TreasureJunky:
I can't find you on WhatsApp with this number

I am on WhatsApp. Maybe you can drop yours if you don't mind

Cc Ezini

Here's my contract; 08028638025

[quote author=Ezini post=123335353][/quote]08028638025. Thanks

motta:
what was his reason for leaving? Did you ask him

Yes i did ask him. He said he wants to come and pick mosquito net, as there was mosquito there. The man who helped him got the job was there. The man was even telling him that he can't leave now because the work is Monday to Saturday and he left on Friday. He didn't tell the man his reason for leaving. He didn't listen to the man. He took his bag and left. I had to borrow money for him to go apologise on Monday. He doesn't want to go initially because the man has already explained everything to me in details. He told me the management has lay him off. I pleaded and cry to the man but he said it's beyond him. He doesn't own the company but he's one of the top boss

I'm sick and tired of everything

TreasureJunky:
Can your brother work as a handler in a manufacturing company? I have work for him, the pay is about 50k per month, but he must have physical strength. The location is oregun Ikeja. Maybe I can be of help to your brother.. The condition of your brother needs not just advice, but practical help

Yes he can. May God almighty forever bless you sir for doing this.

I sent you a mail sir. You can also reach me on this number; 08028638025.

Thank you so much sir.

achimendy:





My only advice for you is to ignore him, and focus on your younger siblings and mum. What might be wrong with that guy is spiritual, and such elder brother will be very envious of their younger siblings ones they succeed, they become a threat to the family.


Pls just kindly leave him alone. Stay focus and keep the hustling spirit going, hold mama tight and your younger siblings. You're the hope in the family.

This was what i was scared of seriously. He knows how to blackmail someone. Reason why i can't leave my younger siblings and parents with him. He's a complete burden. I wish i had money to get accommodation for my mum and younger siblings. I sincerely don't want him to live with them again. That's also the reason why i wish he could get something doing and live on his own as a man.

enonche85:


I saw somewhere in this post or the other where someone offered him a job in a factory in Ikeja with a pay of 50k, maybe you should contact that person. If your brother still messed that one up then you have every right to do whatever you want to do.

But on a second thought, what your brother is going through might be spiritual. I will advice you and your mum pray for him and seek for help if you believe in God because alot that happens in the physical is controlled by what happened in the spiritual.

Sorry i can't find that on the post. Maybe you can help direct me to the place if you don't mind.

Igbokwechika101:
I have gone through your sms concerning your brother..pls are you sure your brother is not in to drugs called ice?

no he doesn't take drugs. I know that for sure.

thedarkened:
In a situation where a boat capsized, people will start to drown. Meanwhile, those who can swim will try to find their way out to the shore. Depending on the distance they are to the shore, they might get tired along the line and even drown themselves.

However, there are situations where those who can swim will try to help those who can't. In this case, if wisdom is not applied, those who can swim can be drowned by those who can't. I have personally experienced a situation where someone who can't swim held on to a swimmer in a manner that both started to drown and death was starring at both. The swimmer had to tear his clothe and let go of the person he was trying to help in order to survive.

What's the point in this my analogy?

If care is not taken, in the process of rendering help, which in your case is very important, as the person involved is a blood brother, one might might lose himself!!!

You have tried! I really commend you!! However, at this point, since you are yet to find your bearing in the ocean (life), you might lose yourself while trying to help him.

At this point, try to make your life better, work on areas recommended by people here, gain your footing, at least to a point you can be able to help him stand. If you decide not to do this, your help will not be noticeable nor have impact, and your own life might be begging for assistance too.

Don't lose two while trying to save one my friend.

Thank you so much for this sir.

O

Kcjosh:
It's very possible your elder brother's problem is spiritual and I suggest you don't be in a hurry to distance yourself from him rather try and see if there are people who can assist in getting his problem solved.. Am also a victim of such a situation, am the first child of my family and was doing great as a banker until I lost my job few years bank and since then it has been from one issue to the other.. Am currently battling depression couple with the fact that I later lost my mum this year to poisoning. Look, some first son passes through a lot in some family and I believe most of this situation requires prayers and God sent destiny lifter to enable some of us escape the where we finds ourselves. Giving up on him now will not help even though I know it's difficult.

so sorry to hear that. It is well brother

superCleanworks:


when I saw the first story, I told my wife that this is exactly what would happen and here it is.
How can someone spend a full year to be looking for conductor job? Even if you take him to europe he will disappoint you. Till he stands up to fend for himself.
That your brother will soon be looking for how to kill you. He will blame you for all the problems in his life. He is the type of person that can beat his mother and kill her when one drunk pastor tells him that she has been the one blocking his destiny. Just watch out.

You're right. He's already constituting nuisance in the house. I can't imagine he continue this way till he clock 45 or 50. He will be frustrated and can do unimaginable things along the lines. This is what I'm trying to avoid. Seriously I'm tired of this guy.

sonssyo:


This thing is in almost every family,I have one,my elder brother,he didn't go to school but rather said my brothers should go, although he is not intelligent,he joined one man in business but things didn't go well,he came back,learnt aluminum and started, Dad promised him money from gratuity,so wen dey paid him,he gave my brother 200k in 2004,mum added 20k
He left with the money,till date he couldn't give account of the money, didn't open anything, remember that money was hudge then,dad didn't trust him and wanted to try him with 100k first but I intervened,
Along the line they said it's because he didn't go to school,my immediate brother enrolled him in polytechnic,he went there for 1 year next he disappeared,he said it's University,he was enrolled at Anambra State University back then each semester,he collects money from that my brother,after 5 years they asked him how far,story upon story,he came up with marriage scam,I have seen a wife,I want to do introduction,my brother will drop 50k back then thou,2017/18 , he did it two times I called my brother to stop giving,he later sent mum 100k and said when he is ready.
My brother equally gave him Mercedes 190 he changed back then, he didn't make any attempt to drive the car.
He keep been afraid of everything. What a brother!
We relocated him to Awka,to restrain him from Onitsha that destroyed him,it became worse,he can't pay his house rent,I took it up,fast forward 2020, I had accident and went for surgery, even on the sick bed I still pay for his rent, wen I returned back to work, physiotherapy and all that was eating my money gbas gbos, I couldn't continue paying, I told them to send his things back to the village.
My brother that did all those stuff previously is highly engrossed with self value project and his married with kids now,I told him not to bother. He have enough to take care of
Right now,niga dey village blackmailing Oko woman that they didn't do anything for him.
God helping me, I'm searching for a house for him,if I get and pay for him,he will leave that village.
U know what,he said he doesn't like the erea I want to relocate him,he prefers Onitsha, meanwhile that's where I stay and house rent is not even cheap there.
Once I get that done, he will be forced to go for deliverance because he can't marry as we speak, what he prefers is sleeping with a woman and she goes.what a useless folk.
Brother , you can't kill yourself for anybody, you see my experience is worse than yours

It is well.

Aguogba:

1. Your brother has lost the zeal to strive. This can be due to substance abuse which you may be ignorant of. It can also be due to latent depression (subclinical stage) as a result of negative events he has suffered previously (secret chronic illness, heartbreak) or currently (losing his conductor job).
2. Start by having a heart to heart talk with him. Don't sound like he is your younger brother or show any form of superiority which may make him defensive. Just gist like a friend who he can confide with. Find out if he is still mentally and physically sound and fit. Best way to have this gist is with green bottles if you're not a Muslim. 2k go run am.
3. Find out what he has FLAIRS for. Those things that he can naturally do and derive joy doing them. At this stage of his life, those are the only things he can commit to even when "village people" try to distract him. If he is artistic, he can learn barbing. If he has ears for music or likes instruments, help him join a local band, even traditional groups. Those little things he naturally loves. You self suppose Sabi those things wey be say your bro get interest in.

4. As u have been advised, don't give up on him. Blood is thicker than water.

Thank you so much sir. God bless you

franchasofficia:
Cc: DownTime44

Took my time to read through your comments and replies to people. I have some things to say to you.



First, first sons born into poor families in Nigeria share almost similar trait with your elder brother. And part of the problem is from their poor parents, how?


In life, you need to be prepared and equipped to face the challenges that comes with adulthood and independence.


To all Nigerian parents reading, if you are poor as a parent that you cannot afford to send your first child to tertiary institution, please try and help him or her to acquire sellable skills like; welding, fashion designing, carpentry, plumbing, etc, or let him go for a trading apprenticeship known in Igbo culture as "igba boi" or "imu ahia".


The mistake poor parents in Nigeria make is not equipping their children, especially the first child for the life challenges of adulthood, so those first child end up struggling to find their feet by trial and errors which many end up not succeeding or losing focus and then we tag it spiritual.


Yes, Biblically first borns do experience challenges based on the status of their parents; if their parents are poor, he automatically inherits that poverty and in Nigeria or West Africa, he automatically becomes the second father and breadwinner of the family even before he becomes adult and in so doing, he ends up doing menial jobs, odd jobs, unskilled jobs just to earn instant money for the rest of the family and on the long run, he loses out as those menial jobs either becomes unavailable or competitive as younger energetic youths come onboard and then he starts to struggle to make ends meet and at that time, he has lost focus and cannot learn any meaningful trade or skill due to time and age, this is how most first born male children in Nigeria become useless and end up as nodowells.


You tried by getting your brother a place to learn a skill, but the problem is, they don't learn to use left hand at old age, he has passed the age of learning skill cos he is desperate to earn money to live like a man he has become and that is why he is so fixated on finding a conductor job to earn instant cash cos that's what he has become comfortable and confident with doing as a means of earning a living.



He might also have some spiritual issues that need deliverance, so you guys must tackle it from all possible ways so no stone is left unturned but then, you need to focus on uplifting yourself first before uplifting others if not all of you will end up begging to eat forever, sadly.



Someone looking for help doesn't carry another person seeking for help. You need to save yourself first and become comfortable enough to go back and uplift those that can be uplifted, forget stories, they won't die, they will survive. If God forbids something happens to you today and you are no more, take it from me, all of them will survive without you.




First, you need to leave that house and move far away where you can stay focused on improving your own life first with less distractions from your immediate family for now. You can be sending them money when you can but from afar.


Your mom need to take your brother to MFM for deliverance, it could be that they bewitched him as a little baby while your mom was doing waka waka to save his life when he was sick as a baby, I could be wrong but doing a real self deliverance that cost no money won't be a bad move either, it will help take away all the spiritual inclination if any.



Please leave the house as soon as you can.




Can your brother do delivery using bicycle, since he loves transportation business. Let me know if he can, and is he tech savvy and can he read and write?



All the best

He can read and write. He isn't tech savvy and he can't ride bicycle.

MasterTeeUSA:
Good day Bro, Reach out to me if you do not mind at idagbaempowermentfoundation@gmail.com. We wont perform miracle overnight, but I do believe that we have and can make a difference. You graduated with 2.1...which school did you study at and what did you major in? I am sure there is a lot we can discuss. My believe is this --- every family has a David. It might be the first, second or last child. Like Ogunde once said, the head of a man cannot face calamity for 20yrs without a breakthrough. You might need to focus on yourself...so you can become the King that delivers your family. You are on the right path. You have taken the initiative....this is the beginning of greater Grace.

I have sent you a mail sir

Thank you so much. God bless you.

Dpaulie:

You're serious with your life
You're brilliant and talented
You've got what it takes to excel
You should look for help for yourself, not your brother
Forget all this family cord things
Help when you've got helped

Thank you brother. I appreciate your input.

Starships4u:


Bro, how about yhu go learn that work on yhur own
It'd add to yhur bank of knowledge and make yhu skillful for side hustles....

I have thought of this myself but i was considering other factors

How would my family feed, pay house rent and other necessity? They can't do that without my support seriously

vickydevoka:

I’m almost like your elder brother, they difference between me n ur elder brother be say I get money based on opportunity around me. Buh I couldn’t learn any handwork, my mother tried then in various things but my interest wasn’t there , after some days of starting I will quit. To be honest to learn hand work for old age no easy unless determination

Yes. I know it's not easy learning a skills at that age. I sincerely understand.

I felt he doesn't have options considering the fact that he doesn't have money. He should be able to bring himself down and learn

Kobojunkie:
1. How does he pay for phone credit?

2. Your mum should really chill and let him be. It is not your brother's fault that the neighbors choose to gossip naw! Or does your brother cause them trouble?

He do ask me for money at times and i give him whenever i have. I guess he uses the money to buy card. This guy has shown me eh. I've spent money that i can't spend on myself. There was a time he told me that he can't continue sitting at home doing nothing. Then i asked him what does he want. He said if i could raise small money for him let him go and stay with a friend of his (conductor) probably he could help him look for bus to work with or anything else entirely. I discussed with my mum and we reason with him. Initially, I'm not happy seeing him sitting idle doing nothing as a man. I had to look around to borrow money. I met with my supervisor and begged him to borrow me any amount and i will pay back when i collect salary. He loan me #10,000 and i gave it to my brother and he left the following day. My monthly take home was left with #15,000 having given out the #10,000 to my supervisor. You won't believe this my brother came back home after four days. I didn't even ask him anything because i was angry. I don't want anything that will make me raise my hands on him or call our neighbours attention. It was my mum that was asking him why did he returned home after four days. He claimed his so called friend doesn't have a bus working with also. He has been idle as well. I think the friend is married but his wife had left him probably because he couldn't provide for the family

Kobojunkie:
Just curious, but can you describe how your brother spends a typical day or week? Does he have friends who he talks to? Does he go out at all? Or does he stay to himself a lot? Does he throw sticks and stones around the yard or does he lie down in bed? Does he watch porn? does he read books? How does he pass the time?

he has friends but they are also conductors. He has been out of job for a year now and he stay idle at home. He often lay down on the floor, sleep, press his botton phone, sit outside later in the day when room temperature is high. My mum warned him to stopped staying outside during the day because of our neighbours to avoid using him as subject of spiteful gossip but he wouldn't listen.

baby124:
This is definitely a script cause your mother is not ready. She has spoilt her son to this extent and she will keep destroying him. I personally suggest you find your way out of that house as soon as a you can and forge your own path. Let them find their way. You need to save yourself before you can save others and their mentality will hold you back. Just check in on your younger siblings and send money when you can. Your mother should also be hustling for herself and her kids not putting the burden on you! What if you were just like your brother? Will she not find the money?

They will all be fine, go and fight for yourself first and come back to help them if they can. Your mother should chase that old man out of the house to go and figure out his life if she wants to even enjoy the fruit of her labor. He’s a lazy guy.

I can't leave my younger siblings and mother with that my brother. I don't think they are safe living together with that my brother without my presence.

My mum has prayed and fasted on his behalf several times. Let me tell you something, my mum and late father were Muslim. We're originally from a Muslim background. My mum converted to Christian because of this my elder brother. He was seriously ill when given birth to him. They took him virtually everywhere but there was no remedy. It was our neighbour according to my parents that introduced christ to them. They came through my dad because my mum was a devoted Muslim then. My late dad had to convince my mum to take the little boy to church having gone virtually everywhere already but the sickness still persist. It takes God intervention before my mum took him to church and he recieve healing truly. My mum made a vow without being told nor compelled that she and her family will serve Jesus Christ throughout their life time. She automatically converted to Christian before she gave birth to others including me. We're known as Christian. We do go to church. Although my dad barely go to church but we do pray together as one family when he was alive. He has his own bible he read daily and he believes in Christ.

Kobojunkie:
DownTime44, does your brother use nairaland? If he has a phone try to get him onto nairaland so maybe he can open up threads here to talk about his circumstances by himself. It can work as a form of therapy too. He sounds remarkably like someone in a slump and according to you, he has been there for years, meaning he probably already needs an out but knows not where to find such. Chatting with others on here might help him realize that he ain't alone and his situation ain't special either.

he's using a botton phone, though i think it's accessible to nairaland but he doesn't know about nairaland.

Ulunne777:
But pls indulge me a little.

What reason 'did he say'made him to come home?
I quoted that in particular you know what's going on in his head.

Someone who has done conductor work no suppose cave in for something as lil as learning plumbing.

According to him he left because he needs mosquito net, he didn't even bother to call me that he wants to leave nor listen to the man that helped him got there

He didn't tell the man his reason for leaving. I was the one that told the man what he said. The man was surprised because he has already bought a mosquito net for him but he didn't come with it that very Friday. He doesn't have anything to do at home. No food, no money, nothing nothing. I borrowed some of the money i gave to him. I don't understand his problem anymore.

bukatyne:


Sorry, I understand how frustrating it can be helping someone who doesn’t what to be helped or someone who doesn't know what his problem is.

I think your mom should also stop blackmailing you; from your first story, you are not doing 'well' either; you just have the determination and tenacity to get out of your family's proverty.

You are not El Shaddai; you cannot carry everyone else's burden in the family. You need to reduce the black tax else it would drag you under.

I don't know how old your mom is but if she is still capable of working, let her meet all these NGOs into widow care and get small capital to do something to feed herself and the kids.

Next your siblings should make themselves useful. They can learn to plait hair and do so for their mates, do tutorials for a fee (if brilliant), do domestic cleaning for a fee, attach themselves to their lecturers/teachers to sell handouts and all those other things students assist lecturer with (they would get stipends) in return; work in new site for daily pay and some other things they can do to earn money.

Unfortunately, they were not born with silver spoon so they must apply themselves and stop waiting for you to spoon feed them. I deliberately listed things they need little or no capital to start so that raising capital doesn't become another stumbling block.

God bless the man who helped you; I pray he would also find helpers in his time of need. Please engage the man again if he can get something for you so you can climb up the ladder out of your circumstances.

I pray that God who is the burden bearer would take your burden off you and crown all your efforts with success. Don't forget to get close to God in prayers and righteousness; He would lead you out of this mess and direct your path. Amen.

Amen

Thank you very much.

sisisioge:
You have tried. The good samaritan has tried. Your brother can not be helped. Leave him be. Stop providing free food/clothing for him. Time will teach him some common sense soon. May God bless your life.

That will be so difficult. My mum will not support depriving him food or shelter. I don't think she can watch him or anyone else go hungry when there's food.

I wish i could disappear out of this world. I'm tired.

ahnie:
Ignore him,I have a sister like your brother,they re distractions, they're always envious and bittered.

See guy,you just have to zonk him out and focus on your life,hack anything that concerns him out from your life if you really wants to live long

I was told not to give up on him. My mum will develop high Blood Pressure seeing him wasting away. I don't know what else to do sis. At times i wish i had the mind to poison him silently. He was supposed to be supporting me helping the family. Unfortunately, he was a burden.

I was told not to give up on him. How is that possible please? How else can i help him? What can i do please? This is frustrating. I can't imagine crying over my elder brother. I'm tired

https://www.nairaland.com/7686172/been-restless-having-chat-elder


All thanks to everyone for their immense contributions towards my elder brother predicament. This place is truly home away from home. For those getting to know or who just come across this thread, you can read through the link posted above to get a grasp of where I'm coming from.


Someone sent me a mail having gone through my post and we both shared contact. He works on the island and he was willing to absorb my elder brother into his organisation. It's an organisation where one learn a skills and get paid monthly. Then after being certified in your skills, you can be employed as a full staff into the organisation. He would be given #20,000 monthly as stipend while learning as an apprentice but the man promised to be adding #10,000 to it making a total of #30,000 monthly. This person didn't know me from Adam but was touched by my brother's condition and he developed interest in helping him in his own little way. He asked me to inform my elder brother and get back to him.


I discussed everything to my brother verbally. Infact, i relate everything to him in my mother's tongue for ease of communication. I asked him if he has any interest in the offer and he said yes. He has interest. He's very much interested. He said he'd specialised in plumbing. I reached out to the man and we both finalise everything. He asked my brother when would he love to resume and he said month end. After the call, i asked him why month end and he said he doesn't have anything. He needs to get some few clothes, toiletries and some money for upkeep. I asked him where would he get money from less than 2 weeks to month end. He claimed if he can see any bus to work with. I told him you've been out of job going to a year, you didn't get any bus. Why do you think you'd get a bus within a short space of time? I asked him what if i rally round for him, is he willing to resume before the month end, he said yes with happy face. I borrowed #10,000 from a friend, i had #5,000 left with me, making a total of #15,000. I gave him 2 pairs of trousers and shirt i had. He bought a small school bag of #3,000 to put his clothes and he left in two days time. That was last week Wednesday. Oh! God, i was the happiest man on earth that very day.. I was so happy for him believing that he would become somebody from there. I called him to know if he has gotten there and how the work was. He said everything was fine.


I was surprised to see my brother at home on Friday, two days after he left. I asked him hope all is well? He said yes. I asked him why did he came back home so soon considering the cost of transportation to island. He was given a room he'd put up with. I expected him to stay there and focus on his job, whenever i have any money i would send to him. The man that helped him with the job called me later in the day. He narrated the gross misconduct of my brother. My brother left the job on Friday during working hours. The work is Monday to Saturday. Though Saturday is half day. He explained every details of the job to my brother before he resumed work. My brother was assigned to someone else to work with, not directly the man that helped him. The man only came to check up on him daily to know how he's fairing. The man was there when my brother took his bag, headed outside with the claim that he was going home. The man told him he can't go home now till after work, which is on Saturday. My brother didn't listen to the boss he was assigned with nor the man that helped him. He left right in their presence.


They do give daily report, and the man he was assigned with reported that he doesn't have anyone to work with, particularly on Saturday. The management asked him about my brother assigned to him and he said he has left on Friday. My brother was dismissed for his attitude. I pleaded to give him a second chance, but the man said it was beyond his power. The management has decided. I asked him to report there today and apologise for his gross misconduct. He went but apology wasn't accepted. If i was the man that helped my brother with this job or if i was among the management. I would do the same thing. I'd gladly lay him off without thinking twice.


My mother had been crying having heard the outcome of everything. I myself had cry my eyes out, all because of this my elder brother. I am fed up. The burden is too much. I might be tempted to harm him living under the same roof with him. I had been trying to console my mum but she wouldn't listen. Landlord came to harass her last week, the very day my elder brother left, because of house rent. I had 3 younger siblings to look after. Here comes my elder brother problem again. I am responsible for all of these with my meagre pay. I don't know what else to do for this guy. I don't think i can put up with him anymore. I am tired. Why is this life full of problems? I am losing my mind completely.

Tealcrestmedia:

Responded

Alright. Many thanks.

albert2512:



Why can't he get a driver's job in Lagos. At least they pay 50-60k. I can refer him to somewhere currently recruiting if fast and has a driver's licence.

sorry he doesn't have a liscence

gazilion:


Oh no! I hope you are not lying?? I was going to do something but seeing your name as Anthonia when you claim you are a man is a red flag 🚩. Are you the owner of the account??

Yes

I didn't use my bank account because i wouldn't want to spend the money meant for my brother. It was my neighbour account and the person is a man. I just asked to confirm and he said it was his account. He has 2 different account with the same name Anthonia. You can do a video call to confirm yourself. You will speak with my brother and the owner of the account. My brother issue isn't something hidden. I want to see him in the next 2-3 years and smile.

Someone already planning to enrol him in a skill organisation, electrical precisely. He would only need to change his wardrobe and feeding because he will be living there.

Please follow your heart sir

Octopusssy:

No it's not. Anthony is the male version, Anthonia is female. 'Tony' and 'Tonia'. I have never in all my decades in earth seen a man named 'Anthonia' or 'Tonia'.

Thank goodness you've seen one today.

skywalker240:

I wish my elder brother is still alive 😔

Oh! Sorry for the loss bro. My condolences.