₦airaland Forum

Personally, I like healthy relationships with boundaries where people do not take things for granted and begin to cross lines.

1. If I am not the boss' Personal Assistant I won't be inclined to help carry the bag.
2. If that is not part of my job description I won't be doing it.
3. There's nothing wrong with my boss, his got two hands and feet same as me let him carry his bags.
4. His driver can help him carry his bags if he so desires

The thing with such gestures is that when you do it too often or long enough people sort of expect you to keep it up and soon boundaries are crossed, whereby they begin to ask & expect other small favours like you helping them buy their lunch from Cactus, going to the bank on their behalf for personal transactions not related to company work, so on and so on.

I would only offer to help if I see that my boss is carrying too many things at once which he is struggling with, other than that I'll let him do him, while I do me. No disrespect intended

MBJ I dey see you oooooo, clap for yourself.

LOL where you are concerned because I am not oblivious to the way you carefully draft your posts and string your words together, so you can't be called out on a statement without having a defence. I saw the part about ''possibly'' I just deliberately chose to ignore it.

I hail thee.

HA! I just saw your response to SAGirl, don't know how I missed it the first time. You really are the devil's younger brother ooooo. Chei see essay wey you write.

MRbrownJAY: ^^^^ the only thing i know about the gal is that she is +30 and "possibly" desperately single (aka unmarried). how can that ever be a reason to wanna hang with someone? especially when there are gazillions of 22yr old women all over the world in that same position?! SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

By the way Candieangel isn't 30+ yet, 28 I think is what I saw and dude that girl did not at all sound desperate to me ooooo, or are we reading different posts? Going by your latest comment above I take it you assume every 30+ woman is desperately single MBJ I know you've got more sense than that or have I been wrong about you on NL all along? Abeg free us i.e desperately single 30+ women like myself, SAGirl and candieangel12. I figure 22 year olds like Onila will do just fine. Carry go and enjoy ooo.

You don't? My bad,I erroneously assumed you lived there.

But admit it she does sound like a chic you wouldn't mind hanging out with right?

I just returned to this thread to see the long drawn out battle between the genders. LOL

@ candieangel12

Babe, you know you are on a looonggg thing arguing back and forth with men like MBJ and Naturalwaves right? Just give it up, I've enjoyed your comments you've made very tight and valid points about the whole ''being single @ 30+ & marriage thing''. I feel you but most folks here will think there's something severely wrong with the likes of you and me, failing to understand we are normal human beings who just think differently and want something different from what is the norm. One love

@ Naturalwaves

My NL oga I hail thee,(I'm making you my oga for now as you adviced that I reconsider my take on marriage. LOL) I see you are going at it with candieangel. There's logic in your argument too, but common is marriage for the sole purpose of bearing children and doing so in good time before we hit menopause? I don't think so and you know me now, am all for adoption, adoption, adoption if you can't have children of your own OR if like me you want children out of wedlock but do not want to fornicate to have them. Remember God is working in us giving us both the desire and power to do what pleases Him (Phillipians 2:13). So my desire for a child out of wedlock via adoption may just be God's desire at work within me. Well at least I believe it is. Oh and by the way there's nothing wrong with my womb I can have children out of it just saying in case you think.............

@ MBJ

Am sure you know, you don't need to educate candieangel right? Cos she sounds like and comes across as a well informed, well rounded and sensible individual, a woman with a good head on her shoulders. Am also certain you saw the sense she made in her posts, you might wanna hook up with her cos I assume you both reside in the US of A, LOL. We are aware of your thoughts on this topic so can we all just agree to disagree. Until we jam on another thread.

@ SAGirl

I am feeling you too. One love

@ Naturalwaves.

We are cool , but I really don't know what you want me to reconsider. I am not aversed to marriage neither do I hate it. I just don't feel a desire for it and am not desperate because I've turned 29.

I think Dasparrow's post might help you understand a part of me on this. I do like children and since I can't fornicate to create them I'll rather adopt.


@ Sunbellar

There you go again claiming marriage is everywoman's desire. Well it is not my desire right now, maybe my parade/tune will change as I grow older and hit 35 or 40 as I have been told. But my stance will continue to be that

1. Being single is not a disease I need to be cured of
2. The marital status of 'married' will not ensure I enter Heaven. Heaven is real to me and I want to go there someday, the manual which teaches me how to get there doesn't say dimples you must above all else be married.

Don't you get it?

@ Shizzle11

I m-a-s-t-u-r-b-a-t-e and I admitted that in one of my posts, I don't do it with any toys though. I know I come across as weird but this is me being truthful. Believe me when I say I yearn for a man's touch every now and then I was born with a s-e-x-u-a-l desire and that's not going to die simply because I am spiritual.

Yearning for a man's touch and yearning for marriage are two different things. I did say I am not immune to the temptation to fornicate and there's the possibility I could give into that temptation. I didn't claim I would never again be sexually intimate with a man. I said I would exhaust other avenues of expending my sexual energy before I fornicate. It's just soul draining the whole sex thing out of wedlock.

I could get married for the sole reason of having sex in a way God would approve of, even the good book endorses that. But I know s-e-x is not enough to hold together or sustain a good marriage.


MY PEOPLE: ME I GIVE UP OOOH, THIS IS BEGINNING TO FEEL LIKE I AM TRYING TOO HARD TO EXPLAIN MYSELF OR EVEN JUSTIFY MY VIEW. WHICH IS NOT THE CASE AND WASN'T MY INTENTION.

Sunbellar: @ Dimples, i ve been carefully following ur comments. Its good to uphold ur ego as a woman who is not searching anyway. We understand your predicaments and i advise u as a christian not to condemn every womans desire 'marriage' [/b]bc word is mightier than sword. Soon God ll give u ur own bone but God works according to ur confession. Pls confess right and expect the right. There is power in confession. So begin to claim ur own husband now and u ll soon be favoured.

Chei, Sunbellar ooooooo pls where did I in any of my posts condemn other women's desire to marry? Pls quote me on it because I clearly remember saying marriage is a good thing and people who deisre it should by all means go for it but not every one wants this.

You obviously haven't read through my posts carefully to make the sort of conclusions you did. [b]Can't a woman have a contrary view or opinion on a matter OR a view different from the norm without folks like you screaming blue murder and judging her?

And FYI I am not into that name and claim it religion of today which some folks confuse for Christianity.I run every thought and feeling by God and I am brutally honest with Him on all things because He already sees and knows what's in my heart. Everything I've written on this thread He is already aware of because I tell Him.

Oh and by the way my understanding of the passage in Proverbs about The power of life or death lying in the tongue is that: with my words I can build a person up, encourage him and basically help him get back on his feet OR I could tear and pull him down with my hurtful and spiteful words. That's the understanding given to me.

@ Dasparrow,

I could high five you right now or better still kiss you, mmmmwwwwwaaaahhhh

Naturalwaves,

Ahaa, good to know you are finally feeling me on some things cos I really hate to be misunderstood. I figure now you also realize I don't need a shrink right? So take that back (I wasn't offended) but would like to see you eat those words and admit you were wrong. I am waiting oooo, don't keep me waiting. One love

Erico,am laughing out loud you dey craze ooooo.

Seun Seriously?

Do simple words like s-e-x tools, m-a-s-t-u-r-b-a-t-i-o-n need to be modified for us.

Jeez man give me a break. You just make my post above sound gibberish with all those words like intimacy, heavenly feeling.

Gosh that is so 1920's

naturalwaves: Well,I respect ur opinion and decisions. Just a lil clarification now.


Yes,I av heard of adoption and one does not meed to fornicate to get a child like U rightly said but d act of fornication is not commited alone thru that. Any s3x outside a legal marriage can be classified as one.Or,are U saying U are not going to av s3x as well if U avn't anyway? Or,are U going to use some tools to take d place of d PRECIIOUS D? I want to believe U are normal like every female and ur hormones will come calling someday,so,ow are U gonna handle that? I do not necessarily require an answer to these questions.Just trying to tell U that,d occurence of FORNICATION cannot be ruled out even if U won't be aving kids.

Sweetheart I couldn't resist you on this, sex is good and yes there's the temptation to fornicate the longer I stay single and unmarried. I am not a virgin and won't pretend otherwise, I've done that whole sh****t with serious boyfriends in the past and realized it only leaves me feeling empty and demoralized on the inside so now I know better than to go there.

Sex wasn't all that WOW for me when I was doing it because I hardly ever reached o-r-g-a-s-m. I just couldn't feel the pleasure in it. I think men get more of a kick out of it than women do, or at least than I do. F-o-r-e play yes that I enjoyed, but to answer your question am not into s-e-x t-o-y-s, m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.i.o.n without it I can do. I've got a vivid and wild imagination I can make myself come without the aid of s-e-x t-o-y-s or an e-r-e-c-t-i-o-n.

I could fall into temptation and fornicate I am not immune to the possibility of that, but before I get there I would have exhausted other options like masturbation or an intense body work out to rid myself of all that sexual energy. And of course there's always an ever present help in the time of need from Heaven.

Am no perfect so don't even take me up on the masturbation thing just let God deal with me on that.

@ naturalwaves

I was afraid something like this would happen i.e me being misunderstood and people dissecting my words to mean something entirely different from what I said.

Lets not make this thread about me, what I want or do not want. If I get into it with you it would seem like I am trying hard to convince everyone here to come over to my side of thinking BUT that's not what I want.

Your response was a rather long one can't take you up on every point raised, but I can tell you, you are wrong about a lot things. I am not financially independent yet still struggling to get there. Which is why it matters to me that I get to some level of financial security to do well and right by my parents.

You need to read through all of my posts on this thread again. I don't need to fornicate to have a child HELLOOO haven't you heard of adoption. A husband is useful otherwise God wouldn't have created the concept, but I don't need this to be useful in my own life or world.

My fellow forumites you do not have to agree or disagree with me. But pls make una free me and talk your own

[quote author=D-Explorer]Your school of thought is really strange. I think your response to certain life issue is wrong. Don't you think you settled for this because your desired plan was altered somehow, somewhere? Just my view.[/quote]No D-explorer, I haven't settled for this because a certain plan was altered. I can be pessimistic so certain things mentioned in previous posts do not help me at all.

My heart wasn't shattered into pieces by an ex, no marital violence witnessed while growing up etc. There's no story behind this reasoning its just simple honesty I am not tripped about getting married or being married.

[quote author=Atheist:-D]She can have kids without being married. What makes you think that she needs to be married to have kids.[/quote]Well its good to know you are feeling me. Going by your username I don't know if I should be getting into this but hey what the hell. I think you said something about marriage being for women's protection, well I know it was a beautiful thing created by God but it doesn't sound or look so beautiful with the all the stuff I hear and see.

Anyway there's nowhere in scripture where it says dimples as a woman you must be married before you make heaven. No one should get me wrong on this its a good thing and by all means people should marry if it is what they want BUT not all of us desire it and I know myself well enough to realize I won't thrive or glow with marriage.

shizzle11: Hmmmn, human beings and mindset, nawaooo!


@Dimples, swwetie, no offense pls, you jst turned 29 and still single, and the posts from the family section scares you from even 'thinking' marriage and you want to dedicated th rest of your life taking care of your ageing parents(as if those who are married don't happily do that). Do you intend to get kids (that is of course out of wedlock) cos u'll definately need one or two to take care of you when you start ageing. Just asking'o, and maybe a food for thought for some.

No offence taken, yes I would like to take care of my folks for as long as its possible and necessary to. Married folks do this too which is all good but I am saying I don't need to be married to do this. Taking care of my folks is more of a priority than marriage is and am not going to put my life on hold or wait to do things like this until I am married.

This may sound controversial but its the truth I love children especially those between 0-6 yrs, I can have kids out of wedlock via adoption if orphanages will allow single parenting. One female child is what I desire I don't need to have pre-marital sex to have a child. I don't know about needing kids to take care of me because there is no guarantee that they will. They could pass on before I do or turn out to be irresponsible or simply not give a damn.

I would strive to take care of me for as long as I can single or not,while trusting in God to take better care of me now and in my old age because He created me and knows the end from the beginning. My faith in Christ is a big part of my life if something feels right and doesn't go against my Lord's instructions I do it. For example the adoption thing

@ OP and topic,

Here we go again, are folks like you ever going to believe that there are actually some women out there who do not want to get married, have kids and do the whole family woman thing? Did you read the front page thread titled 'My Husband and His Strange Women'? Do you visit the family section where you get to see more of such stories? Stories like that are enough to put me off marriage, but that's just one of the many reasons why I am not taken in with the whole marriage thing.

I turned 29 in June, am still single not worried or bothered about my status. My utmost concern is and has always been to watch out for my parents, take good care of them like they took care of me from infancy to adulthood and simply just give back to them before I lose one of them to the cold hands of death.I can do this with or without a husband infact I do not need one to.

Marriage is the least of my concerns even as I write this.I've got my head screwed on right I look beyond the glitz & glamour of the wedding day ceremony. I am not thrilled about it or anxious for it whether it happens or not, I remian well grounded in the fact that SINGLENESS IS NOT A DISEASE I NEED TO BE CURED FROM & MARITAL STATUS OF BEING MARRIED WILL NOT GUARANTEE MY PASSAGE INTO HEAVEN.

2kurupt: The OP has got a point, let's be real for once. Why must any thread that mentions ladies' negative habits be termed female bashing

@ 2kurupt,

Because that is exactly what this sort of threads degenerate to - female bashing. There are far too many of such threads on NL and its becoming tiresome. One would think you guys already know the negative things about us and would simply just let us be AND FOR ONCE JUST FOR ONCE, say something sincere and nice about us from your personal experiences.

I have met a fair number of jerks in my 20 plus years, men who think we are good for just one thing and have no decency at all but you won't catch me shouting or making noise about how all men, most men and every Tom, Mike & Harry is a dog, a liar, a cheat etc Because I have also met a few good men who are decent and whom treat my gender with respect showing me the other side of the coin. So I say ENOUGH OF SUCH THREADS & TALK.

@ Topic & Poster

The issue is not about whether we will agree to the terms because some women can, the issue would be whether you can honour the terms of the agreement and stay faithful in a relationship without sex. I personally would like a clean relationship without sex simply for the sake of honouring God and choosing a path He can bless. Do you know how difficult it has been to find a man willing to carry on a relationship without sex? Did I say difficult, ammend that to impossible. Granted I am no virgin but from the moment I re-dedicated my life to Christ years ago I decided I would live right. If the criteria is no sex, no money from you then I say bring it on and lets see who would be the last man standing you or me.

@ Pro01,

No offence meant but I agree with Slimyem about your posts coming across as anti-women,you practically scare the hell out of me.I am really scared,do you see me shaking? LOL

On a serious note though, I often feel venom and hate from you towards my gender in your comments. All I can think of is why does he hate us so much and Lord pls may I never meet someone like Pro in real life because that sort of person can only be poisonous and toxic, doing more harm than good.

You've explained why you are so outspoken, why you write the way you do and I'm just saying what I've thought of your posts. Am not joking when I say you scare me oooo, so pls read this and take it in good faith as the honest view of another NL user and don't bring it on cos I don't have the vocabulary ammunition for e-fights.

PS
Judging by your posts, even the few good or decent ones amongst us wouldn't stand a chance with you.

SEUN OSEWA

All I am saying is provide the deactivate your account option on NL.

It bothers me that you have turned a deaf ear to this request by me and some other users on your previous thread.

You are not even saying anything as a way of explanation, as to why that option is unavailable and has been since the creation of this website.

What's with the silent attitude on this?

ONCE AGAIN PROVIDE US (NL USERS) WITH A DEACTIVATE YOUR ACCOUNT OPTION

I totally agree with the member (ooseven), who wrote this. Seun pls provide that option as quickly as possible, I have never been able to understand why you didn't make this an option in the first place, when long standing 'personal account' platforms like yahoo, gmail, facebook and linkedin all have the delete/deactivate your account option available.

Your style of operating NL seems very tyrannical to me, its like you are forcing a lifetime membership on users who would otherwise love to leave the forum and delete every trace of themselves. I particularly would like to get off NL and have been told the only option is to stop loggin in,or change my password to one I can't remeber THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Because the latter option of changing password hasn't helped.

Don't know what your reasons are for not providing the deactivate option, but I suspect you want to keep the numbers growing. Quality is not found in numbers.

[quote author=Mrs.Chima]I will see if he is available. I seen his older brother as well....hmmm.[/quote]LOL . Abeg, don't bother your pretty head about it even if he is available I am not. Serioulsy working on mending my broken relationship with Yeshua, everything and everyone takes the back seat right now when it comes to Him.

Until I get things right with Him, I doubt if I can do things right in a dating relationship. Maybe I'll holla @ you and see if he is still available when am cool with Yeshua. But I seriously doubt if he will be

@ Floran Bee

So sorry for derailing, my bad won't post off topic again. I hate it when people do that so pardon us abeg.

[quote author=Mrs.Chima]You are right dimples....u cant help em though.

There is this Igbo man at my job...........he is cute and looks nice.[/quote]Madam Chima Chima

So what are you saying now... you want to hook us up? Abeg no derail floran-bee's thread ooo.

[quote author=floran-bee]Can somebody tell me wot is so special abt Ibo men?[/quote]I have dated Ibo men, I'll speak for myself by saying they are a special breed because

1. They are caring and attentive, they really do know how to treat a woman well, with respect and dignity. Especially if
you are decent and well put together.

2. They are very industrious and it is infectious, they can come up with brilliant ideas on how to make and earn a living legitimately. While encouraging & pushing you to strike out and be the best that you can be

3. Having seen first hand marriages involving an Ibo man I can say with all pleasure that they have a healthy respect
for the family institution and there's no dulling or slacking with them when it comes to handling their responsibilites and performing their duties as husbands/fathers.

4. They've definitely got skills in bed, bad skills especially them bald headed ones.

5. My most pleasant relationships have been with the Ibo guys.

I do not belong to any of the three major tribes of Nigeria i.e Ibo, Hausa & Yoruba. But having come across and interacted with men from all three tribes, I'll go for the Ibo man anytime, anyday they've got game.

@ pendo89

Thanks girl, the feeling is mutual. One love

If you know all this about her, then you realize that living together while the divorce is on is dangerous right?

I don't necessarily think she is up to something. She may simply just want less distractions by being away from her place of abode and husband.

You know if she remains in Enugu chances are she may be constantly distracted by her husband & kids (if there are kids) as well as the need to visit home almost every weekend to service oga, cook, clean and all.

I went to law school as a single unmarried woman with few responsibilities and still failed the exams at my first attempt. Law school is tedious and time consuming, if you don't want to struggle through it you have to be on top things from the very first day of lectures.

Abuja campus is waaay out of town secluded from the high life of the city, so if she has nothing up her sleeves she may just thrive in that particular campus as against the one closer to home.

Ok I hear you, and am glad to see you didn't take this the wrong way. I was almost afraid your come back/response would be really harsh & insultive.

I don't think or believe that you were once ugly and then turned beautiful. You probably have always been beautiful but didn't realise it for yourself till now. You know; that ugly duckling turns into a swan story is just a fairy tale. But am not in your shoe so I can't say.

Listen everyone has a good & bad side to them, and we have to be willing to accept both sides of people. Easier said than done, I know but we can try. Well I would like to know this fine chic with few friends in the hopes that we can build a sincere friendship if you have no objections. Pls this is not a lesbian thing ooo, am really into guys

Time will surely heal the wounds, but you can accelerate the healing process by doing the following

1. Cut off all communication with your ex as you try to heal.

2. Do not find an excuse to ask him about anything

3. Do not stalk him on facebook, twitter or linkedin trying to find out what's happening in his life.

4. Try to avoid his close friends whom may talk about him to your hearing.

5. Get a make over, you can change your hairstyle, make up, update your wardrobe and even dedicate yourself to a long
term make over by getting a hot body. Pls this is meant to make you feel good & desirable, NOT to make your ex feel
like he lost some hot chic.

6. Invest in your hobbies; have a passion for something and discover new interests. See your ex as a ball and chain to
cut loose and be free of as you explore and do things you like.

7. Gain confidence in yourself; create confidence in yourself by doing things on your own for instance go to the cinema
by yourself

There's more but my eyes are getting tired from looking at my laptop screen.I hope this helps.

Onila.

No offence meant (am being honest about not meaning any offence) but I think the real problem is that you've allowed your beauty get into your head and it is causing you some serious issues in the friends department. I don't think you have less female friends now because of your good looks, I think its due to an attitude you may have developed because of the looks.

I say this cos I often read threads/posts you author and girl you really do come across as vain, self conceited and almost condescending about your beauty. Thats me giving my opinion of your online personality I don't know what your real personality is like off line, I can only imagine. But I can tell you though that the online personality leaves a lot to be desired. There was a particular thread where you were so classless throwing insults left, right and center I quickly lost all interest in that thread.

I hope you don't feel under attack am trying to be honest about what I think of you in the hopes that you will assess yourself and see what you may be doing wrong. My impression of you may be totally wrong and untrue, but If I see you this way without even knowing you, think of what your friends who have become shitty may see in you beyond the good looks.