₦airaland Forum

Most idiotic man on earth
A stressed man was in his office
thinking deeply,
suddenly a man
runs in
Shouting ''Peter,
Peter, your
daughter Tonia
just had a fatal
accident''.
Shocked,
confused and
distraught, he
jump out of the
window! As
soon as he jump,
he remembers
that his office is
on the 9th floor,
as he
is descending
lower, he
remembers that
he doesn't have a
daughter called
tonia... Still
descending lower
he remembers
he's not even
married, 2nd floor
before he hit the
ground, he finally
remembers that
his name is not
even peter!

Teacher: Ok class, let’s show the
principal & our guests how much we’ve learnt so far dis year.
Let’s do comparisons…
So I say small, U say
small, smaller, smallest..
[students nod ]
TEACHER: Big
CLASS:Big, Bigger, Biggest..
TEACHER:clean..
CLASS:clean, cleaner, cleanest..
TEACHER:tall….
CLASS:tall, taller,tallest….
TEACHER:[smiles]:
very gud!!
CLASS:very gud,very gudder, verygudest..
TEACHER:”oh gosh..
CLASS: oh gosh, oh gosher,oh goshest!!!
TEACHER: stop it now”:O
CLASS:stop it now… stop it nower…stop itnowest!!
TEACHER:oh please..”
CLASS:oh please,oh pleaser…O’pleasest..”
TEACHER:Look atme..!!>:O
CLASs:look at me,look at me-er, look atme-est..
TEACHER:What adisgrace!X_X
CLASS:what a disgrace ,what a disgracer, what adisgrace-st.
TEACHER[furious]:I don die…
CLASS:I don die, I don dier,I don diest.
The Teacher fainted me self collaspe

Peter: "I want my
money now!"
Tom: I'll kill myself so
that I won't pay you
*he pulled a gun n shot
himself dead*
Peter: "hahaha..... If u
think u'll get away with
my money u r wrong, i'll
follow u until u pay me
*he took d gun n shot
himself dead as well*
Jamas was watching
from a distance he
laughed n said "these
guys are funny, I want
to watch this till d end"
.... he also took d gun
and killed him self!

still to come (70%/100%)

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.
The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.
The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.
The vet answers, "$650."
"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

I FEAR NIGERIANS

Wisdom's photo.
Don't let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ.
— Colossians 2:8 NLT
Insight
Paul writes against any philosophy of life based only on human ideas and experiences. Paul himself was a gifted philosopher, so he is not condemning philosophy. He is condemning teaching that credits humanity, not Christ, with being the answer to life's problems. That approach becomes a false religion. There are many man-made approaches to life's problems that totally disregard God.
Challenge
To resist heresy you must use your mind, keep your eyes on Christ, and study God's Word[color=#990000][/color]

i killed million of bird with tkis instument unclad

Nigeria leader should come from another planet abeegi Nigeriya need God Hand

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President Barack Obama and Republican challenger Mitt Romney make a frenetic dash to a series of crucial swing states on Monday, delivering their final arguments to voters on the last day of an extraordinarily close race for the White House.

After a long, bitter and expensive campaign, national polls show Obama and Romney are essentially deadlocked ahead of Tuesday's election, although Obama has a slight advantage in the eight or nine battleground states that will decide the winner.

Obama plans to visit three of those swing states on Monday and Romney will travel to four to plead for support in a fierce White House campaign that focused primarily on the lagging economy but at times turned intensely personal.

The election's outcome will impact a variety of domestic and foreign policy issues, from the looming "fiscal cliff" of spending cuts and tax increases that could kick in at the end of the year to questions about how to handle illegal immigration or the thorny challenge of Iran's nuclear ambitions.

The balance of power in Congress also will be at stake on Tuesday, with Obama's Democrats now expected to narrowly hold their Senate majority and Romney's Republicans favored to retain control of the House of Representatives.

In a race where the two candidates and their party allies raised a combined $2 billion, the most in U.S. history, both sides have pounded the heavily contested battleground states with an unprecedented barrage of ads.

The close margins in state and national polls suggested the possibility of a cliffhanger that could be decided by which side has the best turnout operation and gets its voters to the polls.

In the final days, both Obama and Romney focused on firing up core supporters and wooing the last few undecided voters in battleground states.

Romney reached out to dissatisfied Obama supporters from 2008, calling himself the candidate of change and ridiculing Obama's failure to live up to his campaign promises. "He promised to do so very much but frankly he fell so very short," Romney said at a rally in Cleveland, Ohio, on Sunday.

Obama, citing improving economic reports on the pace of hiring, argued in the final stretch that he has made progress in turning around the economy but needed a second White House term to finish the job. "This is a choice between two different versions of America," Obama said in Cincinnati, Ohio.

FINAL SWING-STATE BLITZES

Obama will close his campaign on Monday with a final blitz across Wisconsin, Ohio and Iowa - three Midwestern states that, barring surprises elsewhere, would be enough to get him more than the 270 electoral votes needed for victory.

Polls show Obama has slim leads in all three. His final stop on Monday night will be in Iowa, the state that propelled him on the path to the White House in 2008 with a victory in its first-in-the nation caucus.

Romney will visit his must-win states of Florida and Virginia - where polls show he is slightly ahead or tied - along with Ohio before concluding in New Hampshire, where he launched his presidential run last year.

The only state scheduled to get a last-day visit from both candidates is Ohio, the most critical of the remaining battlegrounds - particularly for Romney.

The former Massachusetts governor has few paths to victory if he cannot win in Ohio, where Obama has kept a small but steady lead in polls for months.

Obama has been buoyed in Ohio by his support for a federal bailout of the auto industry, where one in every eight jobs is tied to car manufacturing, and by a strong state economy with an unemployment rate lower than the 7.9 percent national rate.

That has undercut Romney's frequent criticism of Obama's economic leadership, which has focused on the persistently high jobless rate and what Romney calls Obama's big spending efforts to expand government power.

Romney, who would be the first Mormon president, has centered his campaign pitch on his own experience as a business leader at a private equity fund and said it made him uniquely suited to create jobs.

Obama's campaign fired back with ads criticizing Romney's experience and portraying the multimillionaire as out of touch with everyday Americans.

Obama and allies said Romney's firm, Bain Capital, plundered companies and eliminated jobs to maximize profits. They also made an issue of Romney's refusal to release more than two years of personal tax returns.[/i][i][i][/i]

[s]Boko Haram ready to dialogue, choose Saudi Arabia as venue[/s]
Be the first to comment!!!!!

The dreadful Islamic sect, Boko Haram, on Thursday indicated its readiness to down tools end its campaign of violence but on the conditions that ex-Borno State Governor Modu Sheriff was arrested and peace
talks held in Saudi Arabia.
Also, the sect is asking for compensation for families of its members killed in the course of its terrorist acts and the rebuilding of its mosques by the Federal Government.
It also demanded the release of all its members in the custody of security agencies.
Abu Mohammed Ibn Abdulaziz, the second-in-command to the sect's leader, Abubakar Shekau, gave the conditions on Thursday during a radio conference with journalists in Maiduguri, Borno State.
Abdulaziz did not explain why the group wanted Sheriff arrested.
Just on Wednesday, the Inspector-General of Police, Mohammed Abubakar, said Sheriff and Senators Ali Ndume and Ahmed Zanna had been put under surveillance to determine their alleged links with the sect.
The three have been variously fingered as financiers of the group
Abdulaziz named a former Head of State, Muhammadu Buhari; Dr. Shettima Monguno; a former Yobe State Governor, Bukar Ibrahim; Ambassador Gaji Galtimari; and Aisha Alkali Wakil, and her husband, Alkali as "trusted" Nigerians it would be ready to negotiate with in Saudi Arabia.
On the sect's team would be Abdulaziz, Abu Abbas, Sheikh Ibrahim Yusuf, Sheikh Sani Kontogora and Mamman Nur.
Abdulaziz said, "We are not actually challenging the state, as people are saying, but the security (forces) that are killing our members, children and wives.
"We are highly offended but if this government is sincere, everything (the attacks) will come to an end. We want to dialogue but government must show sincerity in its handling of the situation."
More than 1,000 persons have been killed in attacks on places of worship, military and police facilities as well as drinking joints since the sect launched its war against the government in 2009.
Last year, suicide bombers from the sect attacked the Police headquarters and the UN Building, in Abuja, killing 44 persons. On last Christmas Day, Boko Haram also attacked St Theresa's Catholic Church, Madalla, Niger State, killing at least 46 parishioners.
It has subsequently attacked several other worship centres, including the St. Rita's Catholic Church in Kaduna last Sunday.
Before now, the Federal Government had made several claims that it was in dialogue with the sect but Abdulaziz said there had been no contact between Boko Haram and the government. He said the sect wants the talk outside the country because the government had proved not to be trustworthy.
Reporters could not verify the identity of the man, who claimed to be Abdulaziz even as there were minor inconsistencies in the communication between him and the journalists on Thursday.
Apart from the fact that Abdulaziz is not the usual official spokesman for the sect, he spoke in English Language instead of the Hausa/Arabic that the sect is known for .
But, the Presidency on Thursday said the proposed ceasefire by Boko Haram was a welcome development, if it was intended to achieve the objectives of peace and security.
Presidential spokesman, Reuben Abati, said the position of President Goodluck Jonathan had been that he was ready for dialogue if members of the sect could come forward.
He said, "Yes, I have seen the story in which the Boko Haram is reportedly declaring a ceasefire and the opening of dialogue. I think it is important to restate the position of government in this matter.
"The Federal Government is committed to peace and security for the benefit of all Nigerians.
"If what the proposed ceasefire is intended to achieve are the objectives of peace and security, then it is a welcome development.
"Don't forget that President Jonathan made it clear that if the people behind Boko Haram are ready to come forward, and table their grievances, then government will be willing to listen to those grievances.
"There have been attempts before now, by concerned persons to reach out to the Boko Haram through back channels, in response to government's call that all efforts should be made to resolve the problem. I suspect that this latest development may be related to that."
Meanwhile, Governor Ibrahim Shettima of Borno State on Thursday said security agencies must be alive to their responsibilities by probing the alleged involvement of politicians in the state in the activities of Boko Haram.
Shettima gave the charge while speaking with State House correspondents in Abuja.
Borno State is considered to be the hotbed of activities of the fundamentalist group.
He said, "On the issue of the involvement of politicians, I think it is within the realm and the responsibility of the security agencies to unearth the truth.
"I am more of a developmental politician and I am more interested in addressing the core issues that makes our society vulnerable to the antics of religious bigots and all sorts of misfits that are inducting our young ones to these ills.
"So, I don't want to dabble into of the work of security agencies neither do I want to respond to allegations and accusations from any quarter. But it is the responsibility of security agencies to unearth those behind Boko Haram."

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way
through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.
He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his
nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.
Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water! . She thought he looked
hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it so slowly, and
then asked, How much do I owe you?"
You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to
accept pay for a kindness."
He said ... "Then I thank you from my heart."

As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but
his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and
quit.

Many year's later that same young woman became critically ill. The local
doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they
called in specialists to study her rare disease.
Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the
name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.
Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room.
Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at
once.
He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save
her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case.
After a long struggle, the battle was won.
Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for
approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge, and the bill
was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would
take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and
something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these
words ...

"Paid in full with one glass of milk"
(Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.

Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You,
God, that Your love has spread broad through human hearts and hands."

There's a saying which goes something like this: Bread cast on the water
comes back to you. The good deed you do today may benefit you or someone
you love at the least expected time. If you never see the deed again at
least you will have made the world a better place - And, after all, isn't that what life is all about?

If you believe, press LIKE and type ''kindness pays''

MOT EVEN USAIN BOLT BEAT THIS MAN
..I was jogging one day and i noticed a person in front of me, about 1/4 of mile. I could tell he was running a little slower than me and I thought, good, i shall try to catch him. I had about a mile to go my path before i needed to turn off.
So i started running faster and faster. Every block, i was gaining on him just a little bit. After just a few minutes i was only about 100 yards behind him, so i really picked up the pace and push myself. You would have thought i was running in the last leg of London Olympic competition. I was determined to catch him.

Finally, i did it! I caught and passed him by. On the inside i felt so good. "I beat him" of course, he didn't even know we were racing. After i passed him, i realized i had been so
focused on competing against him that i had missed my turn. I had gone nearly six blocks past it. I had to turn around and go all back. Isn't that what happens in life when we focus on competing with co-workers, neighbors, friends, family, trying to outdo them or trying to prove that we are more successful or more important? We spend our time and energy running after them and we miss out on our own paths to our God given destinies. The problem with unhealthy competition is that its a never ending cycle.
There will always be somebody ahead of you, someone with better job, nicer car, more money in the bank, more education, a prettier wife, a more handsome husband, better behaved children, etc. But realize that "You can be the best that you can be, you are not competing with no one." Some people are insecure because they pay too much attention 2 what others are doing, where others are going, wearing & driving. Take what God has given you, the height, weight & personality. Dress well & wear it proudly! You 'll be blessed by it.

Stay focused and live a healthy life..


Lolzzzzzzz remain focused and stay blessed

civilized mad man even know dat teju show iz far beta

Former Head of State, Gen. Yakubu Gowon, has described Prof. Chinua Achebe’s Nigerian Civil War memoir in his latest book, There was a Country, as “a propaganda”.

Achebe in the book, accused the Federal Government under Gowon and the late Chief Obafemi Awolowo, who was then the Minister of Finance, of using hunger as a weapon of war against the Republic of Biafra.

But Gowon, who spoke to our correspondent on the telephone on Tuesday, said though many books had been written about the civil war, none had been as controversial as that of Achebe.

He said the book was “written to whip up unnecessary sentiments”.

He said when he releases his biography many will know what happened during the war.

Gowon said, “Many books have been written about the civil war and unfortunately none had been as controversial as that of Achebe, which accused me and Chief Awolowo of genocide against the Igbo. Nothing can be further from the truth, because every decision we took was for the interest of a united Nigeria.

“It (Achebe’s book) is nothing more than a propaganda and many people have failed to see it that way, and that is why most of the reactions have been varied and vitriolic.

“I am not aware of any Igboman that had an account with the then Barclays Bank that was seized, because at the end of the war many of them got their money back. And it was because of our resolve to ensure that there was no victor no vanquished. We wanted to put the experience of the civil war behind us. We put in place a lot of measure to ensure that everybody was reintegrated into a united Nigeria.

“So it is very unfortunate for Achebe to accuse me and Awolowo of starving the Igbo to death.”

The Chairman of Nigeria Prays added the majority of of the principal actors at the end of the war did not appear as if they were starved.

He said he stood by every decision he took during the civil war and ready to defend his actions anywhere.

The former Chief of Army Staff denied that he prevented foreign aid from reaching the Igbo during the war.

Gowon added, “Most of those who accused us of genocide were looking well fed at the end of the war. During the war we opened road and air corridors to allow food, medicine and other aids to the people. Nobody can do such a thing to his people because I was optimistic that the war would end one day and we shall come together under a united country.

“So that was why we were very careful about every decision we took during the civil war

The 78-year-old said by the time he publishes his own account of the war, most of those insinuations would be laid to rest.

“I have been sufficiently challenged and the whole truth will be revealed one day,” he said.

Buy less stuff: This goes hand in hand with our tip to find a home for everything –don’t buy it if you don’t have a home for it! Some people are minimalists. It’s okay if you’re not. But never grab something because it’s on sale or free. Hidden costs come into play for maintenance of the item (i.e., cleaning it) or the guilt of wanting to get rid of it. Be conscious of your purchases and only buy it if you really need it and know where it’s going to live in your home.

Choose multifunctional furniture pieces: Everything these days does double duty, so why shouldn’t furniture? Look out for storage ottomans that can corral magazines or books, a coffee table with drawers, or a bookcase that can double as a nightstand. The more storage space your pieces provide, the better you’ll be at keeping a clean, organized home.

Keep everyday items within arm’s reach: Place frequently used items (like keys, cell phone, or day planner) up front or in an easily reachable spot in a cabinet or closet. Things you use less often, you can put up high or way in the back.

Look back: The back of the door is another great place to stash items. An over-the-door pocket shoe organizer can hold everything from jewelry and scarves, to mittens, household cleaners, hair care products and accessories -- and of course, shoes. Utilizing a door organizer is the equivalent of adding another shelf into your closet, so get to it!

To be candid Check polyibadan alumni there are something else really exploring the world

AKPORS don do gud!!! Osama Bin Laden himself decided to send George
Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know
that he was stil in the game. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of a coded
message: ""370HSSV-0773H"". Bush was baffled, sohe e-mailed it to Condi Rice and her aides had no clue either,so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clueas to its meaning they eventually asked akpors for help.
Within a minute akpors
cabled the White House with his reply " Tell the President he's holding the message upside down
urs sincerly
osama bin ladin
dicrector gen tourist worldwide
rip

Moderator home page

October 15, 2012 by Agency Reporter 4 Comments

A bomb explosion on Monday disrupted activities at Abdulsalami motor park in Minna, Niger State.

According to a eye witness said the blast occurred on Monday morning near the motor park.

FrontiersNews quotes a source as saying that the blast followed attempts by the Nigeria Police anti-bomb unit to defuse an Improvised Explosive Device.
I still wonder how boko haram operating in the 21st century

U buy ur gurl BB bold
5,another guy pay d
BIS,dat is division of
labour:
u buy her cloth another
guy rmoves it,dat is
separation of power:
u pay her school fee,
another guy pay d
house rent,dat is
combined busines:
she tells u she is nt
ready 4 sex, anothes
man sleepz wit her
always: dat is whattt??