₦airaland Forum

This Uni is being built on a firm foundation...

LilMissFavvy:
One of the things I don't like about my gender . Most women cant keep secrets. Better to send your brother a message and narrate things just as it happened because she may have twisted the issue when she told your brother. I don't see it as a bad thing to have asked for that exchange since you were helpless. What's her gain now that she has put you in trouble.

Speak for yourself. Who told you women can't keep secrets?
She probably told her husband because she doesn't "gel" with her BIL.

I thought people have been saying that Islam recognizes women's rights?

Anyway, all humans are fundamentally equal. Shikena.

This man is fvccing up your mind! He is neither hot, nor cold.
If you don't have similar dreams, I think you should let him go.

DrFunmisticGlow:
have you taken LSD?

I was taught that you smell colors and see sounds with it

Why would anyone want to smell colours and see sounds?
Na wa.

"I dey come" is not an address.
Telling your wife where you are going is the humane, responsible thing to do.

May God help him to be found. Amen.

duyox2004:
I hate it. I’m 41, never married, no kids.

I’ve been close…twice. But ended both relationships when they were caught cheating.

I’ve dated several men since then, most older than me, and they seemed to be in no hurry to even be in a committed relationship. Which is crazy to me that these men are mid-40s and still trying to hangout with the guys and party. I met a whole guy group of friends in Houston 2 years ago…all single, all 36–45 years old. They were throwing house parties during the quarantine…parties!! ��

When I was in grade school, I was told to get a degree, don’t get pregnant, just enjoy being single, make friends, keep dating, and the right man will find you.

Now that I have two degrees, traveled the world, developed hobbies, and avoided pregnancy…my doctors are telling me to just be a single mom because I’m running out of eggs as I type this message. �

I beat teenage pregnancy to be considering single motherhood at 41. �

Damn you, parents, counselors, pastors, and everyone who gave me that advice. I can’t get that time (or my eggs) back. I hate being single at this age!! ��

If you have all these so-called 'accomplishments' and you still do not know what to do, then you are very much ignorant.

Tell me what a man would give you now that you can't get by yourself. If it is kids you want, do you need marriage to have kids?

Men that would come into your life and turn it upside down.

If you like, keep wallowing in misery, don't be proactive.

Safemoon:
Upon say na New market the whole roofs don brown this people with brown roof sef.tufiakwa.

It is not a new market, that is just the name. My grandma had a stall there; I think from the late 80s.

Is this just the surroundings of the market? Because back in the day (in the nineties), the main Oja Tuntun market was fenced. Though, people also set up wares around the market and had shops outside the market. But Oja Tuntun was fenced with rows of numbered shops.

In fact, by 5 or 6 o clock pm, people have to start hurrying out of the market gate because it would be locked.

I also remember the night a fire broke out inside the market; My grandma hurried down there with me (because of her shop) but the guards stopped the crowd from gaining access inside the market. The next day, the fire was found out to have started from the stall of those making soda soap (they forgot palm oil on the fire), and it spread to a few other shops.

I miss those days, somehow. I can barely recognize the market from these pictures. I last went there I think 97-98.

Souqwaqif:
Dear All,

Greetings from here. Just needing a piece of positive counsel here. It has been subtle and recurrent but I decided to share this particular one.

My wife travelled for a burial with my kids without my knowledge. I travelled far away for work and call home everyday. Just recently I called very early in the morning to tell my wife I will be coming home by weekend,she somewhat sounded surprised and said instead of me coming on Friday I should come on Sunday.

I didn't say anything,I pretended not to be angry with that. Yet I immediately did a cash transfer for feeding and balance for the kids school fees that same morning we were discussing.

Later in the evening,I expected her to call and update me on the fees payment,but I didn't receive any call,I then had to call but her lines were all switched off,at this point I was worried especially when I couldn't talk to the kids.

I then called a neighbor to help me check if they are at home only to confirm they travelled for burial which the neighbor got to know from a phone conversation between my wife and her sister.

At this point, I called my wife's brother only to confirm that they were having a burial in their village, which I am not aware of,even as an inlaw.

Right now am very upset and I don't want to act in anger,please how can I react to this conspiracy between her and her family carrying my car with my kids to a distant village for burial without my knowledge.

Thanks for mature inputs only:

She should have informed you; that is the right thing to do as a married person you are accountable to your partner.
But this one you are talking of "your" car and kids, they belong to you both.
Then you also need to check your attitude towards your in laws. A supportive in law will always be carried along. Some get married to women and do not want them attending any function and so on, generally acting like she fell from the sky. Of course your wife will hide things from you.

If Nigeria was a serious place, that bullet would be extracted asap and analysed. Since they are claiming they did not shoot live ammunition. A cannibalistic nation that eats it's own young. Tufia.

She's showing big gods in Nigeria and beyond that she can suck good D. Hopefully she will be selected as she can open her mouth wide and has a long, flexible tongue.

DaddyNimo:
pure carelessness, why allow guard access into your house when you're alone... why have guards in your house living with you seeing all your wealth.

There is no way they won't see the wealth. Even from outside in their small security man building, they can see, smell, touch, and feel it. Can wealth be hidden? Won't he come out wearing good cloths, smelling of nice perfume and drive off in his nice car? Who will open the gate for him? No be dem?

I have always said it and I will say it again.
Be very careful of those you let into your space. Both frenemies and workers.

A lot of people have died needlessly from houseboy/help killing them to security man hacking them to death. Last year to this year alone is about 7 incidences.

You think they are happy to be scrubbing your bathroom while you lounge in your chair on your laptop, sipping a drink and laughing at Nwa ama ikpe's shenanigans on Nairaland? You think they are happy to wash your car while you saunter out in your starched cloth and then they will run and open the gate for you?
You think they are happy?

If you like, be NICENESS itself. In fact, you will be a victim even faster. An evil mind is an evil mind.

Then to enemies friends, you think your friend is happy to see you and your partner happy, when they just had an explosive argument with theirs? That you are so well paid, while they are barely getting by?

The worm that eats the corn, lives in the corn. He that has ears should listen.

Hanseel1:
Do you know what is called “daycare” or “nanny”?
If they can't afford those, either of their mothers ,fathers or any immediate relation can come and stay with them for the purpose of taking care of the kids till they're about 4 years old each.

At the end of the day, they will still spend that money he is hoarding. Won't the mothers/fathers/immediate relations have needs to be taken care of? And at the end of the day, will they take care of the kids like mum?

People need to understand what a sacrifice it is staying at home.

I understand exactly how you feel. And your mother knows exactly what she is doing.

I would ask you to keep your distance. I know when she is with you for omugwo, she will call your SIL and gist with her in a way she has never gisted with you. But don't worry.

One day will be one day.

He knows exactly what he was doing, when he ran to tell his people and yours.
Violence is the limit, he says, but what aabout the verbal war he constantly wages against you?
He is a manipulator.
He is using societal expectations, shame, etc as arsenals. This won't get better, sorry to say. He will continue running away every time there are issues. He will insult your very soul and at a word from you he will call call family and friends to tell them you lack respect and are not submissive. That you want to be the man of the house, after all, you have pushed him before.

Hmn. I wish you luck because you will need it.

Hello doctor,

I am currently breatfeeding but I am tempted to stop due to the fact that my nipples are very painful. It wasn't that way in the beginning, just something that developed recently.

When I am feeding my baby, a stabbing pain shoots through my breast and back. Even when I'm done breastfeeding it continues.

Please assist. thank you.

rokiatu:
Legend. So good to see him of such a long time.

I miss his powerful sayings in his movies.

His son is such a great actor as well. His deep voice is everything.

Beautifully preggie...

fem29:
Wow.

Please since you guys can afford it you need to go for marriage counselling to get to the bottom of what is wrong.

I think so too.
However I can't drag him to the counsellor for that unless something similar comes up again. Because the other incident happened a long time ago.

kaziblake:
I went through your other threads you are so hilarious pls don't waste this talent
Enjoy your marriage bikonu

Thanks for thinking I'm hilarious. Thanks for your wishes too.
Is making jokes the talent you are talking about? I can be funny but I don't think I'm that funny. lol

Jahblessme:
@OP,
You are quite fiesty

Now,i believe when someone who has been immoral starts policing someone over the same immorality,they may be feeling very guilty or they may be indulging in it and also trying to cover up by being hypersensitive over the issue and paranoid in order to deflect attention from themselves.I'm glad you are taking a stand for yourself cos if you cave in and swallow accusations,it opens doors for more severe forms of giving in just to prove your 'innocence'.

There really isn't any cure for a man who feels insecure purely based on his own failings.He should be scraping the floor begging for your forgiveness and you outlining ways to move forward,not using reverse psychology on you.
You should make it 100% clear what you will tolerate and what you will not.Feeding his paranoia will not help you so the best is to nip it in the bud sharply by asking him never to accuse you for no good reason or embarrass you.There shouldn't b querying,you both should be able to discuss the friends in your lives and say who and who you both aren't comfy with then decide what to do about them.NOTE that i mean on both sides,not you getting rid of your friends while his flourish.

Now you've made up,i hope you have had a talk not merely laughed and glossed over things.The cycle will repeat itself and you will be back here.Deal with it now or you will keep having problems.

GOODLUCK MA.

Lol at fiesty.
I'll still do the discussion probably this evening and my mum still intends talking to him too...

Thank you.

pucelle:
This is the problem with ladies...we soften up once he acknowledges us and apologize, then a repeat happens,and we complain again.


I will advice you let him know your stand on the issue and let him know you can't tolerate such anymore....firmly please,so he will see the seriousness in you.


You Marriage will not crash by God's grace

Amen. Thanks.
My mum insists she will still talk to him.

I want to say thanks to everyone who had a positive advice to give. While cooking, he came to me and laughingly told me that I'm angry with him, abi. Then after eating, he sat me down and said he actually just made the statement out of anger, due to the fact that I always act defensive when he tries to query me.
Its just a case of once bitten, twice shy. Things were so bad at a point as he was so controlling. I just don't want things to go back to that so I toughened up.

Thank you all.

NL1960:
Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Don't you think this is where the problem is coming from?. Some men are actually not comfortable with certain types of work that their wives do. Has he ever complained of this job or told you to drop it?.

Yes he has. In fact he still asked me last week if I wish to continue the job.
But on the other hand, we want the money.

Because I can take care of my personal needs with the salary while he can then assist extended family.

johnson232:
lol....
really?
keep on draining your husband self esteem and self worth with your silly attitude, until he becomes empty...

oloboro wife...

You are the empty one here trading words on a thread you are not needed. Get lost!!

cococandy:
OP the matter hasn't reached divorce level like I see some folks advising you to.
Unless you're stil angry about his cheating in the past. If all your concern is his constant attempt to police you, then it is still resolvable.

However you must continue to stand up to him, albeit in a matter that doesn't make a bad situation worse I.e reminding him of his own cheating or calling him ashewo when you've been acting like you forgave him all this while.

It's obvious his guilty conscience is prodding him to try pin some dirt on you too so that you guys can be on equal standing.

This is a fresh perspective. Thank you.
Will try not to bring it up anymore. Because I do it most times.
I'll try my best. It's just painful when you're accused of something you're not guilty of.

bukatyne:
@divalishis:

When did you start working as a sales rep?

Would like to keep that private please. I've given too much out as it is...
Sorry..

Acidosis:
At this juncture, we might need to ask OP this: "when did you resume the sales rep job?"

May be they had issues about the job from the onset...etc.

We were on a break when I got the job. But he was supportive and all. Though he gets angry a lot of the time about the indignity of his wife having to beg people to bring their business. And also what people say about ladies who do this job. And I get to meet different people too...

bukatyne:
If the sales rep is as I understand it, she will continually interact with men in the secret and openly to close deals.( with no evil intentions)

She will have to meet with clients outside official hours for new opportunities.

A sales(wo)man they say works 24hrs.

And there are some customers that when they cough, you bend backwards 180°....

So....

I don't even meet people alone as it is in the policy never to do that. In fact it is the customers my husband introduces me to that he mostly insists I find a way to meet them alone so as not to get them snatched by my colleagues as they are more aggressive than I am. And I don't meet people outside official hours. I am not doing so well at work as I am the home type who would rather be indoors than go out in the evening when you can get all the big fish at clubs and so on.
Sales is really not my thing. I just need a job, that's why.

raumdeuter:
Well it happens in relationship, when one party thinks I brought this into the relationship so you should cherish me forever

It can be the virginity or it can be that I picked you up from nowhere(Teebillz) or I financed your education, I saved you from an abusive relationship so you owe me for life

Atimes its better to have 2 equally flawed people, 2 broke people, 2 equally educated/uneducated people marrying themselves. So no one is feeling he/she is doing the other a favor

Never said I did him a favour. I mentioned it here so people could know the type of person I am. That I was a Virgin is between us. Even now that I spoke to my mum about it, I never brought it up that I was.
It's a decision I took for me. Not for him or anybody. And deep down, I don't regret the decision. Even with the issues on ground.

nnamdibig:
Thought am the only person that saw this.
Trying to hide what you do with your phone will definitely cause problems. If you think it's harmless why hide it?

Read my answer to her.