₦airaland Forum

TWO COWS ~ Matthias Varga

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows
The State takes both & gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows
The State takes both & sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows
The State takes both & shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows
You sell one and buy a bull
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
U have 2 cows, sell 3 of them to ur publicly listed coy using letters of credit opened by ur bro inlaw at d bank, then execute a debt/equity swap wit an associated general offer so that u get all 4 cows back wit tax exemption for 5 cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM 
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows
You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit & packing sheds
You still only have two cows

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the f*** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

A NORWEGIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You milk the cows, sell at a profit and put the proceeds in an interest fund.
Now, you only milk four days a week, and holiday on the other days

A ZIMBABWEAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You snatch grazing fields and barns, but refuse to feed your cows.
You chase away speculators and buyers, and now use your neighbor's cows to barter.

A NIGERIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They are for everybody (97 percenters) and belong to nobody (5 percenters)
Everybody takes care of the cows and nobody dies when grazing lands are plundered.
You sell your cows and use the proceeds to buy milk, sirloin & cheese on subsidy

FEUDALISM
You have two cows
A prince holds them in trust on your behalf
You labour on the cowshed, in exchange for food and shelter
Proceeds from milk, cheese, meat and hide goes to the prince

Good advice

Too fat

Pls cover up or do it in private henceforth.

Na wao

Peace mass again??

Learn to love the one that is available to you. 36 years is way past prime. Menopause is approaching fast. The risk of having babies with chromosomal abnormalities is higher in women after 30 years. You honestly don't have a lot of options right now. Go ahead and learn to love the fellow who is ready and willing to take you to the next level of womanhood.

He might not be a soldier afterall

Boko Haram is a threat to the northeastern Nigeria that has come to stay. No government can claim that these terrorists have been totally annihilated. Not even Buhari.

Tragic

Very tragic

Victorakats:
A lot of theories may suffice about his death.

1. It could be a case of a snake bite or poisonous animal

2. It could be that of shock/fear and ultimately stress emanating from the reaction to the what he saw.

3. It could also be as a result of pre-existing health condition showing up at odd place.

4. It could also be an external attack from a stranger leaving him defenceless.

But then, living is a huge risk... It takes grace to fight life's battles.

Pray that God will comfort his family for this painful loss.

Here is a fellow Dr speaking. Nice differential diagnosis.

Marriage is never a crime at all. Congratulations to them. May God bless their union.

It's crazy

Improved ke?

She looks the same to me

Why did you allow her to go for the BBN Audition in the first place. Don't you know that saints and holy people have no business going for such a show organized by the ''ALL SEEING EYES?''

She is an adult. Pls don't interfere in her world. She is exhibiting her true character which you failed to see when she was young.

I will watch white panther instead.

I blame all Nairalanders especially the wailers and haters of this Buhari's government for the poor performance in office because of your constant bashing, insults and terrible names you gave to Mr President. Names such as slowpoke, President Buhari, snail, baba go slow, just to mention a few, will eventually get a grip with the poor man and prevent him from delivery expected results.

Hail baba Buhari from henceforth and see the dividends of his hardwork in no distant time at all.

Let's explore with explorers.

Hmmmm
See wetin anger dey cause

Lol


IPOB is still alive

Lol

Na wao for some villagers self.

Thou shalt not kill

This is serious ooooo..

The guy resemble SHAOLIN MONK.

How you take know

From personal experience or what?

Wisdom at its peak.

I like your style.

Lol
What goes around comes around.

You made Zimbabwe a living-hell for the citizens during your rule, they cried every seconds because of your wickedness, they suffered from poverty, hunger and insecurity because of your evil governance and they sought the face of their God for deliverance from your terrible reign.

Now the table has turned. May you and your wife live long to not only see and realize what monsters you were during your leadership, but also to experience exactly the same things the poor and helpless people of Zimbabwe passed through when you were king. It's your turn to understand what HELLFIRE taste like for the rest your live.

I believe it was masterminded by a hurt ex.

Only in Nigeria you see this shit

Kizyte:
Thank God Indomie is not included

Indomie is processed food and highly cancerous