₦airaland Forum

Advision:
...you still have lessons to learn. You probably got married to your current husband based on assumptions and generalisations . Continue looking for anambara men, they are the solution to your problem

I waka pass..happy Sunday

Bonesbreaker:
try to make urself happy don't let anyone be author of ur joy stay healthy and try to ignore him starve him that attention.

thanks for the advice,appreciate

I was a daddy girl but he left when I was 7 years,if he was alive he wouldn’t allow me go through the emotional distress am going through in my marriage…A husband will travel and it’s not necessary for him to FaceTime with his kids n talk to me,,I have peace when he is not at home cos of shouts,nagging and quarreling,a man who puts his mother,brother and sisters interest first before his wife and kids…knowing fully well they don’t like me or his children,.God gave me a man I termed”Peace Of Mind” but I left him because of u …

If u are a husband/father pls love your wife as Christ as instructed you to,build your home cos it pays to be responsible and loved by your nuclear home,being irresponsible will only bring hatred to you waiting for you at ur old age or God forbid you fall sick and will need the assistance of that ur wife n kids and they turn their back on you…your brother and sister will not leave their family and attend to you,at that point u irritate them…when will Nigerian men start behaving like Anambara Men…it pays to be a loving husband and father ,it’s a seeds u are sowing and u will reap from it.
In loving memory of my dad.

Hello house gist day ooo

Any improvement

adeotiabdulaziz:
y is it so hard for you open another email address? ur man even gave yhu a car, yoy are still complaining. pple that are supporting you here, how many among dem don buy bike for their wife. Jus mention one thing you ve done for d man, nothing. Leave if yhu want to and let's see if d man won't replace you in a week and let's see who will marry a single mother of three who can't do anything for herself except to open legs. Some of yhu think because you were dere wen a man was broke, so yhu deserve everything wen he made it for jus being dere and still collecting you money den... Eti ya werey

people should learn from this. Naija men r fucking ungrateful...you guys deserve Jezebel, and I don't blame ladies that don't want to marry a poor or broke guy because this is how it will end...most naija men don't deserve good women at all..na werey fit una...that is why women give guys bastards to train...and it's urs... it is well

ehay:
[color=#006600][/color] I

Nigerian men...this is why I no dey build anything with oga again oooo. Build yourself let me build myself. At the end of the day, after building together he will carry everything for himself and forget your sacrifices and contributions to his sucess.

it's well

rickleye:
Okay - so are slowly getting some answers. I honestly don't know if I would trust the advice of an Internet person (me ) wholeheartedly.
You really want someone who has gone through this experience and can provide their personal touch.
That being said - You have to do what's good for you. You have to do what's good for you ( Repeated 2ce for effect)
What is wrong in getting Masters ? What is wrong in working ?
So - Does he love the kids. ? Does he love them enough that even when he gets a nanny , the kids will not be abused or mistreated.
How old are the kids ?
Listen people survive broken homes. ( It isn't ideal but the list of kids who have gone on to do wonders is as long as the 2nd Niger bridge)
Has he said, he won't support you or doesn't want you to work ?

Don't give up on your marriage - Fight !!!. But if it feels you're the only one carrying the weight... You do what's best for you.

thanks ..your one of the best advise I have read here...he love our kids 60% though

Abeg am new here ...want to learn

Eketem:
So you send CV according to you he will send a counter mail because you claim he bought you the phone and has your email pass words but you can't simply change the password or open a new email address?



Recap:
You are entitled to his money , you declare he has millions hidden

His mother is a marine spirit

He is gay

He doesn't want to give you the money

It is a spiritual problem

You are a strong woman who will collect the money by fire by force

You are a victim


All of us who saw through your bull are narcissists?

Have I left anything out

Am freely expressing myself without holding back...yes I sent C.V he sent counter mail...am not holding back how am feeling..your free to criticize ,changing the password is one, waste of time cos he will still have access..or issues, and I don't want that

Kobojunkie:
Storyland, Storyland!
land of music fun and tales
Storyland, storyland, bring your friends along!

this is not supposed to make me laugh but I laughed,if your not into comedy seek to consider it..I don't have strength for u guys ..

Kobojunkie:
I am afraid the answers aren't to be found anywhere on this here thread, and I can't read your mind there.

Anyways, since you claim you which to pursue babalawo/spiritual resolutions, all I can do is wait to read an update from you or something. Goodluck!

all my effort , he crumbled them..the option is for me to have money and start a business or learn an IT skill and work remotely

rickleye:
So that answers that question - So if he loves the kids would he support them if you move out ?
Are you able to take care of them on your own once you get a job ?

Listen - Answers abound however we may not be prepared to do what it takes once we hear them. Good luck

he told me , if I move out , I have no means to take care of the kids.so I will leave them n he will employ a nanny...he said this to me when when we were having an altercation..

Eketem:
We should support your entitlement, obvious narcissistic behavior, disrespect for a man and his family because you are a woman.

You have abused everybody who gave you practical advise here, shamed those who you conclude are single yet you are a victim because you are a woman.

I blame this silliness on social media, building sociopaths.

I am entitled to my husbands money because, first; he is my own husband or will I be entitled to yours? also I didn't meet him rich, I met him jobless and then I just finished my secondary school and working as a secretary for sometime b4 I got into the university,I built with him ..its because we are in Nigeria, in America this will not be the case..yes am entitled to it because my sweat dey inside...its what you do for people you love build them...am the most beautiful soul you could meet, even though time and time again what I pass through sometimes get to me but I still manage to be a loving human being because happiness is the force for living...in character wise,etiquette,moral I don't think you come close, with all humility... it only takes a strong woman like me to still put it together and not do what my mate are doing to help theirselves, if not that he is crumbling my effort, I know where I for don reach by now.. if I came out so strong,forgive me its my situation speaking here...in reality am a sweet woman that you will hold tight if I was your friend..so just you know

Eketem:
I am a woman. You are the narcissist here, one who will blame everybody else for her inactions, declare her mother in law a winch and be planning to kill her husband whole declaring herself the victim.


I feel sorry for that man

feel sorry for yourself my dear...and pls marry a broke guy, build with him, let him block you from growing while not giving you cash then come back and let's talk..its easy to talk from the other side world people...no wonder women prefare to die in their pain than speak up..no be me una go kill, I will speak up,if it's not appealing to you, try be in my shoes and teach me better

Kobojunkie:
So in your newfound wisdom you remain unable to answer the questions?

go back on the thread uncle or sister..it will answer itself

Kobojunkie:
You didn't answer the questions.. Again. You keep shifting blame to your husband instead of taking responsibility for what is your own mistake in this.

You claim you live with someone who doesn't want you to succeed but what have you done so far to show that you are even serious about succeeding as a person?

It is easy to blame someone else but what have you done for yourself to show you are serious and capable of success?

it's well...check the next topic uncle...you win

Eketem:
You have kuku unraveled as you didn't get the pity party you planned to get.

See the bike you are spewing at strangers,one can only imagine what that man goes through.

You think being a woman makes you an automatic victim.

Stay here and be cursing strangers and planning to kill your husband after calling his mother a winch while seeking spiritual solutions for your obvious laziness and entitlement

I have a well to do husband and he will set up that business for me..whether you narcissist men like it or not..and you better establish your women else they will leave you at your lowest point in life....I came for advise I got the advise...build my morale and am back.. being broken for a while is human is your comeback it's what matters and am happy I brought it here...my ego is boosted...you know what I mean

Kobojunkie:
Again. You keep shifting blame to your husband instead of taking responsibility for what is your own mistake in this.

You claim you live with someone who doesn't want you to succeed but what have you done so far to show that you are even serious about succeeding as a person? It is easy to blame someone else but what have you done for yourself to show you are serious and capable of success?

it's well.its obvious that English is VERY HARD !for you to comprehend...

Kobojunkie:
So getting a job and saving up the capital you need is not a way out?

The concept that is peace only applies to the living, not the dead, so bury that delusion of yours.

Again, if your husband were to die today leaving you without a penny to your name - a common scenario in much of Nigeria - what will become of you and your kids?

I have said it countless time..he refute my efforts in getting a job..its only a govt job he can't do shit cos their are protocols

Kobojunkie:
Why can't you go get yourself a job like so many others out there, save up to start this business of yours then?

And by the way, what makes you think you are business capable? You don't come off as someone who is in anyway enterprising so why should anyone invest in you and your business?

I will get a job he will spoil it for me..I will send email he will counter it...what do u want me to do? When am living with someone who don't want me to succeed...ww will make it...I worked immediately I finished secondary school that was the time I met him...and that business is what I will go back to ..should I have capital to start

Kobojunkie:
See, there you go again... you almost always seem here to want someone else doing for you what you ought to be doing for yourself.

You keep shifting blame for what is your insecurities as an individual on others, and I wonder if you ever consider the examples you are laying down for your children at this point. That family is your own family too, so why are you sitting in it as if a human doll?

If your husband died tomorrow, leaving you not a single penny, what will become of you then?

nature bears no vacuum...there will always be a way out...but that person way go do that kind thing no go rest in peace even in the land of the beyond

Kobojunkie:
Women are getting smarter but why aren't you to be counted among the smart ones?

Because I was stupid before now I am wise..anytime you wake up na I'm be your morning...

Kobojunkie:
Spiritually? LOL....

So, you expect to be paid in cash for your contribution to building what is your own marriage/family as well?

I really hope you come back in maybe a year or two to give us an update on how far this journey of yours takes you as it seems you are dead-set on living as if a human leech in marriage.

Am happy women are getting smart these days..and dumping your asses when you need them the most eg. Julius agwu wife

Kobojunkie:
Even in the 80s/90s, my mother had a job, and a business of her own which she built for her own self. Her husband did not send her to school, and she didn't wait for him to Ok her pursuits as an individual in marriage. So reading from a woman as she speaks as though an imbe-cile in need of handouts from her husband in 2022 is irksome..

Now back to the issue at hand, you are a human being with a fully capable brain much like your husbands. So why are you living as if a doll in what is your own life?,

I wish my people had the money to give me..if i was single only one olosho sugar daddy would have run it for me..but once married it's your husband you look at but when you have the irresponsible one that don't know their responsibility...its usually end up in a pity for the family at the long run

Kobojunkie:
Even in the 80s/90s, my mother had a job and business of her own which she built for her own self. So hearing a woman speak as though an imbe-cile in need of handouts in 2022 is irksome..

Now back to the issue at hand, you are a human being with a fully capable brain much like your husbands. So why are you living as if a doll in what is your own life?,

I have started a journey of doing what I love and am working on my husband spiritually...I cannot suffer with you,spend my time,pray for you,encourage you,give you my time n attention..and the only thing I ask in return is give me money to start my own business since giving me money is a problem and your here talking trash....any woman married to a supportive husband don't know what God has done for her..I wish I knew better..good girl no dey ever pay

rickleye:
This was posted by ellaV ( a female) yet with a male indicator. ( m)

Nonetheless - I will tell you what I am sensing and possible action plans.
First all - Quite a dilemma you find yourself. I pray you wisdom and tactfulness as you navigate through this.
1. There is something called a 7 year inch. - Most marriages have it. You start with courtship, honeymoon phase, real life phase and this is where you both actually begin to grow in the relationship. Most marriages once they survive the 7 years period can survive anything if they want to keep the relationship together.
2. Presence of kids makes this complicated - How does he treat the kids does he shower them with love and attention ?
3. How is the relationship in the bed between you two - I ask this because the signs indicate that there is someone or something competing for attention elsewhere. Sleeping with you in one thing but how is another thing.
4. Was he trapped into marrying u ? - You claim he goes around telling people that he is not the marrying type etc.

Now this sounds borderline like an abusive relationship. But I am yet to hear his side of the story.

What I would suggest you do are the following.
- Keep applying for work.
- There has to be someone in your family who can offer you a soft loan if you want to open a business / work.
- Now the bigger Issue is this - Have you communicated your feelings to him ( not nagging - written down objectively )
What did he say and what were his responses or action plans.
- As you have laid out these accusations against him - what steps are you doing to adjust/change as well.
- Seek out someone who knows the two of you and ask his advise. If he doesn't respect a spiritual authority a Pastor wont do.

- Listen, I wont advise you continue in an abusive relationship (either physically, financially , emotional or socially. ). Hey, you may not be able to "erase" but you can surely tear out the page and start afresh don't wait till its too late.

my 2 cents....

thank you God bless you...I got pregnant and my parents told him he must marry me besides he is my lover and first love so no biggie

Kobojunkie:
Empower their wives? Where you not born with a brain of your own? Can't you think to empower your own self abeg?

I pity whoever that married you..you will be rich ..doing give away while your wife is on rags n torn cloths...spending on side chicks no wonder you guys die before your time...you don't ask y?

Skyview01:
Says a woman who can't even think for herself. I know your pastors do the thinking for you.
Always excuses and blames but no responsibility.
What stops you from looking for jobs, or you are waiting for hubby to come do your resume and apply for jobs for you.

maybe you should read more than talk

Skyview01:
The best answer so far.

narcissist men are much here on nairaland...who don't see the need to empower their wives when they obviously have the means to...you prefare to enslave her,block her means and monitor her when she tries to help herself..selfish and wicked set...no wonder a sect in the south east kill their husbands when he is not adding value to their wife's and a torn on their flesh as well....I am in a financially abused marriage and i have woken up from my slumber...90% of Nigerian men are narcissist,selfish,wicked and don't wish their wife to grow but we meuuuuuuv....God pass una