.they use it to buy garri and kuli-kuli.

@iice,oh,okay. @ the rest,tell me abt it. the way some of 'em say 'i love him' makes me wanna light 'em.

I'm so so sorry sweetie. I can honestly say i know how you feel. I've been there before. I've felt so bad,low,and some. It hurts just to think abt it,even now. I lost faith in love,trust,and men in general,and i dont want you to fall into that trap. He doesnt deserve that kind of control over your life. You need to find some outlet for what you feel now. With me it was a cross btw throwing myself into work and journalling,writing things i felt,but could never say,and they helped. It could be crying,hanging out with friends,talking it out,whatever works for you. Another thing,he left you for another woman. That could make you doubt your self-worth,could make you wonder why,whether you did anything wrong,and i want to tell you,DON'T! You deserve so much more than him. He's a rotten,lowdown,no-good bastard. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT,and believing anything otherwise is demeaning to the wonderful person you are,so dont wallow in self-pity. What you need now is time,self-love and hope. This is why i hate long-term relationships.

'It' being love,right? I suppose it had to happen. The universe(i'd say fate,but i dont believe in that)just loves proving me wrong. We're back together.

Even tho they cld come back and bite you in the butt,even tho they cld resurface when you least expected it,but you suppress 'em anyway,because at that point,what's more important is getting through the day. You fight. Every single day is a struggle. You fight to force a smile,you fight to say 'i'm fine' when a friend asks you how you are. You fight,and you keep on fighting because you're strong,because you're not one of those spineless idiots who mope and let their lives waste away because some guy broke their hrts,you fight,because you're not gonna give him the satisfaction of ruining your life as well as your heart. So you fight to get your life back on track,and you do,but you will always be scarred. The wounds may heal,but the scars will forever remain. That's heartbreak. And even though it'd be so much easier to lump all men into one category,and maybe you did for a while,but when the right man comes along,you fight. To trust him,to give love another shot. You fight your head to take the risk that you might be heartbroken. But you do it,because for all it's faults,you're not entirely sure that you wanna live the rest of your life without love. So the nxt time some of you wanna post sumn abt love,and heartbreak,make sure you rily know what you're talking abt.

I really dont understand some of the ppl here. They just throw around words like love and heartbreak,when in actuality,they have no idea what they're talkin abt. I mean,imagine som1 saying sumn like,i love the new girl,but i love the 1st girl better. I mean,come on man,you prolly dont love any of 'em. Some ppl dnt know what love is. They think it's some dewy,happy emotion. Sometimes it is,but sometimes it's not. Love is hard,gruelling work. I'm in love wit som1,and sometimes i wonder whether that has distorted my objectivity. Love isnt all good,and i'm tired of ppl who in their small,deluded minds think it is. I'm tired of ppl who've prolly never truly loved another mouthing off like they actually know what they're talking abt. Love can make you happy,but it can also cause you unbearable pain,and that's a risk you take when you decide to open your heart and love someone. And heartbreak,some of the idiots who go on posting rubbish here and there are truly deluded. Some of them have never bn truly heart-broken b4,at best their feelings have been badly hurt,or their little bubble of infatuation has been burst,or their ego's been bruised,but they've never been truly heartbroken b4. Being heartbroken doesnt mean you wont be abl to eat,or u wont be able to sleep. That's just a load of crap you watch in the movies. Whether you're heart broken or not,you've gotta eat,or that broken heart will shrivel and die of malnutrition. Whether you like it or not,you will sleep,because no matter what happens,life will go on. Heartbreak aint abt all that. It's an emptiness,a hollowness that eats deep into your soul,the burning emotions you feel every second of the day,your mind torturing you like an inward hell. That's heartbreak. The emptiness. And getting out of that,it's one of the most difficult things i've ever done,one of the most difficult things you'll prolly ever do. But you do it. You eat,you sleep,you deal with emotions you can never hope to control,you deal with them as best you know how,you suppress them,even tho they cld c

Yup. I've fallen in luv before,matter of fact,i'm still in love with the wonderful guy who's in my life now. I knew it was the real deal when i figured out that i couldnt control what i felt for him,not any of that blind,mindless,i'm in love shit,i just wasnt in control of my feelings,i cant just turn my feelings on and off. I'm usually a very logical person,and my love for him is the one thing i cant analyse,dissect and tuck neatly away. I'm lovin him with my head,and my heart,and still i cant help but wonder,what if?

Ah,love letters. I received some in skul,but they were,as far as i was concerned,bland. I'm sure the boys thought the letters were romantic,but they did nothing for me,that it,until i receieved one from a guy who later turned out to be my first bf. It was a romantic poem,vintage,y'know,kinda 16th century english(not really 16th century,just old). Needless to say,that poem tickled my fine literary senses. The best part of love letters though,was a little business i had going. I sold highly original,creative,and occasionaly witty poems to my classmates who needed them at very affordable prices. At the latter part of my career,i was raking in thousands after recruiting new talent. My romantic poem busines was joined by my note-copying business. I'd copy notes for my lazy clasmates and get paid for it. A few months later,i got a couple of juniors(Jss 1's)with neat handwriting's and paid them a pittance to write the notes(like 50 to 100 out of 500). Life,was good).

Don't you think i asked her? After i got over my shock,i asked her why she gave her child to him,(when we'd talked abt it years back,she told me her baby was gone,which was why i assumed she was dead. She told me then that she didnt want to talk abt it,and i respected that). Now she just comes into my house with a bunch of pics and tells me everything. How cld she keep such a secret for so damn long? And here i was thinking i knew her. I guess it hurt to know that we're not as close as i thought. If she cld keep a secret like that,who knows what she cld be hiding? Yet,we've known each other forever,and my heart tells me that she'd have a pretty good reason for doing this. When she told me that it was a long story and she wasn't ready to tell me abt it,i was a bit too pissed off to push it.

An informal setting would be best though. That way,both of them wld be happy.@Sista,LOL at your bro who's a cop. Unfortunately,there are no such things as criminal records in naija.

I might invite the guy over. I'd want my child to have the advanage of bein on home territory. On the other hand,i might want to be on neutral ground so the guy doesnt feel swamped. Personally,i'd go with option 1. My child wld be the most important thing in my life.

Well,sista. 5 years is a long time. Some of us aren't particularly lucky when it comes to guys. We seem to attract to wrong guys a lot. I wouldnt want to expose my child to that.

@nalijah,thanks.@sistawoman,how can you really be sure after 6 months? I think there cld still be some posers then. Besides,you neva really know anyone,and the same applies to trusting them. Can you really say that you've never introduced a guy who turned abt to be wrong to ur kids,even after 6 months?

Tell me about it. It's just,i feel like i should have been there for her. I feel like i let her down somehow. And it's not like she gave the baby up for adoption. She gave her to her father. If the guy had hurt her in any way,why wld she give him her poor,defenseless baby to him? It just doesnt make sense. And if things arent bad enough,she(my cousin)has a guy in her life. I'm not entirely sure she loves him(actually i've neva been entirely sure she's loved any of the guys she's been with),but the good thing is,she told him that she'd had a child long b4 all this happened,but still,this whole situation is pretty messed up.

She was in school then. Abroad. She went to a uni there. She dropped out of school for a few months and lost a session. She said she'd run out of funds. Agreed,there was sumn off abt it all,but i was in school too. I had my own stuff to deal with,my own problems. I certainly had no way in hell of knowing my closest cousin was busy having a baby! I had this notion that if sumn that serious happened,she'd tell me. Apparently,i was wrong!

I dont even want to think abt no 2. I mean u hear of rape a lot and you think,'oh,that's terrible',but you're kinda detached y'know,but when it's family,it's a whole new ball game,like you've been hurt by it somehow. And,she's 12,just hitting puberty. That's a critical age. For all i know,she grew up thinkin her mother abandoned her,and she'd be right. She could've grown up hating her mother,and that's not gonna change overnight.

Yes. I know she is. I know she must have a good reason for what she did. I just don't know why. I tried asking her abt it,but that was a dead end.

O.k,my cousin(who's also a very good friend) came to my home to talk to me. She said social security had contacted her recently to find out whether she'd take full custody of her daughter. That was when i learnt the meaning of the expression slack-jawed. I mean she'd told me once that she'd given birth to a child b4,but i thought the child was dead or sumn,because she's the kind of person that wld be personally involved in her kid's life,and i had'nt heard anyting abt a child b4 or anyting after. She told me that she'd given the child to its father 12 yrs back immediately it was born and hadnt seen her daughter in 12 years. She had pictures,but as far as i'm concerned,that dont mean shit,i mean how can u have a daughter and not see her for 12 years? She told me that her daughter's father was doing time for drug-dealing and since she was the closest living relative,social security had contacted her. Right now her daughter was in foster-care. I got the feeling that she'd already made her decision;she just needed som1 to talk to. I was right,she'd accepted custody and after all the paperwork has been filed,she'll go get her daughter and bring her home. Here's what i dnt get. I know my cousin. We've been close friends for like forever. She's a good person. Family means a lot to her,to both of us,and i cant for the life of me figure out why she'd give up her child. Can you?

I dont think there's a definite time for that. It depends on the parties involved. If i were a single parent,i'd introduce my child to my bf when i'm sure we're serious,when i'm sure our r/shp is going somewhere. I certainly wouldnt parade a long train of "uncles" in my child's life,but on the other hand,i wouldnt wait until we're talking abt marriage because the way my child relates with him would be a crucial factor in deciding whether we cld have a future together or not. I guess the whole idea is to find the perfect balance btw too early and too late. I'd do it when i wld be sure i loved him and he loved me,all of me,including my child,because he/she wld be a part of me.