₦airaland Forum

lazy1:
@ Fiswu : Only you know the emotions you feel or this person. Any comment given is just prior to your post. Only you can fight the demons that so attaches you to this person. But one thing for sure young lady is that. There are no guarantees in life, not for the present or for the future. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you will divorce at 40 or not. The only thing that's never worth risking is your happiness. Cos life is short!!!

Your comment makes me confused as I decided that if he happens to be my happiness I prefer living in pain crying my heart out.

timijay:
pls girlfriend,ignore the guy he is not a serious person.and try to develope your mind.

Thanks!!! I'm working on myself.

Vic2k3:
What! that guy is a dumb as*s. Who will love a woman and put her on hold becos he was busy for more than 5 months. MEHN poster it seems u're in love with him and he is taking you for a ride. I know this for sure becos i'm also igbo.

I believe you. Thank you!

lazy1:
I think you've been struck hard by a cupid arrow. Well love or no love. I believe in the saying "Never make anyone a priority, when they only make you an option". Plus I think you lack self esteem. Maybe you should take some time with yourself and try to see what you want out of life.By the way how old are you?

If I was to judge myself on this issue, I would agree with you. I know my actions are speaking against me. I put myself in a bad position all in the name of "love". As I mentioned it earlier, I'm 26 years old.

I appreciate your comment!

baby.me:
Going through your posts,what strikes me most is that u are such a sweet natured and open-hearted girl.

The previous posters have said it all, especially Uju-joan. I'll advice you to move on and give someone else a chance to love you. U deserve to be loved n appreciated bc u r such a darling.

Cheers

Thanks!!!

To all the people who took time to advise me I would like to let you know that I appreciate your time and your thoughts. Since I met him, he never say what he wanted from me even when I insisted. So today, I told him that I would like a platonic and healthy cross-sex friendship with him, and I set my limits to no sex, dishonesty and disrespect for I see no reason to become his enemy because I have known him for so long. To my surprise, even though the guy agreed, instead of being happy, he got upset for no reason, and refused to answer to any question while I was expecting him to set his own limits too or even to criticize my behavior. Is it a normal reaction to expect from an average Nigerian guy or else, should I watch my back?

Moonstone:
It's one of three things but it all boils down to the same verdict.

1. He sees you as just a friend

2. He is cheating on you and keeping you on the side in case of a rainy day.

3. He likes you but can't be bothered because he wants a Nigerian woman,

Verdict: He's dangerous for you. The whole bad boy syndrome is highly overrated and needs to be curbed. The guys on this topic might be kidding but they are right about one thing, you need to find you a man. One that can take you out of the misery this one has put you in. It will be hard but I'm guessing you're strong enough to handle that.

Get a good job, get a busy life, forget him. He'll be the one running after you by then.

Yorubah:
Poster try and get him outta your mind and stay focus good one will come and will show you true love,  but u will keep having the problem if u cant get him off your mind. Wise up

What saddened me the most is that I can't speak about it to anybody in my entourage. My friends have been telling me they don't understand this kind of nonsense attitude of mine, they don't want to hear about this guy anymore, and my family loves the young man I mentioned in my first post so much. However, we were friends before and I'm not used to tell lies so I had to explain the situation to him.

I'm just wondering why he had to play mind games with me. Anyway, I'm going to sort myself out of this mess. Thanks Nairaland!

phemmy88:
I just pray the guy hasn't use Jazz on u!

Is it common in Nigeria? However, he always put emphasis on the fact that he's a good Christian. I doubt that. I see no reason for such thing, but we never know.

Can someone tell me what can it possible mean when a man tells a woman: "I have accepted you the way you are."

Ujujoan:
@ Poster

I once felt the way you feel about someone (maybe I still do).  I know it's hard for you to believe that you can never be with him because probably, you are used to getting the men you want, but the truth is that, he's just not for you. If he were, he'll be the one calling you and not the other way round.

You are 26, you can't afford anymore 'childhood fantasies' at your age. Forgetting him might be difficult, maybe even impossible, but you really do not have any other choice. If there were a little chance that it could work, then maybe you should try it, if for not for anything, to get him out of your system.

But if you ask me, I'd say dont bother. You win some, and lose some . . . .  you need to let him go now, so you waste more time on him. Keep the channels of communication open, call him if you feel like, cos if you don't, it'll just feel like there's an empty space in your heart that only him can fill. Fill the void by hearing his voice and the while, try and build your life with someone else. With time, he'll fade into your past and be nothing more than a very good memory!

Ujujoan and Oyinda, you have helped me with your comments. Thanks a lot!!!  I admit that as a child I was spoiled.  I used to have what I wanted the minute I wanted it without thinking too much.  While growing up, my beauty and intelligence have brought so much attention to me, and as a young woman, men from all backgrounds are always around waiting for an occasion to please me.  Then, because I always take them for granted, most of the time without having a relationship with them, I brake their hearts.  However, don't get me wrong, I'm a classy lady and I have high standards.  Some of them even introduce me to their mothers (against my will), but I was too selfish to understand that I might hurt them somehow.  I lose interest in them quickly. Then, I met this guy, I think that he was clever enough to read my game.  By the way, I don't like to be chased aggressively and I hate losing at anything. He is cute, but that's nothing I haven't seen before.  He keep my interest in him on the rise by not being available, and by not following my instructions. He is the only one who ever resist me. I think that I get caught in my own trap.

amefi:
Hope to really talk to u as a frnd if u wud allow me to in private. contact me here ameduf@hotmail.co.uk n lets get smfins sorted out.

Thanks but I'm not that vulnerable. I have to face this by myself.

oyinda.:
then i beg you not to start such a cycle. what ever u decide to make of your life now will affect your children in d future.
obviously this guy is not meant for you. if you can't move on then learn to deal with your depression. nairaland won't help you. we're not miracle workers.

Without knowing it, you opened my eyes to a new reality. Thank you for your honest comments! I never look at it from this angle.

oyinda.:
i don't think there is anything we can do to help besides telling you to move on which you have already heard many times over. sorry.
i don't want to be personal but are your parents together? what is your father like? what are your brothers like? people tend to be attracted to men that are like their fathers. that's why i ask.
it baffles me when women are attracted to men who they know are up to no good. seems like they love being treated like poo.
even criminals serving time in jail have lots of women admiring them and writing love letters to them in prison.
I think you should go and fix your own personal problem first. go and learn to be comfortable with being loved. otherwise, you will always be depressed all your life.

I  don't have brothers, and my parents are happily married. My father is a wonderful man. I have not been not abused by any man.

jay bee:
Yeah u def have to try harder.
Obsession is a very dangerous road for someone like yourself that still has your whole life ahead of u.
It won't be easy but gotta be done hun.
Time does heal heartbreak. You can do it

Thanks again! I don't think it's proper to call it an heartbreak since we haven't date or be in intimacy. This whole thing is so strange. He once told me that no matter how hard I try, I can't put him out of my heart just like that. I'll try harder and wiser for sure.

Moyola:
. . .dont understand yur plight!

I'll admit that even to me all this doesn't sound coherent or reasonable.

missagbaa:
babe,u should try the moving,u are the only person that can help urself ok.its a decision u hav to make 4 urself,

It's not that I didn't try at all, but I should try harder.Thanks!

jay bee:
Is he single?
Has he changed?
Do you see future with him?
No one can help with your current situation but you. It's either you are ready to move on but continue being miserable cos of someone that doesn't even think twice about you.
Go out on dates and love somebody else. with time he will fade away.

he told me he is single, but he's not engaged or married for sure. I talked to him once in 3 months so I'm not able to tell you if he has changed. Yes, I see future with him. You  are probably right on moving on, but what it is that anytime I tried I hurt myself more, and I'm not interested in other men. I'll try harder than. Thanks for your comment!

jay bee:
I can help you forget him . Contact ma PA mobo44 for details

My brother, it's not funny at all.

MOBO444:
3 question for you, post your picture, have you finish rocking town and how old are you.

I can't post my picture for privacy matter. I'm 26 and I don't understand what you meant by rocking town.

s.ohiemi:
Please don't mind him,he's a retard u see.@post,u didn't really xplain your relationship wiv d guy.pls be clearer

According to me, we are platonic friends, but he will always insinuate that there's more to it. As an example, the last time I talked to him, he insisted for coming to see me. When I asked why, he just told me:"You know what it is, "

Please, find more details here:

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-364728.0.html

MOBO444:
^^^What you need is a lecture from black brother then you will wise up for good.

What did you mean by that?

I met a young man over 2 years ago while I was still at university. I was always hesitated about  him because he seemed up to no good like a womanizer, and we never have any relationship. However, I tried as hard as I could to avoid him even though we live in different states, and he didn't show that he really cared about me, but I would always feel the need to talk to him just to make sure that he's OK. I have been advised more than once to quit contacting him. Finally, I found the strength to do so 3 months ago, but it was hell; I ended up depressed to the extent that I could not concentrate on my own life, and did not even have the motivation to start looking for a job as I recently graduated. Then, few days ago, while I was sleeping my sub-conscience dictated me to contact him which I did. Our conversation was to me what oxygen is to my body.

I'm a very beautiful woman and amongst others, there's a successful good man who is dying to marry me, but I just can't get him out of my mind and I would not like to hurt a good person. Tears have become my refuge. Without hearing from him, it's like I'm lost,  I don't know what to do anymore   . I don't know why this is happening to me  .

Please people, I will appreciate your comments!

@kech

Thanks a lot! You did a wonderful job!!!

I came here few months ago in search of advices, and I'm so grateful for each of you that provided me with your best. I then decided to stop communicating with him because I didn't receive the kind of treatment I think I deserve amongs respect too. However, this is the message he sent to me recently:

'' I was just thinking about you and decided I say hi. I know you won't understand how busy I am especially this period, but always remember I hold you high as a top priority and a friend no matter what the case may be. Hope you are good though! Hala at me later ok!''

I will appreciate your honest and mature comments!

I met this guy, and he's even my ex-boyfriend. He is Haitian, but unfortunately, I fell in love with a Nigerian Igbo guy despite of all my former boyfriend had to offer me whom I'm still struggling to understand (his way of life, his culture and his silence treatment). I tried to ignore my feelings, but it was stronger than me. However, I thank God that I didn't have intimacy with him or a relationship. This is so sad.

feelncrazy:
From my own experience, Spent almost a year with a Haitian man, not only do they have the worst of all tempers, but no romance at all, none, if his mouth was open there was a lie was coming out of it but my man now is a Nigerian man and he thee is most romantic man I ever met in my life. Bar none!

Are you sure he was haitian? The haitian men are amongs the must romantic black men. Was he a married man? I don't know much about your story with this man, but he seems to me that he simply didn't have that much respect for you or he was probably just kicking in. Back home, we have this proverb: ''A goat always looks at the face of the owner of a land before deciding to penetrate the fences''. Meaning: you have the power to decide what someone will turn to in a relationship with you. Next time, if you ever decide to go in a relationship with a west-indian, make sure he respects you; they value their women a lot.

henry101:
Y not research on dis b4 saying definitely.

Here r some infos u need.


http://calle-ocho.com/a196329-afro-cuban-religions.cfm


http://www.orishanet.org/africa.html


http://www.thecubaexperience.co.uk/arguing_cuban_music.asp?apid=21131853_631047386


http://books.google.com/books?id=FRUgAU2Z2-MC&pg=PA101&lpg=PA101&dq=igbos+in+cuba&source=bl&ots=ewyio1g1OA&sig=71QHV3e3Se3QNI0PYIgqdATacgY&hl=en&ei=7siSS6CcG47ysQPmzfj8Aw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=5&ved=0CA8Q6AEwBDgo#v=onepage&q=igbos%20in%20cuba&f=false

http://www.search.com/reference/Afro-Cuban


http://www.search.com/reference/Cabildo_(Cuba)

http://www.search.com/reference/Cabildo_(Cuba)

For your information, what theses articles failed to mention is the fact that a huge number of black cubans are of haitian descent. In fact, if you listen to some songs of the cuban folklore, you will hear some creole words among spanish. The haitians who immigrated in Cuba to work in the sugar cane plantations brought with them their culture, their food and their dances. Therefore, a lot of afro-cuban rythms or dances are similar to the haitian ones.

earthrealm:
there is anoda angle to this s-h-i-t,

@poster, if the NA U BE MY MADAM was said in a question like manner/asked as a question.then it gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, ,,,,,,,

PLease, what is the other meaning?

sillyboy:
quote author=fiswu link=topic=405505.msg5604125#msg5604125 date=1267404697]

You guys take a lot of crap from men. . . . .sorry for being blunt. If there is one thing haaitian women lack on a large scale. . . .it is self worth.
I have heard a lot abt Haitian girls been beaten up by their bf (haitian boys). Haitian boys like to behave like americans and its so funny cos they look ridiculous. . . .and they beat up their women to prove they are in charge. Go check the stats in NY and Central NJ (especially sea shore areas) Most domestic violence are from people from the carribean countries especially haiti.e lates is  that they are going gay now

I must admit that there is a cultural gap between an Haitian who has been brought up in Haiti and the ones in America, but don't believe what you heard. Don't hang out with lowlives and use them for comparaison (mean no disrespect my friend). The must important thing for an Haitian is his pride. We don't play with it. Haitian women don't take crap from men.

Find an Haitian from a respectable family (most of them are, and I'm not talking about money), and you will be amazed.

MzDarkSkin:
I couldnt find the break down but according to Questia.com Haitians are predominately: Rada, Kongo, Nago and Ibo; among others.

Nago and Yoruba are the same people. They have fulani and hausa blood also because must african think I'm senegalese and even fulani think I'm fulani.

sillyboy:
I use to date a Haitian girl. . . . . .very pretty and damn sexy. Her mother said the same highlighted statement when she told her am Nigerian.
My take on haitian girls is that; they are good as girl friends and not wife. THEY SHOULD NEVER BE CONSIDERED FOR A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP!!. Faithfulness and loyalty is not in their blood. so many of them has proved not able to stick to man and they are emotionally instable. As a man, just enjoy the food and intimacy while it last because she will definitely move on

I hope you will be lucky enough in your life to find an Haitian as a wife. When an Haitian woman marries a man it's for love. She is able to fight every evil or even to die for her husband. They don't want your money because they are strong women who can work to live large. They know what it means to respect a man, to care for him, to stand by him. They will workship you like a baby, but they command respect.

If one day in your life you are enable to provide, she will be the first one to search for any kind of job without complaints to help raise her family. They are so understanding and hardworking.

I saw my grandmother do it, I saw my mother, and I will do just that.

I think that the girl was just playing with you. She was not serious. In fact, it's not easy to find an Haitian woman as a wife because the Haitian men love them and go for them. It's the same everywhere they go with the foreign men. Moreover, Haitian people don't like it when their children are dating an African because they believe that an African man doesn't know how to treat a woman well with decency and respect.

@pweety4me and platinumnk

Thanks for the answers!!! I'm out!

@platinumnk

Thanks, but what does the whole sentence mean "na you be my madam, na you biko"? For a nigerian guy, what is the meaning "my madam"? He is not my boy though lol

@Mhismole

Thanks for the offer, but I did not talk about money. If you guys decide not to help for free, I prefer using other means of persuasion on him, so he'll definitively start speaking only standard english hahaha (just joking).

@daduke2k

I don't understand, but it's ok.

kpolli:
damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well a big girl a girl who lives a very comfortable n indepedent life aka a rich girl

ok. So, why did you put "The" in front of it? You are making fun of my ignorance, hein? lol. No condition is permanent. I'm a quick learner. 

@daduke2k

ok. Thank you!