₦airaland Forum

"A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs it up'. The book of Proverbs not sure what chapter and verse.

Reason Why Its My Favourite
It made me realize how true God's words are. When I was in secondary school SS3 to be precise I took a classmate's bucket to use for washing without her permission, she was one of those chics we would call stingo (i.e stingy, selfish and unwilling to share anything with others.

She came looking for her bucket while I was using it, boy was she ready to breath brimstone and fire. She angrily asked who the hell was using her bucket without permission.I quietly and gently said I was the one and would return it when done without even making an apology for taking it in the first place. Surprisingly she just walked away without another word but later told me it was the manner & way in which I answered her that caused her to pause and take a walk.

Bella, when you say many pastors have come out without shame to say our dressing doesn't matter, the bolded part gives me cause for concern because truthfully I haven't met or heard of any pastor who endorses poor/indecent dressing. In fact in my world it has almost become a tug of war between the pastor and his parishioners

I am not disputing your claims above, because chances are you have met or heard first hand from such pastors, its just the sweeping generalization without saying whom in particular that worries me. It feels almost like erroneously judging and condemning our own, lumping together both the honest and dishonest ones.

My post isn't meant as an attack on your person its just an honest expression of what I thought and how I felt after reading through your first post. Having said that, dressing decently and appropriately matters to me whether I be in church, hanging out with friends or partying because I seek first to please God.

sisieko2001: yawnsssssss

someone has been reading too many mills and boon novels.

LOL , No way dear I gave that up a looooong time ago when the reality of dating relationships hit me in the face, my very first year @ the university like eight years ago.


@ Aze

I am feeling you, I like the comments you added to my post you seem to understand my love language.One luv


@ All of you beefing hairy chests,

Whats your problem? I find it very masculine cos its one of the features that differentiates the male body from the female one.

@ Danka777

All the men I dated had hairy chests, well except for one guy and all these men are Nigerians. I come from a family of werewolves where the men are very hairy as well. I don't know where you got that statistics of 5% from, but am just speaking from my own experience.

uboma: @ Dimples 316, thats romantic of u. But what trips u may not trip another lady. So its different strokes for different ladies. Am willing to read frm other ladies.

Of course Uboma, what trips me won't trip every lady.

This is my personal list and I was only speaking for myself.

But to a large extent women do love No 3 i.e the head on your chest thing.

Liked it, sound advice.

My List

1.Being held/cuddled when watching a movie together, NOT at the cinema but in the privacy of our home
(my favourite thing) .

2. Locking your fingers with mine when we are talking about stuff, whether its important or unimportant stuff.

3. Letting me run my fingers through your hairy chest, with my head down on it as well.

4. Having my neck & shoulders massaged when it aches.

5. Being invited over to your crib for lunch or dinner even if its indomie & eggs, as against constantly doing
restaurants or wanting me to cook all the time. The gesture or thought behind it is what counts.

6. Being kissed unexpectedly with his hand firmly on the back of my neck, am not talking peck on the lips oooo.
A sensual, intrusive and possessive kiss. Still trip about this when I remember the guy who did it

A sack was extreme, a stern warning with instructions on what he could do differently, next time a similar situation arises would have been okay in my opinion.

chyseth: am due for confirmation for the past 5 months now, my boss have done my appraisal which was good and sent to the head office, my technical line manager in the head office, did her own which i suspect was not too good as she didn't copy me in her own mail. i have expressed my worry to my boss over my not being confirmed for months now. she keep assuring me that i will be. that i should not worry, since my salary is coming and that my salary was increased when other people's own was increased also.

i have had opportunities to leave here. in fact, in one occasion, my boss literally begged me not to accept an offer, that she will help me secure my confirmation.

i have tried to forget this confirmation thing as it was really affecting my work. now that i read this article, am beginning to be worried again.

guys what do u thing

What do I think? I think you need to bounce and make it snappy, call one of those companies who made you an offer and see if its still available.Your immediate boss who wants you to stay, is not the only one who has a say in the matter and I doubt if she will be the final authority.

Go with your instincts,instincts are never wrong at least mine haven't failed me yet.

Yes I think you are okay because I can relate to some of the issues you mentioned on friendships, anger and vindictiveness.

I didn't have a lot of friends in school,sometimes I unconsciously sabotaged good friendships by being too quick to cut people out of my life because they offended me, or I didn't like their lifestyle etc. But these are issues I have been able to work out and I am still working out as I grow older.

I don't know how old you are but I believe you can and will get better as you age,you don't need to wait till the years roll by before you become better, you can consciously do so now by making the effort to be less critical and acccepting of others, focus on the good things about people not the bad ones. Realize that friendships can be made even out of school there are over a billion people on earth and there is potential for great realtionships.

On anger and vindictiveness: I can tell you first hand that trying to get even or hit back at someone who has hurt you will only cause you more pain. You end up embarrassing or hurting yourself in the process don't even go there. I've had to learn the lesson the hard way three times, if you don't learn it the first time you will surely go through it over and over until you do. I guess that's the reason why the good Lord said vengeance is mine, so learn to take your issues and emotions to Him when you are angry, happy or feeling hateful of someone.

Cece Winanns sang a song about God being a life changer, He really is a life changer you should key into Him and try to build a relationship with Him. Please strive for an honest relationship with God through Christ as against doing church and being religious. I hope this helps in some way

Ileke Idi not you again.

Well I see sincerity and a man with a good heart & spirit.

This is so true, it happened to me some time ago I saw some of the signs i.e being excluded from important mails and notices of meetings, being blamed for things that weren't my fault.

I read the handwriting on the wall, I was getting ready to bounce and making moves towards it but they struck before I could.

I think I sat on my butt for too long with what I knew, the next time I smell a rat I will be out of the door so fast the employer in question would be wondering what hit them.

Sun of god: Any sane person with an IQ over 100 can see she's incompetent - unfortunately GEJ's IQ is below 80!

The woman comes up with some trash at times - but tries to disguise it with jargon.

If she were a finance director for my company she'd be sacked with immediate effect before my firm goes bust!

logica: It doesn't take a friend's friend, or someone that works with the FG. It is pretty obvious; and she was seriously exposed during the subsidy debacle in January.

You think its really that obvious? LOL

I've had close friends argue relentlessly with me on how intelligent she is, how good she is for our nation & the economy etc. I usually just let them go on not arguing much because I've become so disillusioned with our polity, govt officials and policies.

Two women holding hands is easier & softer on the eyes than two men holding hands. My mind will certainly go to the gutter with the latter

Definitely the smile for me, it really puts me at ease especially when its genuine making me relaxed enough to carry on a non-superficial conversation. I hope my smiles make you feel welcome to NL are my dimples showing? LOL

Sun of god: She's incompetent . . . .Period.

Ask the average man on the street whether he has benefited from any of her policies.

She's been bad for Nigeria and bad for GEJ.

Mmmmhh, a friend's friend who works very closely with the FG and has done so for several years made a similar statement to yours early this year during the fuel subsidy removal saga.

Ileke Ileke Idi

Girl I see your thread is bringing on the traffic as usual. You never cease to amuse me on NL I enjoy reading threads you've authored because I know it's going to be a fun and interesting read with lots of drama.

You sure know how to get the guys all worked up on NL

Just reading through and I must say a good number of people like Thoniaslim, Cuddlemii, Okija_Juju, You and Rinora have made very valid points which we can all learn a thing or two from.

I think Rocktation has given very sound counsel, I couldn't have said it any better.

The poster's story sounds genuine to me and not something she made up, I don't understand why most of the guys here are girrating all over the thread and talking trash. There are male & female gold diggers, please deal with it guys and let us hear word.

@ dazzlingvixen

That was a really smart move and I give you credit for having enough sense to do what you did. Most of us (women) get carried away when we meet someone new and end up doing stupid things that only hurt us down the line,kudos and 25 gbosas to a woman who has a good head on her shoulders

Very funny guys, you will have to tell us whom you think has ownership of you. Your mama or wifey?

Reading through my first post I realize there might be a chance of me being misunderstood so please note that, you are essentially responsible for providing what the elders/in-laws to be, ask of you before they give their daughter out in marriage.

You and your folks are visitors, visiting with an intent and for a purpose. The bride and her family on the other hand have a responsibility to see that these visitors are received warmly and treated well. That's what I mean by the bride's family being responsible for the reception.

Going by the topic of your thread, I would say a man is largely responsible for making a traditional marriage happen.

From where I come from the bride's family takes responsibility for the reception and in my opinion that's the way it should be any where else because they (the bride & her family) are receiving visitors who should be warmly received and well catered for.

I mean think about it, when you get news that a relative or friend would like to visit or is coming to visit at a set date you usually would go out of your way to welcome them and make their stay a pleasant one, either by stocking up your kitchen with food or your refridgerator with drinks, renewing your Dstv subscription etc.

I don't see why it should be any different with a traditional marriage, after all you are going to be milked dry so they may as well host & treat you well while they rip you off. No offence meant though

Joel

Sweetheart please for the love of God, paragraph your posts next time and get rid of the shorthand/text message english, to make reading easier and enjoyable.

Having said that, am not exactly sure what you want to hear from the good folks of NL. I don't know what the lady in question was thinking while carrying on in the manner you've described. On the other hand you may have read her the wrong way.

If you wanted to hook up with her so badly, you should have waited after the service to strike up a conversation with her not during service when there were a good number of people close enough to over hear you. Next time you are in church and begin to get distracted by anyone why don't you just change seats.

I'm a woman and I avoid sitting close to other woman in church because of how we carry on sometimes,which can be both distracting and irritating. Often women are busy gisting away with friends, giggling and making all sorts of side remarks while the sermon is going on. I can only imagine what we get up to if we are sitting close to a brother that catches our eye. We probably laugh the loudest @ something the pastor said or try to make smart remarks to get his attention.

I mean common church is a place to fellowship with God & other believers, fellowship in this context does not include a subtle seduction, a toasting period or gisting moment while service is going on. There is a time and place for everything.

MRbrownJAY: fair enough, but would you offer to go Dutch when the bill comes or simply pretend that you suddenly went deaf and blind (like many do)?
if you always expect him to foot the bill, thats a clear sign of being cheap, unless you ALWAYS wait for him to invite you......whether you are dying of hunger or not.

Well I certainly do not split bills with a guy on our first two dates or outing, If am feeling you afterwards you can be sure the next treat will be on me, If am not feeling you there won't be a 3rd, 4th or 5th outing of any kind. But I NEVER do that splitting of bills thing at the initial stage of a relationship he is doing the chasing and I definitely would like to be wooed.

I can cook, so hell no I won't be dying of hunger and waiting for some bloke to take me out, if it gets so bad and am not in a position to quickly make myself a meal there are fast food restaurants littered all over the place and with just 1k I can grab me some food. Wait for a man to buy me food when am hungry that is really cheap you won't catch me in that one oooo.

MRbrownJAY: @OP

there are many actions that would be considered CHEAP in my world:
- you beg/demand for any material thing WHATSOEVER .
- you have no class and yet expect to be treated like a celebrity.
- you dont know what the difference between a Sauvignon and a Chardonnay is, but yet you want to eat at the classiest restaurant in town.
- you've ridden okada and buses all your life but suddenly expect to be driven around, simply because you new BF has a car.
- you automatically expect your man to elevate you status to HIS own, simply because you guys are dating.
- you see anything remotely RIGHT about sleeping your way to get ANYTHING in life (other than the affection from your man)
- you believe that your money should be spent on yourself only.
-
- you love a man but yet dont want to show him that you do , for whatever reason (emotionally cheap)

******out of breath****** will be back for more, lol!

Seriously LOL at this list which I enjoyed reading. By the way I don't know the difference btw a Sauvignon and Chardonnay but that's because I don't drink and when a guy wants to treat me to lunch or dinner I let him pick the restaurant,cos am not in his pockets and don't know what his budget may be.

I am thanking heaven right now for my pride (I would never describe myself as proud in a million years but a close friend tells me I am every chance she gets), a strong sense of self sufficiency and independence which has certainly prevented me from doing the stuff mentioned above.

Well thanks to you Mr JB, now I know for a fact I've got game/swagger and I wasn't being flattered all those times I was told I've got class by the men in my life. I sound full of myself don't I? I do to my ears but am just being sincere so I won't take that back. Abeg make una free me oooo.

@ Sasha

I feel you on this issue and use to struggle with the whole "don't be cheap or too hard to get " saga. Until I figured out what works for me and what doesn't, there are certain rules to play by which shouldn't be broken e.g no sex on the very first date or meeting. I think a copy of The Ten Commandments of Dating by Brian Adams & some other guy would help. Its a very simple book filled with common sense advice on dating. Check it out

Swit up: *Y.A.W.N.S* COULDN'T EVEN READ A THING....... NO PARAGRAFYING+MUCH PARAMBULATING= WASTE OF NL SPACE .

Hey what do you mean there were no paragraphs? I saw paragraphs up there and thought his written english was mmmmmwwwwwaaaahhhh

zone77: Is he too short, too fat, too tall, too smart, too dark, too light, too hairy, too muscular, too skinny, bald? etc These are things you can work around.

Me like hairy men, so I won't be hating that or looking to work around it but pls no hairs under the armpits and groin area.

Fat men on the other hand I cannot work with that, they need to work that one out themselves. Because I know first hand that weight loss or gain is entirely up to an individual.

So if a brother wants to be with me he has got to lose some weight if he's packing too much pounds in fat. All in all great post but we women already know these things, though some of us have a hard time getting our brains to act on it.

MRbrownJAY: focus on getting a job and forget about such people......we all know how people are willing to KILL (even their own blood) for money........watch out.

Give heed to the post above and let sleeping dogs remain asleep.

Shior! Which one come be pamper them or shout? That's the western style of doing things typical of British & American folks. I doubt if they ever shout, in their case the kids are the ones who usually shout and talk back.

Me, I'll give them a good beating and explain what the beating is for, with a stern warning for that to never repeat itself. MTV, CHANNEL O and un-supervised tv viewing is doing more damage than good.

Don Carlos: No matter how hungry u might be, never succumb to sex on ur first meet, it devalues a woman's worth.
After 2+ years, u surely have a lot to talk about and watch his eyes as u talk, men are very poor at lying with their eyes. Why did he not call all these years, if he goes on 2, what if u're in a relationship already.
Whatever he comes up with, take it home to digest before making a decision. Never show a man u are in a hurry to accept his proposal, massage ur self-esteem, u're a lady damn it, let him work not walk his way into ur heart.

WORD

Girl, you need to listen to this and act on it.