₦airaland Forum

Welcome, Guest: RegisterLoginWith GoogleTrendingRecentNew

Stats: 3,330,979 members, 8,448,070 topics. Date: Sunday, 19 July 2026 at 05:23 PM

Toggle theme

Ewizard's Posts

Nairaland ForumEwizard's ProfileEwizard's Posts

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 ... 55 56 57 58 59 (of 59 pages)

Jokes EtcRe: A Dog Named Sex by Ewizard(op): 10:25am On Dec 10, 2012
Tanx bro
Jokes EtcA Dog Named Sex by Ewizard(op): 9:31am On Dec 10, 2012
A Dog Named Sex
Everybody I know who has a dog
usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot".
I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been
very embarrassing to me. When I
went to the City Hall to renew the
dog's license, I told the clerk that I
would like a license for Sex. He said,
"I would like to have one too!"
Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He
said he didn't care what she looked
like. I said, "You don't
understand. ... I have had Sex since
I was nine years old." He replied,
"You must have been quite a
strong boy." When I decided to get
married, I told the minister that I
would like to have Sex at the
wedding. He told me to wait until
after the wedding was over. I said,
"But Sex has played a big part in
my life and my whole world
revolves around Sex." He said he
didn't want to hear about my
personal life and would not marry
us in his church.
I told him everyone would enjoy
having Sex at the wedding. The
next day we were married at the
Justice of the Peace. My family is
barred from the church from then
on.
When my wife and I went on our
honeymoon, I took the dog with
me. When we checked into the
motel, I told the clerk that I wanted
a room for me and my wife and a
special room for Sex. He said that
every room in the motel is a place
for sex. I said, "You don't
understand. ... Sex keeps me
awake at night." The clerk said,"Me
too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest.
But before the competition began,
the dog ran away. Another
contestant asked me why I was
just looking around. I told him that I
was going to have Sex in the
contest. He said that I should have
sold my own tickets. "You don't
understand," I said, "I hoped to
have Sex on TV." He called me a
show off.
When my wife and I separated, we
went to court to fight for custody of
the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had
Sex before I was married but Sex
left me after I was married." The
Judge said, "Me too!"
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent
hours looking all over for her. A cop
came over and asked me what I
was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock
in the morning. I said, "I'm looking
for Sex." -- My case comes up next
Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail,
been divorced and had more damn
troubles with that dog than I ever
foresaw. Why just the other day
when I went for my first session
with the psychiatrist, she asked me,
"What seems to be the trouble?" I
replied, "Sex has been my best
friend all my life but now it has left
me for ever. I couldn't live any
longer so lonely." and the doctor
said, "Look mister, you should
understand that sex isn't a man's
best friend so get yourself a dog." Gr8 week ahead pals!
RomanceWomen Are A Necessity by Ewizard(op): 12:33am On Dec 06, 2012
My dialect isn't for gaming women, its for appreciating women. Inspiring men to think like women instead of depreciating women. I flow with a dilemma cause im sick of how the media exploits our women, portraying our women as sex symbols...RESPE ­CT OUR WOMEN!! God created and blessed our women so i advocate till my death for our women. Chopper on deck for our women like world war 4 for our women. I flow for our women and sometimes my poetry glows for our women. All im trying to say is i cherish our women and good men are married to our women. Single women are inspired by those women and God always rides for those women!! When fake men get married to our women God has a way of saving our women, he has plans for our women and a blessed man for our women. I just love our women and ill never hurt our women, i always pray for our women and i thank God for our women - Women are a necessity (Original poem)
RomanceI Flow For Love... by Ewizard(op): 9:41am On Dec 05, 2012
I flow for the single mother going through hell and not even receiving child support, i flow for the good man with dreams that he can't chase because his wife doesn't show him support. I flow for the children all over the world thats being sexually abused, i flow for the good women all over the world that are being mistreated and used. I flow for God and for his kingdom because without him i am barren, i flow to destroy racism and hate through every poem that im sharing. I flow for the father in prison with kids that don't even know he exists, i flow the bullets that flew through my clothes and im only alive because they missed. I flow for romance and love and i believe kisses are important, i flow for the man who makes love to his wife right because he knows pleasing her is important. (Hypnotic poetry)
RomanceYou Taste,just Like Honey (pt.2 Of 25). by Ewizard(op): 7:56am On Nov 28, 2012
You taste, just like honey (PT.2 of25)
Eversince i requested you as a friend i knew you were going to be my wife, i commented on your status and you came behind me with a like. Our inboxes increased and our relationship became emotional, we made love all over the internet and our sex was so emotional. At the time you had a man that had no understanding how to treat you, but i gave you my heart and i showed you how much i need you. Your honey was so pure andi could taste it through your replies, some nights i would dream about what sex with you would be like. And baby i just wanna tell you that i appreciate what you did, you stepped out on faith and you never looked back again. You gave me a chance even though i was younger than you, but we agreed not to have sex until i goton my knees and married you. Honey is what i felt on the day i wifed you and gave you a ring, and right before we got on the cruise ship for our honeymoon the feds snatched away your king. Baby im so sorry and i cry about this every night, i've been married to you for a year and still don't know what sex with you is like.
And baby this is what i love about you. Listen!!
When its late at night and you can't sleep because your body needs some attention, you pull the vibrator out while staring at my pictures and that's how you release all the sexual tension. My mission is to love and that's all i think about while im writing you these emotional letters, and every time i get a reply from you i sniff it because you always drip honey on the letters. It smells so good and it turns me on knowing you put your finger tips inside, then you pulled them out and wiped them on the paper because you know that's what i like. This place can't hold me and nothing in this world can keep me away from you, i married because i loved you and when i get home im gonna dedicate my life to you. God never leaves us or forsakes us and he knows i love you with a firm heart, the devil tried to destroy us but it didn't work because you loved me back with a loyal heart. Honey is a womans faithfulness to the man she married and thats why its always thick, it keeps us together and i know at times baby your tired and you wanna quit. Just a few more weeks and ishould be getting paroled because my behavior here is perfect, i stay away from fights because i love you so much and me doing the wrong things here ain't worth it. Your loyalty to me is priceless and erica your more valuable to me than money, im on my knees every night praying for you and nyla and i love you because... - You taste, just like honey (PT.2 of 25) Ladies if you had a man sweet as jalen would you wait for him?
You taste, just like honey (PT.3 coming soon)
Original poetic story by author KidHolliday
RomanceYou're My Fantasy! by Ewizard(op): 10:05pm On Nov 27, 2012
Read her a romance poem..
Your the love bank that i invest in, i have enough sexual equity built up inside of you that it's impossible for me to be broke again...now let the poetry begin.
Baby listen, ive made many mistakes but ive always payed attention. To your heart , and to your mind; your the type of woman that likes to take your time. So u can feel it, it's like your emotions take over and u can't conceal it. I have no choice but to feel it because when im inside of you the tears start falling, that's because your sexual energy is calling.
But what im really trying to say is that im not stalling to please you, same thing i did in the beginning imma keep doing to please you. That's how much i need you, my lips have been all over your body and when your ready to make love imma feed you. My heart needs you, blessed for u to be in my life and through the air i breathe you. Your love is a cycle, it recycles inside of my heart and becomes new again...and that's why your perfect everytime i see u, flaws and all your original and can't nobody be you...Baby, your not only my best friend - But your my fantasy!! (original poem) by author KidHolliday
Nairaland GeneralCan I Come Inside?? by Ewizard(op): 12:17pm On Nov 27, 2012
Your really just a female version of me, and everyime we experience intimacy your like a virgin to me. It never gets old and all the pre-intimacy i have to go through to get it is so worth it to me, and everytime we look in the mirror together the picture looks so perfect to me...Listen!!
Baby my energy belongs to you, and i love the non sexual nights we spend together in our bible while im reading psalms to you. Im just so drawn to you, because of you im a better man and thats why i give my all to you. You intoxicate me with your realness,yesterday i told you i was addicted to you so feel this!!!
Your my academy award, the trophy i kiss everyday that inspires me to do more. Gives me the wingspan to soar, connects me better with God so i can unlock any door. Your my greatest achievement, believed in my poetry when nobody else would read it. Made me feel like a winner even when i retreated, spiritually helped me understand that the devil is already defeated.Baby you are the lifeline i needed, even when i didnt realize what i had God still allowed me to keep it. Its no secret that im in love with you forever, every letter and every poem is written to stay on your mind forever. Not even the ocean is wet enough to smear the ink off of those letters, my pen is a prayer deposited in Gods bank i trust with a Annual percentage yield that keeps earning forever. Your the capital city of my world, the link that never broke and im so blessed that your my world. You keep me sane in this world, give me everthing i need to maintain in this world. For some people love is a game in this world, but ive been on a mission to find you eversince i came in this world. Your sunshine dries up all the pain in my world, so we're standing on the balcony staring at the clouds ready to make love in the rain in this world. So i wrap my arms around you and take one more look at the sky, baby its raining now!!! - Can i come inside?? (Original poem). If the person your in love with say's their fantasy is to make love to you in the rain would you do it?
RomanceYou Taste Just Like Honey (pt.1 Of 25). by Ewizard(op): 7:55am On Nov 27, 2012
You taste, just like honey (PT.1 of 25)
Honey is the way a woman carries herself and loves herself while sexually preserving herself for her husband, sexy beautiful and intelligent conversation and female haters usually get quiet when they see her coming. Her honey is thick like caramel and only real men are allowed to eat it, her time and her energy is something she doesn't waste on men who don' t have a history of eating it. Honey is a womans respect level and her overall knowledge of cash management, and real men love a woman who's good with money because if something jumps off he knows she's capable of handling it. Honey is way deeper than sex because sometimes it drips without her having sexual intercourse, it just depends on the man talking to her and how well he resembles the type of man she's looking for. Honey is a womans commitment to being successful in any career path she choses to take, she never waits on a man do anything for her because she depends on God to put bread onher plate. Honey is that feeling inside of a woman that gives a man a chance even if he's younger than her, she takes time to evaluate a mans maturity level before she judges if he's even on point enough to handle her. Honey is her internet skills and how she never goes a day without sending her man a message, knows exactly how to use her words to please her man and even if he's incarcerated she still acknowledges him as her blessing. Honey is what i define you as because your sweet and your mind is so mentally attractive, erica i want to make love to your mind first and then just watch your bodys reaction. Your honey is so perfect and the way you stepped out on faith with me is amazing, i swear to God im gonna make all of this trouble up to you when i get home because your amazing. Honey is what i see when im online staring deep into your pictures, knowing that's how we originally met and in my heart i can hear you saying jalen i really miss ya. Just know that your my honey and i can't wait till im able to taste it, im almost free and i thank God your my wife because our favor combined is what enables us to make it. I know its hard with just you and nyla and ill never question how much you love me, because of your strength is what makes me strong and baby i know for fact... - You taste, just like honey (PT.1 of 25) Do you think its ok for a woman to marry a man 5 years younger than her?
You taste, just like honey (PT.2 coming soon)
Original poetic story by author KidHolliday
RomanceMaking Love To You On Thanksgiving Day. by Ewizard(op): 7:40am On Nov 27, 2012
God performed a miracle when he brought you into existence, and i almost missed my blessing because i wasn't paying attention. The holy spirit said listen and you became my only objective, i prayed until i got you and i had to wife you to get you naked. We are spiritually connected and our bond can't be divided, i still ask how you want it even though i know just how you like it. Because a real makes sure and never assumes his woman is pleased, her orgasms should flow as a pure sign she's being pleased.
And baby these are the steps i want to take the next time we make love.
Give you an entire of pre-intimacy and its strictly going to be mental, spend time inside of your mind and keep our conversation simple. From your neck down to your nipples ill apply kisses that are non physical, just close your eyes and imagine as if its really happening in the physical. By the time you start sweating ill be poetically in your ear, your honey will start flowing in drips that look like tears. That means your body is crying and i haven't layed a finger on your skin, your backing away slow and my lips are about to touch your skin. I married you for your heart and all the sexual benefits came with it, if your reading this poem alone then its ok to put a finger in it. But baby my intention is to turn sex into an experience, turn this couch into a bed and then drift inside of your experience. No periods are in pleasure and all your honey is a run on sentence, if your not finished then in not finished and ill hold back until your finished. Im just a man that loves his wife and i think every man should be this way, we leaving the kids at mama's house and im "Making Love To You On Thanksgiving Day"
Making love to you on thanksgiving day (Original poem by KidHoliday)
Jokes EtcFunny Proverbs by Ewizard(op): 11:20pm On Nov 26, 2012
1. He who fights and run away?: e don surrender
be that, fear catch am
2. A rolling stone?: No fi just dey roll, na person
push am
3. He who lives in a glass house?: Na rich politician
e go be
4. Birds of the same feathers?: Na the same mama
born them
5. One good turn?: Na correct power steering fit do
am
6. A bird in hand?: wetin he wan be again if ino be
barbeque.
7. Half bread is better than?: garri without sugar
8. A journey of a thousand miles?: na the person
wahala bi dat naa, why he no enter car or airplane
9.He who laughs last?: Get brain problem. - na
beginning of madness be that
10.All work and no play?: Na bank job be that
11.A patient dog?: Na hunger go kill am
12.A friend in need?: na parasite be that
13.Once beaten?: Na revenge go follow be dat
RomanceRe: How To Maintain And Control A Woman by Ewizard(m): 8:34pm On Nov 26, 2012
Control?? Me bad gon'... U said it all wryt bro'... CONFIDENCE, INDIFFERENT, AND UNPREDICTABLE.. I swear if ur woman can predict u, ure finished!! Oh, u didnt hear me wel? I said if ur woman can predict u, ure finishd oooo!! Nxt time wen she says 'baby i luv u'... Try som reply lyk ''u shud'' or ''i will if i were u''. It doesnt pay bin nice! Oh! U wana kal her 21timez a week nd snd her 365 txts a day tellin her hw wussy ure inlv wit her? Oh poor ass! It doesnt work dat way. Or mayb d 'baby' she calz u send gr8 shrillz down ya hrt.. Oh! lab rat! Pet names are romantic though, bt datz her sure way 2 control u. Try bin dat jerk she cals always wen her dumb ''babies'' send her cardz! Try bin chalengin and flirty and let her knw she nidz jus mo dan gudluks to get ur atention. And finaly, get d magic wand(sex machine)..hehehe! Ask a lady where she wantz her man 2 score d highest and she tell u BED instead of ACC.. Dey cant get rid of it.
RomanceRe: I Want A Boy Who ... by Ewizard(m): 11:34pm On Nov 23, 2012
BlueMurder: Cerebral Fibrosis = Degenerative atrophy of the inner membrane of the cerebrum, caused by massive build up of corrosive fluid. Common amongst intensely anxious middle-aged ladies.
lolzzzz...hahaha...hehehehe.. U made my day @blue murder! Lmfao. Well d last tym i checkd on dat boy, he's gay!
CareerOne Year I.T Placement In Any Marine/shipping/logistics/freight Company. by Ewizard(op):
....

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 ... 55 56 57 58 59 (of 59 pages)