₦airaland Forum

A peacock was boasting of her beauty in the presence of the mum, but the mum replied, u will die of envy, if u see the person reading this message.

@ituen

don't tell me you're afraid of police is only one form u will fill

@Rebellious

who told u am looking for a guy here am not like u,
either clem is a male or female i don't care we ar only catching fun.

@tufe

how do u know that clem is not a guy, have u test him.

@clemcykul

carry go my guy.

@tj_tj

u thing i don't know u, naa u be the ugly guy.

not a furny joke

@tufe

don't tell me you're jealouse of clemcykul
cos i don't know wt he done wrong now


@ituen
sorry my guy u ar hansome guy am waiting for u at the
police station so hurry up.

clemcykul

i still stand my ground.

dupe ure beautiful forget the modafckn haters, they do them selfs no good talk more of odaz



don't mind them dey r jealouse, i dey your side.

i got it 'A'

I am at the police station now, the police caught me & file a case against me for possession of good looks' i need somebody ugly to bail me out, so hurry up!

seen b4

too furny omo u r too good.

webdezzi:
50% boring

which one do u post?

am Gold

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times."

"Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going   to be.

"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

"Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was,  God I miss him.

" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".

"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?

"You’re with the "GOVERNMENT".

This time I KNOW I'M going to get screwed."

make una help the poor boi get the answer so that he can score p7

he's done u anything bad?

nice and cool

1. I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
2. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
3. Remember my name - you'll be screaming it later.
4. Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
5. I'm a multi-tasker : I can talk and @iss you off at the same time.
6. Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
7. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
8. Don't @iss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
9. Guys have feelings too. But, like . . . who cares?
10. I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
11. Next mood swing : 6 minutes and counting.
12. I hate everybody, and you're next.
13. Please don't make me kill you.
14. And your point is . . .
15. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
16. All stressed out and no one to choke.
17. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
18. How can I miss you if you won't go away?
19. They aren't hot flashes, they're power surges!
20. Of course I don't look busy . . . I did it right the first time.

On Saint Patrick's Day, an Irishman who had a little too much drink was driving home from the city and his car was weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulled him over.

"So," said the cop to the driver, "Where have you been?"

"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"

"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?"

"Nothing. She's just having contractions."

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of mr smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, mr smith asked: "What is the usual tip?"

"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if i get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."

"Is that so?" snorted mr smith. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."

"Thanks,"  replied the youth, "I'll  put this in my school fund."

"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.

The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."

nice one

A sister came to one of the Programs in Ebute Metta, Lagos years ago, and the Word came just as it is coming now that there is a sister whose mother didn't want her to marry. That if the mother does not release her, Mama herself will be buried within 7 days. A Word just came like that and I announced it. I don't know which sister was concerned. The following day the sister came with the mother. The mother was very furious. That's the way you stupid prophets spoil the head of our girls, telling my daughter that I will die because I didn't allow her to marry. I said me? Sister Did I say that? She said the prophecy that came yesterday. What God said is that there is a sister here Did I mention your name? I said Mama don't mind her, nobody mentioned her name!! She was just claiming what is not her own. The mother said, oh-oh is that so? She said, all right. She asked the lady to go out and the lady went out and she said Pastor, but is it true that the mother will die? I said I'm not talking about you oh I'm not talking about you, but what God told me is going to come to pass, so if you are the one – and I'm not saying it is you – before the week runs out whoever it is, is going to be buried. Ehhhh, I'm not asking her not to marry but who is going to take care of me after. I said Mama that's simple; I can tell her and tell the husband to take good care of you. I will make them promise. That's if she can marry. Within 6 months, this girl who was almost 40 years old and nobody had looked in her direction before there is somebody here today, anybody who says you will not marry will not see the end of January because loneliness must end!

An unemployed guy got a new job at the zoo. They offered him to dress
up in a gorilla's skin and pretend to be a gorilla so people will keep
coming to the zoo. On his first day on the job, the guy puts on the
skin and goes into the cage. The people all cheer to see him.
He starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and
roaring.
During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes
through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion
cage!
As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and
starts screaming, "Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his
paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll both lose our jobs. Na
jobs when no dey Nigeria make man accept to work for zoo.

Back in the forest, a Yoruba man's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father to be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down,  I think there's Yet another one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern,  It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor. The yoruba man scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "I think it's the light that's attracting' 'them. Can i put it down?"

AN OLD LADY WALKS INTO A BANK WITH A WHOOPING AMOUNT OF MONEY TO SAVE; THE CEO WAS SO OVERWHELMED HE ATTENDED TO HER PERSONALLY, CURIOUS HE ASKED HOW SHE CAME ACROSS SO MUCH MONEY.

GRANDMA: I MAKE BETS AND NEVER LOOSE

CEO: WHAT KIND A BETS

GRANDMA: WELL FOR INSTANCE I CAN BET You $100,000 YOUR BALLS ARE SQUARE IN SHAPE

CEO: THAT’S CRAZY You CAN NEVER WIN

GRANDMA: WELL WHY DON'T You PUT UR MONEY WHERE UR MOUTH IS

CEO: You AR ON

GRANDMA: WELL HOPE You DON'T MIND I'LL B BRINGING MY LAWYER TO WITNESS SO THERE WON'T NO FUNNY GAMES, $100.000 IS A LOT OF MONEY You KNOW.

CEO: NO PROBLEM

GRANDMA: GREAT TOMORROW 10:00am WE'LL BE HERE HAVE A NICE DAY AT NIGHT

THE CEO STOOD IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR CONFUSED CHECKING IS BALLS OUT MAKING SURE THERE WHERE NO CORNERS THERE, SATISFIED AND WENT BACK TO SLEEP. GRANDMA: G.

A pastor told his flock to drop cash for the church according to the beauty of their wife, a member put N5, the pastor asked him why? he said if u see my wife u'll give me change.

Blood covenant, i will advice u not to do it cos if something happen to one of u in future like death my brother u will regret ur self.

everybody ar begging me to consider him, but am confuse cos i don't want to be a second wife.

My fiance pregnated a lady two months to our wedding.