₦airaland Forum

congratulations!!!

^^^
I hear you, sis! Thanks a bunch.

This is a valid question. Of course, the lady wants to settle down and the guy is not ready. Can two walk together except they agree? Can a bus going to Akwa ibom load Lagos passenger?
Alot of ladies wait for a guy and end up being jilted. So they just go for someone else instead of losing out on both sides!

So I just want to thank everybody, who has been supportive with their words, personal experiences, the abuse site suggestions and all the advice.
These past few days, I have been researching a lot.
We as humans need to be careful about who we let into our lives, because these abusers are good at what they do, the result being millions of abused men and women out there. According to what I deduce from my reading, my cousin suffered verbal abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse and heaven knows what else.
One thing I know is that, she was emotionally raw, open and vulnerable when she met T. Because then, she had just lost her first love whom she dated for years.
Thank you to everyone and God bless!!!

Il call my cousin's abuser T.
This is da latest;
We were supposd to travel together so she could inform her parents that she was quitting the relatnshp. . .but then T dug a hole and fell smack into it, making things easier for us.
What happened was T stole a number from my cousin's phone and called up the guy to warn him off. T didnt stop there, he also rained insults on my cousin to the guy's hearing on phone (he told the guy she was a love peddler).
T then started shouting and cursing at my cousin, saying he had caught her red handed. T said that the other guy called him FIRST and confessed that he was my cousin's lover.
I think T expected my cousin to start trying to explain so he could blow up and tell her she was a slut, a pretender and a liar. (Unknown to him, the guy he called was our family friend, virtually a son to the family, just that T hadnt met him).
So my cousin told T he was the one who got caught!
She then told him the identity of the person he had called and repeated the nasty things he had said, telling him that the guy was going to be called upon to repeat everything to the family.
She also told T she was in the process of getting his and the other guy's phone records, that would show who called who! (since T was claiming the family friend guy called him first).
When T saw that his game was up, he said he couldnt understand what was happening.
That they should forget the whole incidence and forge ahead.
My cousin then told him she wasnt forging anywhere and that it was over.
At first, he was still mouthy because he didnt believe she'd just called off the relatnshp. When he saw she was serious, he begged and cried and apologized and promised. My cousin was unmoved! DAYUM, THOSE ABUSIVE MEN SURE DO KNOW HOW TO APOLOGISE! T apparently didnt know her well enough because at home, we all know that under all that gentleness lies steel. She takes the high road but she can be brutal!!!
Anyway, she informed our family of what he'd done and our family friend was a living witness!
Only after she'd broken it off did the tears begin! She was so strong throughout the whole process and I'm proud very of her. I know its not easy. Everybody acknowledges that T could have ended up beating her if she had married him. Infact, her dad's words were that; he would never give her out to such a person, because he himself had never hit his wife or children!
I only feel for the next girl that comes his way. . . .
Thank you all for the love and the support. I know she'll be fine!

@hony4u
thanks. . .i hear you!

@rully2
Thank you. At dis point, I will make sure she tells the family. This is too BIG to handle or hide!
@fehyntolah
My dear, she said it started gradually, like cotton101 said. At the beginning of the relationshp, he told her she was God's answers to his prayers. Gradually, he started showing displeasure at her activities, gradually he started calling her names. Everytime she she forgave him, he would be so sober and extremely nice, till the next episode when he will use bigger and better abuses than the last time. By the time it gets sooo bad, the woman would be bonded to him. But I guess one cannot understand, since one hasnt worn the shoes!
@modele2
I hear you. Just like I have stated, I am determind that she makes the right decision. Only God knows what damaged him that he acts like that!

@nekai
Thanks so much for sharing. I'm glad your sis has found true happiness o! Chei, its a horrible thought that things could degenerate to that level. I am showing cousin all the comments. We both know she has a decision to make. And I pray she makes the right one. Infact your post made me realise that, with that singular statement he made about me and my friends, I might not have been welcome at their house after the wedding!
@cotton101
Thank you! To think of it, after that night he screamt at her, she never followed us out again!!! Hmmn!
@inky
Thank you. I'll make sure she sees them. Thanks.

@esteduca
Sorry, I didnt intend to imply that you insult your girlfriend.
I was talking about how you react when you are jealous. E.g the many calls and the interrogations when she eventually picks.
Didnt mean to insult your sensibilities. Thanks for your post, it really made things clearer!

@iya basira
Yes, I know that Blazay made sense. Infact, everyone who commented here made alot of alot of sense. . .You, cotton101, obowumi, inky, masi, mclartunji, Akebaje, baby.me, esteduca, natasha. Infact everyone. Thank God I came here and not the romantic section. Thanks!!!

@esteduca
Your english is ok. We had to check your profile because my cousin was freaking out that you were her fiance. She said he has called her 37 times at a blow before. But you're a white man, as we saw from your pic, while her fiance is naija. How come you guys act all so similar? Where such guys schooled in the same place on how to act or what?

@sasi-malia
My cousin was shocked when i showed her your post. She said when she was in school, she would be scared and her heart would be beating, if she didnt call him immediately after classes! OMG! Infact, that day he called her when we went out, she was shaking after his calls!!!
I'm happy for you. Atleast u're out of it and av found happiness!

@cotton101
Thank you!!! For not keeping silent. Thank you! There is alot of wisdom in the simplicity of your words. And I pray that God will heal you in body and soul, Amen!

@inky
Thank you!!! We have already opened the first site to go through it. The whole thing is really saddening. With all these. . .it doesnt look like things will work out between them!
@2mch
Thank you. D surprising thing is that he has a job, an excellent one at that!

Yeah, yeah. I get you. She should break up, he's not gonna change and she should tell her family. Well at this point, i guess she will. I mean, she's gotta tell them especially when she's thinking of calling it all off. Thanx. Nice quiz. . . .

@inky
I posted sumthin in the family section (a wailing cry for help). Pls check it out.

*sniff sniff*

@georgem
seconded.

@baby.me
Thank you, I pray ur sis' husby will change, since she is in already.
I will do what I can, cos I don't seem to be the only one who is having a bad feeling about this!

^^
even me, my BF used to be jealous. But on getting to know me better, he reduced it drastically. But it seems her fiance has made up his mind not to trust her or see anything gud about her.

@natasha
thanks. What I have a problem with is not even the jealousy but the insults. Her family are not an insultive people and why would a man say all those things to his woman? When she tells him he hurts her with his talk, he just begs and apologises. He has NEVER said he will adjust or change!

^^
@natasha
She said that she has even begged him not to call if he knows he's going to be abusive, because it affects her emotionally, but he still does it. He's great in ALL other ways sha. She said she cant cope if that is how he'll kip humiliating her infront of her friends (when she goes out) and her colleagues (when she starts work and has to work late). Even her family will not be happy if they hear all the things she has told me.

@jennykadry
thanks. Though so far, she says even when he apologises, he soon starts with the behavior again, so am guessing we shouldnt be expectin a change anytime soon!

@blazay
Being a virgin or not is not the main issue. His abuse is the issue here. She is well educated AND beautiful. By the way, she said after thinking of quitting, she started attacking him back, but that's not the kind of life she wants to live.
@mclatunji
thanks. Its just so sad that this is happening to my sweet cousin.
@ify
Yeah, I aceded earlier that the man might calm down if its a fire for fire situation. But that my cousin is quiet, doesnt mean she's not sensible. Its only natural to explore all possible options of making a relationship work before giving up. And everybody in the world cannot be acid tongued, the world would have since ended.
@outstrip
thank you, thats what i feel too!

@inky, don't get me wrong. Am not saying he should pounce on them, but they shouldnt be parading half naked azzes in front of him, AND in his own home too. If my BF had a male friend, going round my house in a pair of speedo-like shorts, HE WONT BE WELCOME! Now not because I cant control myself, but because its plain disrespectful. SMH

Pls and pls, lets keep the peace.
@jennykadry
Do you mean she should just postpone the plans for now? Or she should call off the whole thing. Because majority here*including me* believes he wont change.

please, lets keep things civil. . .thanks.

If this is true, I think its plain disrespectful that her friends wear short skirt in his house. They shud dress appropriately.
Next thing you know, they'll 'mistakenly' drop something on the ground and stick their fat behinds in the air to pick it up, giving OP a glimpse of ripe, bouncy, butt cheek

^^^
She says she has missed his calls on some occasions. That when she's at her parents, he doesnt really mind the missed calls, but when she's on her own, he gets very insultive when they eventually talk. He asks her if she's finished with the fools and eediots that made her ignore his calls.

@mclatunji
She's at our house at the moment and will be for some time. She was supposd 2 do some shopping and leave but she cant right now, cos of election wahala.
@all
She's not from an abusive home, my aunt and uncle are very loving and theirs is a tight knit family.
Its even me that i'm from a dysfunctional family, yet my guy is very ok.