₦airaland Forum

A man walks into a bar and orders a
double, obviously upset. "What's the
matter, buddy ?"
asks the bartender. "It's a long story. I
met
this beautiful woman who invited me back
home. We stripped off our clothes and
jumped into bed and were just about to
make love when her goddamned
husband came in the front door. So I
had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the edge by
my fingernails without any clothes on!''
''Gee,
that's tough!'' commiserated the
bartender.
''Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated.
When her husband came into the room,
he
wanted to have sex with her -- but he
had to
piss first. And the lazy son of a bitch pissed
out the window right onto my head!"
''Yeech !
No wonder you're in a lousy mood."
''Yeah,
but I haven't told you what really really made
me mad.
Next, I had to listen to them grunting
and
groaning and when they finished the
husband tossed his condom out the window.
And
where does it land ? On my goddamned
forehead!'' ''Damn, that
really is a drag!'' ''Oh, I'm not finished!
See, what really pissed me off was when the
husband had to take a dump. Turns out
that
their toilet was broken, so he stuck his
ass out
of the window and let loose right on my head!'' ''That would
sure
mess up my day." ''Yeah, yeah, yeah,
but do
you know what REALLY REALLY
REALLY pissed me off ? When I looked down and saw that my
feet
were only SIX inches off the ground!'

TYPES OF POO POO
1) Ghost poo:
The kind
of poo when you feel
there’s poo coming out,
but no poo in the toilet. 2) Clean poo: You kak it out, see
the poo in the toilet but nothing
on the tissue.
3) Wet poo: After
wiping plenty times you
still feel unwiped. 4) Second wave poo:
You’re done kaking, pull up your
pants, then realise you
need to kak some more.
5) Pop a vein on the
forehead poo: You strain so much to get it out,
you feel like you are
having a stroke.
6) Gassy poo: So noisy
everyone within earshot is
giggling. 7) Drinkers poo:
It leaves the most
noticable skid marks at
the bottom of the
toilet.
The I wish I could kak poo: You wanna kak
but all you do is sit on
the toilet and fart a
few times and nothing
came.
9) Wet cheek poo: It drops so fast it
splashes on your
butt cheeks.
10) The dangling poo:
The one that refuses to leave the
ass, you have to shake it off.
11) Oh shit poo:
The type you are in the
middle of dropping big
one and you forgot to
lock the toilet and someone you have been forming
for entered without knocking and
the poo disappeared.
12) Surprise poo:
This gives no signal, you’re about
to fart but BAAMMM! its poo!! Wait
until this happen to you
in a public place you’ll know the
importance of early morning poo.
Hehehe…No matter how beautiful
or rich you are, I’m sure you’ve experienced at least one of them.

Rice distribution have you estimated the cost of transporting you goods where would you buy the rice in bulk?
Cos just two people own the licence to import rice in nigeria

Once upon a time lived a beautiful
Queen with large breasts. akpors the
Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen
for this reason. He knew that the
penalty for his desire would be death
should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Akpors revealed his secret
desire to his colleague, Horatio the
Physician, the King's chief doctor.
Horatio thought about this and said
that he could arrange for akpors to more than satisfy his desire, but it
would cost him 1000 gold coins to
arrange it. Without pause akpors
readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio made a batch of
itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed.
Soon after she dressed, the itching
commenced and grew intense. Upon
being summoned to the Royal
Chambers to address this incident,
Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for
four hours, would cure this type of itch,
and that tests had shown that only the
saliva of akpors
would work as the antidote to cure the
itch. The King, eager to help his queen quickly
summoned akpors to their chambers.
Horatio then slipped akpors the
antidote for the itching powder, which
he put into his mouth, and for the next
four hours, akpors worked passionately on the Queen's
large and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually
relieved, and akpors left satisfied and
hailed as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, akpors found Horatio demanding his payment
of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession
now satisfied, akpors couldn't have
cared less knowing that Horatio could
never report this matter to the King and
with a laugh told him to get Lost.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive
dose of the same itching powder into
the
kings underwear. The king immediately
summoned Akpors.

Signs of Lailatul Qadr

1. The first of them or number one is that Lailatul Qadr is a peaceful, tranquil quiet night. Within that night or the night of Lailatul Qadr you do not hear the barking of dogs, or the sound of the cockerel.
2. The second sign is that in Lailatul Qadr the people experience a pleasant breeze or a pleasant wind which they enjoy which they like.
3. Thirdly, in Lailatul Qadr there is rain. This is one of the signs of Lailatul Qadr that during the night of Lailatul Qadr the rain falls.
4. Fourthly, is that when the sun rises on the following morning the disc of the sun is seen without strong rays or is without any rays. The disc is a clear disc when it rises in the morning.

The sheikh said many of these signs the people notice them or they see them and if we notice these signs, then we should have glad tidings in the hope that we have coincided with Lailatul Qadr.

May we all see the end of this Ramadan and many more to come.......AMEEN

when a Nigerian becomes wealthy, they
keep their money in Switzerland, when
they are sick they go 2 India, when
they wants to invest, they go to
America, or London to buy Mansions,
when shopping they 'll go to Dubai, during holidays, they 'll visit Paris or
Bahamas, and they send their children
to Europe for studies. when they wants
to pray, they 'll go to Saudi Arabia or
Jerusalem but when they die they want
to be buried in Nigeria, my Question now is,,, does it mean that
Nigeria is a cemetery ??

BOWEN UNIVERSITY N650,000 per
semester,

COVENANT UNIVERSITY
N640,000 per semester,

BENSON
IDAHOSA N500,000 per semester,
JABU
450,000 per semester,

BABCOCK UNIVERSITY N450,000 per
semester,

REDEEMERS UNIVERSITY N450,000 per
semester, AJAYI CROWTHER UNIVERSITY
N350,000 per semester,

MADONNA
UNIVERSITY 350,000 per semester.
ALL
OF THESE UNIVERSITIES WERE BUILT
FROM TITHES AND OFFERINGS OF THE
COMMON PEOPLE WHO NOW CAN'T
AFFORD TO SEND THEIR CHILDREN
THERE! where is the morals of the
church going?
These schools were all
built with the sweats of their church
members who kept sowing seeds;
special offering seeds, first fruit seed, redemption seed, thanks giving seed,
harvest seed, tithes, pastor's birthday
seed, church building seed,
evangelism seed, father's day seed,
mother's day seed, children' day seed,
pastor's cake seed, olive oil seed, etc. these schls are nw elite schools, only
for the rich politician children. the
gainers then use the profits to buy
private planes $ jets to fly up high in
luxury. While Warren Buffet who owns a company that builds jet, still fly around on public commercial jet.
Meanwhile, their members sleep
hungry & d next Sunday, they will
read Malachi 3:6-12(6 “I the LORD do not change. So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. 7 Ever since the time of your ancestors you
have turned away from my
decrees and have not kept them.
Return to me, and I will return to
you,” says the LORD Almighty. “But you ask, ‘How are we to
return?’ 8 “Will a mere mortal rob God? Yet you rob me. “But you ask, ‘How are we
robbing you?’ “In tithes and offerings. 9 You are under a curse—your whole
nation—because you are robbing me. 10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be
food in my house. Test me in
this,” says the LORD Almighty,
“and see if I will not throw open
the floodgates of heaven and
pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. 11 I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and
the vines in your fields will not
drop their fruit before it is ripe,” says the LORD Almighty. 12 “Then all the nations will call you
blessed, for yours will be a
delightful land,” says the LORD
Almighty).
MAY GOD DELIVER US ALL

BOWEN UNIVERSITY N650,000 per
semester,

COVENANT UNIVERSITY
N640,000 per semester,

BENSON
IDAHOSA N500,000 per semester,
JABU
450,000 per semester,

BABCOCK UNIVERSITY N450,000 per
semester,

REDEEMERS UNIVERSITY N450,000 per
semester, AJAYI CROWTHER UNIVERSITY
N350,000 per semester,

MADONNA
UNIVERSITY 350,000 per semester.
ALL
OF THESE UNIVERSITIES WERE BUILT
FROM TITHES AND OFFERINGS OF THE
COMMON PEOPLE WHO NOW CAN'T
AFFORD TO SEND THEIR CHILDREN
THERE! where is the morals of the
church going?
These schools were all
built with the sweats of their church
members who kept sowing seeds;
special offering seeds, first fruit seed, redemption seed, thanks giving seed,
harvest seed, tithes, pastor's birthday
seed, church building seed,
evangelism seed, father's day seed,
mother's day seed, children' day seed,
pastor's cake seed, olive oil seed, etc. these schls are nw elite schools, only
for the rich politician children. the
gainers then use the profits to buy
private planes $ jets to fly up high in
luxury. While Warren Buffet who owns a company that builds jet, still fly around on public commercial jet.
Meanwhile, their members sleep
hungry & d next Sunday, they will
read Malachi 3:6-12(6 “I the LORD do not change. So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. 7 Ever since the time of your ancestors you
have turned away from my
decrees and have not kept them.
Return to me, and I will return to
you,” says the LORD Almighty. “But you ask, ‘How are we to
return?’ 8 “Will a mere mortal rob God? Yet you rob me. “But you ask, ‘How are we
robbing you?’ “In tithes and offerings. 9 You are under a curse—your whole
nation—because you are robbing me. 10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be
food in my house. Test me in
this,” says the LORD Almighty,
“and see if I will not throw open
the floodgates of heaven and
pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. 11 I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and
the vines in your fields will not
drop their fruit before it is ripe,” says the LORD Almighty. 12 “Then all the nations will call you
blessed, for yours will be a
delightful land,” says the LORD
Almighty).
MAY GOD DELIVER US ALL

patience Jonathan first lady federal republic of Nigeria

jozi ville: what is that thing u can catch but you can't throw?..........

COLD

100% boerboel puppies for sale.The dog is from south africa while the bitch is from ghana for more enquires contact HAKEEM;08100896880 or email ehvez@yahoo.com

my friend bought his in 2011 for 7k so y is dis 20k same brand

Agbara indusrial area is along Lagos
Badagary express. the
plot is situated in Opic Estate Agbara, stone
throw from Unilever and Glaxosmithkline Industries.45 minutes
Drive to convenant university and
cannanland.This area is already
developed and already has .Stable Electricity .Developing enviroment
.Indusrial area ( Unilever and
glaxosmithkline, etc.)
.Two private universities and
International Secondary ( crawford
university and convenant university) schools are in the area
.Access point to lagos Badagary
express
.cool uncongested enviroment The land cost 5m per plot but its negotiaable

For more info contact me hakeem08100896880 ehvez@yahoo.com

you guys dont get fact before post do more research first

whats the country of production

A plot of land for sale at opic estate Agbara Ogun state for a very afordable price contact me HAKEEM 08100896880
ehvez@yahoo.com

A plot of land for sale at opic estate Agbara Ogun state for a very afordable price contact me HAKEEM 08100896880
ehvez@yahoo.com

100% boerboel puppies for sale contact me Hakeem:08100896880 ehvez@yahoo.com to get the pics and for negotiation

100% pure breed boerboel puppies
for sale at an affordable price the
puppies are still a week old so you can
book for them now
contact Hakeem::08100896880
ehvez@yahoo.com[b][/b]PLEASE LAGOS ONLY

obajemj: Please anyone with valid information on fasting should update us.

Please tell us when you hear that the moon has been sighted.

Everyone would have to listen to their own local authorities even when the moon is sighted elsewhere.

Let us know how it is anywhere you are so that people in your locality can be aware.

ramadhan is starting 2mrw in 27 country in africa including nigeria go to www.makkahcalendar.org for confirmation

TrustGod01: Hi Nairalanders.I need your advise on a business issue.I want to go into a business of buying furniture (eg sofas,bedroom suites etc) from outside to Nigeria.I need to know if this business idea will be lucrative.Does anyone know how much it will cost to clear a container in Apapa port? Your advise will be greatly appreciated.Thank you

it cnt be lucrative y dnt you employ good carpenters to do the work then u make ur gain 4rm that

the pictures when they where 4 days

100% pure breed boerboel puppies for sale at an affordable price the puppies are still a week old so you can book for them now
contact Hakeem::08100896880 ehvez@yahoo.com[b][/b]PLEASE LAGOS ONLY

Nine11: I need 5 million naira loan or less please, for a legitimate business, possibly for a period of 6 month and it will attract a 15% interest. (it is about a steady and Continuous supply of materials to a big, reliable, and formidable company that has a good track records) It is reliable and legal binding, I also have collateral. We can also discus your terms, please call for more information. 08062202795. Thank you.

what would be your collateral nd whats the value of the collateral

lol diz guy is funi

if you reside in lagos jst go into transportation buy buses[toyota hiace] try to get a pack then travel interstate you would be suprisd with the amount you wud make in a year you dnt av to invest all your money 40m wud do it and av dis in mind transportation iz a biz that would neva die ppu wud neva stop travelin

yea sunday
Imagine saturday was 2mrw today would have bin friday

Una need see wetin happen for our
yard today?! E get wan guy for our
yard, the guy name na Okwy. Okwy na
ashawo boy, that boy no dey rest.
Every minute he dey ontop woman. Me
dey my side konji dey wire me. I don beg am tire make he pity me dash me
one chikala sey konji wan change my
surname. I go see nyash wire for dream
but real life I no see anything. Okwy na
guy man, girls like am too much and
the guy no dey dull. E get this girl Philo wey I don dey eye
since but I no get liver to go cast give
the girl the levels wey my love for am
dey. This girl fine pass mammy water,
she yellow like oyibo and her teeth dey
white like fluorescent. This girl from market one dey dey come back wen
she branch enter our yard. I look, na
Okwy room my dream babe dey go. I
wan die, I follow am make I see if dem
go do anything. I reach she and Okwy
dey talk so I go make I comot food wey I put for fire. As I come back I come see
Okwy head dey inside the girl skirt.
Shuu, the guy wan chop pikin wey dey
her belle? I see sey Philo my love dey
hold bed dey shout like sey person
they put iron wey hot inside her nyash. She come dey scream, "Okwy, lick am,
bite am, Okwy chop am". Where I dey
my body begin strong. I still dey peep
tru window dey hold my tin. She push
Okwy for bed begin dey comot Okwy
cloth. She begin lick my guy tin like sey na sweet. She go carry tongue roll
around the thing come lick the cap. I
dey where I dey dey die. She come lift
her skirt come dey touch herself as she
dey lick the guy tin. She come carry all
the guy tin put inside mouth, Okwy begin dey speak in tongues. I no
understand wetin he dey talk wetin I
dey hear na,"mememiamemiamemia"
hmmm.
Okwy begin shout as I dey look them
like sey he dey die, I look come see Philo body dey shake like person wey
electric dey shock. Okwy dey shout,
"Somebody help oh, I don die, I don
die, my thing oh". I come see sey no be
play again I go look, see blood
everywhere. Philo body come still dey shake and foam dey comot for her
mouth. Blood come dey pour like water
from Okwy tin. Philo get epilepsy and
the tin start when she dey suck Okwy
banana. Haaaaaa naso i borrow leg,
come begin cast with solid crest o, my voice ehn, e loud to wake deadbody
sef, trust our yard people with dem
tatafo ear, sharperly dem don gather,
people come run come o, but i say
make i write this give una. I dey come I
go tell una wetin happen later. Okwy sef don faint and people dey try comot
Philo teeth from the guy prick.

the soul called boko haram are nt killin christians alone muslim are also killed