₦airaland Forum

@ honsule. I hope you won't claim you browse free on glodirect. Hmmm.

Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family,
Ghost Shit
You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.

Teflon Coated Shit
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!

Gooey Shit
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

Second Thought Shit
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it, you've got some more.

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Bali Belly Shit
You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.

Right Now Shit
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

King Kong or Commode Choker Shit
This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.

Wet Cheeks Shit
This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.

Wish Shit
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!

Cement Block or Oh God Shit
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.

Snake Shit
This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.

Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.

Beer Drunk Shit
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.

The Frightened Turtle
The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in

The Bungee Shit
The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.

The Ring of Fire Shit
The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

The Crippler
The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

The Big Bobber
The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.

The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

The Incredible Hulk Shit The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.

The Jack the Ripper Shit
The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.

The Party Pooper
The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

The Toxic Gas Shit
The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.

Dirty Bowl Shit
The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

The Windy City Shit
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.

Oh Shit! Shit
You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!

The Never Ending Shit
It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Ouch That Hurt Shit
The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.

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i need a dell. what spec u have.  price too.

@zoomzu. well i don't know your location, but if you want to try starcomms pls go for the evdo. right now there is no evdo phone you can use as a modem from starcomms. for 1x, they have nokia, motorola Q,,, you should not have problem using these as modem as there are compatible modem drivers[softwares] for these phones either included in the purchase pack or can be downloaded from the internet[phone manufacturers' website.] usb  or pcmcia modems are available. why give yourself headache? you have options. now go there and make your choice.

@ztyle. Oya call the jobman. Him don manufacture software wey go help. Lol
Can you imagine?

abeg download the internet put for your computer make all these phone section guys wey freebrowsing don fry their brain rest!

@lynxnoon. If you hit your 3GB cap you simply renew, and start afresh you don't wait till next month. I still have my Starcomms for unlimited downloads. I'm just testing MTN 3.5G.

@mustay. This is not news. This is a paid advert. I found out the same news article about these telcos is replicated in all the dailies

@info. which network are you on?

@dual core. I guess Starcomms finally figured out he was the guy guzzling all the bandwidth on their network and decided to cap him! I can't stop laughing at the suggestions you gave him.

Dual Core:
look at ma screenshot and see is that feelz like "crap" 

if i'm getting this now, 11:45am, during peak period,  wht do u think i'll be getting at night(off-peak)? 
starcomms evdo rocks over mtn any day. . . until that bandwidth limit thingy if abolished.

i count my download time in seconds with MTN 3.5G.  1 MB file took me just about 2sec to download. it can be better. in my house at mgbuoba, i get one bar strength on my phone which i use as a modem, yet my download speed is above, always, 100kb/s.

for you guys living in PH considering using MTN 3.5G, these are some of the locations where you get the best i mean strong 3G signals: GRA phase II, ogbunabali, garrison, d-line, ikwerre road around kala before rumuokwuta, woji around shell. opposite upth, choba., i will give more locations as i find out.

@zoomzu.what modem was offered to you?

@hayprof. i stay at cottage guest house off opebi behind tasty fried or sweet sensation{not sure now}. i get full bars on my starcomms evdo, its just like i am below a mast. believe me the speed is very good.i was in lagos 2months ago.

you will do well to give us the prices.

@pennystruck. what's the spec of your system. lets start from there.

20million subscribers! i think we should wait for the official figure from NCC.if they have that number what about MTN? 25million?

@ Ex. if you have issues. call 180. don't take your frustration out on someone here, hmmmmm. chicago, at&t , verizon, dollar, ,

@ex, we appreciate your joke. the point is don't get insultive. whats my business anyway if you get 1G speed on your 3G data card. in portharcourt we have taste. thats why every company thrives to give us the best. mtn 3G rocks here.

@dual core. i am alrite.

@Ex inferis. with this level of education , i am disappointed you could descend this low. why being insultive?

mr ex inferis do you really have to paste your toronto certificate here? it has been explained to you that mtn 3G is not available where you live or is in its testing phase there. get that. mtn 3G is working perfectly i mean perfectly where i live. this is the best wireless internet service i have used in this country, well minus the 3 Gig data cap.the download speed is well above 600kb/s. my starcomms evdo can not compare. mtn 3G ''rocks''. be patient it will soon get to your location . now remove that cert, this is not a job hunting forum.

zain is still test running its gprs. lets give them more time. and you ahmmmmmstar stop demanding money to give people settings. its criminal.

@Ex. i don't agree with u. if u r within 3G coverage u can't get that kind of speed. besides u don't need to get the data card if u have a 3G phone. ur phone can serve as a modem. 3G phones r cheap this days for example sonyericsson w880i { 3G phone} is about 24k ,compare that to 25k data card frm mtn.

personally i think starcomms is ok. but they have a tough competition in mtn now that it has come up with flexible data packages for both prepaid and postpaid customers, and the speed is nothing like i have experienced in any network:ultrafast! starcomms should upgrade and expand their EVDO rev O to rev A and to more areas. the market is just there. i don't know what's holding them back. right now i am sticking to mtn 3.5G. they have won me over.

@hayprof. Haba, 40GB! Wetin u de download sef. Movies? U no get TV for house? Na guys like u de cause problem for network. No wonder my starcomms speed de reduce. Abeg try de watch tv on tv not pc.

i have been using my phone as a modem, and the speed is just sweet! even the gprs speed is not bad. better than any cdma 1x u can think of right now.

trying to download nokia pc suite latest version using my mtn 3G. not so impressive today.

check this

The 3 Gig data cap on MTN 3.5G is not the issue. It's something called fair usage policy. It's like that in some European countries. The issue is price! It's damn expensive and yet we don't get the desire download speeds almost all the times. Speed sometimes depends on the available bandwith from the service provider. It doesn't matter the technology; 3G , EVDO, WIMAX or Vsat or even fibre optics. What has happen here in Nigeria is that these operators do not have enough bandwith on their networks. Imagine getting below 10kb/s download speed on EVDO or 3G network! God help us in this country.

@1388. It's sad. I am sure they gave you a modem that doesn't support EVDO or you don't have the coverage where you have been using the modem. Otherwise Starcomms has EVDO Rev. A technology in Abuja which delivers faster download speeds than the Rev. O currently deployed in Lagos and Portharcourt.