not the one that told us not to make good use of our brain(though some do make good use of their brain). When some of us travel oversees we behave well but when we come back here we slide back to our awkward style. That's the point I was trying to make there. Its not as if the developed countries are perfect anyway. They started like us and got to where they are. We shall get there too with time. That's life.

Developed countries are built on the back, sweat and tears of 3rd world countries. God, if He exists, still played a role you cannot run away from that no matter how much you try. It spins but it always lands back at God. I cannot speak for Nigeria but in my country as in most previously colonised countries what mostly weakened those nations were supernatural and had nothing to do with their brains. Drought, famine and disease brought by whites those are not man-made or man controlled but creations of God. White people also had superior military power. Prior to white people landing in Africa, Africans had no need for superior military power having traded and interacted with other nations for centuries without threat so you cannot blame them and say they should have been prepared. They had no reason to need superior military power.

The king and his kingdom are an exact reflection of God, the world, the Lucifer excuse and what is happening in the world.

honourhim:
Of course if there is a far better place ahead then thats the big picture and it means i wont bother much about the harsh conditions I'm given in this temporary abode in order to get to the land of comfort which is eternal. There is an adage in my place that says- "aguu nwere hope adighi egbu egbu"(the hunger wey get hope of food no dey kill) .

A maximum of 100 years of age(or a little above it in rare cases) in this temporary and uncomfortable world cannot be compared with an eternity in the new heaven and the new earth that is full of bliss, comfort and free of pain, sorrow,death, evil and discomfort.

If there is no big picture, like in the case of the king and his kingdom in your story, then the whole scenario doesnt make sense. It means the king is just being quite unfair.

Ha ha ha... You are deliberately skating around the issue because you know it's not fair and it's cruel of the king to not fire the deputy and free his people from the suffering.

Btw earlier you had said something about Africa suffering because of the way they play the game. True but it is God who designed and created the game board so God is still liable :p

davien:
Free will only works when no rules apply...the christian "god" only has "conditioned will" I.e "as far as you do x and y,z won't happen to you" but this question poses a flaw in christianity itself that christians have always tried to make excuses for...

Free will is choice. You choose if you want the end result of the condition. So if there was proof of God's existence, you'd still be free to follow, for example, a christian path or not

How is what God is doing different? Anyway I asked you not compare the king and God because I knew you (christians) would use it as a cop out. I asked you look at the situation and judge that. But just for you ... imagine the king has promised his subjects another land where they'll enjoy abundance and never have to work again but to get to this land they need to prove their love and loyalty by praising his greatness and bearing with their suffering.

That's what free will is for

Christians I'm still waiting for an answer. I will post my question again.

Story time: Imagine there is this rich kingdom with plenty for everyone but not everyone is getting because of the situation there. In this kingdom the king put a cruel man in charge and to do as he pleases. He did it knowing full well how cruel this man is. This man creates aculture of evil where you are allowed to molest, kill, steal, cheat the poor etc. There is no punishment for these crimes (remember it is our human laws that punish criminals not God) but instead you are told your suffering will be avenged at death. This king travels around the kingdom everyday. He can see the suffering his people are going through. Everyday millions of people come to the palace to beg for his mercy and his help. This king insists they must prove their loyalty and love to him that they must worship him (regardless of their suffering and the fact it is the king that is letting it happen). In any given street corner you find people singing praises, on their knees begging for mercy. Even though this king is getting the worship he wanted he doesn't take his people out of their misery instead he tells them he loves them and that they must continue to show their love and loyalty, that he has a plan for them but he will not execute it now in fact he'll first let their suffering get worse. When asked why he is allowing this suffering he says it's not him but his deputy who is the cause of the suffering. When asked why not fire him the king says he is a kind man who cannot do that. Ironically, this king sees has been known to behead people who do not worship him but instead call him out on his behaviour.

Question: What is your take on this king? Do you think he is treating his
people fairly? Do you think he is showing them love? Do you think what he is doing is okay because he's "got a plan"?

Ps you are not allowed to say you can't compare God to man because we are not comparing God only the situation. The question is about your opinion of this kingdom. As a human judging a human kingdom what would you feel about the king and please be honest.

truthman2012:
What is atom?

Is it something or nothing?

I don't have to prove anything. That nothing cannot create something is YOUR argument. Why are you trying to prove me wrong by disproving YOUR premise?

truthman2012:
Since you believe in 'SOMETHING' and 'NOTHING' thing, and that it is SOMETHING that causes SOMETHING and that NOTHING can cause SOMETHING, it should not be difficult for you to believe it was God that caused the Universe. The Big Bang theory states the Universe stated from 'small singularity' which is also SOMETHING caused by SOMETHING and that something is what?

Firstly, YOUR article said nothing creates something and YOU agreed. YOU and YOUR article puntered about cause and effect.
Secondly, I have answered you already and told you atoms make up matter eg the small singular mass that expanded and exploded.

We have turned this matter upside down, side ways and I always stuck to your logic when countering you eg using YOUR definition of the universe, YOUR cause and effect requirement but no matter what logic you use we end up at the same place: there is absolutely no proof or logical reason to justify the belief that God exists.

honourhim:
yea we learn from different angles in life. Sometimes you learn from personal experiences and some other times you learn from the experiences of others. Its not bad if people give experiences of others that they may have learned from. No hard and fast rule concerning these learning processes.

What I'm trying to say is everyone talks about "this one girl or boy" who no-one has ever met, no-one knows personally therefore no-one can question. There more "awesome" the story the further it happened. For example, when I was young the favourite story christians used to tell was about this American girl who was walking home alone one night. She prayed for God's protection because there had been a spate of rapes in her area. She bumped into the serial rapist but he did nothing to her except greet her and let her pass. (As these stories never quite make sense themselves so I'm not sure why or how the police knew this girl and rapist had met or I don't remember but anyway...). Eventually the rapist gets caught. The police asked him why he never raped that girl and the man replied it was because there were three big men walking with her. Now the story doesn't mention the rapist's name or the girl's name and it also doesn't mention which city the story happens in making it impossible to verify. Similarly to the girl who joked to her mother that God must sit in the car boot because the car is full. She and her friends got into a car accident and the car was totalled except for the boot. When the boot was opened by emergency services a tray of unbroken eggs was found (where the girl joked God must sit). Again no name, no city, no way to verify.

honourhim:
Thats what i'm saying that God's concept for this world is not to make it a palatable place for us, free of pains etc. It is the new heaven and the new earth that he will make free of all these negatives.

We may ask why, but thats how he wants it. Theres nothing we can do about it than to face it.

And like I said then that means God is an egotistical and cruel sadist. Only a sadist takes pleasure in a person's misery. He wants people to suffer (I quote from you: "God's concept for this world is not to make it a palatable place for us" and "thats how he wants it" ) yet He expects worship and praise for these sufferings? When He decides to throw you a small bone every now and then after making you beg (pray and fast) profusely you should be eternally grateful?

Story time: Imagine there is this rich kingdom with plenty for everyone but not everyone is getting because of the situation there. In this kingdom the king put a cruel man in charge and to do as he pleases. He did it knowing full well how cruel this man is. This man creates a culture of evil where you are allowed to rape, kill, steal, cheat the poor etc. There is no punishment for these crimes (remember it is our human laws that punish criminals not God) but instead you are told your suffering will be avenged at death. This king travels around the kingdom everyday. He can see the suffering his people are going through. Everyday millions of people come to the palace to beg for his mercy and his help. This king insists they must prove their loyalty and love to him that they must worship him (regardless of their suffering and the fact it is the king that is letting it happen). In any given street corner you find people singing praises, on their knees begging for mercy. Even though this king is getting the worship he wanted he doesn't take his people out of their misery instead he tells them he loves them and that they must continue to show their love and loyalty, that he has a plan for them but he will not execute it now in fact he'll first let their suffering get worse. When asked why he is allowing this suffering he says it's not him but his deputy. When asked why not fire him the king says he is a kind man who cannot do that but this king sees nothing wrong with beheading people who do not worship him but instead call him out on his behaviour.

Question: What is your take on this king? Do you think he is treating his people fairly? Do you think he is showing them love? Do you think what he is doing is okay because he's "got a plan"?

honourhim:
People might still respond to that thread much later. Some, like me, may not have enough time now to detail their experiences but later when they find enough time they will write. Some thread becomes active weeks or months after opening them so be patient with the thread. Its not yet time to conclude that people failed to respond. Some are yet to see the thread.

It's not just the thread in real life too. People will talk about "this other girl who blah blah" no one ever says I if they do the story is always ambiguous.

honourhim:
Evil/sin are not God's characteristics and i never said so rather they provoke his characteristics (love,mercy,judgment and wrath) to manifest. love and mercy for the repentant heart, wrath and judgment for the unrepentant heart. All these people who are carrying out these evil you ve mentioned are not going free, they will face his judgment and eternal punishment at last. You may ask why he has to wait till the last day to punish them, thats how he wants it.

That notwithstanding, evil men still starts to receive the reward of their evill even while they are alive.

Judgement day will be a little too late. The victim has already suffered and nothing can change that or take the pain away. Damage is done.