₦airaland Forum

SwtNsoFLyy:

Those feelings do surface when your younger as babeelove said, and as u get older u learn how to cope with the feelings. When we love someone, they become a part of our soul, and we have a soul~tie with them thats hard to severe. But as you remind yourself why they're your X in the first place, and that you deserve better you will think of them less, and breath better, I'm a firm believer, that once we turn away, there is no turning back when it comes to relationships. Use your better judgement and be CONFIDENT in your decision in the first place, versus being a man of double mind and doubting yourself. The bible says a man with a double mind is unstable in all his ways.,,

the pain of lost love hurts, but know it feel ten times better when u allow yourself to move forward to a new beginning. Dont lose out on your true blessings, all because you want to step back in to the past. Your happiness awaits you in the present and future, not reliving the past sweetie, but just follow God's guidance and your heart,

love & light,

Natalie

Very good advice indeed. You can't drive your car forward looking in the rearview mirror.

Happy birthday, and thank you for your wonderful forum that makes me and others happy as well

Naijapikin:
Yes ooo!! Na true 'na them sabi'.

Could you translate for the Pigdin ignorant (me) PLEASE, PLEASE, Pl-EASE!!!!

Kind of on the same theme, how about "dual booting" my desktop that has (gasp) Windows 2000 and I want to add XP?

I refuse to upgrade to Vista yet.

WesleyanA:
Welcome to Nairaland.
I like your username.

Thank you ma'am

Sign me up for my plane ticket right now!

It made my heart leap for joy to see such a beautiful African city. When I first saw it, I thought it looked Euro. Then I read it used to be under British rule, and a lot of whites still live there as the pictures show.

But, It also melted my heart to see a land where are skyscrapers of buildings, black owned and or operated corporations. On the billboards were blacks. As anyone in the US can tell you, blacks might be present in the media and advertising, but we are very much still the minority. I can't imagine living somewhere where everything is by and for people of my skin color. I can't imagine living in a country with a black majority.

Thank you for sharing pics like this. It's true that western media has most people, especially Americans, and PARTICULARLY African American scared to death of Africa. Africa is portrayed like some wasteland with lions ready to eat you for snack. Or some war-torn wasteland where everyone is either starving, or dying of AIDS or exotic diseases.

I don't believe I'm of Kenyan descent, but just the same it made me so excited to see these pics. Thanks from the bottom of my heart

davidylan:
i thought she looked to be economically disadvantaged too.

@David

You are SO bad, you need to be spanked,

@topic

Please don't kid yourself into thinking you are something you are not. YOU'RE NOT LIGHT. Not by ANY stretch.  It's okay!!!!
You see my screen name? That's my complexion and I get lots and lots of attention for it 

Leave the bleaching creams alone, they will eat up your skin. You will not turn light either.

Don't make people make you ashamed of what you are.

I see both sides of this topic.

First it must be very frustrating to only see images of extreme poverty of Africa. Yes, it's true, American press hides the images of American poverty.

Let me just say the first set of pictures look like they are from cira the late 1960s or 1970s. At that time in America, there were a lot of expose stories on "the ghettos", and the life of the African Americans (at that time called Negros or Afro-Americans). There was a big push for government programs to acknowledge African Americans as humans first of all, and second, to help them.

Now, yes there is still poverty and blight in America, but you won't see those pictures anymore, because we already know how bad things are, and Americans want to ignore that. Americans want to be entertained, and the news corporations want Americans to tune in to their shows, or read their papers, so they print or broadcast that which will "sell".

Now personally, I love when I see rich, pretty pics of Africa because I need to see this! The western press always post pics and stories like "Look at those poor starving Africans". And we feel so sorry for Africans. But no one is telling the stories of the beauty and pride of Africa.

Please keep sharing those pics and stories, otherwise, we'll never know the truth. And speaking of the truth, yes there is wealth and poverty on both continents.

All I know is that I will NEVER, NEVER, EVER complain about my work again. Even with my worse days, my worst working conditions, the lowest pay U.S. doesn't even begin to compare to these conditions. These conditions would have people in the US comitting suicide left and right.

Yet Nigerians have so much hope and strength! I love the fact that they find a way, when things seem like there is no way.

WHAT BEAUTIFUL PICS! Please post more. I need to see the truth.

I was reading another thread and people were advising a man on how much money it would take to make a living.  He was advised in Nairas, and lots of them, in the millions!

So as an ignorant American, I have to ask, what is the breakdown in the convertion?  What does 1 US dollar equate to?

Could you all explain this in multiples of 10s (as this is what Americans can understand).

I'd appreciate it a lot! 

Oh and by the way, what is a good benchmark of what a person needs to make a year to live "decently". For example, in the US if a person is making 25 thousand a year (US) they are doing okay. Not poor, not rich. You are eating and surviving, but you can't afford to not work.  Yes lots of people make less than this  but I wanted a decent benchmark to start with.

35-50k= middle class 

aprox 55-100k= upper middle class 

100k-up= Doing great, can afford most anything. Not super rich, but if you make this much, you can afford stock market investments, a decent portfolio that can grow your money, and make you rich.   

Okay, please enlighten me.

hannydarl:
E for sweet pass if you be pastor you for sell well well by the time you preach like this:
Gwad is gonno pour warrer fram heaven en warrer your femely in jesus name.

Go meet pastor chris to coach you

ROFL, my goodness some do talk like that

aik.mamah:
"am" in this context means it, i e "if i begin blow grammer for pidgin" = "if i should start to speak pidgin english" , "you fit understand am" = would you be able to understand it", "because na the original country man language be that" = "beacause it's our indeginous language (version of english)"

Thanks for the translation. I hope most will be a patient as yourself, and teach me words. I would love to learn. I can pick up the context of some things.

ryu11:
Hi drkchoclit,

Your welcome, I see you haven't wasted anytime settling in. Soon you go dey blow pidgin like say 2moro no dey (you'll start speaking pidgin like theres no tomorrow).

Enjoy the ride. I love food too, good food of course, though the readily available Nigerian Menu is pretty limited.



I can't help but wonder what that feels like.

American food in of itself is limited, but it's expansive because of all of our adoptive cultures and nationalites. There are so many flavors from nationalities, there is a style of cuisine called "fusion" which is literally that, a fusion of different national flavors.

Yes I have jumped in head first. But I have been lurking for months, so I felt no need to be shy. I don't try to take over every topic, but yes I want to share my thoughts on topics of interest. Mostly, I'm here for learning and positive dialog.

jj1623:
hi thanks everyone! i think i've got the point!

but what if i graduated from the ESL school later and then he asked? is it appropriate to have a drink with him because i just wanted to make friends,

Word of advise (let me save you time and energy), First to answer your question, no there is nothing wrong with "a drink" later on. But very few men simply want to be "just friends". That's just the reality. And certainly not in this case. Please don't try to set yourself up to be the exception to the rule, because you will just get hurt.

@n-gauge

You are right, everyone was correct that posted in their own way, and I was silly to even make this post! Silly me, silly me. I was just venting, and now I'm ready to put my "big girl" pants back on. (be a grown up)

But on the other hand, I'm glad that I did post, because I've come to realize that I could never be taken seriously by him because the prejudice about AAs, especially the women just runs too deep.

I alway felt like on the one hand I wasn't good enough, and on the other hand like I was too much. And that wasn't fair to me. I'm not perfect, but I'm me, I'm great and I deserve to be treated well.

As far as getting away without breaking my heart, my heart never had to be engaged if he thought things through. A learning lesson for him I guess (I hope!)

Anyway, I learned a lot (more) about life, myself. Thanks to all that replied.

Nooooo, I am sorry, I don't. But will you teach me some words

What does "am" mean?

@Topic

First of all, congratulations for picking up on the fact that certain phrases "indeed" have meaning; they are cute ways of getting the point across.

"Let's have a drink". If a female or group of friends says this, then it means "let's have a drink".

HOWEVER, if a man says this to you, ESPECIALLY a more mature man such as the professor, it means "I like you and I want to spend time with you". Going to get the actually "drink" is a means to an end. An invite for the said "drink" is usually romantic to sexual in nature. Doesn't always mean you will have sex that night, but an interest is there

A plantonic variation of this is "Let's go get some coffee". Unless it's a first date, then "Let's go for some coffee" can be a safe, yet sophisticated way to get to know someone at a coffee shop (e.g. Starbucks).

Funny, I was just talking to a friend of mine, who was contemplating a "coffee" date. We decided the "coffee" date would be good for her because it's relaxed, non-threatening, with good background music, and she could dress casual.

With the "drink" date, you would have to get dressed a little. A nice dress or pants enemble with heels, makeup, etc. Or a least a nice pair of flats or wedges, whatever, I'm sure you get the point.

So with all this in mind, I hope it's become very clear of what the professor's intentions are. Plainly, he is attracted to you the way a man is attracted to a woman. I would suggest not "going there" with him. But its your call.

But know this; Student/Professor relationships, while common, can blow up in your face, and distract you from your studies. It could put his job on the line for sexual harassment. If you date the professor, be EXTREMELY discreet and mature about it.

Now Daaaaa-vid, behave!

You live in the states, and you know I'm right about "Cougars".

It's not in my backyard, it's in my front yard, when I leave the house, walking down the street, in the malls, when I hear from my single women-friends, younger men are letting it be known it's a new day.

Nothing wrong with being a "kitten", I used to be a cute litttle "kitten" but I love becoming a "Cougar" much better. Though I think we should be called "Panthers".

aik.mamah:
nice self-consolation

Not just a consolation! It's the way things are now! Maybe it's hard for you to accept, but in the US for example, young men are killing themselves to be with older women. Yes, it's true, for the reasons Iskwew mentioned; they want a WOMAN who knows herself, what she does and doesn't want, isn't into the games, she's comfortable with her sexuality.

Maybe that's a threat to you, but a lot of men want this. Also, like Iskwew, I for one look 10 years younger than I am. And I have the playfulness of a younger woman, but the wisdom of someone my age, so that can be a good mix for a younger man. Women don't wither up like raisins when they turn 30, lol.

Iskwew:
nice nice! As a woman who is biologically 48 years old, but nobody believes i am over 30 years old until they check my drivers license , I love this age! So much better than when i was 29 and still trying to figure things out. Now I KNOW what i like, KNOW what i want, KNOW what i need! one of the lessons i've learned is that every woman needs a hammer, cordless electric drill and a black lace bra! *ahem* oops, that should be another thread ah well, and my man is younger then me also by 11 years.

You Go Grrrrrrl!!!!! I was just thinking to myself, I can't wait till my 40s. As you know, stateside they are called "Cougars". Yes, I agree, at 29, the flower is really just starting to bloom, if you know what I mean.

I'm still figuring things out. I do hope by 40 the sun, moon, and stars will all line up for me, and everything will all be figured out, lol. I think so. 40 year old women are so confident and sexy!

And I love the reference to the Maya Angelou poem (Every woman needs a hammer, an electric drill, and a black lace bra). I can get a copy of it if anyone wants me to post it.

When I was in my late teens and twenties, I wanted an older man. Now, I ask myself "What for?!?" I think if you can get a younger man, but in his 30s, you are doing very well, and it's a good sexual match. A woman in her mid 30s- Early 50s is in her sexual peak.

@outlaws:

Well, I'm sorry you are feeling out of place with the AA students.  I don't know it it's this way in your culture, but for us, some of us are very spiteful or mistrusting if they don't feel you are "down" or "black" enough.

To which some of us would say to those people "What IS black enough"?

You know, part of my life was spent in a culturally mixed environment. So, I didn't learn the "urban" accent. I grew up around whites and mixed raced children as well. I caught hell whenever I did go to school with "urban black" kids.

Even now, I sound white. People are shocked when they see me in all my dark chocolate glory, lol!

There are lots of AA young ladies and women who would prove very worthy of bringing before your family.  It's often a matter of living in the right place, and looking in the right places for them.  It always kills me when a guy talks about meeting the wrong women, how messed up women are, but they look in clubs, get some "hooch" off the street, look at the "big butt and a smile" but they don't check out where her head is at, or get to know her heart.

I don't know if you plan on staying in the area that you go to school in. But, don't let the type of women in your area intimidate you or discourage you.

You know, because the US is so big and spread out, with so many sub-cultures, people find that to live how and around who they want, they have to move to other areas. Maybe the area in which you live isn't condusive to you.

I know what I want to say, but I don't know how to explain it simply.  I think part of the problem is that there is such an ingrained image of us, and yes SOME of us make it hard on ourselves, or for people to think well of us.

It's good to see though that you are willing to think for yourself on this, and that you are willing to have an open mind  

Could I give up everything? This can be answered in several ways.

I think a person should be willing to make sacrifices for love and family. In my particular case, I really have nothing to hold on to, only things to try to make a grab for.

I think Africans Americans, ( I have to say this gingerly) at the core don't have anything to hold on to, since our roots were stripped away from us.

Having said that, we have done a great job rising up from being stripped of all our (African) culture and humanity, to creating culture for ourselves; some might argue we are the world's culture in the arts. But, in a lot of ways we are still lost. I think on some level we will always be lost. There are lessons we still don't get, I don't know how to explain it fully. I love my people, but as far as we've come, we still have a long way to go, and I don't know if we will ever get there, if our wounds will ever be healed.

But I digress.

It would be challenging for me to live in Nigeria because I'm used to 24/7 water and electric for example. But millions of Nigerians get by without it (24/7 utilities). So it can be done.

If I felt strongly enough for my man, I would do it.  I would love for my children to live in the richness of the culture.

@Ima

You are half American. Were you raised in Nigeria then all your life?  What is your perspective as a woman understanding the Nigerian and the African American side. Do you love both, or one more? Why?

, and so it goes I guess. Thanks for the insight.

That's fair David, that makes sense. Like I said, I've dated the variety, but yes an AA man "gets" me the most, and feels most familiar.

But having said that, it would be silly of me to get upset at like say, a Latino or white guy for not living up to the expectations of an AA guy. You know what I mean?

BTW, can you modify your post to take my age out of it, pretty please?

Oh also, doesn't it say something that although there are lots that I don't know, I came to a good source to learn?
(this forum?)

(previous edited for privacy reasons)

And why is it so strange for a Naija man to "really" want (marry) an AA?

Because of what you see on TV or "da hood?" Come on now!

I really want to know why? After all, we're but a few generations from being a relative of yours/your people.

We didn't ask to be here, or to adopt American culture. We've done what we could. Could we do better? Yes!

But a lot of us are doing the best we can, and are doing great things, and are great people.

I have befriended and dated people of all races, nationalities, and at the end of the day I can really say, people are just people.

@Thief

ROFL!!!!! I didn't think about that. Silly me, LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

@Davidylan

Now, he never lied and said he loved me, just "like you a lot". But yes, there was a lot of confusion.

Well as to  your second point, he knew who I was when he toasted me. And no, it wasn't about the sex, that never happened, he never intiated though I know for sure he was attracted. He didn't want to use me in that way.

Anyway, if you go to the grocery store, and you select the fruit, don't expect it to taste like steak, right?

@ Thief

What is there to understand? Are we putting guns to their heads to come to us? If you really don't want something, or someone, stay away in the first place!

davidylan:
If this is all you pick from the relationship then you have learned a vital lesson that will only enrich your next relationship. It is not likely that you will get him back, it looks like not just you but he also had serious personal issues. Sometimes relationships are not the place for us to bury our personal demons, pick your head up, forget the guy and move on.

It doesnt seem as if he really appreciated you that much. Did you guys ever meet?

Yes, we did meet once. We had a very light-hearted, fun date. He kissed me, and it was one of the best I've had, and the most sweet. It was just so sweet in nature, all of it. That is, the date was.

@I-man

I can't believe that 90% are like that. I've read the post here. There are women saying their men, husbands are so tender,loving, and giving.

I think Nigerians have a depth that is so heart-warming. Am I wrong in this observation?

Many women are happy with their Naija men. If what you say is true, what does this say about the women, the families of these men?

davidylan:
i'm glad you realised that early enough. A nigerian man is not used to such attitude from a woman, if you behaved like that to him in the presence of his friends and family, consider yourself out of his reach.

Well no, his family isn't here in the states, and this was via email. And I did apologize. As a matter of fact, when I told him I wouldn't contact him, I thanked him for being in my life, and all the lessons that I learned from him about myself. One of the things is, I told him I learned that I don't need to be so confrontational, to pick my battles, and that a graceful, quiet strength can be just as powerful.

See, he had such an impact on me, and I wasn't ashamed to let him know. I just wish I had the same on him.

I am so scared to do this, because I'm a new "guest" in your "home" but here I go.

Okay, I'm an AA woman that was approached by a Nigerian man on a dating site. He swept me off my feet, he was so gentlemanly and almost perfect and attentive. Now, before you assume he was running a game, he already has a green card, so that's not an issue. Also, he's never been married, no kids, so there's no issues/games with that.

See, I was led to this forum because I wanted to learn about him, and your culture. I have been exposed a bit to Nigerians, but never on this level. I have been lurking here, and I love it. I know a lot of you don't like AA's, but I believe it's because you don't know, or haven't been exposed to the decent, classy, intelligent ones. Please don't judge us by BET, videos, etc,

Anyway, there are certain nuances about the Nigerian man, and certain thoughts about AA women that I was ignorant to. To make a very long story kind of short, let's just say I acted at times way too brash, to "in your face", I was trying to be "so strong, a strong sistah". That was totally the wrong approach. There were incidents that I have, and still am very embarrased to have been so dramatic and immature. And I can't take it back

At the same time, to make his story kind of short, he was very duplicitous. He liked me, he was interested. But he (I feel) played a lot of silly "cat and mouse" games with me. I could go into detail, but I don't want to give the readers a headache! Let's just say I felt like he wanted me "there" when he was ready for me, but really didn't want me "there". He chastised me on my past "baggage", but he carried sooooo much baggage, it's not even funny. Lots of things made no sense and I was tired of jumping through hoops to be good enough to win his heart.

The final straw came one night when I called. He was so cold and rude to me. I had enough. I had put up with his crap because , it's hard to say because God forbid he's reading this. But let's just say I had never met someone of his caliber, intellectual wisdom, I had never met anyone like him before, and based on how we met, I probably won't again.

I cut him off. My self esteem and self respect were on the line, and I had to reclaim those for myself. And he has yet to apologize. He made me feel like a pain in his rear, though I know I wasn't.

So what's the problem you ask? I'm not over him. I believe people can change. I know I can't make him change, but , I used to not have such a great character. I really had to change some things. I've hurt people in the past. So, I always try to give people a chance at redemption because I know how it feels to need it.

Now, I dare not throw myself at this man. But is it wrong for me to hope he will change his immature, self-absorbed, egotistical character? He really is a great person, I thought the world of him. But he needs an attitude adjustment, for real.

I don't want to be proud, and miss out on a great man. But can he get past himself to see my greatness too?

Am I even making sense?

I know I'm a great woman, but then, I ask myself why do I want to be with a Nigerian man? Chances are, even if he likes or loves me, I might not win over his family and friends simply because of who I am (AA). I know a lot of Nigerians think we (AAs) are not good enough. This hurts.

Again, guys like him don't come along every day AT ALL!!! How can I swallow my pride, and leave the door open for him when and if he changes, without sacrificing my dignity?

Nice to hear from all that have replied. I'm looking forward to interacting with you all.