₦airaland Forum

Nahunger:


Meanwhile note

it is only a Nigerian girl you will see preparing for marriage and she only has #5k or less in her account.
With a mind blowing milage!!

It is only a Nigerian girl that knows what she deserves, but has 0 account balance, no job and her parents can't even afford to give her what she thinks she deserves.

It is only a Nigerian girl that believe what she deserves should be funded by a man's pocket.

Very delusional lot.

False it's a tradition that has spanned years across the world and to be fair it's women getting careers that changed that.

As little as 20 years ago even in Nigeria women were not required to have money or even hold money. Independence and the financial freedom men enjoy was not a part of women. So if women could neither work or hold money why in heavens name would you think they would have money for weddings or anything at all.

Traditionally a man had the money and provided everything for his wife and women simply took care of the home with what they were given.

You making it seem like women choose to not have money before marriage is crazy considering that the African culture still says a woman having too much money isn't good.


The women of today who still have this mentality are women raised and brought up by a culture that told that having money or being educated isn't their job. You can't feed a generation of people with one story and because the economy changed you expect them to somehow not produce or live the story they have been feed.

Get angry at the culture that raised women to be financially dependent on men and not on the women who are living the lives they were thought to live.

If a woman today doesn't have money before wedding and is going forth, check well even the man is in support because as a man he is the one that should have money not the women. Check the culture and upbringing. Even when women are told to be content with what their husbands make the story is simply to use and manage what he has not to go out and make more.

Why do you think modern day women activities are screaming financial independence for women, because that's not the cultural story for women.

immortalcrown:
You are twisting things here. The argument is not about the general cost of living in the country. The argument is about why many who earn less than lecturers do can transport themselves to work but lecturers cannot transport themselves to work. As a matter of fact, many of those who transport themselves to work work in the same universities.

And I repeat are you just trying to argue? I have given you the answer time and time again. The current salary for lectures is the reason why. I also mentioned location that many of the lectures are living very far other workers are usually living close by. A lecture cannot afford to pay for two homes or to fuel their cars to transport them from their homes anymore because the cost of things are higher. I have said it time and again.

Other university workers typically live close by, they also don't have cars to maintain and fuel. A lecture can't fuel their car because their income cannot cover the cost of the new fuel price. Neither can they afford to rent a closer house because their income cannot cover a second home. You keep mentioning that I'm twising things, but I am only countering your points. When you mentioned that it was their fault for living so far away, I gave you the reason why they are living far away. When you mentioned it's their lifestyle I told you they were living based on their education and exposure. Even as you are comparing other low level workers, I'm telling you that as much as they are coming to work with their funds, many are living closer, many are trekking half way to work, many are sending their children to semi public schools not feeding very well. They can still maintain a slightly similar life because their needs have always been on the lower end.

But a lecture has always had an average lifestyle that their salary could sustain before but not anymore. I'm honestly sounding like a broken record now. It has everything to do with the salary. Besides I think you have an unclear idea of how low level workers are also suffering now.

Before they could comfortably afford paying public transport and even some luxuries within their level eg, chattering keke or taking bike a long distance. Now many of the ones I know are walking at least 50 percent of their journey. Many also are no longer working so far away and found jobs nearby or relocated permanently to locations closer to their workplace. They too have had to change within their own level.

But it's harder for a lecture to relocate when he already has a house. They have already told you that commuting is expensive and fuel prices are high so the only solution is living near by, but sustaining a second home is also expensive so their either sleep in their office to save cost or pay short let fees which ads up quickly. and many of them can't struggle for transport like a low level person is used to because as I mentioned many have files and documents and laptops and their homes are further away.


Both workers, the low level and the lectures are facing the same situation but the extent to which is different because they are not in the same financial level.

the low level is now trekking more to commute, the lecturer is now looking to sleep in the office to cut commuting cost
the low level worker is now eating 2 meals a day, the lecturer is probably still eating 3 meals but of slightly lower quality
the low level worker has changed children's school to something lower, the lecturer is probably depending on their university benefits to help train their kids


They are both suffering the brunt of the economy, but the lecturers are facing more noticeable sufferings than the lower level worker.


You will still come with your story of twisting things even when I'm clearly countering your points but you are unwilling to listen beyond your opinion and honestly I'm done trying to speak to you. You are a person with a stong opinion in your own idea and won't see reason until you walk the same shoes. iF THE Lecturers say they can't afford the commute anymore, you can't force them to do more than themselves and they won't run on a loss when they have families and lives to live. They have told you their reality, weather you want to believe it or not does not change their reality neither does it change their stance.

I digress but, you seem like the kind of person who'd complain and wonder why a person driving a car or looking healthy would be begging for help. You are probably a person who believes only the handicap or the orphaned child needs support and financial assistance. From person experience, sometimes the most comfortable looking people are the poorest of them all. Making 400k doesn't guarantee that you can be financially more stable than a 70k earner, because your responsibilities and life situations can be so different that 70k will have more impact for the person earning it than 400k will have on you who earns it. It has nothing to do with standard of living but more about the responsibilities and duties you both are tasked with.

immortalcrown:
You have indirectly admitted that the lecturers' choice of standard of living is the primary reason they may not afford to transport themselves to work. So, I am right for saying that salary is not the actual reason those lectures sleep in offices.

You repeating that everyone's income needs to go up is unnecessary because I never denied the hardship.

The salary is the issue. The salary isn't rising to meet the higher cost of living. Are you just playing or do you really not understand.

If in 2009 My lifestyle which was the bare standard consisted of

School fees for 4 kids 60k monthly
Feeding 100k monthly
Healthcare 40k monthly
Housing bills 40k monthly
Personal allowance 40k monthly
Savings 50k monthly
Transportation 30k monthly

Totalling 320


If in 2024 the cost of living that same 2009 standard is now 800k, what would you say is the problem if I complain about not meeting costs, would you say my standard or living is high or would you say I need a higher salary to meet rising costs.


The problem and reason why they are sleeping in their offices is not because of their living standard but because salary increment isn't rising with the economic realities. Increase their salaries and things would go back to normal.


Before today, was there ever such a news? They could manage but now they can't their salary isn't matching the economic realities. And they won't drop a living standard that should honestly be the bare minimum just to please anyone.

The problem is the stagnant salary not their standard of living.

immortalcrown:
You are twisting things here to possibly dodge the truth.

I never said that 40k is such a huge amount of money. I clearly stated that the economy is very bad for everyone.

The argument is that, if people who have families, pay rents and transport themselves to work earn less than what an average lecturer earns, is transportation cost the actual reason some lecturers sleep in offices?

Yes they don't have the funds to cover long distance commuting or the funds for closer rent. Because those two have skyrocketed in prices and it's eating deep into the good lifestyle they are living which includes quality education, good feeding, safe housing, good medical care, etc. All of which a sales girl can compromise on but a lecture won't.

I have repeated this answer 4 times now and you are still asking the same questions.

immortalcrown:
You are twisting things here to possibly dodge the truth.

I never said that 40k is such a huge amount of money. I clearly stated that the economy is very bad for everyone.

The argument is that, if people who have families, pay rents and transport themselves to work earn less than what an average lecturer earns, is transportation cost the actual reason some lecturers sleep in offices?

I keep answering your question but you are not listening. Even if a person in another job paying 70k can commute, lecturers cannot because of where they are living. Their homes are farther and their hones are that far because that's where their funds could allow them buy and build a house.

Even if sales girls can live near by in any house, a lecturer won't agree to live in a run down cheaper place just to get to work. They know better.

Even if a civil servant can train their kids and have two homes, a lecturer knows to pay for quality over quantity.


This just means lecturers are spending more on living to have enough to spare on a second accommodation.

You are so determined to hold firm to your idea that you are unwilling to listen to view points.


Living standards differ and the more lecturers seek quality the less flexible income they have to spend on a second accommodation nearby which is usually just to expensive for them.

immortalcrown:
1.
I am very sure that some low-level civil servants in local government secretariats have families, pay rents and transport themselves to work while earning less than 70,000 monthly. I'm sure because I know many of them. Maybe they have now started receiving more because of the new minimum wage. The point is that many of them earn less than what an average lecturer earns.

2.
Since you admit that standard of living differs, why not admit that lecturers can transport themselves to work if they are rational towards their standards of living?

3.
The lecturers have responsibilities, no doubt. But since those who have similar responsibilities and earn less than what the lecturers earn do not sleep in offices because of transportation cost, can't you see that salary is not the problem here?

Requiring them to change their already standard lifestyle will do not good to the educational sector. That means straining them even further eventually those who need to maintain a good standard of living will move jobs leading to brain drain.

I feel like you are so determined to say they must have the money to rent a second house nearby but accommodation around schools are expensive and asking them to manage two homes is crazy.

But if you have met lecturers you see that it's not even like they are living extravagantly they are just doing the standard. But living a standard life is not expensive. I mentioned to you that a sakes girl or civil servant has their children in private schools with teachers who's qualification is usually pathetic and who's earnings are equally worse. And educated lecturer won't send their children there because they know the quality the child will receive is laughable. This means a higher amount spent on education. Same with feeding, sane with personal care and grooming. Because a Sales girl is making it work with 70k doesn't mean she's living well. For them they are living in poverty. A lecturer should not be made to do the same thing for any reason.

Everyone's salary at this point needs to go up to avoid people choosing the lowest quality of life just to get by. For their sleeping in the office, that could be the most cost effective option for them with the way the economy is and with trying to balance living cost and work duties. But getting a second accommodation, even I know is ridiculous in this economy.

immortalcrown:
Why are you dodging my question? Are the jobs of sales girls and cleaners better than the jobs of lecturers?

This topic is not about people's responsibilities at home. This topic is not about whether lecturers have more responsibilities than cleaners. This topic is about the salaries workers earn. If what cleaners earn can transport the cleaners to their workplaces, how come lecturers are the ones whose salaries cannot transport them to work places? If you get a job and choose to leave in a place that is very far from your workplace, blame yourself not your salary. If you are a lecturer in Lagos and choose to live in Abuja to be flying from Abuja to Lagos every morning and your salary is unable to sponsor that kind of trip, blame your choice of accommodation not your salary. Low low-level local government employees have children and pay house rent and still transport themselves to work. How come lecturers are the ones sleeping in their offices because of transportation cost? Are those other jobs better than the jobs of the lecturers? Answers this question.

What you forget is the cost of living around a university environ is ridiculous. I'll give you a quick task use and search for 3 bedroom apartment near any major university like Unilag and see them calling 1.5 million naira with their full chest. For many lecturers as I mentioned their standard of living is different and what they priorities is different. Even in the oast, the salary wasn't so big that they could ball or anything. They still needed to be conservative if they wanted the life and education they know is right so the resulting conclusion was buy and build. But land near big universities are crazy expensive because everyday people have turned hostel to their full time income. So they must go far enough to allow them cover the cost of living the standard of life they know is right. The were never moving far just because they wanted to, it was were their money could reach them.

Thus is why on campus accommodation is so important for them to save cost. Or else higher income to help support a good lifestyle. I stand by the fact that any rich lecturer you see today is one who is either married to a rich spouse or one who I'd doing a side job or business.


You need to realise that black and white is not the only answer. And if many are complaining then something truly js wrong. And as I said weather they are over or under exaggerating 400k salary is disappointing and I know well that 400k can do nothing special in this economy.

So my question to you @immortalcrown are you truly convinced that their pay is good enough to survive. Even if a sales girl and civil servant is earning less, do you think 400k is such a huge amount for a lecturer with the economy we are in now?

immortalcrown:
You are dodging the truth here. I never denied the hardship. The hardship must have in many ways reduced the lecturers' standard of living. But has it gotten so bad that the lecturers sleep in their offices primarily because of transportation cost? If low-level civil servants in local government secretariats, who have families and pay house rent, still transport themselves to work everyday, how come lecturers are now the ones that are unable to transport themselves to work? Is the local government job better than the jobs of the lecturers? Answer this very question or admit that things are exaggerated in the news.

I never dodged the question you are just not listening. But I'll use simple English. No lecturing is still far better but as I said living standard is different. I'm more interested to know how you are so sure sales girls and civil servants are communting as long a distance as these lecturers.

I stated clearly in my reply to you. A sales girl won't mind squatting in a semi hostel space with poor living standards but a lecture won't. Even in the original post one of the lecturers mentioned that their only option is paying 5k for an overnight space.

As I said I answered you question but you didn't listen. Sales girl job isn't better but the standard of life a Sales girl can bend to a lecturer won't. A sales girl might be able to commute but many of them live in the environs. A civil servant may be able to commute but they also squat with friends and live in the environs. These two classes are also not spending heavily on feeding and education which are things lecturers may priorities reducing their flexible funding.

A sales girls job isn't better and even if she can commute to work most of them trek which I'd not an option, on first physical look you can tell hands down that they are living a lower quality of life than the lecture. A lecturer won't trek to work, most of them living outside campus have their own homesthry built and usually they are on the outskirt. This means they have 1 hour plus to commute and won't be able to trek it.

A sales girls responsibilities isn't as much as a lecturer so even though the lecturer is earning more they have a different lifestyle and responsibility that makes anything a sales girl can do impossible for them. For a lecturer exposure matter, training their children matters, good feeding matters, good standard of living matters all of which cannot fit into 400k anymore. They aren't only saying they can't pay for another accommodation near by, they are saying that even if they can, it's a waste of funding they can channel to other things.

I told you I answered you question but you are looking for a black and white answer for lives of people that are mostly grey.

immortalcrown:
This has nothing to do with the size of someone's cycle of friends.

The economy is undoubtedly harsh. But sales girls, cleaners, security officers and civil servants in local government secretariats still afford transport to workplaces. Are these jobs now better than lecturing?

You seem to forget that these lecturers have families with children going to fairly good schools. A lecturer won't stand and watch their children in public schools, neither would they accept glorified private schools. At best they'll choose to put them with the university's school and as much as they get discounts it's not free.

I'm not sure about other states but the lecturers I know in lagos who are complaining, maybe not sleeping in the office but reducing in office days all come from as far as ikorodu and Ojo. I even know one who's home is Ogun state the side closer to lagos. On average these people will be on the road 3 hours on a round trip especially with hold up and bad roads. With transportation costs reaching well into 5 or 6k for a round trip.

You mention civil servants and sales girls, many of them live a lower quality of life, many purposely squat or take unsightly accommodations because they are cheaper and closer. An educated lecturer won't take a partially dilapidated house. With exposure comes some level of class and sophistication. When comparing remember to take into consideration lifestyle. A sales girls meal choices will greatly differ from a lecturer because a lecturer probably know better about healthy living. A sales girl will most likely be okay wearing third grade a lecturer won't. They might not wear turkey but quality US or even Vietnam. A sales girl will choose local herbal treatment ir over the counter self Med but a professor knows better. As I said exposure equals a higher living standard. Don't also forget many sales girls also get tips same with civil servants and even from just physical comparison you'll tell that a lecturer is living a different life that a sales girl.

The article also mentioned the cost of publishing and running researches also takes a toll on them. We also have to consider that many lecturers spend heavily on training their kids because they know the importance.

Also many sales girls will choose semi public schools for those who don't want to send their children to public schools. Many also live in family houses or with others helping to cut down the cost.

Whatever the case maybe if truly lecturers only make about 500k then it's pathetic. Fir a profession this important 1 million monthly should be the average excluding other benefits. If we want to be frank 400k monthly in this economy can only do so much for you. You'll still be very much on the struggling side. Landlords are making cost of living ridiculous and feeding is yet another bill.

Someone also mentioned there is nothing wrong with public transport bit you forget most lecturers carry materials around, research papers, laptops etc. Jumping from one transport to another is a lot of work. There is no one bus or public transport that can take them right to the school gate. After struggling for transport as is synonymous to Nigeria they'll most likely already be exhausted. Do you expect them to do this everyday when on campus accommodation isn't being offered?

From your own perspective as a worker how comfortable would you be with 400k as a monthly salary much less for men and women who have dedicated time and effort to research and study for the good of the future generation.

The world truly under appreciates those who matter and hails and enriches those who can't be of help if push comes to shove.

haybhi1:
Omo, na VN I for use for this long text cos it's exhausting but I feel a need to clear most of your positions.
1. There are no modern or ancient women or men. All women are women and all men are men. And everyone has their life to live, no one's holding anyone.

2. "You hear people...", "you hear people..." why's this common in your text? What concerns one with what people think if what they do aren't illegal? What's with people with I and my relationship. You'll do what you want and care less what people think na, after all we all come to life differently. It's a sham they say give up your dreams/careers bla bla for marriage. Who dares tell NOI to give up her dreams for her husby? If Rihanna married one dunce like that in Nigeria, we won't hear her name o. I can't even allow my daughter marry any man that lets her dreams die as far as her dreams are reasonable not to be Olosho or something. You have no point here.

3. There as many bad women as there are men. Everyone get their own for body.

4. I don't think anyone should attack you for your opinions. After all, no one would bat an eye if you were oyinbo. Plus, man and woman na the same,everyone has the right to their fears and dignity. However, I think what agitates men is the fact that most women like to eat their cake and still have it. You see a lady LovePeddler through her younger years and give this dude no single attention all the time he was broke and building himself, but the moment he's attained success and she got unfortunate not to nick a good/stable man in her hay days, you see them around him—naturally he's expected to be agitated. Won't you too? Although, some ladies are lucky sha, while some aren't. It's life na. Never fair.

5. Well, it's draining having to wait. And you may never even see that exact person you want your whole life as DNAs and circumstances are different for each person alive. That's why the need to both come down to a common place and tolerate each other exist—not one party doing that, while both respect the other's differences, given these are with limits.

6. This is absolutely correct. I second it. Society's or social's blunder.

7. Have you seen anyone God told specifically this is who you are or will be or something? Aren't we all just doing trial and error with live? Although some are endowed and lucky from birth but most obviously aren't. How exactly then does God tell you this person or thing is right for you?

8. Bad you have no wife material in bag yet you believe in God, Who enact the concept of husband and wife. Personally, I'm too much of an husband material in fact. It's my fear of abusing that by women that even grips me. Because to be a husband or a wife material is to be a father, mother or particularly, human material.
Is it hard to be a material for one's partner ni, isn't it just to be there for one another within one's capacity or there's something I'm missing? Seems you people, men and women, enjoy making life hard for you two.

9. Meanwhile, in addedum to '2', you need to understand that a bad marriage is different between a man and a woman. I've seen men living in America, came home and went to village to pick a wife, who later facilitated his deportation from US, loss of access to their children and his wealth. Lol, how many women gets this treatment? Life's a bit fairer for y'all, tbh. A 20-25 YO lady is open more opportunities than a 20-25 YO man, all things being equal—are you aware?

I'll answer in the order you split my reply to.

1. Yes there are. The women if today want and demand respect and have the courage to do so. The women if the past might have wanted it but didn't have the courage to. Men of today seek a help mate specifically financially, men of the past internalised and lived with the notion that they had to be the provider full stop. Saying there are no modern men and women is like denying that children of today are similar to children of the past. Even the world we live in has changed.

2. I only mentioned you hear people twice and I mentioned it because much of my life as a woman has been that. 'Is this how you'll cook in your husbands house, bend down more that's how a woman should be, education is good but if your husband doesn't want it then you have to obey, you're to stubborn and you argue alot men don't like that'. Clearly you as a man won't have experienced that but I've experienced that directly, indirectly and from a distance.

3. Fact.

4. You'd be surprised what I've heard said to me or to other women. The wrong person and their family can be a major downfall to a woman.

5 and 7. It is draining to wait but I'll rather wait than end up in regret. The problem with people who hear perfect or healthy marriage or one guided by God is that they think it'll be rosy an d smooth sailing. It'll be bumpy but both of you will be willing to sacrifice for each other without counting scores. I have seen twice to be precise women who got multiple warnings prior to their marriage but went ahead. One got dreams, then a random person she met at church warned her too but according to her, he was a good man, kind, loved her. At that initial stage there was no reason to doubt. She married and he demanded she stops working to watch the new kid, 6 years down the line and 2 kids and a pregnancy man's job laid him off, he took it out on her, blamed her, mistreated her. She was determined to stay hoping for a job. He never hit her though so she has something to hold on to. She's still there hoping. Ended up getting a small job since she was out of the workforce for nearly 10 years. She's now building herself from scratch with 3 kids. Look if you want to do trial and error it's fine, it could work but if you're not willing to all you need to do is genuinely pray. I've never been one to go to pastors or priest, you should have a relationship with God enough to pray about things yourself. The problem with most people is, the person you'll get a sign or feeling that us the best person for you will most likely not be the person you like.

8. God enacted matrimony, humans created a lopsided and selfish wife or husband material list. You blame women for seeking a rich man but prior to the 2000s women were mostly expected to not be financially independent, only focus on domestic care and look good for your husband. When such a mindset has been created and formulated for generations you expect that it won't be exploited. Now the economy us telling and a single income household doesn't cut it anymore men are seeking financial supporters. Basically the new demand for wife material is a woman who can do all of her traditional roles and a portion of a man's role. All fine and good but how many men are willing to contribute to domestic chores without thinking they are simps or houseboys.

9. The truth is for everyone they think the have it worse. From my own angle I believe women have it worse. Men can remarry at any age women still can't easily. Men are given a free pass to so many issues, women aren't. And this is the first time in my life I've heard that a woman in her 20s has better opportunities than men in their 20s. All of my life opportunities skipped me because I was female. A job that paid slightly higher, we prefer a man. A project work, men take the lead. When I was looking to move out from our old house, a woman can't do that but my brother was out the door in a flash. I've lost count of opportunities and offers that were not ment fir a woman and was handed nannying, teaching, sales girl jobs because that's more lady like. As I said earlier from your perspective you think women have it easy, from mine and my female friends we know hands down that being a man would have favoured us much more.

In case you don't know the life of a woman is filled with consistent reminder than you are not up to a man, your opinions are good but a man's own is better, you could do it well bit a man will do it better. There is a consistent reminder that no matter how much I want to break forth and succeed it's all unimportant if I don't have a logo of a man. She's a small girl what does she know is a reoccurring sentence. Nobody wants to hear my success story or what I'm achieving they want to hear about who I'm with. Even when married we are the ones who are required to compromise first, we are the ones who need to give up first, we are the ones who need to be understanding. But one error from us and we are the devil's advocate. Belittlement is ingrained in raising a girl child but it has so become normalised that we now call it good home training, submissive wife, good wife material. But you won't understand it because you were raised as a boy child. And yes, in a woman's case, a mam will marry her here in Nigeria and keep her to take care of his family and only come back for 1 month every 5 years. And you can't tell me you haven't heard of men abandoning the wife of their youth and struggle for the next fine lady.

haybhi1:
lol you don high I swear...

---

But really, women scare me. Like the idea of having to live with someone who'll fit me is a hard search and work. Me who has been so single my whole life and been accustomed to that life of peace sorta, I'll now have to always want to please someone everyday of my life so she doesn't get angry, have to tolerate shits because I'm married—I who is extremely logical in ideology and hate mediocrity and nonsense. I who may want to be a particular way a particular day and I must now adjust. The list is long. I don't know how I'll cope as a married man and, at late 20's, I'm probably getting old.

---

And the possibility of you taking everything I've toiled for and loved if I ultimately get successful, like children and wealth... No! For this particularly, I might just have to kill us two. I hate oppressors with passion.

Do you finally see where many modern women are coming from? I'm not trying to be a feminist or anything but the very life you are worried about is what many women in the past and presently have been told is the only way to be married. You hear people tell women if you are not willing to give up on yourself and your dreams for your husband then you are not ready to marry. You hear people say being a wife material is a woman who isn't too opinionated and too focused on her comfort.

I'm not disputing that there are bad women but men for too long have hated the idea that women say many men are bad. I once read a group chat between older women those over 50 and one said if women treated men the way men treat women, men would think their wives hate them. These were not the words of GenZ ladies but mothers born over 50 years ago.

You will see after this comment many will attack me for saying modern women also have the same fear as you have now. They won't tackle you for your own fear but will tackle me for saying that your fear is also the fear of many women.

Nonetheless, I stand by the fact that many people have married right to good spouses and their lives have drastically gone from good to great. The point is calming down and not rushing to marry. If it takes till you are 45 to find the right person as a man or woman then wait. Worrying about children, money, respect etc is what has gotten many into horrible marriages.

Until you find a person who makes your single life look sub par stay single so you won't ruin the life or another person's child and they won't ruin yours. And above all let God choose. If you like believe in God or don't, the only person that can truly tell you who a person is and who they'll become is their creator. Even you self don't know yourself well. Humans are fickle by nature so turn to God to help you find the less fickle.

But what do I know I'm just a woman and one with zero wife material in the bag.

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