₦airaland Forum

“URINATE HERE AT YOUR OWN RISK!” the scrawl on the wall warned.
Unzipping his trousers, Gbenga shook his head; “if toh say na beta place, person go ondastand”, he muttered referring to the overgrown bushes and heap of rubbish that marred the area. Done with his business he zipped up, took another scornful look at the scrawling on the wall and continued on his way.
*****
“Pele, Sorry ehn”, Mama Segun said to her husband as he came out of the toilet. Grimacing, he sat heavily on a chair, fanning himself with an old newspaper.
“What should we do? She continued, ignoring little Segun who vied for her attention “You should go to the hospital o”. Baba Segun merely grunted. He knew this was not hospital issue; over a week since he urinated at that junction with that warning on the wall, he had been experiencing painful… no, ‘painful’ was an understatement…extremely burning sensation while urinating. Not wanting to add to his wife’s worry, he didn’t mention his stubbornness; didn’t even tell her about the greenish mucus-like substance which two days ago had started coming out of his ‘JohnThomas’, as their son liked to call it.
And somehow, he knew that whatever curse had befallen him had something to do with his wife’s recent, almost painful scream during sex.

“Gbenga go to the hospital” she repeated firmly. He knew she meant business; she rarely called him by his first name.
“I will” he replied, knowing he wouldn’t. He didn’t have money to spend on hospital bills for something whose origin he already knew. Nodding satisfactorily, mama Segun carried her son.
*****
“You should carry out a test. In the hospital--”
Gbenga quickly interrupted the young man, “test ke? How much will that be? Plus hospital?” Impossible!
Since the painful urination increased and hospital was a no-no, he had decided to visit the pharmacy on his way home. The smart-looking young man who attended to him had started well, telling him his symptoms pointed to konoria… or something like that; now he was ruining it by mentioning test and hospital. No need. He would get Iya Biliki’s agbo; it cured everything- including curses, he hoped. So, while the young man talked about the importance of tests, Gbenga thought of how to end the visit.

The pharmacist sensed he was losing his customer. The man thought he was under a curse and was likely to do something silly. So he changed tactics.
“While treating yourself, you must treat your sex partner too”.
“Ehn?” How did this boy know? He hadn’t told him about his wife’s screams and Maggie…
“Gonorrhoea is a disease transmitted through unprotected sexual activities with an infected person…” he wanted to add ‘including anal sex, MouthAction and infected intimacy gadgets’, but didn’t want to confuse the man further. “…any form of sexual activity. So you could have either transmitted it to your wife or contract… gotten it from her”

Gbenga knew he hadn’t gotten it from his wife. It had to be Maggie, his girlfriend. But their last sex was over two weeks ago, even before he urinated in that forbidden junction. Besides, Maggie didn’t complain during sex like his wife did, meaning she didn’t have it. So how come?
How to ask this…
He lowered his voice. “Emm…I have a friend who …” Wrong move. “No. One day, I was drunk. One girl, she seduced me. But that was two weeks ago and unlike my wife, she doesn’t…emm…didn’t scream in pain while we were…” he trailed off.
“Your wife complains of pain during sex?”
He nodded sadly.
The pharmacist explained “the symptoms start manifesting within 2-14 days of infection; not immediately. Also, gonorrhoea has other symptoms. Maybe she feels pains here…” he touched his own lower abdomen. “Besides, some people especially women, don’t always have symptoms-”
“Ha! Maggie pa mi! She has killed me!”
The pharmacist would later wonder how he managed not to burst into laughter “No, it’s not their fault, since there is no symptom, they won’t know.” The third option was that Maggi didn’t have it and he had contracted it from his wife who had contracted it from…anybody else.

“You and your wife should start treatment immediately. If you don’t, it’ll worsen and there’ll be complications. So --”
“Which complications?”
Typical of customers to cherish free consultation. “For your wife, there is a disease called pelvic inflammatory disease, which could lead to infertility”, the man’s eyes widened “if the gonorrhoea isn’t treated properly and early, it could --”
“I want to treat my wife” the man seemed close to tears.
“You should treat yourself and your wife. A test is necessary to know if it is indeed gonorrhoea and the proper antibiotic to use. In the hospital, this will be done. Go to a primary health care centre, it’ll be cheaper” Or would it?

Gbenga knew his wife didn’t deserve this. She had been nothing but good; yet he had gone on with Maggie. It was his fault. Now see wahala. He would never stray from his wife again. But the co
“You could get started on a likely antibiotic temporarily. But if the test reveals that it isn’t the appropriate antibiotic, you must stop it and buy the proper one. If not, it’ll deterio…worsen.”
There was the possibility Maggie wasn’t the culprit here, so the pharmacist added “your wife should also be counseled”.
The man fell into deep thought. Raising his head suddenly, he said “I’ll come back with my wife”. Then he turned and left abruptly.
Stunned, the pharmacist could only gape at his retreating back.
****
The test had been done, but instead of buying the drugs there in the hospital, he and his wife had met his new pharmacy friend with the doctor’s paper. He totally trusted the young man who had delivered him from his woes. As appreciation, he even offered to take him home on his okada but the young man had refused. Gbenga thought about these on his way home from work.
Suddenly, he felt the urge to urinate. He no longer dreaded urinating unlike before he commenced treatment. He looked around for a suitable place and saw, scrawled on a wall “URINATE HERE AT YOUR OWN RISK!”
And he laughed happily ever after.

Written by Onyinye Bridget Chiekwe.