hi everyone, been away for a while and i have missed you guys .... but i am back now and following the thread. happy new year to all you nice guys. and no i have not fallen off the wagon. not spoken to you know who ... while i've been away, been following y'alls advice and working on cactus man.. work in progress... there should be a sign in my house saying "MEN @ WORK" . no..."WOMAN @ WORK"
@ damiso, i read all what you wrote and i am touched.....really... by your story and you know cactus man has a kinda similar background but i am not .. i mean whenever my dad came home from work when i was a kid he greeted his kids with a kiss, gave us all valentine cards on valentines' day...... the whole shebang.. and i don't get it when someone is kinda cold.

but enough of old story jare

i had fun this new year and been having fun hope y'all are having fun too.

group hug and kisses

hello guys , been kinda ill real bad cold/cough stuff took some medicine that just knocked - me - out. . oh my goodness guys i am sooo glad to see all the responses to my issues now.........

let me tell y'all what happened yesterday ; i told you i've been ill right, this cough cold is really bad but you know me ..(superwoman ) i kept on doing what needed to be done in the home. at night i went to cactus man and said i needed him to cuddle me,(no jigi jigi involved ) cos you know that nothing can make you more miserable than when you have a cold/cough and you know what he said.... no!
let me tell you, i was fed up and came straight to the computer and logged on to facebook......................... and...........................


i swear i heard y'all in my head............... jk saying "put his needs first" "he might be under pressure" chaircover generously lending me her men. ihedinobi saying "cut if off now" nashville asking me why i married him (haven't figured that out yet either ) and of course baby mama saying "work on your marriage" now i have seen many more great posts that make me feel like the bad guy here


y'all need to get out of my head!
thanks guys. now i know why addicts often fall off the wagon
and why they need support x 10 o all of you guys


i logged out and just went to bed cos i was feeling really bad again to his credit though he saw my displeasure.. i did not make an issue (drama) but i just sighed went out to watch tv and he later said i should come and stay with him .... i said no that i did not need to be cuddled again and just stared straight at the tv. i was plenty pissed by then.
then this morning he said he was sorry. i just laughed and said all is forgiven

just have to go now. i promise to reply to all the great posts but right now my cough is really acting up and i have to go and take my medicine again and that potion just plain knocks me out



group hug to all you lovely people

why i married him in the first place? as soon as i know, i'll let you know. i have wondered that more and more in the last few months. i lost my job some time ago. downsizing and all that and am into cakes and all. I love him i guess.... but was looking for..... earthshaking.romeo/juliet. jack/rose a la titanic love (probably not the best examples as none had a happy ending but you get what i am saying).
i was naive and had little knowledge of the world when i got married and now.... i am a different person. but i get you about not giving up on my marriage. i don't want to resign myself to a romanceless existence and at times i talk to myself and say maybe when i'm fifty i will have outgrown the need for romance and if only i can hold on till then...
you're right, my marriage is not the worst in the world and you are right that the more i stay away from him, the more i dislike him and he dislikes me and the vicious cycle goes on and on.
i have tried to be affectionate but i have been met with rebuff after rebuff that i have humorously tagged him cactus man cos he's so prickly when you try to get close to him; but he's my cactus. i am still trying to get him to flower though.
i have not deactivated my facebook account, i am ashamed to admit... but i admit it. don't really want to go that far, cos i have a lot there family and biznezz wise and don't want to give that up just for this. but not chatted with you know who either.

@ baby mama will do my lips are sealed.
@ nash, where do i start? my husband and i are as different as apples and oranges. our world views are different, when i try to discuss this gently, he gets mad starts a confrontation. if i express views different from his on anything, sex, politics religion it becomes this long drawn out drama. that being said, he is a good provider takes care of his family works hard, loves God. i have become tired of arguments though and have become withdrawn emotionally from him so that my views on life don't upset the apple cart and i think that's what drew me to my ex. the freedom to express myself, be heard, and still valued even if our views differed. the ability to joke and laugh about the things we disagreed about.

as for dates, ....please don't let me get started his idea of a date is him sitting in the living room while i sweat it out in the kitchen, and crawl on my knees bringing savory dishes to my lord and master. he is very, very conservative and i am lonely though i am married. don't get me wrong i'm no saint(as if y'all didn't know that already ) all i am doing is presenting the problem that made me go out looking for an emotional connection.
you know when i talk to him his response like most men is to tell me how much money he spends to take care of his family and like most guys, is clueless and does not know that it's not about money.

@chaircover thanks for lending me these guys will use them wella but whether i'll return 007 ....we'll negotiate that one.


thanks again guys, you know the fever went down a notch yesterday after all the cold water therapy i received here. (c'mon cut me some slack have you never had the fever ) but i have been scared to talk to him cos i think my resolve would turn to mush when i do. however, i prayed today yaaay! something i have not been able to do for a while repenting of course and asking for strength to do the right thing.

i love all you guys already group hug and kisses.

thanks everyone, i have been called out and will make good. going to bed before the hubby comes out and wants to read what i am writing. then tomorrow's headlines could just read "Facebook Fantasy Fuels Family Fracas; Nairaland implicated"

hi
just yank the knife out at once abi?
ouch!
i did not even notice my language until you pointed this out..... boy am i in trroooouble

but thanks for not letting me get away with it.

Baby mama:

If you saw my earlier post about FB and social media,I advised that people not accept FB friendships from their former flames,it's because of situations such as yours.This is actually very common.A lady I know almost lost her marriage because she forgot to log out and when hubby came to the computer later,their private messages popped up and he read an eyeful.

my fear you know how fb sends messages to your email account? and he has my password.

Baby mama:

Rarely do ex lovers maintain a platonic relationship without the amorous ways resurfacing
Okafor's law

I think there is an emotional need your hubby is not fulfilling and this man has recognized it and is fulfilling that need by these flirtations
Have you folks met since this e-affair started

okafor's law? so true. no we have not met as we live in different cities now. e-affair is exactly the right word. but the trouble is ... e or not, it's just as emotionally entangling. but i kinda have a caution sign in my mind that i must not meet with him. my hubby and i are considering relocating though and guess where he wants to move to...
you know at times i rack my head trying to find a way to just drop it casually into the conversation that i have talked with ... you know who on face book. planning how to make it sound light and insignificant so i can fool myself and say "after all i told him about my "friend" and that open acknowledgment will hopefully break this spell.
then the voice of reason (caution) takes over and tells me to keep my big gob shut. should i tell?

this ex is married.

i hear you and will take steps to cut off. will keep you posted.

@chaircover, will take your advice. love to chat

@coogar,will love to join the family section. i already feel like i'm in the middle of an intervention and i appreciate all of y'all. sympathetic yet not allowing me to wallow in .... for want of a better word .. lust.

giving me straight answers without condemning me.
will keep y'all posted.

hello people have been following this thread so closely cos' i need help. and i created this user profile so i can open up.
now about fb and marriages. i am friends with an ex on fb. i know i should cut if off. i know. my hubby is not the romantic type and does not get me at all. this guy does. i now log on to fb hoping my ex will be online. i am born again. i love the lord i do but i cannot seem to stop fantasizing. someone please pour cold water on me .
i am sensible btw i know i am not in love; this is just lust pure and simple. cos i am cynical about marriage and i have no intention of breaking up my marriage to go and submit to another man . the devil you know..... but how do i get over this?
someone tell me this will pass.
(oh lawdy i hope this forum is truly anonymous)

my issue is slightly more complex cos my hubby is older than i am but i always have a knack for attracting younger men though i am not beautiful at all.(don't ask me why) and there is another young man .....but since i don't really know what is up yet... i will leave that for later. i love the funloving way you women talk so please talk to me.....

so i will take a leap of faith here cos i need someone to talk to who is christian but also understands that i am human.
please help; my relationship with Jesus is suffering.
i can't pray i feel dirty, i feel like a hypocrite in church when i teach, oh lawdy... never been through this before...