₦airaland Forum

Nekai:
You will lose him, but the good news is you will learn for the future. That's what life is all about. He came into your life to show you that you need to modify your philosophy on love and relationships. Check this out, (I don't know who the original author is) it's called A Reason a Season or a Lifetime:

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.  They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  They may seem like a godsend, and they are.  They are there for the reason you need them to be.  Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.  Sometimes they die.  Sometimes they walk away.  Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.  What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled;  their work is done.  The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.  They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.  They may teach you something you have never done.  They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.  Believe it!  It is real!  But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.  Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);  and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.  It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Nekai i love you

chire:
@ poster
yes there is a lot of hope.
i graduated with a third class degree in 2002 from unilag.
presently i am about to finish a phd programme in one of the very good schools in UK.
on hearing i have a masters and am finishing a phd,no employer has bothered to inquire more about my first degree.on the contrary,they seem to respect me more for going so far academically in an internationally renowned university despite starting out with a third class degree.
dont let anyone discourage you.its not the end of the world.just try to pick up yourself,remedy the situation by getting a postgraduate degree,and play your cards the best way you can.
best wishes.

wow!!chire i'm really inspired at your transformation.you are the type people should look up to for inspiration.congratulations.
the sky is definately your limit.

MrCrackles:
Frankly speaking the "hope for a third class BSC holder is hopeless "

@mrcrackles
read chire's post above.

keta11:
From little research, I think Nigeria may have squeaked through, but it depends on many factors from competition from groups E and F --->

Current standings:

Nigeria - 3 games - 3 points (+2 goals)
Costa Rica - 2 games - 3 points (-2 goals)
Hondyras - 2 games - 3 points (+2 goals)
Hungary - 2 games - 3 points (+1 goals)
South Africa - 2 games - 1 point (-4 goals) - Unlikely to recover in 3rd game

Seems to me depends on next matches for Costa Rica, Honduras, Hungary since only 1 out of these countries and Naija, will go forward.

WHY HAS NIGERIA TURNED INTO THIS?
Nigeria that used to be feared in football circles has now become a football country that depends on others to qualify.
We are still complaining about super eagles and how they have turned us into matematicians and permutators calculating how mozambique and kenya can help us.
See what their junior ones (Flying Eagles) are now doing.
They ovbiously learn very well from their older ones on how to give us high blood pressure.

FLYING EAGLES CONGRATULATIONS .
NA YOU BIKO.

my fello nairalanders,

i see football vision over the weekend.

our flying eagles will beat span by 1-0.

make we all dey kampe this afternoon, no shaking at all.

congratulations nigeria.

From my little experience as a man i have observed a few things as regards approaching women.

First of all,understand that as God has given each of us a different face,so we individually have a different imagination and character.From this it follows that each of us lives according to our particular character and imagination and personality.

From the above explanation, i believe there is no approach method that can be guaranteed to work 100% on any lady or group of ladies in any situation.What works for one lady or the last three ladies may not work for the next lady you approach.

Some ladies like an indirect approach where you first beat about the bush before using style to say what you want,while most ladies like you to in a few short words,go straight to the point.

Furthermore,almost all ladies knows what you're after the second you approach her,so trying to use an indirect method to sugarcoat your intentions may make her feel you think she is dumb which is insultive.

For my experience,the direct method of an introduction of yourselves followed by you telling her you'll like to get know her better if she doesn't mind usually works best for me.That will automatically bypass the friendship level and she will put you in a "potential boyfriend" zone in her mind from the begining.

Ofcourse there are several times you will get turned down,or even outrightly snubbed.This should be expected.Its part of dating.Console yourself in the fact that this can be due to several factors.

She may be happily engaged,she is in a good relationship,she is in a bad mood,she has a terrible day,she's on her period and is therefore moody.There are so many reasons that has nothing to do with you.

The basic things you need as a man is CONFIDENCE,and be relaxed.DO NOT BE AFRAID.It is much easier than you think.

She will respond to the vibe you give.If you are looking down and acting nervous,she will become uncomfortable.If you behave as if you are talking to someone you are used to,she will feel relaxed also.Body language is important.

Before you approach her,it might help if you send her some "sign" first.For me i try to establish some eye contact,or something to make her think i'm checking her out.Just approaching suddenly out of the blues may be too much for the lady to take.Its kind of spooky.

By sending a sign to her,you quickly know if approaching her maybe worthwhile.If she frowns her face or behaves negatively,she may be saying you should not attempt it.Some ladies will send a positive signal back to you, like sending glances back at you.

In public places,you just have to be a man and take your chances.

Everything depends on the settings and circumstances.A direct method may work on a lady in a particular circumstance,like maybe you are in the bus and you will be getting off soon.You just need to tell the lady you will be getting off soon and you'll like to get to know her more soon.The same direct method may not work on the same lady if you are on a train and the next stop is an hour away.She may want to use the opportunity to get to a bit about you there before deciding if she would like to know more.

Its not a good thing to lie or pretend.If you have not seen her before,dont lie that you have seen her around.If you see her around,tell her you see her around at soso place.Be specific.If you think she is a student,ask her if she is a student.Regardless of what she says,the ice has been broken.It really is easy.

First impessions matters a lot,so dress neatly,and show good taste, and smell nice.

The basic things you need is to be confident,and show a relaxed body language,and some luck.

The rest is up to circumstances and the lady.

I think i understand why there is so much mistrust and scepticism from the ladies as regards to nigerian men and their intentions,but i honestly think it goes both ways.

There are bad Nigerian men,and there are equally bad nigerian women.

The fact that a man is bad or that the last five men a lady dated turned out to be bad is still not enough basis to classify all men from a country as bad.The same goes with the ladies.

Personally,i have met 2 ladies who gave me the impression that they were "victims" of bad men in their relationships,but after being with them for a while,i came to the conclusion that the men were probably right to have dumped them.Characterwise,they were simply nasty and they behaved in ways without regards to logical consistency and acceptable norms of human bahavoiur.

They later tried to justify their attitude by explaining that it was some form of defensive mechanism so the men dont take advantage of them as had been done to them in the past,but it made no sense at all.

In a way,i can say several ladies have taken advantage of my nature by commimg and getting free favours and assistance from me because they know i wont ask for anything from them in return.(I beleive that if you want to help someone,help the person and forget about it.If you want to repay me out of your free will,thats alright.).

Afterwards it has even come to light that a few of these ladies had boyfriends and pretended to be single and to like me just because they wanted some help or favour.Such is life.

Those experiences not withstanding,has never made me think for once that all women are like that.I believe there are good women out there,and there are also good men out there.

I dont think you should allow what happened in your past to affect your future.Yes it can help shape it,but dont let it damage your optimism that the future will be better.

Understand that this is part of life.Just as there are bad men and women,there are also good men and women.

The poster even said it that the man seemed good and kindhearted (or something like that).Why dont you give him a chance to prove to you that he is not bad, the fact that your dad didnt take your mum home has nothing to do with him.

I beleive that nigerian ladies are the best and the loviest in the world.They've got this esteem and character that is unique to them only.Thats why most other ladies especially african ladies hate (envy) them.

To the ladies,i know some men are bad (just as some women are bad),but dont cut down the tree just because some friuts are rotten.

Pray to God to bring a good man your way.

Come to think of it,it is possible that God sends bad people first,so that when he then sends the good person,you will appreciate him and not take the person for granted,

, and dont ever plan on living your life as a single.It wasnt meant to be that way.It never was,

@ poster

Some distance relationships do work,but it depends on several factors and would require some commitment,hardwork and sacrifice from both parties involved.

There are instances where long distance relationship work out very well and there are also relationships which do not work out even though the people see each other on an almost daily basis.

The probability for success or failure of a distance relationship can only be assesed on a case by case basis.It can not be generalized.I can not know if your relationship may work out or not because i do not know useful information such as if you both met physically or you met on the internet,or how long you have been together,the level seriousness of the relationship,why one of the people involved is travelling,what type of personality the person have,age, how often you communicate/plan to see each other,family involvement,amongst several other things.

If you want to know if there is a chance of your distance relationship working out,then you will need to divulge a bit more information.Like i said,whether it would work or not depends on the people involved.

You can not be told if a relationship will work or not (We are not God).You can only be told if there is a good chance of it working out.

If you are not comfortable revealing such info here for everyone to see,let me know and i will give you my email,and we'll discuss about it.

Hope this helps.

@ poster

This is probably because some women need bigger displays of aggression than others to respect and lust for their man.

For these women,male aggression is a BIG trigger for their lust.Without these occasional demonstrations of manly aggressions,the ladies lose their lust,and the relationship heads for the rocks.

Accept that there are some women who need to be violently abused to get that lusty feeling of having a real man.Things like love,looks money or even confidence doesn't do it for them.

"(ladies name):- He's nasty and treats you like shit.why are you always going back to him?",

, Now you know why.

I think both men and women are to blame in this over 30 issue.

On the one hand,some women who find themselves single when approaching or over 30 are the architect of their predicament.

I beleive at one point in their "youth",they must have come across at LEAST one man who is good and has serious intentions with regards to a relationship,but due to an overestimation of themselves,coupled with an exagerrated arrogance and the false belief that there are much better men are around the corner,they ridicule the very men that they should at least give an opportunity to prove themselves.

When i started my PhD almost 2 yrs ago,i approached a lady who seemed nice for a relationship,but she rejected my advances with an insult, her friends later told me she said she cant hang out with " small boys" (Imagine an undergraduate calling a Phd student in his late twenties a small boy).
She met a white man,and decided he would make a better partner and i moved on.

Now that i'm approaching my final year,and she has become nice and waving to me on the street,etc,but i'm no longer interested in her.
By the way i dont see the white man around her anymore.

The point is that most nigerian women feel they are too much for young men with potential and are trying to lay foundations for their lives, and most men will not want to marry a lady who did not stand by her in his time of struggle.

That is also the reason all these "made men" they trip over for dump them ultimately,and by the time they should be at least pregnant with their first child,they find themselves in a stalemate.

On the other hand,some ladies are simple unfortunate.They genuinely fell in love with these struggling men,and even made sacrifices for them,but at the end of the day,they were humiliated and got dumped and were severely emotionally scared and really find it difficult to pick the remaining peices and move on.

I know of some who gave everything they had for their man and at the end of the day,they were tossed off in a very ruthless manner.

That is why some women seem hesitant to struggle with men.Some men can be very very cruel.

Both sides of the arguements having delved into,i will say that since women outnumber men (at least in Nigeria),in addition to the role social and family plays in our soceity,most men are always pressured into marrying younger,fresher ladies,

I say pressured because as i said earlier,some of these ladies are actually very good,but were just unlucky,but family members of the man (esp the female members) will reject an "old" lady because they feel she has messed about in her youth even though in some cases that is far from the truth.

Infact,some of these younger ladies are even worse.

But there is always hope for everyone, the fact that a lady is over 30 doesn't mean she can not meet a great man and have a happy marraige.