₦airaland Forum

@IyaBasira, @mclatunji
@kunle_j
She said whenever she brings the issue of trust, he says he trusts her. Just that his actions shows he doesnt.
Another thing is, she has friends, both male and female which he wants her to cut off from. The males are platonic and I dont think its wrong that she has male friends because no man is an island. One time in school (far from home), she had a road accident, and it was those guys that took it upon themselves to take her to the hospital and paid upfront for her treatment and called home to inform her dad. It was after her discharge that her female friends started visiting. She says she views those guys as her brothers, but he wants her to cut off all contact. She doesnt even see them physically because after grad, everybody scattered. They only catch up once in a while on phone. Growing up, she was a serious introvert and we were even happy when she started being outgoing and started making friends, male and female.
She said he has been heartbroken before. His former girlfriend betrayed him.

@Blazay.
I believe that the man can cool down (maybe), if its a fire for fire situation. But my cousin is very quiet, and the quieter she is, the wilder it becomes. Because that night he called her, she didnt say much. I just noticed she kept recieving calls! He was insulting her in all the calls.
About the virginity issue, am not saying it will save her marriage. What I tried to say is; SHE THINKS HE MIGHT TRUST HER WHEN HE LEARNS SHE HAS REALLY BEEN FAITHFUL AND HASN'T BEEN SLEEPING AROUND.
I know most men are possessive, but isnt this too much? He's basically calling her a love pedler, you know. But if there's anyway you can help, I can leave an email. You seem very confident that he can change! Thanx!

@jdmurphy
Thank you, I thought so too.

She said after every episode, he apologises profusely. And tells her he's only behaving like that because he misses her alot and he was just trying to get her attention. He can actually be very caring, attentive and loving when they are together. It is when they are apart that the issues come up.

Please, family people in the house, I'm on my knees, I need your help.
My beloved female cousin is due to get married. Intro in June, church, Nov. We went out for a girl's night out with our female friends and I noticed she received a series of calls which upset her. Infact, she started complaining of cold and was seriously shivering till we went home, even though the weather was warm. Her mood became sad.
Later that night, I discovered her crying and she confided in me that her fiance was the one who had called her that evening and was heaping abuses on her, that he knows we arrangd other men for her on the night out. She said she had told him earlier that she will be going out with us and she doesnt  understand why he would do that.
She then told me that he's always suspicious whenever she goes out of the house. When she misses his calls, he raises hell. Now she has started taking her phone into the bathroom with her so as not to miss his calls. When he calls and her line is busy, he raises hell. Tells her he knows she's talking to other men. She cant even take a stroll, she has to have a reason for going out and he calls to check frequently. The whole issue surprisd me because I've met the guy and he seems very nice and courteous. But she told me he has called her eediot, liar, chameleon, cunny, during various arguements (on the phone because the relationship is LD). He also accused her once of spreading her legs for eediots.
She feels trapped because of the late stage of their plans. He hid this side of him early in the relationship.
I think she's hoping he might atleast learn to trust her when he discovers she is really a virgin and hasnt been flirting around like he thinks, when they get married (they only smooch right now). She said he even accused her once that since she hasnt allowed him to make love to her, she must be getting it elsewhere. She didnt tell my aunt and uncle (her parents) all these because she doesnt want them to hate him, incase he changes.
I personally think she should call off the wedding immediately. She is a good girl, a beautiful one at that and doesnt deserve all this.
The way she was shivering that night shows its beginning to affect her psyche seriously. But since I'm emotionally involved in the issue (as per, my cousin is involvd) and I'm not married, i decided to seek objective advice from my NL family section people, since your advice will be factual and won't be blinded by emotions. Even though they say no man is perfect, I think she can do better. Thanx and God bless as you leave your 2cents!

So heres da latest;
me and BF had a date last night. And I told him there were some things I wasnt happy about, his weight and how it was impactin negatively on our relationship.
For the first time, my man really opened up to me and told me of how he wasnt comfortable in his own skin and how he feels, knowin I am usually around fit guys. We reconnected and I think you guys all made it possible because I dont think my previous talks with him were as deep as the last one. Starting from dat instant, we startd takin baby steps y'll. Am so happy cos I have a man who's generous, funny, tall and (soon to be) hunky!
THANX GUYS. Il let u know how its going!!!

Dose men dont deserve to be amongst humans. They are animals and should be locked up forever. In prison i hope they are butt rape.d, til they bleed through all the orifices in their vile body.

@pusidik
Go girl! I don't support walking out of relationships randomly but dere are so many men in this world who wil not curse your family. If he has gone as far as cussing being an ordinary boyfriend, as a husband HE WILL SHOWER THEM WIT INSULTS. But i hope u didnt encourage his behavior by belittling them in front of him sha. If not, what nonsense?!

Y not, so long as everybody involvd is game 2 d idea.

Most people just seem preoccupied wit laughing. Its funny but at d same tym not so funny.
*Guess I made a big joke of everythin, sigh*

@ekt-bear
dieting hasnt bn successful. Get fat to match? Duh!

Thanks for all your words of wisdom. I sincerely get d sides u'r coming from.
Av tried d iron hand thang (placing him on a diet wheneva am around) but he jst goes out and gets whatever food he wants. Den i told him at the rate he's blowin up, no more intimacy very soon. He said i was becomin a nag.
I mean d whole thin's a big joke 2 him, he does weird belly dance/jiggles for me nwadays wen i complain about his weight. I know its meant to make me smile, but I dont find it funny.
He likes chasing me around the house, yelling 'big daddy's comin for you' and i run and dodge rily hard because i sincerely don't want to b caught for anoda dose of punishment + afta the chase he's rily sweaty and he's wheezin, literily out of breath, and dats not sexy at all. (the chase is about d only exercise he gets).
Den wen we're done bein intimate, he lyks 2 lay on me quietly for a few seconds and am usually jst strugglin to push him off. Its a nightmare, i tell you.
Mayb its d smoke he quit, as a certain nice gurl put it.
(thank goodness he abhors social forums, so i cud giv y'all a picture of how things rily are).
I love him, i dont want to lose him. Bt am rily bein affected here. Am at my wits end.

@190 @lord reed
i hav tried telling him, but he just laughs it off.

@r231
wotsup?

@25omega
i'm not looking for people 2 bash my bf. He's actually a gud guy. Its jst that evry1 has a picture of how they want their mate 2 luk lyk. In my line of work, i get to c guys wit ripped and defind abs, its sexy. I dont lyk wot my bf is becomin. I feel he shud try 2 kip it 2geda, and kip hisself atractive 4 me.

Its rily bad and embarassing. With any work he does, he starts wheezing like he just climbed mount everest. He has refusd 2 do anythin abt his weight. Now we look ludicrous when we'r together, ant and elephant.

I have tried, but i don't think i can take this any more. When i first stated going out with my boyfriend, it was cute cos he was so big and manly and I had never dated a guy that literally had 2 lift me up just to give me a kiss. During walks, i was tucked into his side protectively as i am 5'5 and he's about 6'3. He was smoking initially but then he stopped before he eventually traveled out.
While he was gone, we chatted a lot on phone and on the net.
I couldn't wait to have him back, I missed him so much.
However, when he came back, I was shocked. He looked like somebody's daddy, like 3 Fat Joes rolled into one. As for me, obese men aren't just my cup of tea. I noticed it on webcam, but i never knew it was so bad.
Being intimate with him is a struggle. D first time, i felt like i was being punished. Now, intimacy always feels like I'm being crushed by a huge, sweaty blob of jelly like flesh. I cant hide my disgust anymore when i see his massive tummy hanging ova his belt. D size of that tummy alone is another story. Its a nightmare!
He's not even making an effort to lose weight, always slurping down huge amounts of gin and coke.

Hw could he cheat on me with my so called 'friend' of all people? Not just that he's getting with her, he is also pushing me out of the picture?
I cant believe the nerve; the same guy who has been castigating her as a bad influence; would stil go behind me and **** her. I cant believe a girl i dined and wined with, could stab me in the worst possible way. I trustd her with my secrets, whatever he did 4 me,she was the first to know. I neva knew she was plotting against me. Not only did she do this, she showed no remorse. "After all, u guys r not married". Was the only response I got when I called the biiitch to confront her!
I have cried, i have wailed. I have been sad, i have been depressed. Now I've seen her looking smug and satisfied in the front seat of his car, a place where I used 2 sit. Where was she when we were walking all ova town? Her advice 2 me then was 2 leave him. But now that he has infiniti, she can pose in front and they can drive past me in town?
That is pouring salt on my still bleeding feelings but I know what must be done. Ooooh, I will so treat their fck up! I will make sure they regret the day they both decided to betray me.

@NLs

For the benefit of this gist, I'l call my boyfriend J. Well, I saw J yeserday. He was EXTREMELY angry, and said I came to NL to paint him a psycho. It didnt help that majority of the people here called him a psycho too! He wasn't happy with me at all. He also asked me if it was a crime he was making me wear and do some things he likes instead of him lookin elsewhere for satisfaction. He said its all in my mind that he's making me look like bee.

Well NLs, am sure u all mean well, but maybe(as my friends say), I've been over-reacting. I mean alot of Nigerian men do have a say in their women's dressing, don't they? Its not like he's hitting me or anything! I don't think he has ever cheated on me. I love him and I think I still want to see how we can work things out.

My hair is probably not half as bad as I said it was. Its just that its not the long, glossy way it was in my teens. Nothing a good treatment won't treat and he's taking me to the salon to treat it and to dye it back to black. The bee poster in the room also came down! So you can see he's makin efforts to please me too.

@Boyfrnd- I know you are goin to read this. Baby, U know I love you and I know u love me too, its just that I have been feeling overwhelmed lately, probably one of dem days, mood swings and what not. Forgive me baby, I brought our personal issue to NL and am not too big to apologise to U here too, its only fair I do that! You know whatever it is u need, I can be that woman.

"Hugs" Sad

O you poor dear Sad looks like this relationship has taken its toil on your self esteem and self worth. You cant look like Beyonce because Beyonce doesnt even look like Beyonce when she wakes up in the morning. She has her makeup/hair team, air brushers, workout team, stylists, dieticians etc. Her image is unrealistic and your bf is out of his head to make you try to be like her even if it damages you(unhealthy hair, low self esteem and painful legs etc).

I think you should talk to him, say everything you have stated here and if he still insists then you should leave the relationship because if you continue like this, things will get worst until you lose yourself completely.

@Ebonyeyes-Thanx
Thanx to everybody too.

Somethin happened though. I neva knew he comes on nairaland, and last nite, he called me to accuse me of what I wrote here. I cudnt deny it, We are supposed to see this afternoon, I don't know what he wants to say, but he didnt sound too happy.

I’ve always been a fan of Nairaland, but av neva posted till now. This issue is more than me and I truly do not know how to resolve it. I am in a relationship with a guy I love very much! But this same guy is killing me slowly with his attitude. He is a Beyonce fanatic. He has all her movies, all her songs, uses her for his ringing tone and caller tunes, infact beyonce pops up in everything we do or say! Even when we have sex, he plays her songs and a poster of beyonce in a bikini smiles down at us from his wall and a lot of time, I have caught him looking at her poster during sex instead of me. HE is beyond obsessed.
3 years ago, I went to his bank to pay in some money. The first thing he told me was, You’re so beautiful, has someone ever told you u look like beyonce. He got my number and that was when we started our relationship.
So we’ve been together for 3 years plus now.
When we had been together for a while, he told me to dye my hair blond, that he would pay for the maintenance. I tried it (vowing to go black if I didn’t like the color) but I loved the new color, people loved it too. Then he came on with the stilettos that I would look better and classier with them that Beyonce always wears them…and he made sure he bought me a lot of them for me. I loved all the attention at first, but more recently, he began to point out to me Beyonce’s videos and shape, lamenting that if only I had her kind of butt, that there were stretchmarks on mine. He said I should gain more weight in my hips. He also told me I was looking darker now, amongst other things. And I seriously suspect when we make love, he’s fantasizing about her.
I work hard to keep in shape and I look hour-glassy, and I seriously don’t want to gain any weight. Cos av been overweight once, and it wasn’t easy getting to where am at! Moreover, its daft for him to think the weight gained would go straight to my hips…more likely its going to end up in my belly!
Now, am sick and tired of the whole scenario. Of him trying to turn me into a beyonce zombie! The constant stiletto wearing is killing my knees, my bleached hair has lost its gloss and is horribly damaged and I now use weaves 24/7/365. the last time I went to fix fake eyelashes(at his suggestion) the glue got into my eye and almost blinded me….am sick and tired cos I look in the mirror I don’t see my pretty self anymore. I see someone being forced to be someone she’s not. I want to be natural the way I was before we got involved. My friends think am over reacting and I should consider myself lucky he loves me, pays the bills and takes care of me. I don’t know what to do cos he is my first love and I have invested 3 years of my life with him. Moreover, I’m not so confident anymore as my confidence has plummeted. I’m so withdrawn now! He talks marriage, but I don’t know if I can cope especially if he continues this way!
If I hear beyonce one more time…I just might go gaga!